Author's Note: My first story! Please be kind. All standard disclaimers apply - I don't own anything.
The Dating Game
With an uptempo tune playing in the background, the camera zooms in on a clean cut, middle aged man in a tailored suit.
"Good evening, America! My name is Richard Fitzwilliam and this is the Dating Game where one young woman will have her choice of three very eligible and eager gentlemen! Let's meet tonight's bachelors!"
The stage swings around revealing three handsome young men. Two of the three smile and wave to the audience. The third one just scowls in a very sexy way. Women swoon.
"Now let's meet our beautiful bachelorette!"
A pretty brunette is seen being pushed on-stage by her mother. She gives her mother an exasperated look but smiles to the camera as she rounds the corner. There is a partition between her and the three men so she can't see them. An unseen announcer introduces her.
"Our bachelorette is a 21 year old student studying English Literature at Harvard. She plans on becoming a lawyer but first wants to travel the world. Please welcome Elizabeth Bennet!"
The audience claps enthusiastically.
"Welcome, Elizabeth. Well, you know I certainly would be dating you if the show's rules permitted it. Unfortunately, as the host, I can't date who I choose," Richard says with a sigh. "You know how this works. Do you have your questions ready?" She nods. "Well, let's get started."
"Bachelor No. 1, the Dating Game is one of my mother's favourite TV shows and she signed me up as a surprise present for my 21st birthday. Why are you on the show?"
The young man smiles at the audience and winks. "It's fate. I'm here to meet you."
Elizabeth smiles. "Very smooth. Bachelor No. 2, who do you admire the most?"
"Well, I'm so glad you asked me that question. My employer, Catherine de Bourgh. She is the most amazing lady and I would love to find a woman just like her. She knows everything. She helped organize my closets, suggests plants for my garden, everything. There's nothing she can't do. In fact, she's the one who suggested to me that it was time I found a wife. She - "
The audience is chuckling but Elizabeth interrupts before he can keep going. "Bachelor No. 3, same question."
"No, I want to answer the first question. I'm here because I was tricked. Charles and Richard told me that we were going to the hockey game. They said to pick them up at the studio. I didn't know they were really looking for some substitute seat filler because some guy named John Lucas missed his flight."
Richard interjects at this point. "For those of you at home, Charles is our producer." Camera pans to a young man waving from the front of the studio. "Really, Bachelor No. 3, that's quite the story. Let's stick to the questions Ms. Bennet asks you."
Elizabeth checks the cards in her hand. "Bachelor No. 1, my worst date was dinner and a movie but it didn't turn out very well as I got food poisoning, and we had to leave halfway through the movie. What was your worst date?"
Bachelor No. 1 turns a little red. "Well," he stammers a bit. "I was out with a girl when her brother walked in on us ...but we still had a good time. I don't think I've ever had a bad date. I can provide you with references if you'd like."
Audience laughs but Bachelor No. 3 glares at him and looks as if he wants to hit him.
"What's your recipe for a perfect date then?" Elizabeth asks, unaware of the tension on the other side of the screen.
"A dash of moonlight, a healthy dose of beach, a rich bottle of wine and the prime ingredient, you …. In fact, I suspect all a perfect date needs is a little of me and a lot of you."
The women in the audience sigh. Elizabeth arches an eyebrow, obviously amused by the over the top response.
"Bachelor No. 3, how would you describe your dream girl?"
"My dream woman would have a thorough knowledge of music, singing, drawing, dancing, and the modern languages, and she must improve her mind with extensive reading."
"Wow, you certainly are asking a lot. Is that fair? Do you play an instrument, sing, draw, dance, speak more than one language and open your mind with extensive reading'?" Elizabeth demanded.
"I am fluent in English, Spanish and French, I sing and play lead guitar in my cousin's band and I have been known to grace the dance floor. I don't draw but I play soccer and hockey. As for books, my friends tell me I have a great library."
"Very impressive. I've never met a man without flaws."
"I didn't say I was perfect."
"Then what is your flaw?"
"May I ask to what these questions portend?"
"I'm having a hard time sketching your likeness."
Richard cuts in. "Er., Elizabeth, perhaps you'd like to learn more about the other bachelors?"
"Oh, in that case. Bachelor No. 2, if Bachelor No. 3 were a superhero, which superhero would he be?"
"Well, as he is the nephew of my patroness, Lady Catherine de Bourgh, I would have to say 'Superman'."
Elizabeth rolls her eyes. "Bachelor No. 1, if you were a superhero, which superhero would you be?"
"Another easy one. I would be the Incredible Hunk."
A buzzer sounds. "Well that's the end of the questions. Elizabeth, you'll now have to pick your lucky date."
Music plays while the camera scans the stage and the audience before focussing on Elizabeth as she ponders on the answers that she has received.
Cut to a commercial for the CaroB Dating Advantage where "Persistence always gets you your man".
"Welcome back to the Dating Game. Elizabeth, have you made your decision?"
She is now standing next to Richard, looking rather anxious. "Yes, I have."
"Pick me, Elizabeth!" Bachelor No. 2 cries from behind the screen.
"I pick Bachelor No 1. No, I mean Bachelor No. 3."
Bachelor No. 3 had looked disappointed when she had first said No. 1 but he perked up when he realized that he had been selected.
"Before we bring out our lucky bachelor, let's meet our other bachelors."
"Bachelor No 1 is a former member of the Armed Forces Reserves and is now an aspiring professional poker player. From Sonoma California, please welcome George Wickham!"
Applause as the very handsome young man walks up to Elizabeth. She looks him over and something almost like regret flits across her face. After giving her a warm look of appreciation in return, he kisses her on the cheek, his hand lingering on her hip a little longer than necessary.
"Don't suppose you have a sister," he whispers in her ear. "I'm on Facebook."
Elizabeth involuntarily steps back, offended by his forwardness. Richard gives him a dirty look and George scuttles away.
"Bachelor No. 2 is a personal assistant from San Francisco. Please welcome Bill Collins!"
A greasy man walks around the screen to polite applause. Elizabeth tries her best not to physically recoil as he approaches her, his arms wide open for a big hug. She intercepts his hands before they can reach around her and shakes them instead. She also dodges a kiss as she noticed a little drool on the side of his mouth.
"Oh, you're so pretty. I would have proposed you know if you had picked me. Alas."
Elizabeth looks at Richard. He shrugs and shoos the man along. The bouncy theme music comes back on.
"Bachelor No. 3 is originally from Sonoma California and still maintains a home there but he spends most of his time in New York running his family's multi-million publishing business and looking after his younger sister. He loves to read and he's William Darcy!"
The audience cheers. Bachelor No. 3 gets up and walks over to Elizabeth. He is ruggedly good looking, as handsome as Bachelor No. 1 but without the charm. He takes one look at her and mutters something like "only tolerable" under his breath. She overhears and confronts him.
"Arrogant jerk."
"Excuse me? You pick me and then you call me arrogant?"
"Well, you called me only tolerable."
"No, I said 'this is only tolerable because you're so beautiful'."
"Oh, sorry."
Richard watches in disbelief. Their little exchange is serving more as foreplay than any real display of animosity. Their faces are flushed, eyes glossy and they are completely unaware of the cameras and the audience. "Well, let's see where you're going on your fully chaperoned date."
The announcer comes on again. "Elizabeth and Will, you are off to Banff National Park in Alberta, Canada for a wonderfully relaxing week of long nature walks in the woods, bear watching, river rafting and romantic dinners at the world famous Pemberley Lodge."
"Hey, that's my cabin!" William was full of indignation.
Richard shrugged his shoulders. "Sorry, budget cuts. We had to find someplace that wouldn't cost us anything. We had it from Mrs. R that you wouldn't be there till Christmas, and, of course, she said we could use it any time."
"Well that's all the time we have tonight. Join us next time on the Dating Game!" The three of them line up and blow a kiss to the audience at home.