A Brick and a Deathwish
A Fan Story by Slade 16
AN: Do not own AWTR, please don't sue
It's been so long ago now. I've never really had that joie de vivre of my younger days come back. A longing ache pains me, more than anything I've ever experienced. Mostly regret, that horrid word of self-loathing. If only… those words haunt me like her dead body, that agonizing day… I want to throw it all away. If I had only come to my senses and found out whom she really was. She was my first true love, and I know she knows it somehow. I just wish there was something I could've done, anything at all… but I was helpless. Just like I am now. She was the strong one, facing her fears while I recoiled. Damn it Jamie, damn it… how could you always be so strong? Closing my eyes, I feel the warmness trickle down my eyes once again. I can't help it, I can't… Jamie, my sweet, lovely as always when I think of you. I wish I could have been the one instead.
You didn't deserve any of this…
I think of the few precious moments we had together and the joy just wells up inside me, but then is soon replaced by irrevocable despair. You were the only one I ever needed in my life. I pick up the brick I had in my hands, the one from the house when it was torn down after the Reverend's death. It has the smell of memories so long ago. I drop to my knees and dive from the pier where love was gained and lost.
Jamie, I'm coming…