Harry Potter Goes to Japan
DISCLAIMER:((READ)) WE DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS MENTIONED IN THIS STORY. EX. HARRY POTTER, THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA, ETC.
CH. 1 Hogwarts
Harry Potter was sitting in the Common Room, moping about his life, when suddenly; Hermione approached him, screaming at the top of her lungs, "Harry, I have foundith thee a cure to your 'little problem'!" Harry faced her and snarled, "I don't NEED your cure! I am happy with my depressions as they are!" The Common Room went quiet and everyone stared at Harry. "Mind your own business or I'll speak Parseltongue!" Harry spat. Hermione frowned with her hands on her hips and said, "Harry, have you taken THE MEDICATION today?" "How can you tell?" asked Harry, as he stuffed his head under the pillow.
"Here, take this…" Hermione sighed.
"I DON'T WANT THE MEDICATION, WOMAN!"
Hermione yelled, "Ronnikins tell Harry to take THE MEDICATION or else we'll force him to watch Gilmore Girls Season 1 through 5."
Harry's eyes widened. "Oh, no! Not Gilmore!"
Harry snatched the bottle from Hermione's hands and drank it all in one gulp.
Hermione exclaimed, "Harry, no! You were only supposed to take a drop!"
"Say what?"
POOF
Chapter 2: The Mononoke (mo-no-no-KAY) forest
Harry groaned. The sky was a mix of funny colors and stars. "Uh, where am I?" asked Harry, rubbing his forehead. "Hermione, where's Gilmore?" Harry blinked and looked around more closely. He was in a forest, a dark forest with many unidentified noises. "Ron is that you? You didn't eat the beans again, did you? Cause if you did, I'll tell Hermione to get the toilet paper!" Suddenly, the forest was silent. "I hope your not being 'silent but deadly', Ron." Suddenly, a giant white wolf appeared, snarling his head off. Harry froze, forgetting he was a wizard.
"Hey…are you related to Sirius?"
" Sirius? Who the heck is Sirius?" asked the wolf, himself forgetting he had orders to kill any human he saw.
"Oh, Sirius, you've come back from the dead! I knew you'd never leave me!"
"Silence you fool! I do not know any 'Sirius' you speak of!"
Harry ran and gave the wolf a gigantic hug. "What the-get off me you fool, I'll stink of human." Harry held on tight. Suddenly, San, the Princess Mononoke of the wolves arrived. "My brother, why are you embracing a human?"
'What? San, no! It's not what it looks like!"
"Yes it isssss!" Sighed Harry.
San held up her spear and said, "Tell me who you are, human! Why are you in my forest? And what's with the stick?" The wolf pulled away from Harry, whimpering behind San. "And tell him to stop hugging me!"
Harry began to cry, "What, Sirius, you mean your NOT alive? NO! That's twice!" Harry collapsed on the ground and began to cry. San, pitying the boy, sighed, "It is alright. Tell me who you are."
"I am Harry Potter, the chosen freak who lived. This stick is a wand, this is a terrible misunderstanding. I was taking THE MEDICATION and suddenly, I landed here and saw Sirius."
"I AM NOT SIRIUS!"
"What is a wand?" Asked San, "Is it a human device used to destroy my forest?"
Harry stood up and readjusted his glasses. "What? No, I use it to do magic. See?" Harry held up his wand and shouted, "AVADA KEDAVRA!" The spell hit San, but she didn't die.
"I feel a tingling sensation in my head. Hmm, I like it. Do it again, Human."
Harry raised his wand. "OK you asked for it. AVADA KEDAVRA." The spell shot out of his wand and hits 'Sirius' in the face. "NO SIRIUS!"
"Stop calling me Sirius! I'm not serious at all!" 'Sirius' spat.
Harry was about to shout again, but instead asked San, "Who are you?"
San held up her spear and said in a mighty voice, "I AM SAN, PRINCESS MONONOKE OF THE WOLVES! THIS IS MY FOREST WHERE NO HUMANS ARE ALLOWED!" San lowered her spear and then snarled, "You are a human yourself! I should have slaughtered you before!"
"What? Wait, no! You see, technically I am a wizard, not a human, so you CAN'T slaughter me!"
San pondered this for a moment and said, 'You are right. I won't harm you."
But the action wasn't over. At that second, the bushes rustled again, and a giant gold lion with a huge mane and a voice like Matthew Broderick's jumped into the circle. "San, San, I have news for you!"
"What is it Simba?"
"Well, I was out looking for Scar, and I saw a human with a mask! It was petrifying!"
"I thought Scar was dead." 'Sirius' said.
"SCAR IS NEVER DEAD!" roared Simba.
San turned to gaze at Harry, but Harry was already running in the direction Simba had come, shouting at the top of his lungs. "DEATH EATERS! DEATH EATERS! MUST-KILL-THEM!"
San sighed and ran off after Harry.
"Come on, Sirius!" Commanded Simba.
"I AM NOT…oh, forget it…"
CH 3. The Phantom of the…No, wait, just the Phantom.
Harry was running and screaming, San, Simba, and 'Sirius' at his heels.
But then, Harry bumped into something hard and steely and fell to the ground. "Hey… since when are there trolls in the woods?"
"I am not a troll, you stupid child."
Harry slowly looked up to meet eyes with a man with jet-black hair, icy-blue eyes, and a white mask covering half his face. Harry's heart filled with anger and he shot up, shouting,
"DEATH EATER! KILLER OF THE INNOCENT! BLOOD-THIRSTY MURDERER! I'D MURDER YOU IF I COULD!"
"Harry, I thought you could do magic." San said.
"THAT'S RIGHT! BASK IN YOUR FEAR! FOR YOU ARE FACING THE ONE, THE ONLY HARRY POTTER!"
"Who is 5'3, 120 lbs, and is stupid and feeble. Whilst I am 6'2, 222 lbs, and am a super-genius and have super-muscles from strangling al-Qaeda members." The Phantom said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.
"THAT'S CORRECT! AND AS YOU CAN SEE, THE ODDS ARE IN MY FAVOR! AS I HAVE A WAND!"
"Harry, you can stop yelling." Moaned San.
"NO! I WON'T STOP YELLING UNTIL HE ADMITS HE KILLED MY FATHER!"
A misty look came over the visible part of the Phantom's face. "Harry, I AM your Father."
"What? NOOOOOOOOO!"
San put her head in her hand and mumbled something before sizing up the Phantom, who appeared to be enjoying Harry's bawling immensely.
As fast as the wind, San picked up her spear and pointed it at the Phantom's six-pack belly.
"Listen here, Phantom, either you tell us what you are doing in MY forest or else I shall poke you!"
"Alright, alright," sighed the Phantom, picking up Harry by his robes and plopping him at his feet. "I am not your father Harry, sorry to disappoint, but am the Phantom. And I am here looking for you! You see, I need your help in defeating the biggest idiot there is. His name is…" the Phantom shivered.
"Voldemort?"
"Human?"
"Scar?"
"Monkey?"
"NO!" The Phantom gasped, "It is-- Raoul!"
Harry screamed and collapsed on the ground.
An awkward silence, then the Phantom continued. "Raoul is a very bad man. He stole my only love from me, and is now using his ridiculously large fortune to take over the world and start his own chain of fast-food restaurants with a mascot even scarier than Burger King's!"
San, Simba, and 'Sirius' gasped.
Harry, however, awoke, and said "I'm okay…I thought I heard someone say…"
"Raoul?" 'Sirius' snickered as Harry collapsed once again.
"Stop that!" snapped San. "What can we do to help, Mr. Phantom? As you are obviously not human."
"Stop making fun of me!" cried the Phantom.
"Sorry."
"I'm alive!"
"Ra-"
"Sirius!"
"Okay, you can help me by defeating Ra-I mean HIM before he starts any of this! But I'll need all of your help. So, who's in?" The Phantom said, putting in his hand.
"I am!" said San.
"I am!" said 'Sirius'.
"I am!" said Simba.
"I am!" said Harry, "On the count of three, DEFENCE! Okay, one, two…"
Everyone was giving him a look. "What? Aren't we playing Quidittch?"
"NO!"
But at that moment, the bushes rustled again, and the Phantom whispered. "It's not safe to discuss our plan here, HIS spies could be anywhere."
"Whose spies?" Asked Harry, who had been inspecting his fingernails throughout most this speech.
The Phantom rolled his eyes and said under his breath, "You naïve little boy… But I do know a place we can go. And it's owned by a man who's even richer than HIM! But just as big an idiot…"
"Who?"
The Phantom paused, and then whispered softly,
"Mister. Bingley."
And Harry collapsed on the ground.