Why Does It Hurt So Much?
Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen titans if I did then Robin and
Raven would be together. Once again I don't own the teen titans not yet anyways and I do not own any of the song either
I ask myself this all the time. Why does it hurt so much?
Logic tells me it's because we were together before. I'm supposed to be happy for them. Yet it still hurts. I'm not jealous just mad really. I'm mad because he lied. He lied to me. I asked my self why did he lie to his best friend. Well, at least I thought I was his best friend and soul mate. But I was a fool to believe him. I felt like everybody's fool. I felt so betrayed. And that's why it hurts so much I mean it really hurts. I know you all are wondering what I'm blabbering about, well lets start from the beginning.
Everything was fine. I was happy. Yeah I was actually happy. Now, a day people take one look at me, say was she ever happy. She doesn't even smile. Well, I use to be happy. With him I was. Now, I try so hard to tell my self that you're gone, that you will never be with me again. He was Richard. Well, that's what I call him. Everyone else called him Robin because no one else, but his mentor knew his real name. She doesn't even know your real name. And I wonder why she doesn't know it. Is it because you trust me and love me enough to know and not her. Is it because you never had the chance or is it because you don't love her. I highly doubt the third answer, because he left me for her. And that day I broke into pieces. That was the day I never smiled again. The day where I lost all hope. And it's ironic how he once told me that I was the one that gave him faith. He also use to tell me that he would never hurt me and that he loved me and we would be together forever. I should have learned with Malchoir.
It actually started because of Malchoir. After that incident with him I stayed in my room for a week. I didn't even come out to eat. I had my own personal bathroom. So, I didn't need to worry about hygiene. Only two people came by my room two see if I was okay. The other two didn't even care. One was wrapped up in her make up and looks to even care. She didn't even realize that I didn't come out of my room. The other one was just into his games and jokes that even if he did notice that I didn't come out of my room he liked it better that way. He called me creepy. I'm not creepy I was just misunderstood. I thought they didn't care but I learned that they did, they were just afraid I'd snap on them. First it was Cyborg. The big brother I never had. He always looked after me. He made sure I ate. Cyborg was the one who brought me food that week. He knocked on my door.
" Hey, Rae you in there I brought you breakfast"
" Go away leave me alone"
" Raven you have to eat something"
"Please just go away"
"Nope not until you eat"
"Fine"
I ate the food and for the rest of the week I did. Then there was him. He was the one who made me feel better. He was the one who I cared for. He was the one who broke my heart. It was Robin, the boy wonder or as I liked to say boy blunder. He never use to get mad. He actually liked it. He told me that it showed that I did have a funny side. He came in and talked to me. You told me he wasn't worth my tears. That he was trash and that he was crazy not have liked me. He called me beautiful. He was the only one besides Malchoir who called me that. And me knowing that he thought I was beautiful brightened up my day.
We started becoming close. We helped each other out. I watched his back and you watched mine. We would talk all the time. We spent out time together. We felt comfortable around each other. And I loved it. And I was thinking he did too. One day I had gotten sick. I was delusional. I had a very high fever. But I refused to go to the hospital. So, he looked after me. I told him he didn't have to, that I didn't want to be a burden. He told me I wasn't a burden and to stop thinking that way. He also told me that he would always be there for me. He made me take Nyquil for my fever. Twenty minutes later I was blabbering on about stuff. He just stayed there and listened. He told me he listened because if you want to say it I was in one way or another drunk. And he said that intoxicated people speak the truth. I poured my heart out to him. I told him everything. That I loved him and that I was very attracted to him. That it just wasn't his looks. It was his smarts, how he thinks, how he walks, how he spoke, how he was kind, his personality, and everything else about him. That I basically worshipped the ground he stepped on.
Robin told me that he felt the same way but he wasn't sure if I felt the same way. We started seeing each other. It was behind the team's back. We didn't want to break up the team just because of us. We both knew that Star fire had a thing for him and that Beast boy had a thing for me. The only person besides us who knew was Cyborg. He was happy for us. Cyborg told me I deserved to be happy. He also told Robin to keep his hands to himself and that if he finds out that he hurt me he was so going down. I just laughed. You should have seen the look on Robin's face. That was one of the times were I was happy. I had a smile on my face. It wasn't a fake one but a genuine one. I thought about how birds of a feather flock together. We were so similar. We both had dark pasts. The list could go on and on. We were together for about a year. We made love. I gave him everything I had. Yet, that wasn't enough. On our one-year anniversary I found him. He was somewhere he wasn't supposed to be. I found him in Star fire's room, naked with her on top of him. It hurt so much. I phased through the ground. I trusted him. I gave him everything. He promised he'd never hurt me. He said we'd be together forever. I felt so betrayed. I had become so numb. I didn't want to feel anymore. The next day he knocked on my door. He broke up with me. Two days later he started seeing Star fire. In a month I thought I was over him. And I thought if I loved him then I would want him to be happy. So, from what I could see he was happy. So I became happy for them, at least that's what I kept telling myself. I was swimming in the river called Denial. And I was drowning and drowning fast.
Years, years past like a leaf falling to the ground in the mid-autumn. I didn't age at all. To be approximate three years passed. And they were still together. I pretty much stayed in my room. Cyborg would come visit me everyday. He brought me food. I only came out to fight crime. I was sad and depressed. I was never happy at all. Well, I tried to be for them. Then it happened. I knew it would happen one day or another. Robin asked her to marry her and she happily accepted his proposal. It broke my heart. I wondered why it hurt so much. I thought I was over him. And I thought I was happy for them. Star fire asked me to be her maid of honor. I didn't want to disappoint her so I accepted. It was her wedding day. Cyborg and Beast Boy where there looking very handsome. But they didn't compare to Richard. He looked very good but knowledge scolded me. I had no right to think about him that way. While waiting for Star to come down the aisle, Robin looked at me. I read his mind. He was feeling regret. And I wondered why. I thought maybe because he thought about marring me. I pushed the idea aside. The wedding came and went. Beast Boy had asked me dance. I was bored stiff so I accepted. While I was dancing with BB I saw Robin give him a scowl. Robin was jealous. But I shrugged the idea to the side he shouldn't be jealous because he was married. I had decided that while on their honeymoon I was going to leave. Not just for a break but forever. I thought that when they came back that I wasn't going too able to stand it. Them being together.
When we got home I packed my bags. I wrote down a letter to each titan. To help them understand why I left. I slipped them under each titan's door. Even for robin and star fire. They would just have to read it when they come back. I left never to come back again. Maybe I'll see them again I thought. And I did, a lot in the newspapers. I even found out that Robin and star fire were trying to have a baby but they couldn't and that star fire didn't want some one else to be their mother. So they didn't have kids. It was because star fire's egg cell couldn't be invaded by robin's sperm cells. I felt bad for them. I had signed up for an audition because I thought I could sing. The judges thought I could and very well, they signed me to their record company. I became Shadow. I didn't want to be recognized by the titans so I died my hair and got contacts. My hair is now black and my eyes are now blue or sapphire. I wrote many songs. Most of my songs were slow-jams rock. One song is called " My Immortal", and another is called "Breathe". I wrote many of them mostly they were about betrayal or love. In pictures I never smile. I know the titans like my songs because they wrote me letters. I wonder if they miss, if he misses me. I wonder if he's happy with her. I wonder if he still loves me. I highly doubt it. If he did still love me he would have looked for me. And I know he didn't I felt that he didn't. I betrayed him because I left and he betrayed me with star fire.
Robin's P.O.V.
I'm sad right now. I'm not happy. Ever since I found out we couldn't have a baby I was disappointed. I miss her so much. She is raven. She was the Raven to my Robin. She had the key to my heart and I betrayed her. She gave me everything. She cared, she listened, she gave me space, and she was what I've always wanted. But I want to know why I fooled around with someone else. Now I'm miserable. I try to move on but I can't. I'm not happy with Star fire. She always wants me to spend time with her. And I can't always do that. I need my space. She's wanted to know everything about me. I told her I couldn't tell her. The only person I ever told personal things to were to Raven. Star fire tells me that I have to we are married. But I pay no mind. I miss Raven so much. I want to hold her. To embrace her, kiss her or just see her again. I miss her so much. I want to be with her again but my chance left years ago. Now all I do is admire Shadow the musician. I admire her because she reminds me of Raven. My, dear sweet Raven. And now it's too late to because she's gone. Gone with the wind. And I want to know why it hurts so much. My conscience told me it was because we were together. I betrayed her with star fire and she betrayed me because she left.
Both robin and raven
I wish I could go back in time and fix my mistakes. I miss her/ him. He/ she was my sun, the moon, the world. I shouldn't have betrayed him/her. I will love you always Raven/ Robin.
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I hope all you rob/rae fans liked my one shot
So please tell me what you think by reviewing my story
O yeah it may look kind of weird on fan fiction cuz I think I did something wrong