Ok…so, first things first, this is going to be a HUGELY long author's note. So, if you're not a fan of my other stuff and don't want to hear info about it or explanations about where I disappeared to, or if you just want to get to the story and come back to this later, or if you could just care less what I have to say, go ahead and skip it.

Otherwise, I feel I owe my fans an update/explanation, so here that is.

First and foremost though, I have NOT abandoned any of my stories. Promise. Updates on them are probably going to be few and far between for awhile yet, but don't worry, they WILL be finished. Hopefully, there will be at least a chapter up for both To Love and Protect and Loving You Against My Will soon. (Though the next thing other than this that I'll get up will probably be a piece of that Carlisle/Esme table I'm working on, the Agony piece. I already started it awhile back, so I've got a little of it.)

Now, for the reasons as to why I disappeared. I had already said that I was working a ton over Christmas and didn't have time to breathe much less write, so most of you know about that. When the semester started, I saw Dark Knight for the first time, and I fell in love with the character of the Joker and the darkness of it and I wanted to write for it sooo badly, because every now and then, I need some serious darkness, and I can't do that with Twilight(usually). I don't like this universe to be too dark(that said, this story's gonna be fucking dark…but moving on…). Anyway, so I thought I'd write Dark Knight really heavily for awhile and get it out of my system, and then start working on Twilight again and balance my other fandoms out to sparse updates like I had before. But then three things happened within a three day time period(which also happened to be a week before my 21st birthday. Life is awesome, isn't it? X.X): a friend of a friend overdosed, my former best friend said some things that really messed me up, and one of my dogs was hit and killed by a speeding car.

Suffice it to say I fell apart pretty much, and I haven't been able to write a damn thing. For me, that was huge. Until now, I have never had writer's block in my entire life. And at the moments when I've been at a high enough point to actually care, it scared me. The rest of it has been blind depression where I couldn't give a flip if I ever wrote again or not.

So…I started listening to My Chemical Romance for the first time beginning of Feburary. (By the way, if you know them and love them, shoot me an e-mail I'd love to talk to some other fans. ^^) I had heard a song or two before(one on Stephenie's playlists, lol) but never really paid them any attention. They've become hugely important to me now. Basically, I'm still dealing with the depression, but between MCR and my friends(who are the fucking most amazing people on the planet. Seriously.), I'm going to be alright. I'm not right now, but I will be. I can say with all honesty Gerard's words have been what kept me from crossing the line between depressed and suicidal.

And yes, there was a reason I brought that up. Like I said I haven't been able to write, but I'm going to try with this, and it's MCR related. If you know anything about them, you'll know how it relates once you start reading it, but for those of you that don't…their first album is a very loose concept album about two lovers that die in a gunfight. Their second is also a loose concept album, continuing the story with the man going to hell and finding out the woman he loves isn't really dead. The devil tells him he can be with her again if he brings him the souls of 1,000 evil men, and when the man agrees, the devil hands him a gun and tells him to go to it. When I heard that, I immediately wanted to write a story about it, and initially I was thinking with original characters. But the more I thought, the more I thought how kick ass it would be to make Edward human at the beginning, and make that how he becomes a vampire, and why he can hear thoughts(so he can make sure he's only killing evil people)and him being tortured over it but wanting to get back to Bella…

So, that's the genesis of this story. And I think that if I can write anything right now(and I hope I'll be able to), it needs to be MCR related. So…yeah. Hence, this story. (and I'll also be working on a House one that follows the story of The Black Parade, but this is already long enough and I don't need to talk about that here. X.X)

Anyway, thanks for putting up with that crazy long A/N, but I thought you guys needed to know why I vanished.

I'm sorry if this is utter crap…here's hoping I can actually write….

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I'm trying, I'm trying
To let you know just how much you mean to me
And after all the things we put each other through and

I would drive on to the end with you
A liquor store or two keeps the gas tank full
And I feel like there's nothing left to do
But prove myself to you and we'll keep it running

But this time, I mean it
I'll let you know just how much you mean to me
As snow falls on desert sky
Until the end of everything
I'm trying, I'm trying
To let you know how much you mean
As days fade, and nights grow
And we go cold

Until the end, until this pool of blood
Until this, I mean this, I mean this
Until the end of...

-Demolition Lovers, My Chemical Romance

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Edward

What I could never get over was how different everything was with her. Not just life, but every facet of it, every moment, every breath. There were things about my life I had forgotten with time, and things I had chosen to forget, but I knew that every moment with her would be burned into my brain for all eternity. I wouldn't let those memories die, would never even let them fade. By force of will, I would keep everything of ours until my last breath.

Every little thing, from the way her eyes lit up when she saw me to her clumsiness to the way she looked when I first met her, those beautifully warm brown eyes meeting mine in a crowded cafeteria. I could remember every moment, each one as precious as the last. And now, another was being added to the list.

I felt her sigh against my lips, her body pressing closer to my chest, one hand snaking around my neck and the other pressing into the seat beside my head. The taste of her was indescribable, a drug beyond all description. I moaned, stroked her sides gently over the fabric of her shirt. My Bella. She was so small, so fragile on the outside. To look at her, no one would have ever known the strength she carried. I knew; I had been saved by her.

She whimpered at my touch and I couldn't help but smile a little against her lips. She pressed closer still, the heat of her body radiating off of mine. I bit back a groan at the feeling, resisted the spark that threatened to catch fire to my every sensible thought. I pulled back from the kiss, turned my head just enough to keep her from catching my lips again. "Bella." She must have been able to hear how I loved her. I told her time and again, but she always seemed so insecure, and I could never understand how she could have ever doubted me. It was there every time I spoke to her, in every word. I could do nothing but worship her. "Bella, love, we have to stop."

"No." Her breath was soft against my cheek and I shuddered, hands tightening involuntarily on her waist. "Edward, please, I want-"

"No, Bella." I couldn't let her finish the sentence. Hearing her ask for that, for me…surely, that would undo all my resolve. Gently, reluctantly, I lifted her off my lap and shifted her to the seat beside me. She sighed, and I could see a spark of rejection in her eyes. It pained me to refuse her more than I could ever say, even more because I wanted nothing more than to give her everything she wanted from me. Still, though it hurt to refuse her now, I wouldn't have to do so much longer. She owned me, every part of me both body and soul, and soon I would be able to prove it to her. For now, I settled for sliding close to her, arm snaking around her waist as I nuzzled against her neck. "You are utterly frustrating I hope you know. I want you desperately."

She shivered in my arms, one small hand coming up to grip my shirt just over my racing heart. "You have me."

"Mm." I brushed a soft kiss against her neck, smiling at the catch in her breath. "I do. But…" Hesitantly, I pulled away from her. "I want you as my wife even more. And we don't have long left to wait." Not long at all, really. Only however long it took to make it from wherever it was we were to Vegas. I grinned, knowing the effect it would have on her. "And it'll go by even quicker if you let me drive."

She narrowed her eyes, but there was no malice behind her adorable anger. "Cheater."

I chuckled as I pulled her across my lap, sliding under her and into the driver's seat. She pulled away from me quickly, moving all the way against the other door. It was a momentary separation, but it pained me all the same. "I'm sorry, love." I closed the distance with one hand, brushing her cheek. "You can drive if you like."

She smiled for me, and I could feel my heart try desperately to free itself from my chest. "No, it's alright. Just…don't get us killed, alright?"

I rolled my eyes, turning my attention to the car. "Don't worry. I know what I'm doing." The 67 Mustang stuttered a moment before jolting to life surprisingly smoothly. We had been lucky to find it; it wasn't showing its age fully yet. Someone had loved this car, and I would have felt guilty for taking it if we hadn't needed it so desperately. The radio crackled a moment before the reception evened out, clearing to reveal Kurt Cobain's voice. I had heard the song before, in our last few days on the road and I hummed the tune absently, pausing when I felt Bella's head against my shoulder.

"Who is it?"

"Nirvana. Do you like it?"

"Mmhm."

I barely held back a soft laugh, fought the urge to look at her. "I can't imagine what your mother would think. You, listening to grunge music."

"I still like the Beatles too, it's just- will you please slow down?"

Her grip on my arm tightened, and I glanced at the speedometer. Rolling my eyes, I inched my foot off the gas. Really, all the worry was unnecessary. I had only been going 90, and I knew I could handle these almost empty highways much faster than that. Still, she did have a point. The last thing we needed was to be pulled over. I inched down a little farther, until the needle hovered around 80. "Better?"

"Yes."

She was silent so long, then, that I thought she had fallen asleep. It was only moment after I crossed the Nevada state line that her voice broke the silence, fingertips trailing gently down my arm. "Do you think they're following us?"

I took a deep breath, shifting the wheel to one hand to rub the bridge of my nose. Did I tell her the lie she wanted to hear, or did I tell her the truth? "No, sweetheart. I'm sure we lost them a long time ago." My heart twisted painfully as I said it, the agony of lying to her causing actual physical pain. I knew better than to think they were following us; they weren't that simple. If I knew them, they were ahead of us, judging where we were going to go next. I wouldn't feel safe until we were out of the country. "So, Bella…" I took my eyes off the road just long enough to catch her gaze, rejuvenate my soul. "Have you decided where you'd like to go?"

I could feel her shrug against me, her body molding closer. "I don't know. Anywhere, Edward, it really doesn't matter to me. I just want to be with you. I trust your judgment; we should go where you think we'll be safe."

Far, far away from here. I tapped my fingers on the wheel in time with the music, thinking. It would make the most sense to go to another English speaking country. Though I spoke fluent Spanish as well, I knew that Bella didn't. Wherever we went, I wanted to make the move as easy on her as possible. She was already sacrificing enough because of me. "England, perhaps? Or Australia...heat or rain, love, you pick."

I glanced down at her, smiled at the way her nose crinkled with annoyance. "Australia. After growing up in Forks, I've had enough rain to last a lifetime."

I laughed at the distaste in her voice, changed hands on the wheel to intertwine the fingers of my right with her left. "Fair enough. Australia it is then."

We passed a gas station then, a little run down place I would have never even noticed, if not for the tattered black car that pulled out behind us. My heart leapt instantly to my chest, hand tightening on the wheel until my knuckles were white. It was too much to hope she wouldn't notice, and I heard the worry in her voice when she spoke.

"Everything alright?"

"Yes, yes, I'm fine." And that might be true. Obviously, we weren't going to be the only car on the road all evening. For a moment, a deluded, fleeting moment, I thought that they were just another car. Right up until the moment the gun came out the side window. "Get down, Bella!" I didn't wait for her to answer, shoving her as carefully as I could manage down to the floorboard, thinking that if we made it through this, I could apologize later. I fumbled in the glove box with one hand, eyes fixed on the rearview mirror. The gun felt heavy in my hand, and the lump it brought to my throat heavier still. "Here. Don't raise up far to use it, and don't shoot until I tell you, do you understand?" I wouldn't risk her, even to protect us, until I could get him to waste all his bullets.

His first hit the windshield, and I could hear her scream as it shattered. A quick glance told me she wasn't hurt, and I swerved in time to narrowly avoiding taking the second shot straight down the middle of the car. This wasn't working; I wouldn't be able to evade long enough. "Bella, love, I need you to take the wheel. Careful."

"Edward, I-"

"Shh. Stay low." Her hands were shaking as I helped curl them around the wheel. If I had hated myself before for dragging her into my life, it was nothing to the utter loathing I felt now. I took the gun and slid across the seat, hunched behind it as much as I could as I aimed for the driver. My first two bullets crunched into bulletproof glass, and I swore softly under my breath. We did not have a chance.

The next few events happened in slow motion. His next shot hit the back right tire, and Bella attempted to swerve too late. I felt the first time the car flipped, heard a second shot, but after that I lost count and I wasn't sure how many of each happened, wasn't sure if I had been hit or if she had or either of us, and for a moment, I saw a flash of the sky through the window, blazing pink and orange against the desert.

The car came to a rest upside down, and at first I felt only warmth, then glass. A glance down told me that I was lying in a pile of it, shards jutting from my skin at impossible angles, the whole roof red with blood that couldn't have come only from me. She was there beside me, and I pulled myself closer, hand trembling as I reached to wipe blood from her cheek.

"Edward…Edward…"

A choked sob escaped my throat, hand shaking hard against her skin. "Bella, I'm sorry. I'm…I'm so…" I was dizzy, and it was dark, and for a moment her face went out of focus, obscured by the warm liquid dripping into my eyes. "Bella, I love you…" I didn't see her raise her arm, but I felt her hand against my cheek and the touch was enough to break whatever was left of my heart. It was tender, gentle, everything Bella was. I did not deserve, I never had, and now, because of me, she was going to die here. I felt like screaming but the noise wouldn't come.

"It's alright, Edward. It's alright."

How could she say that, now? My body shuddered, strength failing. My head came to rest against her shoulder, and I felt her hand curve against the back of my head. "Bella…" My lips felt heavy, the word fuzzy somehow and I wasn't sure I had gotten it out right. "I'm so sorry, Bella. I'm…"

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Everything here was black. My eyes darted frantically, gliding over black trees and black sand and black water under a black sky. There was light, dim light, but I could see no source for it. "Bella." Where was she? She had been there a moment before, I had seen her, I had felt her, but where were we?

The car. It came back in a sudden flash, the gunshots, the crash, the glass, the blood. I winced against it, pressed my fingers against my temple to ward off the sudden headache it brought. If she was there….if I had been there…

"Yes, Edward. You're dead."

The reality of it settled like a weight into my stomach, and I took in my surroundings again, not bothering with the source of the voice. "This is hell." It was probably a little strange, how easily I accepted it. The place didn't really seem all that bad, but it was obviously too dark to be heaven. And my Bella wasn't here, and if she wasn't, well…

My heart clenched, hurt far more than I should have still been capable of it. Although really, it made sense. I loved her from the depths of my soul. That would never change, and it was probably supposed to be part of my suffering, here, the separation from her. Still, it didn't matter. I closed my eyes, nodded once. "At least she's alright. That's good."

The same voice I had heard before laughed, a true noise of humor that clearly wasn't faked. "Edward, you always have been a dramatic one, haven't you?" I opened my eyes, jolting back when I saw a man standing before me. He was pale white, dressed all in a black dark enough to match his eyes. "You're not in hell, Edward. For the moment, you're mine."

"Yours? I'm afraid I don't-"

"Understand? Of course you don't. Most people who come here don't go back, they go forward. And those that do go back never talk about me, because that means we have a deal." He smirked, held a hand out to me. "I am Death. And you, my friend, have just met me."

Hesitantly, I took his hand, shuddered at the ice cold of his grip. "Where is Bella?"

His smirk vanished, hand jerking away. "You really do have a one track mind, and it isn't the one men of your age typically have. If I wasn't so entertained by the possibilities I'd be annoyed."

"Possibilities?"

His hands shot out lightning fast, one seizing both my wrists, the other pressing against my forehead.

"Doctor? She's waking up."

An elderly black man in a tattered lab coat turned around in the hallway, hurrying back into the room he had left only moments before.

On the bed was a young woman, one leg in a cast, her body covered in bruises and cuts. Her eyes blinked open slowly and she swallowed hard, turning her head and shifting the soft brown hair that fell around her face. "Edward?" She blinked again, wincing at the pain it must have caused. "Where's…where's…"

The doctor stroked the back of her one uninjured hand gently, soothingly. "Shh, honey. Don't worry about anything right now, just go back to sleep." He gestured at the nurse who slipped a shot into her IV bag, ignoring the patient's feeble protests. The doctor watched her as she fell asleep again, his eyes full of pity.

I staggered back from him, my coordination failing enough to bring me crashing into the black sand below. Alive. She's alive. My breath came out in shuddered gasps, but there was no relief with the action, and somewhere I dimly realized it was because I didn't need the air any longer. Alive. My Bella was alive. "Thank you." I murmured the words softly, unable to look up. "Thank you for showing me."

He snorted a laugh, and I heard a boot scuff in the sand. "Oh please. Is that all you have to say?" I felt more than heard the shift in his position, and when he spoke again I knew he was kneeling over me. "Listen, this is a rather boring job, but there are times it's more entertaining."

Did I have any choice but to answer him? It seemed I was stuck in this conversation. "Such as?"

"The ones that go to hell. Those are more interesting to talk to, more interesting to send on their way. Sometimes, we barter. Sometimes I just like to watch them. But whatever I do, they're more fun."

"And where am I going?" As if I didn't already know.

"That's beside the point. I have a proposition for you." I heard him shift, move closer still. "What would it be worth, to you, to be with Bella again?"

Everything stopped. Or, perhaps, I was for the first time fully appreciating the stillness of this place. My mouth went dry, and for a moment, I couldn't speak. When I did, my voice was hoarse and desperate. "Anything. I'd do anything." For a moment, I let myself think it, let myself imagine what it would be like to return to her. I wasn't worthy, but she loved me, enough to have fought for me before, enough to choose me. As long as she wanted me, there was nothing I would not do to be at her side.

"That is exactly what I was hoping you'd say." He shoved on my shoulder and I fell to my back on the sand, looking up at him. "1,000 souls. 1,000 evil men."

I sat up, shaking my head to clear it. "What?"

"You heard me, Edward. I want you to send me the souls of 1,000 evil men. And when you do, when your task is done, then you can be with her again, I promise you."

There were thoughts that I wanted to think, thoughts that flitted across my mind, that screamed, that pleaded. They were brushed aside by the only one that mattered. Bella. I shuddered, felt the enormity of what I was about to do settle into my very bones. When my eyes met his, I had silenced all the pleading. My soul was quiet.

"Yes. I'll do it."

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Woohoo!!!! I'm really really excited now, because I think that came out better than I expected. :D

I know this idea is really, really, out there, so please tell me what you think, tell me if you think it's working, etc.

Hope you all enjoyed it!