I have ZERO control! XD after writing the whole thing with Sully and Elena and putting a little tidbit about Sullys' death, thoughts and details of what happened started to swarm my head so much, I was crying in the middle of my math final because I was thinking of all the things Sully would say to Nate in the moment like that, SOOOOO. You guys get a continuation of a goddamn angel. Or the events before it? Eh-think of it however you want.
"His vitals are weakening. He's most likely not going to make it through tonight so I wouldn't push my luck to see if he does and say your goodbyes now." Dr. McDermott murmured, studying her clipboard sadly as she looked over Sullys' vitals. Nate swallowed and nodded. He figured this was coming; Sully had been slowing down worse than ever in the past months, the once stubborn and agile man having serious issues breathing along with horrible pains throughout his body. He had tried his hardest to play it off-but the day he fell to his knees in their kitchen out of nowhere, Nate and Elena had practically carried him to a hospital to find out that there were very serious problems with Sully.
All his years of getting beaten and inhaling god knows what had caught up. He no longer lived the over exerting life of a treasure hunter like Nate but it seemed he had quit just a little too late. Nate slowly pushed the door to Sullys' room, the un-rhythmic beep of a heart monitor greeting him. He felt his heart sink at the sight of his mentor with tubes in his arms, his chest fighting to rise for a breath.
Nate nearly choked on the noise of sadness that wanted to come out. But he pulled on a brave face and slowly walked over to Sully, the mans' eyes closed. He looked so exhausted. Even in the days he trained Nate he had never looked so wrecked. Nate carefully pulled a chair to sit in before he set his warm one on Sullys' surprisingly cooler one. He had a vague memory of Sully always being warmer than him when he was a kid. It was such a simple thing to remember yet at the moment it seemed more precious than anything.
"Hey Sully." He whispered, not really expecting a response. It had become too much of an effort for him to move or even speak. It was crushing Nate to see Sully in such a state after all the years of watching the man take on men twice his size and being the first to jump off a cliff when things got hairy. He let a small smile spread as he reminisced in a memory of Sully just grabbing him and diving off a cliff without any hesitation-no worries of what might've lurked in the water below. He had always seen Sully as a strong person-physically and emotionally. But now he was fading away after all the years of being Nate's rock –leading and raising him through whatever he faced.
Nate had always wanted to come up with a way to make it up to him but could never find anything that said all he wanted. Thank you, you saved my life, I love you…so much more. And now he had to say goodbye-goodbye to the mans' mischievous grin, to his random stories, to the noogies that hadn't stopped since he was fifteen. He was going to miss it. All of it.
"Hey kid." A breathy, soft voice perked Nate's ears enough for him to meet Sullys' tired grey eyes. It was so painfully obvious that he was suffering, and yet he managed to put a smile on. It wasn't like the special full blown smile that Nate would have loved to see, but it was special all the same. Sully turned the hand Nate had rested his upon to clasp them together gently-weakly.
"H-how are you feeling?" Nate asked in attempt to shake his depressing thoughts for a moment to enjoy his mentors company. It was going to be his last time after all. Sully sighed. Nate hated how defeated and resigned it sounded. But what could he do?
"Not great." he breathed sadly. Nate pursed his lips, wishing he could lie to his friend and tell him he'd make it-that soon he'd be back on his feet and good as new! But Nate always sucked at lying to Sully. So he sat there in out of character silence with nothing to say to bring some sort of happiness to the situation. The beeping of the monitor felt like it symbolized his composition. He was holding out now, but at any moment he would lose his mask. He was a fire cracker. He knew he was lit, but he wasn't sure when the explosion would come. He snapped out of his thoughts when Sully shifted.
"Look-kid. I got some stuff to say." Sully muttered quietly, his grip on Nates' hand tightening. In return Nate closed his other hand around there embrace, mustering up as much control as he could while he met Sullys' glossy eyes. Have you ever felt like your heart literally broke? That if people could see through your chest that they would see the beating organ split in two? That's how Nate felt when he saw resignation in his mentors' eyes. Sully knew his time was up. He knew there was no way out. It was over.
"You and I aren't very… emotional people. We've never been too touchy feely on certain subjects." Nate scooted closer when Sully took a breath. "But I always felt like we had some kind of freaky connection. That day in Cartagena…if someone had told I would pick up a teenage boy off the streets, I would have asked them what they hell they were on. I never imagined having a kid in my life." Sully confessed. Nate momentarily looked away to force down the lump in his throat.
"You…tch, you were a pain in my ass in the beginning. You were-are nearly everything I am. Having an argument with you was as if I was arguing with a mirror. But no matter what I felt this…thing around you. I hate to admit but it scared me. Because I realized you changed stuff about me I never thought I needed to change. You made me rethink how I did things; you put some kind light in my day. Were there days I wanted to chuck you out a window or something? Yes!" Nate chuckled against the threat of tears welling up. "at the end of the day though, you made me smile."
"Sully…" Nate started only to feel Sully tighten his hold on his hand as the only way he could silence him.
"You became something in my life I needed. You weren't my protégé or some random partner-you were mykid. When we went on certain jobs all I could think about was if you were going to be safe. And when things didn't go right I couldn't stop myself from doing certain things that I was sure were going to keep you out of harm's way."
"You got hurt a lot 'cause of that." Nate muttered, flushing at the memories of Sully doing a bit too reckless of actions to keep him from getting seriously hurt. The man had always seemed too tense and jumpy during heavy discussions or when a gun was pointed at Nate.
"Yeah. Kinda stupid but I couldn't help it. The first night with you, I promised I was going to make sure you grew up into a person you could be proud to be. The closer you and I got, the farther you got from that scared little kid so many years ago. You did grow up. Faster than I would have actually liked. Even so-every time I look at you I see the snarky little shit that stole my wallet." Nate smiled and let his forehead rest against their enclosed hands, absorbing every word Sully just uttered. Him and Sully had been through thick and thin together. There were times when he wasn't sure if it was going to end the same all the time. That one day he would lose Sully and become just as lost as he had been before Sully saved him. His eyes flipped open when Sullys' monitor spike the same time he gasped. He immediately clutched on his hand to feel Sully squeeze back.
"You and I have had some great times. And occasionally I would feel selfish and want to have more. But Nate- I was far too aware of my body giving up on me. I knew it was about time for me to quit being Mr. strong as an ox. I kept going anyway like an idiot. And you see where it got me." Sully wheezed, his monitor slowing down at a frightening rate. Nate tried to get rid of the panic sneaking into his body. He had to say what he wanted no or he never would. Because Sully was slipping away faster than he had hoped. He fidgeted in his seat as tears finally won the battle to stream down his face. He soaked in Sullys' face-trying to remember every little detail.
"Sully, I-I..." he whimpered and hung his head as sobs rose up in his throat. He gripped Sullys' hand hard-desperation leaking through the hold. It said the one thing he would never ask. It was far too selfish and greedy. But who doesn't think it when they lose a loved one? Don't go…don't leave me… "I love you, Sully!" he sobbed, the pain in his heart winning over to pull him down into an almost sanity swiping mental state, images of Sully bright, strong, happy-the picture he had seen his twenty years with him. Please don't go... He didn't want to open his eyes. He didn't want to see the opposite of everything he loved. But the harsh, horrible truth was that the image had been appearing for many years. He had been just too blinded by the belief that Sully was unstoppable. Unbreakable. Unbreakable things may not shatter, may not fall apart, but they will crack and where away until their nothing. I'm nothing without you…
"Ngh…!" he choked, never crying as hard as he did that very moment with utter pain and sorrow. He was losing Sully-the one man he truly, honestly trusted his life with, was willing to give his own to-was dying. He didn't want to even out his breathing or stop the flow of tears or even speak. He just wanted to savor the comforting feel of Sullys' rough and calloused hand in his. Because again, it was the last time. For everything. He was sure he was going to hyperventilate. The rabid rise ad fall of his own chest as mournful breaths puffed out faster than he could take in.
"I love you too, Kid. Don't forget that." Sully whispered, his monitor slowing down worse. He gave one more weak squeeze to Nates' hands before his eyelids became too heavy and he had to close them, his breathing slowing to match the monitor. Nate gulped as he hesitantly open his eyes just for a fraction of a second, clenching them back shut. The quivers going through his spine was unlike anything he had dealt with in any of the physical excruciations he had experienced.
"Sully…" He whimpered. "I'll miss you." Nate wished it was all a nightmare-that he would wake up in bed with Elena, the two of them trotting around their apartment in their regular pattern and Sully would come knocking at the door around noon for lunch and hang out. The three of them would decide whether it was a night to get drunk and joke or a night to enjoy a movie. Or better yet-let him wake up fifteen. Let him jerk awake in his single person bed with the smell of Sullys' failed attempts at actually remembering he had food on the stove. Let him pad into their plain kitchen to find a forty year old Sully cursing at the smoking pan, light heartedly glaring at him when he laughed. Just…just make this all nothing but a nightmare. Destroy this reality. Make something that doesn't hurt so much.
Relieve him of the gut wrenching knowledge that he was losing Sully. Give him part of his life back. Don't take one of the few things that built him into the happiness he held. Don't take his rock. Don't take the man that showed him how precious yet flexible life could be. None of this was fair. He would take on a million freaky beasts, a thousand enemies if it meant he could keep Sully. But the sad conclusion was-no matter how much he wished and bribed, no matter how hard he clenched his eyes…it was over. Sullys' feeble heart was going to stop. Those energetic, sharp eyes were going to cloud and became empty. The broad, tough body was going to go limp. And Nate would be left with his memories. The few casual pictures secretly taken by Elena of them together would become the single way he could see Sully so lively as he had been once upon a time. Acceptance was probably the hardest part of a persons' death. Your mind wants to cling to the belief that there alive; that they'll talk and live forever. It's a silly hope people have built to prevent heart break for just a little longer.
The mind is as delicate as the heart; it holds onto opinions and facts as it develops like life preserves. So set on showing everyone that the persons beliefs were true in anything! And when the person is proved wrong it's almost as if the brain itself will break down with being proved wrong. We all have possessive childish thoughts at least once or twice. It's in our nature. We can't fight the primal need of complete control in everything around us. Nate wanted nothing more than to magically cure Sully of whatever was eating away his life and see him live strongly for how long he truly deserved. Sullys' hold was starting to loosen. Tears clouded Nates' vision into a blur of colors, the beeping of the monitor suddenly sounding too loud, the thudding of his heart starting to speed up as Sullys' slowed.
"You were the best father I could have, Sully." he whispered. Sullys' eyes fluttered open for a millisecond before they shut again, his monitor slowing to only a few beats a second. Nate could practically see the life drain out of Sully, everything that made the man who he was leaving his body like it was just a coating and it was melting away with every effortful beat. Sullys' hand went limp in his, his fingers releasing Nates' against his whim. No… The monitor gave a long, endless beep as Sullys' heart screeched to a stop as he sighed out his last breath. Nates' hands found the strength somewhere to clutch to the unresponsive hand to its breakpoint. NO! JUST NO!
*snap* Nate could feel his heart split in two and burst pain through his soul, his eyes drowning in the tears that flooded his vision. Strangely, he couldn't find his voice to scream. And that's all he wanted to do. He wanted to scream like he was fifteen again; a lungful worth of air pushed into one sound to show his anguish and pain to the entire hospital.
But all he could do was tremble. All he could do was grit his teeth and let his tears drip down his face onto the crisp sheets of the hospital bed, not hearing anything but the deadpan of the monitor as if it were mocking him. You know what this means? It means your friends dead. There were so many emotions swimming through his mind that craved a turn to be expressed at that very moment that he found himself paralyzed, vaguely aware of someone coming into the room and a slight pressure on his shoulder. GO AWAY! The urge to shout had his eyes peeling open-rage ramming its head the hardest into his broken heart. The undeniable of blistering heat coursing down his spine, begging to be released upon whoever disturbed him.
"Nate…" the soft, loving voice of Elena eliminated the rage as quickly as it came. His trembling wouldn't stop. Was he having a mental breakdown? It would make some sense-maybe even give him some relief of some kind. He felt Elena place a sweet kiss on the shell of his ear, her smaller hand binding around his bicep. Not in force. Just in the comfort he needed so badly.
"I'm sorry…" she murmured with genuine sympathy and her own amount of sorrow mixed in with his. That's all she could say. She couldn't promise anything, couldn't-and wouldn't- coax him away from his mentor. Because she understood the best thing to do was to leave him be and merely be his life vest. The couple stood there, Nate not letting go of Sullys' hand until a nurse kindly asked them to leave. Their doctor recommended plans for a funeral in a few days. All kings' reigns end at some point. No matter how strong the spirit, the body will win the fight against death. Goodbye old friend. I'll never let you go. Who would have thought farewells could hurt so much.
I'm sorry…I just-I just need a minute. *crawls in corner to sob like a baby * I cried writing this. No joke. Real, thick tears down my face. Doesn't help that I was kinda in the sad part of my playlist. Warning note-don't read this while listening gone away by safety suit. I learned the hard way. You know what? i..i think I'll stick to my humor for a little while longer, yeah? Gonna need it for Sullys' secret. P.S. if you found this and haven't read a goddamn angel, I recommend doing so.