Toa Hewkii: The Spectacular SpiderFan Chapter 1 The Madness Begins, a bionicle fanfic

Its:

Toa Hewkii:

The Spectacular Spider-Fan!!!

Spider-Fan, Spider-Fan

Does whatever a Nut-job can

Names a price, Oversized

Served with Beef, just like Fries

Look out! Here comes the Spider-Fan!

Is he strong? Quite Contrar!

He got zapped by a big Red Star.

Can he swing from a chain?

Take a look at that Sprain.

Aw man, there goes the Spider-Fan!

When the Piraka are on the run,

When Brutaka's on the hunt

When Lego's profits are in the slump

If licensing permits he would show up!

Spider-Fan, Spider-Fan

Friendly Marketing-Ploy Spider-Fan

Wealth and fame, Lego Gets

Signing-off is his regret

To him, life is a great big bang-up

Wherever there are Sale's-up

You'll find the Spider-Fan!

Announcer: Toa Hewkii will be right back!

Axonn: Hi, I'm Axonn. And when I need to protect the Mask of Life and allure all the hot Ga-Girls, there's only one thing I use. Axonn™ spray!! It helps you get an edge on life!

Gali approaches.

Gali: Hey you big hunk of a guardian, can you restore my sight?

Axonn: Sure thing, babe.

flash, shzaoww

Gali: Thanks. See you around.

Axonn: y'See what this stuff can do! Try it today.

Riculously Fast-Speaking Announcer: Also available in Axonn™ Deo.

Axonn: With Axonn™, get your Ax - Onn!

Announcer: And now back to Toa Hewkii.

Encounter on Aisle-U-Lon 5

written by Toa Koran

Hewkii: Captian's log stardate: 10-11-2006, I'm on route to Aisle 5 on the Voya Nui Walmart (dang, their everywhere!) in order to find the new Bionicle fans that Greg has talked about. Rumor has it that Thok may be there, I wonder what I will find-

Lawyer on Loudspeaker: Hewkii! Mega Bloks has Trekie rights! Oh, and cleanup on Aisle 5.

Hewkiimind: Ha, I knew he got the boot after the copyright finanza that followed after the Spider-Fan's creation. Hahahhahahahaha- wait. Aisle 5, as in Bionicle 5?

Loudspeaker: that is correct.

Hewkiimind: must not think about the many stupid security devices enclosed in this building that violate privacy after Vezon stole the Mask of Life

Vezon: So, um, uh, that's a cool mask there security guard.

Spit: Normally I'd try to stop you, but considering how much is enclosed in my paycheck here, and how they will son replace me with either cheap labor, or mind reading security equipment, I don't care.

Vezon: Yes, hahahahahahahahaha-

thud

Vezon is crushed by a 16 ton weight,

screeeeeeeeeech Kur-thud

...and Fenrak.

Spit: I'm going back to the Ta-Koro Burger-Shack. Not because it's under lava, looks to audience but because you guy's need to know it was there first.

Hewkii still in mind!?: ...I must find Aisle 5!

Hewkii: Alright! now, where is Aisle 5? Gasp!

realizes Aisle 5 is on the completely other side of the Wal-mart

Hewkii: I must get over there! what would a Kamikaze Watermelon fanfare "weeee!" splat do in at a time like this? Oh wait, I know! I'll-

Hewkii along with quartette: Do whatever a nut-job can!!!

Hewkii: Alright! Chain don't fail me now! Yah!

chain latches onto rafters

Hewkii: Hah!! smashes into sign ungh. whomp

Vectorman: You ok, man?

Hewkii: Hey, get outa here, you!! We got enough cult shows and video games visiting our world already! walks off, ax and chain stuck to Vectorman grumbles you'd think they'd stop at Kingdom Hearts but now EVERY universe is crossing ova- thud Uh, oh, sorry. Forgot your a magnabot.

Vectorman: Oh, it's ok. We're cool.

Hewkii: Good. Oh, and I liked your PS2 game. Sorry it got canceled. you know, you and Master Chief-

Vectorman: Yeah, yeah I know. Oh, and bring me back, Sega. At least Koran knows who I am.