DISCLAIMER: I still do NOT own any of the main characters but maybe one day Santa will put Artie in my stocking!
AN: Thanks yet again Cal Gal and CAP!! If you will excuse the niceties…you ladies are the best! Hope you found my prezzie…
THE NIGHT OF THE MIXED UP MIND
"Hey, Jim, you here?" Artemus Gordon, Secret Service Agent for the United States Government, called to his partner James West.
"Yeah, Artie, I'm back here!" he shouted, Artemus went through the train to the weapons room.
"We just got a telegram from Washington…" Artie said trying to hide his glee.
"Oh great, we're already on the way at top speed what more can they want?" Jim wondered.
"Nothing much, just a change in our schedule," by now Artemus was grinning form ear to ear.
"Change? Okay, where are we headed?"
"Phoenix," came the reply.
"Arizona? Why there…there's not much there but a mill and the beginnings of a town," Jim wondered.
"And don't forget lakes."
"Lakes? What has lakes got to do with our assignment?"
"Nothing. We're just the transportation detail on this run."
"Who or what are we transporting?"
"President Grant. All we have to do is drop him off for some silly city ceremony. He will have his own guards for this trip."
"Artie…what about the lakes…get to the lakes."
"Lakes? Oh yeah. After we drop him off in Phoenix we have to wait around for a few days and take him back to Washington. In the meantime he said we get to get in as much fishing as we want. And I've been told they have some great lakes in the area," Artie informed him, his grin reaching from ear to ear.
"And you do have that new fishing pole you rigged up that you're just dying to try out. And I don't suppose a new town like Phoenix will have much in the way of female companionship to offer so yeah, pal, that sounds like a plan to me."
"Great! We'll be in Washington tomorrow to pick up Grant and his troupe and then head for Phoenix and what I hope will be some of the best fishing ever," Artie turned and left, leaving Jim shaking his head at his partner.
Just as much as Artemus loved the President's company he was beginning to detest the presence his entourage. Being followed night and day on the small train was beginning to take its toll on him. These agents must be new, he thought, but someone better tell them to back off. We're on a moving train and we ARE fellow agents for Pete's sake. One more of these bozos tries to follow me to the WC and I'm going to lose my cool. Artemus glared at his shadow from across the varnish car, the glare was not lost on the President.
"Artemus," Grant spoke, "join me outside for a moment won't you?" He rose and went out to the "porch" and Artemus followed.
"Yes, sir?" Artemus asked hesitantly.
"I have noticed you don't seem to like certain members of my troupe," Grant stated flatly.
"It's not that sir…"
"Come now, Artemus. You think I didn't catch those daggers you were throwing with your eyes back there? If you have some reservations I'd like to hear them."
"Not reservations exactly, sir, just…well…I just don't understand why they have to follow Jim and I around. It's not like we're strangers," Artemus' irritated expression was not lost on the President.
"What do you mean?"
"Sir, I don't want to whine…but they follow us everywhere. And I do mean EVERYWHERE! We can't eat, sleep or even use the facilities without a tail. My tail in particular seems to be particularly dedicated to his task. He even insists on checking the WC before AND after I use it," Artemus spat angrily causing Grant to realize he needed to stop this before things got out of hand.
"I had no idea they were being so…diligent. I'll speak to them right away. There is no need whatsoever for them to keep you and Mr. West under tabs."
"Thank you, sir. I would really appreciate that."
"Artemus?" Grant said as Artie turned to go back in.
"Yes, sir?"
"These past few months have been especially hard on you and Mr. West. I hope you have something relaxing planned for your stay in Phoenix."
"Yes, sir, we're going fishing," Artie replied with a slight smile.
"Well, that should be relaxing for you two, Lord knows you deserve it. And do try to stay out of trouble," Grant smirked.
"Sir, we're only going fishing…what can happen on a simple fishing trip?"
"When it's you two doing the fishing I shudder to think about it," they returned to the varnish car and Artie went to his lab leaving the President to his discussion with the agents.
The remainder of the trip to Phoenix was relatively pleasant as far as Jim was concerned. The talk the President had with the men had at least gotten them to back off a little. And Jim had found other things to occupy his time like getting ready for the fishing trip with Artie. Jim was still rather puzzled by his partner's behavior of late. Artie had calmed down some after Grant's talk but Jim could sense something was still bothering him. He hoped whatever it was Artie could at least forget about it for a few days while they went fishing. A vacation, even a couple of days, is more than we've had in a long time maybe that's what's bothering Artie, Jim thought. Oh well, once he gets a pole in his hands I'm sure he'll be fine. Jim went back to cleaning his guns and checking his equipment.
The train pulled into Phoenix early in the morning just as the sun was rising. Jim and Artie had their mounts waiting and took off as soon as they were dismissed. Grant tried to hide his grin as he watched them scramble to get away from his agents as quickly as they could.
"Jim…" Artie began hesitantly.
"Yeah, Artie?" Jim hoped that now was when his partner would finally confide in him what has been bothering him.
"What do you think about the Hardin thing?"
"Hardin?" Jim questioned, I hope this isn't what's bothering him.
"Yeah, you know, Bat Masterson chasing John Wesley Hardin all over the place for the past ten years. It's kind of like us and Loveless," his partner seemed especially pensive.
"Hmm, I never thought about it but I guess you could see it that way. Is this what's been bothering you for the past week or so?"
"Kind of silly I guess, but yeah. I mean look at Loveless. Every time we catch him he manages to find a way to escape. We keep chasing after him and putting him behind bars and he just keeps escaping. What's the point?"
"Wow, pal, this really has you upset," Jim looked at his partner.
"Yes, it does. I mean what's the point in getting ourselves tortured, shot at, beaten up, hypnotized, and lord knows what else if ends up the same way every time?"
"It's our job, pal. Maybe where Loveless is concerned our job is to put him in jail and his job is to get out. Call it job security." Jim chuckled trying to lighten his friend's increasingly dark mood.
"That's just the point, Jim. Why keep doing the job if we can't get the job done right the first time? What we need is a fool proof plan to get these men behind bars and keep them there for good," The look of determination on Artie's face worried Jim.
"We do our job by putting them behind bars. It's not our job to see that they stay there." They rode on in silence.
It took the better part of the day to reach the lake Artie had picked out and they were tired as they dismounted and made camp. Artie cooked some beans and bacon they had brought along "just in case" they didn't catch anything. Jim got the horses settled and brought extra wood for the fire. They sat quietly eating, neither wanting to break the first bit of peace and quiet they had had in a while. Finally Artie broke the silence.
"I'm going to turn in, Jim. I want to get an early start tomorrow."
"Yeah that's not a bad idea, pal. I think I'll join you," Jim put more wood on the fire and went to the lean-to they had constructed and soon both were sound asleep.
They woke the next morning and ate a hasty breakfast. Artie doused the fire and secured their campsite. Even though they were miles from anywhere he would feel safer with their belongings safely tucked away. They decided they wouldn't need their horses so they fed them and left them tied to the tree. The men grabbed their poles and bait and left the campsite.
"Hey, Artie," Jim said with a twinkle in his eye, "bet I get more than you."
"Not on your life, Jim. With my new pole you don't stand a chance," Artie smiled back at his partner.
"A date complete with champagne AND lovely ladies supplied by the loser says I do," Jim smiled at his partner.
"All right, you're on. I think I'll go over this way and make my way around the lake. Wouldn't want you sneaking any fish out of my creel," Artie winked.
"See you at lunchtime, loser," Jim replied as he shook his head and chuckled.
Artie scanned the area before him. He had thought he had seen several fish jumping on the surface of the lake as he worked his way over to a rock. He scrambled to the top of the rock and looked into the waters below. Ah, yes, fish and plenty of them! Eat your heart out James, that all expenses paid date is mine! He said to himself as he dropped his line into the water. All he had to do now was wait for them to start taking his bait. He pulled his hat over his head to shield him from the sun, which was beginning to climb its way up.