Darcy was typing on her laptop. She was onboard of one of S.H.I.E.L.D. quinjet, on road for the Helicarrier. Coulson, her boss, had sent her directly there, himself going to S.H.I.E.L.D.'s base in New Mexico, where the tesseract was kept.
Darcy had been a bit put off that she wouldn't be able to see Erik again. And that Coulson was once again keeping her from seeing her boyfriend. Her boss seemed pretty keen of her staying away from Clint when he was on duty, especially when his duty was to watch over an alien artifact that had the power to destroy the whole planet. She could get his logic, but that didn't make her happier to be separated from Clint for nearly a month now. She missed him a lot. It didn't help that Jane was buried over her head in her research, and that Natasha had been sent to do something in Russia. She was alone, and her only company was the occasional call from Coulson. She loved her boss, but a girl needs a bit more.
She sighed, and turned back to her computer's screen. She was trying to reason with some agents back at the carrier who were bullshitting her for some reason, and weren't getting at all that she was Phil Coulson's personal assistant. You don't mess with Coulson's assistant. Unless you want troubles with the Man.
She was busy preparing the agent's arrival on the carrier, making sure he wouldn't be bothered by all the trivial things the junior agents seemed to think his responsibility. She had gotten pretty good at scaring them away. She mastered a crossover glare between Clint's and Phil's.
Always effective.
When she boarded on the carrier, currently in the water, she was accosted by Sitwell, who was the responsible agent, since Hill, Fury and Coulson were at the base. It made Darcy uneasy, knowing the three big heads of the Division were at the same place at the same moment. It was too obvious a target. But, it wasn't as if she could do anything about it. The three of them could be pretty stubborn when they were convinced about something. And they were convinced that the tesseract acting up was a good reason to assemble at the base.
She discussed with Sitwell for a while, inquiring about the situation, whether her help was needed or not. Since it wasn't, she asked him to come and get her if anything came by. He nodded, and she took her leave to try and grab a bit of sleep before the big parade came by.
She hadn't been around for long, but she was already respected, even if some people were still wary of a civilian being involved so deeply in the division. Coulson never had any of it, and always said he wanted to work with the best people, and if they were civilians, then so be it.
A few months after, most people knew about her sharp tongue and wit, as well as the over-protective boss and boyfriend.
She let herself fall on the small cot of her room-if it can be called that. It was just next to Clint's, and across Coulson's. Natasha was on the other side, but the spy's sleep schedule was so messed up, they seldom crossed each other, even when they bunked together.
Yes, it happened.
Anyway, she fell asleep as soon as her head touched the pillow. She may not be a soldier herself, but working with Coulson taught her how to grab any sleep she could.
She was wakened up about four hours later when Sitwell came by her room, looking nearly distressed. She went from sleepy to fully awake in a moment, thanking whatever god that was listening that she kept her clothes on. Sitwell was nearly jogging to keep up with her. It never ceased to amaze Clint how fast someone so small could walk. She always said it was a gift.
"They decided to evacuate the base, get everyone to safety, in case the tesseract gets really dangerous."
Darcy shot him an unimpressed look.
"It always was dangerous. The only thing we didn't know was how much. When they say evacuate, what are the chances Coulson will go as well?"
Sitwell shrugged.
"Fury made him and Hill in charge of the evacuation. They'll probably go last."
Darcy pursed her lips, and sighed. She wouldn't have expected otherwise, but still, miracles could happened.
"What about agent Barton?"
Sitwell nearly smiled, but restrained himself, knowing that her boys' safety wasn't, and would never be a laughing matter, no matter how endearing he thought her worry to be.
"Fury will probably keep him with him until he leaves."
Darcy clenched her jaw. Of course, Clint was the best around, Fury would keep him close. Best protection he could dream of.
They arrived on the bridge, where agents were running everywhere. Sitwell tried, and failed, to gain some kind of order. He had a lot of heart, but he missed the cold, hard competency of the most senior agents. Darcy simply went to a quiet computer in a corner, linking herself to the comms, waiting to see what the orders were exactly.
She frowned. She could here Hill and Coulson, but there was no word from Fury. The man wasn't the most talkative usually, but in emergencies, he wanted everything to go the way he wanted, and that implied giving a lot of orders. But there was nothing.
They waited, and waited, and waited. After about ten minutes, there were shouts. Hill and Coulson froze, expecting imminent orders. Suddenly, Fury spoke up. Well, shouted out.
"Run, get the hell out of here, everything is crumbling down!"
Coulson took it in stride, rushing all the people that weren't gone yet, in his quiet and most dangerous voice. Hill, who was apparently in the underground parking lot, spoke up as well.
"Sir, there is an unidentified man down here."
Fury shouted back.
"Stop him! He has the tesseract!"
Hill started running.
"There are some of our people with him, sir."
"I'll explain, but stop them!"
They waited, again. They saw the whole base crumble on itself. They all breathed in relief when the three senior agents copied. Then they all froze back when Fury spoke again.
"Loki stole the tesseract, as well as Doctor Erik Selvig and Agent Barton. If you see any of them, you are to neutralize them on the spot. We are on our way to the base."
The deck turned silent. Everyone looked at her, more of less subtly. Darcy didn't notice, though.
Breathe. She needed to breathe. Her heart had shot to her throat. She reached blindly for her desk, trying to gain some balance. The bridge was swimming around her. Breath, she needed to breath.
Some kind of bad guys managed to get into the super high security top secret base, get the really dangerous alien artifact, and got himself an astrophysicist and an assassin. He got Barton. Clint.
He got Clint. Fucking hell. She breathed unevenly. She needed to calm. She couldn't. Clint. He couldn't have gone willingly.
Not Clint. Clint was the most loyal person she knew. He would have fought. And she couldn't see anyone keeping a hold on Clint when he fought back.
But he got Clint. Clint was gone. Compromised.
He would have fought. He wouldn't have been Clint if he didn't. Clint would never get on the bad side. He spent too much of his life there. He wasn't with that Loki.
But then, why did Fury asked to neutralize him? Did he think Clint went rogue? How could he think that? Not Clint.
Fucking hell. Clint.
She closed her eyes. She took deep breaths in. She needed to calm down. She needed to get a hold on herself. Clint wasn't dead. He was kidnapped. He was a grown man, she needed to relax. She would have to help the bosses as much as she could. That was the only way to help him. She turned around, and went to Sitwell, ignoring the ache in her chest, and forcing herself to talk through her heart that didn't lower from her throat.
Clint would be alright. He had to be. She crossed her arm over her chest, as if it would help her keep it together.
He couldn't die. He couldn't do that to her.
She breathed again. He would be alright. Because he was Clint. Because he was Agent Barton. Because he was Hawkeye.
Because he was her man.
OOOOOO
She was in debriefing. She was standing beside Coulson, since he came in with Captain America. The blond was off somewhere with Natasha, and really, she couldn't care less. The only thing she cared was Clint. And getting him back. For that, she would have to stay with her boss.
When Coulson had arrived, once they were sure no one was around, he had pulled her in a hug, and had whispered in her ear.
"He'll be alright. We'll get him back."
She had nodded again his shoulder. Those who didn't know the man thought him to be hard, cold and inhuman. Very few had the chance to see under the armor. Darcy did. And Darcy loved him for it. Like a weird mix of a father and an uncle. He helped her calm down.
The ache in her chest didn't subside, but she was able to breathe and talk a little easier. Coulson was on their side. Everything would be alright.
Fury looked at them.
"This man, god, whatever, call him as you wish, managed to somehow take control of Barton and Selvig."
Hill frowned.
"Take control?"
Fury nodded grimly.
"He touched them with his scepter, and took control of their mind. Their eyes turned fucked up, like there was stars it them. Then they obeyed to everything he said, volunteering information about us and the facilities. As of now, everything Selvig and Barton knew is considered known by Loki."
Darcy spaced out. Clint was gone. Clint was under mind control. Clint wasn't her man anymore. He was Loki's. Because of some magic.
Her chest felt like it was being cut through. Breathe. She needed to breathe.
Coulson put a calming hand on her leg. She breathed again, a bit easier. They would get him back. They would call Natasha. They would get him back, mind control or not. Because Phil Coulson said they would. Phil Coulson was never wrong. Phil Coulson never lost.
They went to work. Darcy had to organize Natasha's travel back, as well as the team to support her in India when she would stop to get Banner. She needed to prepare the files for Tony Stark. She debriefed Captain America, since Phil was still too far gone to do it himself.
She worked. She breathed. Clint. She breathed. He would be back. Natasha was on her way.
You don't mess with Natasha. You don't mess with Coulson.
Clint would be back. Everything would be alright.
Breathe. She needed to breathe.
She worked. Everything went smoothly. She worked for days. No one heard of Clint. Or Loki. Banner was here. Captain America as well.
Clint wasn't. But they would get him back.
OOOOOOOO
They saw Loki. He attacked someone in Germany. Clint wasn't there. It didn't matter. They would find him. Coulson was angry.
Captain America went to fight. Because he is a hero. She knew that despite everything, despite all he worried about, Coulson was excited to see Captain America fight. She was happy he had something to be happy for. She didn't. Maybe she was too green at this stuff.
But Clint was over there. So she breathed. And she worked. They got Loki. Iron Man came to help. They learned later some kind of science lab had been robbed. Guards were killed by arrows.
Clint was alive. He was under mind control. But he was alive.
He would hate himself. But they would get him back. Because Natasha and Phil were pissed off. Because Iron Man and Captain America fought for them. Because Banner would find the tesseract.
Thor arrived. He hugged her. He was happy to see her again. Darcy was happy too. A bit. She could breath. Her chest hurt a little less. Or she had gotten used to it. She didn't know, she hugged Thor back. It was familiar. It reminded her of a time before Clint. She had lived then. She could live now.
Coulson always stayed near from her. He was worried. He thought she was overworking herself. Like he could talk. But she wasn't overworking. She needed to find him back. She breathed. And she helped Clint. She needed to help him. To do something.
She breathed. When she was alone, her chest hurt so much she wasn't sure she was alive anymore. But she was. And Clint too.
They would get him back. Because they had Natasha, and Coulson, and Iron Man, and Captain America, and Thor, and Banner. They would get him back. And she would help. So she worked. When she worked, she could forget she was in pain.
Days were a daze. She did what she was told. Natasha came to see her sometimes, when she needed someone who understood her angst. Natasha loved Clint like a brother. Darcy loved him like the man of her life. It wasn't a contest of who loved him more. It was a meeting of people who were in pain. Because Clint wasn't there. Because Clint wasn't himself anymore. Because Clint would hate himself when they would get him back.
Clint wasn't there. She breathed.
Fury had trouble with the team. They were too strong, too intelligent, and too stubborn. Fury wanted Coulson to reason them. He tried. Darcy was there. He tried, but he was so busy, and they were so angry. He tried and Darcy breathed. Because they had to help. They had to get Clint back.
OOOOOOOO
She was on the bridge, helping technicians track down Loki, when the carried exploded. She was thrown down. She activated her comms.
She heard Stark and the Captain work on the carrier. She heard the gun shots. She heard Banner hulk out and chase down Natasha. She heard Thor who went to the prison where Loki was kept. Because they were here to break Loki out. Everyone knew it.
She hadn't heard from Coulson. She didn't like it. She wasn't surprised. He often did his ninja number when he went out on the field. But she didn't like it. She didn't ask. She didn't want to get him in trouble.
She breathed. It was Coulson. He would be alright.
Then she heard it. Barton. Clint was here. Fury said it. Clint was here, and he was going to group with Loki. Natasha copied. She was going after him.
Darcy breathed. Natasha would get him back. Coulson would be alright. Clint was here. Darcy breathed. Her chest ached less. Everything would be alright.
No one said anything for a long time. Then they saw the cell had been released. They all hoped Loki was still in there. But they didn't know. No one said anything. They breathed. Darcy didn't. She didn't like silence. That's why she talked so much. Silence is emptiness. Silence is an ache in her chest.
Natasha spoke. She had knocked Clint down. He was here. He was unconscious, but he was here. With her. With Natasha. With Coulson. They would get him back to them. They would get him out of Loki's control. Clint was here. She breathed. Her chest didn't ache anymore.
Coulson was still silent, but she knew he would be happy. They got Clint back. Coulson would be.
"Fury here. Coulson is down."
Silence. Darcy hated silence. Sitwell spoke.
"Medical on their way, sir."
Darcy waited. She wasn't there. She was gone. Coulson. He couldn't be down. Not Coulson. He couldn't.
"They're here. They called it."
Her chest was ripped open, a giant open wound. She fell to her knees. Coulson was dead. No. No. NO! Coulson couldn't die. He couldn't leave them. He couldn't leave her.
Coulson. He died. How? Why? Was there any good reason for him to die? Coulson.
She hugged herself. She could almost feel her blood flow. She had to bleed. It hurt too much, there had to be a real wound somewhere. It couldn't hurt that much without it. Her heart couldn't hurt her that much.
Coulson was gone. Clint wasn't with her. Clint was probably not hers anymore. He had been Loki's. That why he was there.
Coulson died because of Loki. Coulson died because Clint came here, to free Loki. Clint would hate himself. Coulson was dead. Darcy hurt. So much. The world was spinning. She didn't care. Hadn't it always spun? Coulson wasn't there anymore.
She didn't breathe. She needed to. She couldn't. Maybe her lungs had been ripped out as well. She didn't know. She hugged herself tighter. She had to hold herself together. She had to find the man who did this. The man who cause Coulson's death. The man who was controlling Clint. The man who was destroying her life bit by bit. She would find him. She would make sure he didn't hurt anyone else.
It hurt. She needed to breathe. She couldn't.
Someone crouched beside her. Put a hand on her shoulder. Coulson. Coulson did that. Coulson reassured her.
"Come, let's get you somewhere comfortable. Romanoff was bringing Barton in."
It wasn't Phil. It was a woman. Coulson was dead. He was gone. Hill was there. Hill was leading her away, a hand on her shoulder. To Clint. Clint was alive.
Clint would hate himself. Clint would need her. She needed Clint. Coulson was dead.
Clint was alive. She breathed. The world stopped spinning. Her chest was still torn open. But she breathed. Clint was here.
Clint was alive.
Natasha was already in the room. Natasha was cold. Clint was lying in the bed. Restrained. Maybe he was still Loki's. Maybe he was hers again.
But he was here. He was alive. Coulson wasn't. Clint breathed. She breathed.
Hill went away. Coulson was dead. She was second in command now. Hill was strong.
Natasha wrapped an arm around Darcy's shoulder, hugging her and bringing her to Clint.
"He shouldn't be out too long. When he wakes up, you need to look his eyes."
Darcy nodded. She knew his eyes. They were so beautiful. He would open them. Coulson wouldn't. Coulson was dead. Clint wasn't. Clint was alive. Maybe Clint was hers again.
She waited. With Natasha. The carrier was running again. They had lost Thor and Hulk. Thor fell with the cell, Loki had tricked him. Hulk had jumped. They were gone. Coulson too.
She waited. She breathed. Natasha breathed, Clint breathed. They were alive. They were here. Her chest ached. She breathed. She could breath. It hurt. But she could.
Clint twitched. They tensed. They didn't struggled. He fought against the restraints. He shouted. And slowly. Slowly, he calmed down. Slowly, he relaxed, his voice getting weak. He breathed. She breathed. Natasha breathed. He opened his eyes. For real. He saw her. She breathed. He stopped doing so. He spoke, weary and wary.
"Darcy?"
His eyes were normal. So magnificent. So human. So Clint. She breathed. She kissed him. He sighed. Her chest ached a bit less. It hurt, but not for Clint anymore. Clint was hers. Phil was gone. Clint was back. Clint was safe.
She gave a little sob against his lips.
They wouldn't tell him. Not right away. He would hate himself.
"How many?"
He already hated himself. She could see it. For not being stronger. For not fighting it. For not succeeding in fighting it. He hated himself. She didn't want that. She loved him. He was hers. She was his.
"Don't do this to yourself."
She was glad Natasha was there. Clint was there. He hated himself. He would, no matter what they said. But Natasha understood. Darcy couldn't. Darcy loved him. Darcy stayed by his side, and held his hand. But she couldn't understand.
They wouldn't tell him Coulson was dead. Not until he stopped blaming himself for everyone else's deaths.
She breathed. She felt him breath. Coulson didn't breath anymore. He went to the bathroom. She didn't like it. He was away. Coulson was away. Coulson was dead. Clint wasn't. But he was away.
Steve came. He wanted to fight Loki. For Phil. For Coulson. He needed Natasha's help.
He needed Clint's.
Clint was going away. To fight the man who killed Coulson. Darcy breathed. She had to breath. They needed to fight him. They needed to defeat him. Clint was going to go. To stop blaming himself. To stop hating himself.
They went to the jet. She grabbed Clint's arm. She kissed him. She needed him. She needed to breathe. He was going away. Coulson was away.
"Don't die."
He whispered.
"I won't."
"Please. Don't die. Come back to me."
He hugged her.
"I'll come back, Darcy, I swear."
"I love you."
"I love you too."
He was gone. She went to the bridge. She seated herself. She knew they were looking at videos of what happened, of where Loki was. But she didn't see.
Phil was gone. Clint was gone.
She breathed.
Phil was dead. Clint wasn't.
Clint would be back. He had to be back. He told her he would be back. He loved her. He was hers.
She breathed.
They found Loki. And Erik. Thor was there. They fought. Aliens. Aliens were there. Clint was shooting. Clint was alive. She breathed. They fought. Loki was strong. But they fought him well. Clint was alive. Natasha was alive.
She breathed. Coulson was dead. Coulson was away. Clint was away.
She hurt. Her chest hurt. But her lungs were back. She breathed. She was still bleeding.
But Clint was alive.
They won. They close the portal. The alien died. Everyone was alive.
Except Phil. Phil was dead. Phil was gone. Clint was alive. Clint was away, but he was coming back. To her. Because he loved her. Because he was hers. Because she was his.
Loki went back to Asgard. With Thor. Clint was back. Clint took her in his arms. Clint held her while she cried. For the first time. It hurt. Natasha told him. Told him Phil was dead.
Clint hated himself. He held Darcy tighter. She cried. Phil was dead. Clint was alive. Clint was hers.
Clint was alive.
Clint was there.
Clint was hers.
OOOOOOO
She became Hill's personal assistant. Hill was very competent, almost as much as Coulson. She didn't try to take Phil's place, even if she could take Coulson's. Darcy loved her for it. They got along well. Hill understood Darcy's pain, and didn't try to push her. Darcy was thankful.
She had stopped bleeding. She didn't ache as much. She was healing. Clint was there, alive, hers. It mattered. The living mattered more than the dead. She was healing. She missed Phil. She missed him a lot, a constant throbbing in the back of her mind.
But Clint was there. Natasha was there. Jane was there. Jane was angry she didn't get to see Thor. Erik was there.
Phil was there as well. Phil was all over S.H.I.E.L.D. He was everywhere in her life, and it hurt less and less.
She read some of her old childhood book. She found something that would stick with her for the rest of her life.
"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."
So she did. She smiled. Because Phil would have wanted that. Phil would have been happy the Avengers saved the world. He would have been happy they got Clint back.
She smiled because Phil was dead, not gone. Not away. He would never be. Because she knew him. Because she had the extraordinary luck of knowing him. And that was all that mattered.