Here in My Heart
By: Emmithar
Rating: T
Summary: She had Grissom, but wanted Greg, and at the same time, could never have him. Post WTG
A/N: Another short story, two chapters at the moment. Will post the next part soon hopefully. Not as nice as my first one, angst, angst, angst. You've been warned.
Chapter One: Truths
"So you were with him last night?"
Sara swallowed, nodding as she did so.
"And you've been together for some time now?"
The words were choked, he was close to crying, something she had never seen him do. "I'm sorry," she told him quietly. It was the only thing she could think of to say.
"So am I."
"Greg," in one swift moment she stood up, calling after him. Part of her didn't expect him to stop, so she was grateful when he did. "I really am sorry…"
He bit his lip, then shook his head as he held his hands out. "I don't know you want me to say."
Staring at the ground she nodded in meek reply, for she didn't know what she wanted to hear either. She had never exactly told Greg that she loved him, but she had never given him any reason to doubt. She had led him on, all the flirts, the romantic nights out, and the first time…the one time she had really felt alive.
That was a week ago…and it was then Sara knew she had a choice to make. Did she stay true to the man she had loved for so many years? The same man that had first ignored her, pretending that she didn't even exist?
Sara had done everything Grissom had asked of her, and more. And after years of hard work it had finally paid off, for six months ago Grissom had come to her. He had come to her, and asked her out.
Just a dinner, but one dinner led to two, until eventually it led to a night together. And then more some. She couldn't deny it. She was satisfied. Satisfied, but not happy. Greg brought that other element into her life.
For the last four months it had been casual nights out. Sometimes alone, sometimes with Nick or Catherine tagging along. Grissom never joined, he wasn't into in the group drinks, the shared breakfasts, or the long strolls along the strip late at night. It was in front of the Bellagio that Sara found herself leaning into Greg as the spray from the fountains hit them gently, and their lips locked tentatively.
One simple kiss had left her feeling more alive than all the things Grissom had done. When the three words had left Greg's lips, the simple 'I love you', he had said it with meaning. It wasn't the same forced gesture from Grissom, the tone of which he used because he knew he had to. It had been sweet, intoxicating sound, one that had enlightened her, but also stunned her. She couldn't answer back, not straight away.
It wasn't until later that night, as she lay next to him, watching his bare chest rise and fall easily that she returned it. A quiet 'I love you too', one he couldn't hear, but maybe that was the point. The next morning hit her hard, as the reality sunk in.
She couldn't do this. She already had someone, she was involved with the one man she had always loved…or so she thought. Now here was Greg, still sprawled out in her bed, covered only by a thin sheet as she hastily pulled on a shirt nearby. Greg's shirt, of course. One would figure at the rate they had undressed.
For an hour she spent pacing back and forth in the comfort of her own bathroom, still dressed in the black stripped shirt, the same kind of shirt that would only look good on Greg. What was she going to do, what was she going to say? She had led Greg on, she had never told him to stop, never turned him away. But she just couldn't do the same to Grissom.
They went their separate ways; Sara hadn't said anything then, she went on, pretending as though nothing had happened. Greg hadn't said anything either, which for the time being made it easy. But after everything with Brass, after the long trial, the waiting, he had asked her to come. Had asked her to stay. She didn't want to tell him no then, but Grissom was expecting her. So she had told him that she would try.
That now led to today, to this moment. She had seen the hurt expression on his face as she came into the room. The question had been quiet, and Sara knew it was coming. Greg wasn't an idiot; he had eyes just like the rest. She and Grissom had left together, had driven the same car. All Greg wanted to know was that if it was true.
She hadn't lied to him. She couldn't, even if she had wanted to. The bitter, cold hard truth sunk in. She had used him; she had used him just like Hank had used her. After she had sworn bitterly that she would never do something like that to anyone. And it was for that sole reason she didn't deserve him.
She watched him walk away, his head hanging low, hands in his pocket. Silently she hoped he would be okay, but inside she knew that it had hurt, that she had hurt him. And perhaps beyond repair.
TBC