Who She Is

Disclaimer: I don't own Ed, Edd n Eddy. Read Who I Am (as well as Edarchy) before reading this story. The original title (Ő az én kedvesem) translates to "She is my sweetheart", just in case you can't speak Hungarian (neither can I) or you haven't heard of the Eurovision Song Contest. And Keveddpalooza is still going on, right?

A/N: It's the sequel nobody asked for! Yes, I've decided to write a sequel for Who I Am, which was a story I wrote just to join in Keveddpalooza (during mid-Spring 2013, there were a huge spate of Kevedd fanfics and fanart for some reason. Hence the name). It was probably also one of the few - if not the only - Kevedd story during that period which was written by an actual LGBT male. However, unlike its predecessor, this is less Kevedd and more Gerta/Marie (or Marta as I like to call it because I'm an idiot). Please note that, if you want to write Gerta into your story, feel free to do so; I didn't create the character – she was mentioned in No Speak da Ed, but that's about it – but you do have to remember that she's Norwegian; she presumably works [or worked] on a farm (hence the "goat-milker" suffix); she's a prankster; and she knows Edd (as she's his penpal), Rolf and, to an extent, Ed. Maybe you'll do a better job giving her characterisation than I have here.

Much like last time, there will still be some potshots at Kevedd and yaoi in general (it'll be a laugh seeing someone accuse some bi guy of being a homophobe), but won't be as much as there was in Who I Am. Also, I'll try to split it up into various sections dealing with separate things (like when she realised she was bi, when she fell for Gerta and where she is now). Also, if she does make any aside comments, they'll be shown in brackets, sorta like Double D. Any grammatical mistakes are intentional; mostly because that's how the character speaks. Here, I'm going to alternate between making it legible and writing it as if she's narrating it; I was going to scrap this idea for some reason but I changed my mind. Now that I'm done confusing you, I'll get to work.

Hey. I'm Marie, just in case ya don't know. No doubt you heard Double D's story about how he came out and how he dated some jock. Then how I had to be in some relationship with the three of them. It wasn't that bad, seein' as it's how Gerta and I became more than friends. But here's my side of the story. I'll probably throw in some other crap in as well, just 'cos. The hard part is you trying to understand me, but I'll do me best.

Obviously, ya heard of Double D coming out as bi. And how the rest of us bet on it. Bad idea, really, but that's what ya get for thinkin' that there's only gay or straight. I should know; I lost 10 bucks on it. Nothin' much to say that hasn't been said. Although I should say that he did experience a little bit of teasin', but it went away 'cos they remembered that the quarterback for the school football team liked a bit of both too. Nothing new to add here, so let's move on.

What I will tell ya though is how I first realised my attraction to girls. And some of that un-reek... an-rick... un-reck... that love where ya love one person but they don't love ya back. Whatever the hell it's called. Yeah, I know it's cliché or somethin' like that. Still, hear me out.

It was about two weeks after Double D and Jocky-boy - whatever his name is - came out. While I was in between lessons, I saw Blondie - or Nazz as people call her, 'cos that's sorta her real name - handing out flyers for somethin'. 'Hey Marie.' She said, wearing the school's cheerleading outfit thing. 'Do you wanna join our club? It'll be super rad!'

I looked at the poster to my right, which was also her left. It was for the school's gay-straight alliance, or the Rainbow Alliance as they called themselves. 'Hm. Yeah, I might join. Might be somethin' to do. Gimme a flyer.' As she handed me one, I took it from her, but I didn't snatch it. As I took it from her, however, my hand accidentally touched hers. I folded the pamphlet up and I put it into one of my jacket pockets. I then felt somethin' inside me. Somethin' not good. I rushed to the bathroom while thinking Hold it, hold it. to myself. When I got there, I headed into one of the stalls, sat down and let out one of the biggest blushes ever. Seriously, it took 'bout a minute for it to go away. It was a bit like that rash Daria got in that one episode, 'cept I didn't need to go to hospital. A minute after my face went back to normal, I went to the sink, splashed my face with some cold water and headed to my next lesson.

When school was over, I asked Double D if he would mind givin' me a lift to the hospital, 'cos I had to visit Mom. When I was 16, she was diagnosed with HIV. Now, before you complain about any "angst", let me just say that that's not why she's in; she broke her leg a couple of days ago. No, though me, Lee and May were worried as fuck at first, it turned out not to be as bad as we thought. Besides, Magic Johnson's got it and he's still alive. I think. Plus it was from a fucked-up blood transfusion - if that's the right word - and not from sex or drugs.

Anyways, that's irrelevant. We got into his car - a '93 BMW E34 - and we set off. He stuck on some music and sorta danced along on the way there. It was some band called The Smiths. I'm not really into alternative rock - except for Swans, if they count; Radiohead; and The Cure - but he's a huge fan of the stuff. Saying that, when his first song - which was No One Knows by Queens of the Stone Age; good band by the way - he stuck his CD player on and played some Radiohead. Pablo Honey to be precise.

A few minutes later, Creep started playing. Yeah, that Creep. As it played, I took a look at myself. Out of me and my sisters, I'm the only one who still has a crush on an Ed. Lee gave up on Eddy and started goin' for a real man - his brother. She ain't worried about him bein' a wifebeater; she can probably do the same to him. May, who thinks that Ed is gay, decided to go for someone else. Dunno who, though; it's not all that important. As for Double D: Well, these days I'm a lot less "rapey" to the point where we're actually friends. Y'know, it took me a while to figure out that being some stalky, abusive jackass ain't gonna help; why the hell do you people think that it does? But still, I ain't afraid to stand up for meself when I have to.

And then I thought to myself. Why do I have to like boys? I mean, can't I like girls? At first, I felt a bit worried. But then I realised that maybe it was time for some... What's that word? Oh yeah, "experimentation". Sorry, not good with those big words. But yeah, I felt like it's time to kiss a girl or something. After all, I'm 17; which means that I'm legal, just in case that kiss leads to somethin' else.

After the song was over, Double D looked over at me. It's OK, we were at a red light. But yeah, I looked a bit sad, my head slumped against the window. 'Marie, are you alright?' He asked me. 'You seem a bit distracted.'

'Yeah, I'm fine. Just thinkin'.'

'Ah, OK. Are you thinking about anything in particular, if you do not mind my asking.'

'Nah, nothin' interestin'. Just stuff.'

He nodded. 'Seems reasonable. If you do come across any problems, feel free to share them with me.'

'Yeah, OK.'

I then rummaged into one of my pockets and took out that pamphlet I was given earlier. I read it. The background was purple and it had a rainbow in each corner. It basically had information about when they met - Mondays and Fridays - and what time: 4pm-5pm. Double D briefly looked at it before lookin' back at the road. 'You know, Kevin and I are actually part of the Rainbow Alliance. I had joined when I was 15 and Kevin only became a member a few days after coming out.'

'Uh-huh.' I said, not really bothering what he has to say.

'Nazz is also a member. She's the treasurer, in fact.'

'Cool.' It acted like I didn't have a crush on her. He didn't notice this. Or maybe he did and I'm makin' it up. Damn, the author of this should stop readin' so much comics. Or more comics. Either one.

When we got to the hospital, I got out of the car. I thanked him for the ride and went to see Mom. She's wasn't doin' too bad. We had a game of Scrabble. I won, although we had a slight fallin' out 'cos of the word "syzygy". After a while, a nurse had to come along with a dictionary and help out. In the end, I got 63 points for that, seein' as I was usin' a Triple Word Score. Yeah, I dunno how I learnt that word. Maybe I saw it in a book or something.

Anyways, when visiting hours were over, I went to catch a bus home. You may be a bit worried, but it's OK. I can handle myself. No, really, I was in the paper for foilin' some guy's plot to rape me. I would go into detail, but it's a bit... Yeah. 'Sides, I can tell it later. Or, much like Double D with how he and I got together, someone else can tell it. I sat down somewhere near the back and, as I stared out the window, I thought about how I shoulda brought some music to listen to.

The next day, I looked tired and sluggish. Had to hear May and Lee arguing over who should do what. Not to mention I couldn't get Nazz out of my mind. Seriously, we never really talked all those years ago, so why the hell am I feelin' all romantic and crap? I dunno. All I wanna do I get through class and go to that meeting thing. I know that Double D will be in some of my lessons today, so that's one thing.

At lunch, I just sat at some table, kept my head down and ate. I had packed a tuna sandwich and a bottle of water I had bought at the hospital yesterday. However, before I could take a second bite of my sandwich, Double D - along with a tray of mac and cheese, a cup of vanilla pudding with a plastic spoon, an apple and the same brand of water I was drinking - sat down next to me. 'Hello, Marie?'

''Sup?' I said, finally taking that bite. Double D wasn't sittin' next to me because he saw me alone. He and I always each lunch together, something we've done since sophomore. In fact, there have been moments when people thought we were dating; I wish we were, although - for some reason - he don't consider us as friends. Probably 'cos of how I treated him when we were younger. 'Why ain't ya sittin' with Kevin?'

'Just because he and I have been "Hanging out" - as you say - a lot lately doesn't mean we have to be perpetually around each other.' I gave him one of those stares which meant "be honest". 'And there was no room at the jock table.'

'S'alright.' I said, chugging some of my drink. I had the flavoured water, he just had plain. ''Sides, you'll never be like 'em.' I tried to make him feel better. 'They're jocks. They're all "numero uno". Sure ya run track an' field. But I've known ya for years. Ya ain't like that. Yer IQ can't be counted on one hand.'

'Wow,' He said, lookin' at me and smiling. Or maybe I actually made him worse. But I'm telling this story, so I can probably change a few things without it seemin' fake. 'Thank you, Marie.'

'Not a problem.' I said, smilin' back. ''Sides, ya eatin' that puddin'?' Without saying a word, he passed me the vanilla pudding, as well as the spoon. I started eating it, mostly because my other sandwich vanished off the face of the earth. Or somethin' like that.

'So shall I be seeing you for that meeting after school?' He asked me.

'Sure.' As I finished off my water, I asked him something. 'So why are ya eatin' the cafeteria crap? Dont'cha normally bring yer own from home? Or did Jocky over there...' I pointed to the jock table. '... take it from ya?'

'I had overslept studying for a test and I didn't really have much time to prepare my own lunch. So I used the $5 I had left over from the books I bought.'

'Ya know the test ain't until Monday.'

'Yes, but it's nice to get it over and done with early.' He then picked his tray up and then got up outta his seat. 'Well, Marie, it's been nice talking to you. Hope to see you at that meeting. It's in room 112, just in case you've forgotten.'

'Yeah, thanks.'

'You're welcome.' He then went to put his tray back with the others. Afterwards, Kevin - one of the few times I'll call him that - walked alongside him. They were probably going to training. I was going to say something about how Jocky Boy likes men instead of boys, but I'd have tons of yaoi fangirls bitchin' at me. Sometimes I hate being a fictional character.

That aside, the rest of the day was uneventful. Although Double D was in one of my lessons, it wasn't one of those group project things. Shame. But still, at least it's one step closer to gettin' the hell outta here. But yeah, nothing really interesting happened. It was one of those lazy days. Then sweet salvation - the bell rang. It was time to go home.

Except for me. I had remembered to go to that Rainbow Alliance meeting. It's not that I didn't want to go; I was lookin' forward to it. But I'm afraid of embarrassin' myself. 'Specially 'round Nazz. Plus Kevin would be there. I should also point out that I don't like Kevin 'cos I don't particularly like jocks, not 'cos I see him as a threat to my chances of gettin' with Double D. After all, if I act like a crazy jealous stalker, I'm evil or whatever; but it's perfectly fine when he does it.

Anyways, I'll continue the story before I turn into some whinin' asshole. The room's walls were plaster coloured, whereas the floor was black and white checked carpet. Except for Mr. Anderson - who ran the group - there were about 12 people in the room, including Double D, Jocky Boy and Barbie (yeah, I need to come up with more names), who were sitting on purple cushiony school seats - You probably know what I'm talkin' about.

Mr. Anderson - who shouldn't confused for that guy who runs that comic shop - was a complete weirdo, but he was pretty cool. From what I've heard, he founded the Rainbow Alliance after comin' out about 5 years ago. Though people think that he's actually dating a student, they're wrong; otherwise we'd be dealin' with a 24-year old who stopped goin' to high school 'bout 6 years ago. But yeah, Anderson once gave a 1-hour lesson in under 15 minutes, mostly because he drank a lotta coffee. Not to mention how he tends to stand on his desk while teaching. And there was that one time he taught us about Emily Dickinson whilst dressed up as her. But yeah, despite his bat-shit craziness, we still learnt a lot from him.

'So, team.' He said. He always seemed excited 'bout everything. Dunno why, though. 'Seems like we've got a new member. So why not introduce yourself?' He then sat down on one of the seats.

'Hey.' I began. 'Unless ya don't know me, I'm Marie.' There were a few "Hey Marie"s, as if this was an AA meeting. 'I dunno why I joined. Maybe I like Guys. Maybe I like girls. Maybe I like guys and girls.' I then sat back down, to one or two people clapping. As Mr. Anderson was talking about somethin', I looked over at Blondie for some reason. With that face I used to get when Double D was around back when we were kids, 'cept less rapey. Much less rapey.

In all honesty, I dunno why I fell for Nazz. In fact, one of the few times I can remember us bein' in the same room together was when I whacked her with Double D. Maybe it's because we're both cute. After all, love is only for the pretty. Apparently. Maybe 'cos it's too hard to pull off with ordinary people. Maybe these people should watch Marty, which was Mom's favourite movie.

Over the next four months - or five, I dunno and don't care - we began being friends. Started hangin' out and all that. I wanted to tell her how I felt, but I didn't. Until that one moment we were at her house. We were both sitting on her sofa, watching TV. It was some crappy MTV show that Nazz was interested in, but the only reason I kept watching it was 'cos it was the only thing close to good on. She then said to me 'You know, Marie, I really like you.'

'Same.' I said. She didn't know what I was gonna do next.

'Do you wanna go out an-' Before she finished her sentence, I kissed her deeply on the lips. After two or three seconds, I stopped, mostly because she wasn't enjoyin' it. 'Dude!' She said, not angry but confused.

'Sorry.' I blushed a little, though I couldn't tell if it was me being out of character or because of what I did. Maybe both. 'I really like ya.'

'Same.' She said, wrapping one of her arms 'round me. 'I'm all for gay rights and that, but I don't see myself with a girl. Sorry dude.'

I was crushed. It felt like I had said the wrong word, did the wrong thing. I was screwing myself, mostly 'cos I quoted a song for no real reason. To add insult to injury, the next day, I found out that Double D and Jocky Boy were datin'. I was a little mad at first, but then I got over it. If you were expectin' me to snap or somethin' like that, then you're in the wrong story. I sucked it up, wished them both the best and carried on with life, as if nothin' happened. Hell, Double D was still nice enough to give me lifts to and from school.

Come September. Senior year. Double D dropped me off at the foot of the cul-de-sac - or whatever it is - as he had to go to the gym to renew his membership. Seein' as it probably won't interest me, he dropped me off there so I can walk home. However, just before I can cross the road, go up The Lane and whatever, I noticed someone - a blonde woman, probably in her early 20s - standing on Rolf's lawn with two suitcases next to her feet. It seemed like I was given a bone. Or somethin' less wrong-soundin'.

I walked up to her and said 'Hey.' just as she was about to knock on the door. She probably said somethin', didn't hear what it was. I noticed how she was wearing a shirt for Mayhem and did the old "Living Colour is my favourite black metal band" thing. She found it funny, which was a relief 'cos I didn't want to hurt her. We told each other our names and, after she said something about being "the bestest of friends" or whatever, she went into Rolf's house. For some reason, I was happy for the rest of the day, even when having to hear May and Lee fighting.

The next day, Double D was taking me to school. Nothing new there. What was new however was him sayin' that he broke up with Kevin. Part of me wanted to be happy and that, but I'd seem like I wanted this to happen - I didn't. So I comforted him. Not in that way, of course. But I made him a feel a bit better 'bout himself. He thanked me and - at that point - he finally said that I was a friend. Not a girlfriend, but good enough.

Not much happened over the next few months. The only real highlight was being friends with Gerta. As mentioned earlier, we both pretty much liked the same music. She showed me bands like Bathory, Celtic Frost and Death; whereas I introduced her to Swans, Godflesh and Anal Cunt - yes, that last one's a real band. She 'specially liked that first one, calling it "the music they play in Helvete with the bass turned up high". From the sounds of it, she really liked it.

Then came July. From what I heard, there was a campaign for Double D and Kevin to get back together in time for the prom. And, as you probably heard, it didn't exactly work. Take that, yaoi fangirls. But yeah, he noticed that the prom was coming up and asked if I wanted to go with him. No need to guess what happened next. So yeah, we went with each other, whilst Jocky Boy went with Nazz. I enjoyed myself, but what was really out of the blue was Double D askin' me to be his girlfriend. I had waited for six fucking years for this moment, so of course I'd accept.

Seriously though, it was a pretty cool night. Made me think 'bout the future and all that crap. Not to mention bein' with Double D and all. Sure he hasn't forgotten how I was to him all those years ago. Sure, it sounded like it was outta the blue by the way we both talked 'bout it. But still, better than nothin'. Better than that un-reck-thingy.

Fast forward a few years. Double D and I live in some apartment. He works serving coffee and I work in a bar. I don't worry 'bout bein' attacked by drunks; as I've said, I can handle myself. Between the prom and... whenever this was... I came out as bi. I told Mom and, though she was less than pleased, she wasn't all "get outta my face" either. She pretty much accepted me and hope I don't end up like her. As ya probably know, I didn't. When I told my sisters 'bout it, though, they didn't attack me or anythin' like that. In fact, they admired my guts and all that crap. After all, even though we aren't that nice with each other, we're still family.

After arriving in The States to study geosciences - whatever the hell that is - Gerta started goin' out with Rolf. Couldn't say I blame 'em. He's a cool guy and she's not that bad a gal, really. Why else are we both friends? But yeah, as our friendship grew, so did my crush on her. I didn't say anything, 'cos I didn't want to ruin it. 'Sides, I was perfectly happy with Double D at the time, considering how long it took to get him. Not makin' this up, by the way.

And there was a girl I met at my 21st birthday party. Alright, Double D and I have a party on the same day, seein' as we were born in October - me on the 15th; him on the 29th. She was drunk; I wasn't. I didn't know who she was, but she came up to me and made out with me. I kissed back a little, but mostly 'cos I didn't know what the hell was goin' on. Seemed like one of those Big Lipped Alligator Moments, though I dunno for sure. Damn it, Gerta, why did ya make me like TV Tropes?

But let's talk 'bout something different. It wasn't much, but it was home. Certainly a much better home than the last one, seein' as he and I rarely fought. Whenever I got upset, he and I just talked about it over a game of Mario Kart or BattleTanx or something like that. Yeah, he's a real hipster. Not one of those glasses-wearing assholes who complain about the mainstream. No, Double D was a guy who wore thrift store clothes, listened to alternative rock and, though he preferred old crap (which is why he said he'll 28 years old in 2013), he still likes some new things. Wait, is he the author? Damn it, Jamie, you're supposed to be writin' me, not bein' me boyfriend.

Sorry.

There. That's better. But yeah, Double D was a pretty cool guy. Though I can't say I miss the days where I'd torment him and his friends and those other bastards - oh, and Rolf - it's nice to know how he still loves me. We both wanted to get through the day, get through life with no crap slowin' us down. And whenever somethin' cam up, just hope for the best. Just like everyone else.

Then, one day, as I was watchin' Top Gear - The British one, for some reason - and Double D was playin' Half Life, we heard the intercom. As I was too busy watching my show, Double D paused his game and answered it. It turned out to be Kevin. Not really a shock if ya heard Double D tell the story. In fact, I could repeat what we all said at the time, but it's not really worth it.

That night, we were both in bed. He was readin' Animal Farm, which I could never get into despite writin' a book report for it back in 8th Grade, and I was just lyin' there not doing much. Eventually, I said to him. 'Do ya wanna do it?'

Without saying a word, he put a bookmarker in on the page he was on, closed it and put it on the side. We then started makin' out; the only time when he'd do that is if we were about to have sex. Unlike him, I'm not afraid to use that word, seein' as there are worse things on Nickelodeon and that. As were gettin' a bit hot and heavy, I saw him take out a condom. Remember kids: No matter how ya swing, stay safe. And I'm not sayin' that 'cos the author made me. Just before he and I were about to do it, Kevin burst in. 'Hey dorks, I just wanted to...' Then all three of us were quiet.

'Ya see why it's a bad idea havin' your ex here?' I was clearly angry, although I dunno if the others were able to see it.

'Hey, it's not like I wanted Nazz to kick me out!' Jocky Boy tried to counter. I dunno if it worked. Also, for some reason, I feel like playin' some Street Fighter.

For some reason, I randomly blurted out 'She's pretty, ain't she?' Much like Double D's "Goa Street" remark, I still dunno why I said it. 'Cept I'm less embarrassed 'bout it.

I should point out that when Double D told this story, he got this bit in the wrong order. Kevin first said 'By the way, Nazz doesn't swing that way. She's all for gay rights and that, but she doesn't see herself with a girl.' Yeah, no shit, Sherlock. 'Sides, I wonder if he knew about the time I kissed her - doesn't matter. Then he said 'But yeah, who ya gonna choose, Double D? Me or her?'

He then paused for what felt like a few minutes. While he was thinkin', I grabbed my phone and played the music from Jeopardy. You know the one I mean. Even Kevin cracked a smile. It was one of the few moments when I didn't wanna punch his face in. When Double D came up with an answer, I stopped playing the music, probably because he noticed. He then said 'Both.' Jocky and I both looked at him, wonderin' what the hell he said. 'I know this is stereotypical and cliché, but why can't we try this thing I read about? It's called "polyamory" and it involves involves all three of us being a couple - with our consent of course.'

We were all quiet. Eventually, I said 'Fine.' but not before telling the jock 'Ya better have a condom or two.' I would go into detail, but there are kiddies watchin'. I won't say much - unlike Double D - but again, worse things out there.

That was probably a bad idea right from the start, Double D. I mean, Kevin and I barely get on. Hell, he didn't wanna leave the apartment 'til he was sure that this was gonna work out. Still, coulda been worse.

A month after the whole thing began, the doorbell rang. Double D was in the kitchen and Jocky Boy was at work. So I had to go over to the intercom and tell them to come on in. A little while later, they knocked on the door so I had to let 'em in. I opened the door to find out it was Gerta. 'Hej Marie.'

'Hey Gerta. How ya doin'?' There was no "are" there.

We both sat on the couch. There wasn't really anythin' on TV when this happened; I can't even remember what I was even doing! She then said to me. 'I want to say something.'

'What is it.' She's my best friend, after all. Of course I'm gonna be concerned!

'You know I am not with Rolf anymore.' I couldn't hear any response from Marie, so I assume she nodded or did something similar. 'I want to tell you why. I...' Gerta paused, as if she was about to choke up. She sighed, then she finished what she was saying.. 'I'm a lesbian.' I didn't say anything. If anythin', the way I looked at her, I couldn't tell if I was a Transformer or Kristen Stewart. 'Not just that, but...' She sighed again. 'Marie Kanker... Jeg elsker deg. I love you.'

I then put on a serious face, but kept quiet for a few secs until I said. 'You wanna know something?' She nodded. 'Ya know when I came out as bi?' She squeaked. I think she remembered. 'A little bit was 'cos of two other girls I met and loved. They probably didn't love me back. But ya know what?'

'What?' I think she was gonna cry. Don't blame her.

'I love you too.' If I had said "ya", it would've seem like I couldn't give a flyin' crap. But I said "you", 'cos I meant it. So yeah, Double D was right. 'I was gonna say back when ya were with Rolf, but I didn't say anythin' 'cos ya looked so happy.'

We started kissin', but it started turnin' French not long into it. I can't really describe it without seemin' like some crappy romance novel that wouldn't even be half price at a dollar store. I will say that her tongue is a dark azure colour. Seriously. That's how tongues work over here, although they do become normal when we're in the real world. Don't think about that too hard.

'Are you OK with this?' She asked. She seemed like she was scared, which is rare, considerin' that she listens to really harsh music and watches really gory films without flinchin'. 'Will Eddward be OK with this?'

'Yeah, he'll be fine.' I said, tryin' to make her feel better. ''Sides, he has his ex-boyfriend living with us. If ya wanna get involved - and make it sorta like a "love arrow" - I can ask him.'

'No, please, don't.' Part of me was worried that I'm tormentin' her.

'Trust me. Hey Double D. Come in here, we need ya for somethin'!' As I was sayin' that, she buried my face in my chest. Luckily, she was a little bit low enough - and a few other things - that stopped it lookin' like she was motorboatin' me.

He came in, lookin' all guilty and that. I wonder if he heard us. 'How can I be of assistance?'

'Gerta wants to know if she can join our thing.' I hoped this worked. I really did.

'I understand.' He said. 'I heard everything in the kitchen - despite my better judgement - and I would've said "yes" anyway. I assume coming out of the closet took a lot of courage, did it not?'

'Uh-huh.' Gerta said, her face still buried in my chest. Seriously, whenever she spoke, it tickled a little.

Originally, he said something long and winded. But I can't remember how it went. 'Sides, he probably told ya. So I'll skip to afterwards. 'What I'm saying is this: It may seem tough at first, Gerta, but soon you'll come to terms with it.'

She dug her head out of my chest. She looked at Double D and smiled. 'Thank you.'

'You're welcome.' He replied, smilin' back. Afterwards, Gerta and I then got back to makin' out. I should also that I kept feelin' like I should be gentle with her, even though she's actually pretty tough. But hey, that's just me.

After Double D allowed me to see Gerta, she and I often teamed up to prank people. One time, we were sitting in the living room, listening to Black One on her iPod. This was about 3:30pm, when Double D normally returns home from work. He opened the door and saw us listenin' to something. 'Salutations.' He said to us. 'Do you mind if I inquire as to what you're listening to?'

Gerta and I looked at each other and grinned evilly. 'It's the ultimate party band!' She said to him. 'They even have the Sun in their name.'

'Doesn't seem like my type of music,' He said. 'But I'll give it a listen.' We unplugged the headphones and connected them to a speaker. Instead of some happy poppy shit, there was some dronin' guitars and some guy locked in a coffin screamin' his head off. You shoulda seen the look on his face. Now that was a look of pure fear. I can't describe it; just make somethin' up in your head. But yeah, it was pretty funny. Even he laughed a little after about 5 or 10 minutes.

But, despite all the fun and that we had, I still found myself torn. I loved Double D but I loved Gerta as well. It's sorta like a love triangle, 'cept it didn't seem like it was thrown in at the last minute. Like Twilight or The Hunger Games. Wait, I liked The Hunger Games. I'll complain about the author later, just lemme finish the story.

As I've said, I loved Gerta as much as I loved Double D. Luckily, there was that polyamory thing, which pretty much started off as a ménage à trois (if that's what it was). It meant that, just as long as Double D and Jocky Boy were OK with it, I could see other people. Seein' as Nazz was probably still straight, I dunno who that girl was who made out with me and I can't be bothered goin' out and that. So, in a way, Gerta had to do. Good call.

However, some time after that, Double D told me something. 'You needn't worry about Kevin interfering in our love life anymore. He's gone back to Nazz.'

Part of me wanted to celebrate. Throw a huge fuckin' party. But, lookin' at Double D, I didn't wanna do that. Even I have standard, y'know. 'So...' I said, wonderin' what was gonna happen next.

'It means that we don't need to continue with this polyamory business.' He began explainin'. I only came up with it because I didn't want to disappoint you or him. Admittedly, it was a bad idea from the get-go but you managed to make the most of it by being with Gerta. Unfortunately, it means we have to return to our monogamous relationship but there's no reason why you two can't still remain friends.' I didn't get angry. I kissed him on the cheek and l headed off to the bedroom. And that's all I'm gonna say 'bout that.

Unfortunately, since Double D and I are together together, that means breakin' it off with Gerta, obviously. On the one hand, she was kinda flat and I kept thinkin' that I was makin' her seem cooler. On the other, I really do like her. Shame the author can't draw for shit.

So I decided to tell Gerta about it. I didn't wanna do it over the phone, e-mail, or anything like that, so I pretty much had to tell her in person. For some reason, I put it off until the day after Double D told me. More specifically, the evenin'. I headed off into my Mustang and drove to Rolf's place, which was where she lived. Rolf was at a reunion with his family, which was pretty damn con-veen-ee-thingy. When I got there, I knocked on the door. Gerta answered 'Hej Marie.'

'Hey.' I said to her, kinda depressed. 'Mind if I come in? I gotta tell ya somethin'.'

'Sure.' She opened the door more to let me in. We both walked into the lounge and sat down on the couch. 'What is it that you want to tell me?'

'You know how Double D and I had that thing?' I tried explainin' it, but I couldn't put it right. It's mostly 'cos I forgot that word. I'd probably end up remembering it later. 'Y'know, where we were able to see other people, just as long as the rest of us knew. Or somethin' like that.'

'Polyamory?' She reminded me.

'That's the one.' I nodded. 'Well, turns out that Kevin's movin' back out and the whole thing's over.'

'I see.'

'So yeah, we can still be friends, right?'

'Sure.' She said, kissing me on the lips. I kissed back. We then began making out there on the couch. She then grabbed my hand. 'Come.' She then dragged me upstairs into her room.

What was supposed to be a 5-minute break-up took three hours instead. Ya can fill in the blanks yerself. I then turned to her and said 'So we're still friends, right?'

'Yeah.' She smiled back. We then kissed and fell asleep. Hopefully, Double D would understand. 'Cos it's gonna be hard to explain. 'Specially since it pretty much looked like I cheated on him. Oh well, I can make some shit up myself. Hey, I didn't say that this was a great story.

So here we are now. Nothing to say here that Double D hasn't already said. And I don't really want to talk about my sisters; all I'm sayin' is that one of 'em lives in LA and the other is married to Eddy's brother. But still, I'll tell ya more about myself and how Gerta and I got married.

On New Years Day, The State decided to legalise (or whatever the fuck the right word is) gay marriage. 'Bout 15 days later, quite a few people - including Rolf's brother and Kevin's cousin, who've been together since '98 - got married. On 23rd February, Gerta and I finally married somewhere downtown. She wore a traditional wedding dress, 'cept it was dyed black; and I just wore a suit and tie, although I had a Sunn O))) shirt underneath me jacket. Sadly, none of my family could make it - May and Lee didn't bother - although I found out that May had somethin' goin' on at the same time; I don't wanna talk about Mom 'cos it's too depressing; and, from what I heard 'bout him, I hope I never meet my dad. But at least Gerta's family actually showed up. After the reception, we then went to Stockholm for the honeymoon.

Not much left to say here. Double D's still single and Nazz is still married to Kevin. She coulda done a lot worse, though. I mean, despite what the fan girls think, Kevin may be a dick, but he hates rape; why the hell do ya guys think he likes it?

Ah well, that's irrelevant. Don't really care 'bout the guy anyways. 'Sides, that's probably Jamie talkin' again. It's great being able to break the fourth wall, isn't it?

Sadly, I have to go now. It was nice chattin' to ya, even though ya couldn't really understand me. Oh well, c'est la vie. Alright, see ya guys. If Jocky Boy tells this story, ya better pray to God or whoever that he's clearer than me. OK? Bye.

A/N: Duke Nukem Forever ain't got nothing on this!

Before I start, I'd like mention something: I've changed the target of the Pimpsmasher stand-alone story thing. If Edarchy reaches 4000 reads by the end of the year, I'll get to work on writing a story centred around him. It was originally 5000, but I scrapped it. For obvious reasons.

So that's it. That's Marie's point of view. I might make this a trilogy and do Kevin's POV, but we'll see. No, really, I actually have to get back to work on Edarchy. Shame I can't come up with anything at the moment, but I'll make some shit up as I go along. But, for now, I'll talk about this. I do apologise about how this seemed a bit more PG-13 than it predecessor, but I should point out that Kevin walking in on Edd and Marie is important; after all, it was at that point when Edd decided to try that polyamory thing. Apologies if it made you uncomfortable but, then again, there are probably a few worse things in this fandom.

I was going to dedicate this paragraph to explaining what I meant by "semi-OC", but I realised I could just do it as a blog post. I would've asked a question about those Nat and Rave fellas - which would've been sorta related - but I'm not that adequately prepared for a shaming flitstorm. I would also like to point out that, believe it or not, I don't have anything against Kevedd and Nazarie. Though I did complain about the former, it's mostly because of how it was everywhere, as if Dr. Frankenstein made a new monster using the corpses of Gangnam Style and Harlem Shake.

Apart from the same people as last time, I'd also like to thank John [Flywheel, Shyster and Flywheel], whose story "Doctor What?" was a huge influence on Mr. Anderson (the eccentric gay teacher from this fic. As opposed to Bob, the comic book store owner who acts like a father figure to Ed); BarthVader, for having to sit through Who I Am and Edarchy; Colezilla (if I haven't thanked him before, I want to thank him again); the Kevedd writers (well, duh); and Theodore Sturgeon (if it weren't for his law and the fact that some of these stories reinforced it, this fanfic and its predecessor would never have been made). I should point that that neither I don't have a problem with KStew and neither does Marie (or at least the one I write); although I do think that it won't be THAT interesting to find out that Bella Swan (the character, obviously) was actually a Decepticon.

So that's all for this time. I do apologise for taking too long. I'll finally finish that chapter I've been putting off and, if there's enough demand, I'll get to work with another sequel. There might be a spin-off to this but we'll see. Though I do have a list of planned stories on my profile, I don't know if any of them will come to fruition (apart from the Edarchy Christmas Special. That's definitely getting made. Plus I did get a start on YAMEEnES) but, if they do, whether or not they'll be worth a read is up to you.

P.S. Syzygy is a real word. It pretty much means "a pair of connected or corresponding things". Thanks, Google dictionary thing.

P.P.S. I am considering working on a spin-off to this whole Keveddarie thing. This time, I'll be doing something that was kinda popular during Keveddpalooza: Reverse!Edd. I bet all seven readers were cheering there. However, that number would probably drop to two when I actually write and publish the damn thing.