I look over as a Chevrolet leaves my friend Jessica's house. The man in the front seat looks familiar. Like a past that was long forgotten. A past meant to be forgotten. It's amazing to think that just three years ago I had left the one I loved for someone more worthwhile; someone who could make me happy. The roar of the engine is still fresh in my mind as I watch my new husband play with my children. My tan, blue eyed children who act so much like their father that it's not even funny. They had the same bright smile that could brighten anyone's day. Same skin and hair color. Chloe was the one who had his chocolate brown eyes. Then I realize that the man in the front seat is familiar. He has the same strong frame and cheek bones that will mark my son when he becomes a teenager. The same russet skin that both of my children have been blessed with. Then it occurs to me that the man in the front seat is none other than Jacob Black, my ex husband.

Story of my life

Searching for the right

But it keeps avoiding me

Sorrow in my soul

Cause it seems that wrong

Really loves my company

I couldn't believe it. How did he know I still lived in this house? I thought that when our divorce was finalized that he wasn't allowed over here anymore. Guess I should have known that this was going to happen eventually. Story of my life. Ever since that day I have been trying to search for the right but nothing comes to me. I do not regret marrying Edward but I still feel sorrow whenever I think of Jacob. Jacob was a healthy choice for me, but Edward was like my personal brand of heroin. So I cheated. It was wrong to yes, but it was like Edward was calling to me. Like he was the air that I breathe; nothing mattered but him. Suddenly Jacob was nothing to me, Edward was my singer and no one else mattered but him. Like an imprint. I don't know what possessed me to do the unthinkable but something did and I liked it. I liked it a lot.

He's more than a man

And this is more than love

The reason that the sky is blue

The clouds are rolling in

Because I'm gone again

And to him I just can't be true

It all started on a summer day. Chloe and Bently were at Billy's house while Jacob and I went to work. This was just one of those days where my boss really ticked me off and I really needed a break. So as a surprise Jacob picked me up from work and took me out for lunch at the local diner. We talked about everything: the kids, work, life and the future. We didn't even realize what time it was until Angela texted me saying to get back to work otherwise the boss was going to fire me. To make things easy Jake went to go pay for our meal while I finished my glass of ice tea. That's when it happened; the waiter brought me a napkin that had Call me written on it with a number.

"Who's this from," I asked the waiter. He simply pointed behind him and that's when my eyes met the most beautiful being I had ever seen in my life. He waved and smiled a crooked grin before chatting idly with I guessed to be his brother. For a moment there they looked like twins. They had pale white skin, topaz eyes, and they seemed to even walk the same. They looked so elegant. So, formal. Definitely not my type, but I was attracted to him for some reason. It was like he was calling out to me. Jacob returned at that moment and I quickly put the napkin in my pocket. I would have to give this stranger a call when my husband wasn't around.

"Give me a call if something happens. I'll be over here in a heartbeat," says Jacob as he kisses my cheek. I give him a smile and kiss his lips before nodding my head and exiting the Rabbit. I had to the most perfect husband in the world and I blew it all with a phone call. The stranger's name was Edward and he wanted to go out with me on Saturday night; out to Seattle, for a nice dinner and some dancing. I wasn't the one for dancing, but this man made me optimistic.

"Who are you getting all dolled up for? Another man," joked Jacob when he saw me getting ready. I faked a grin. If he only knew I thought as I applied some lip gloss and wrapped my arms around his waist.

"Jessica and Angela want to go out clubbing. They've been planning a girl's night and just now invited me."

"Be careful, love," he says. He was always scared that some other man would snatch me up and for once he had a right to think like that.

"I will. Make sure the kids eat at 6, bath time is at 6:30 and bed is at

7:20."

He nods as he kisses me and wishes me a good time as I grab my keys from the key rack. Almost excited at the fact that he hasn't noticed that the dress I'm wearing is the one I wore on our first date.

And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful

And it kills him inside

To know that I am happy with some other guy

I can see him dying

I crank up the Mercedes Benz, and look in the rearview mirror as I'm backing out. I'm about to pull away from our house until I see Jacob. He's looking out the window, Chloe in his arms and Bently holding his free hand. He has a sad look upon his face but he fakes a smile for the kids as they all wave to me. I wave back and pull away from my house; blowing them kisses as I leave the boulevard. He knows that I'm being unfaithful; he knows that Jessica and Angela weren't planning a girl's night, he noticed the dress and he noticed my fake smile at his joke. It's killing him; the very thought of me cheating on him with another guy is absolutely killing him inside. It kills him to know that it's not going to be him that will put a smile on my face tonight. It kills him to know that I'm happy with some other guy. With every kiss shared between Edward and I, I could see Jacob dying.

I don't wanna do this anymore

I don't wanna be the reason why

Everytime I walk out the door

I see him die a little more inside

I don't wanna hurt him anymore

I don't wanna take away his life

I don't wanna be...

A murderer

It has now been two weeks since I started cheating on Jacob. Two weeks and it's killing me to see my family falling apart because of me. I wish that I could turn back time; I don't want to do this anymore. But Edward is like a drug to me and like any drug if I'm not around him I go through withdraws. So almost every weekend or when Jacob thinks I'm at work I sneak off to see him. Every touch and every kiss is pure bliss and I don't want it to stop, but I have to come home. I have to see my kids and I have to let Jacob know that I would never abandon our children. I wish I could say the same for him. Every time I leave this house I see him die a little more inside. I can see his hurt when I leave and I can see the life being sucked out of him. I can't stand knowing that I cause his tears at night when he thinks I'm asleep. I promised his dad that I would never hurt Jacob. I made that promise on our wedding day. I have broken that promise and I have regretted it ever since. I feel like I'm taking my husband's life by cheating and I don't want to do that. I don't want to be a murderer.

I feel it in the air

As I'm doing my hair

Preparing for another date

A kiss upon my cheek

As he reluctantly

Asks if I'm gonna be out late

I say I won't be long

Just hanging with the girls

A lie I didn't have to tell

Because we both know

Where I'm about to go

And we know it very well

Once again I am about to go on another date with Edward. This time though he's inviting his siblings Jasper and Rosalie with their spouses. We're going to go see Les Miserables and I want to look my best. Jacob knows what's going to happen but still he places a gentle kiss to my cheek and asks if I'll be long. I ran the straightener through my hair and replied with a, "Hanging with the girls, don't worry I won't be long."

He nods and I give him a sad smile. It was a lie that didn't have to be told. I could easily stay here with him, play Candyland with the kids, and watch a movie with them while eating pizza. But no, I was going to dinner with my secret boyfriend and leaving my husband once again with the kids. Not another word was said as Jacob left the room. I could have sworn I saw a tear go down his cheek but he quickly wiped it away before I could see it. If there was one thing I knew about Jacob, it was that he would never show weakness, no matter how badly he was hurting. I tear makes its way down my face as I hug my children and give a false kiss to Jacob. Our eyes both matching with sadness, because we both know where I'm about to go. And we know it very well.

Cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful

And it kills him inside

To know that I am happy with some other guy

I can see him dying

As we sit through the play my mind wonders to Jacob and the kids. My sweet little babies are clueless as to what is happening and my husband is falling apart each day that I spend with Edward.

"What are you thinking about love," asks Edward his cold hand twined with mine. I give his hand a gentle squeeze before smiling.

"Just that I'm dating my husband's mortal enemy," I say. Just last week Edward told me that he was a vampire and he was almost shocked when I didn't flinch or even back away. I simply told him ok and that my husband was a werewolf. He laughed and made a joke about the stench every time I come near him. Just like that day he laughed and wrapped his arms around me. They were like ice, cold stone but surprisingly it didn't bother me. I welcomed the embrace and snuggled into him.

"During my late night visit I noticed him flinch away from you. He smelled me on you; apparently my scent hadn't completely washed off when you took a shower."

I nodded. I had felt Jacob get up from the bed and go down stairs to the kitchen. I stayed up for a bit until he came back but he had retreated to the guest bedroom. For a while all I could hear was his crying, I heard him leave again, this time out of the house. No, doubt Sam had called him and the rest of the pack. That very morning, when I woke up, he was cooking breakfast and his eyes were bloodshot red. He had been crying all night and it was all my fault. Again the children were clueless, they couldn't see the life being sucked out of their father and they didn't know that their life would soon be taken away from them.

I don't wanna do this anymore

I don't wanna be the reason why

Everytime I walk out the door

I see him die a little more inside

I don't wanna hurt him anymore

I don't wanna take away his life

I don't wanna be...

A murderer

"I don't think I can do this anymore," I said to Edward one night

"What do you mean, love," he asked his arms wrapped around me

"My family is falling apart. I'm leaving Jacob every night with the children. I'm coming home at 1 in the morning and leaving at 6 pm."

"Baby it doesn't have to be this way."

"I just don't know what to do anymore Edward. I love you but I'm killing Jacob in the process."

"Do you not want to be with me?"

I was almost shocked that he even asked that question. Of course I wanted to be with him, but I wanted to be with him in the right way. Tears welled up in my eyes and I started to cry. I was married to a wonderful man. He loved me and respected me. He never complained on my bad days and embraced it no matter how bitchy I was. He loved and cared for our children and loved being a dad. So why the hell was I cheating on this man? This man, who did nothing but love and care for me? This man who lived his life with no regrets? It was a while before I realized that I was alone with a note on the pillow next to mine.

Our love, his trust

I might as well take a gun and put it to his head

Get it over with

I don't wanna do this

Anymore

Uh

Anymore (anymore)

I had to choose. Those were the words written by Edward. I had to choose between Edward and Jacob and that was something I never thought I'd have to do. Hell that was something I didn't want to do. Last night I found myself pondering in my bed. My love with Edward or Jacob's trust? If I lost Edward then a piece of my heart would be forever gone. If I lose Jacob then all trust and respect will be gone. I sat there looking at the gun that I had held in my hand; contemplating on whether or not to take his life. Now would be the perfect time. He was fast asleep and wouldn't even notice. It would be over and done with before he knew what hit him. That's it Bells, aim the gun at his head. Never mind how sexy he looks sleeping in that shirt that fit his body perfectly. Never mind that you will be taking your children's father away. Never mind that you were about to kill the man that did nothing but love and respect you. The tears started to form as I placed my hand on the trigger. Just as I was about to pull the trigger the bedroom door opened to reveal my baby girl.

"Mommy I had a bad dream," she said.

I instantly felt guilty. I couldn't take Jacob away from his children and I couldn't deny my everlasting love for Edward. Slowly putting the gun down and getting out of bed so I couldn't disturbed his sleeping form, I went over to my daughter and hugged her.

"What was your dream about sweetie," I asked her kissing her cheek

"I dreamed that a monster took away daddy."

I was that monster.

I don't wanna do this anymore

I don't wanna be the reason why

And everytime I walk out the door

I see him die a little more inside

And I don't wanna hurt him anymore

I don't wanna take away his life

I don't wanna be...

A murderer (a murderer)

I couldn't live a lie anymore. So that week I filed for divorce. Jacob was devastated.

"Please don't do this to me. To them," he said as he held our children tightly. The pack had come to get Jacob's things and the divorce would be finalized the following day. I couldn't say anything to him, cause if I did I knew I would bust out crying. So instead I grabbed Bently and turned my head. I heard yelling and crying behind me but I refused to turn around. The tears were already threatening to fall and I wouldn't give them the satisfaction to fall. I didn't look up until Embry came up to me with Chloe in his arms. He gave her a kiss before turning to me and said, "You can't deny me my imprint."

"I know," I whispered before turning into the house. I watched as Jacob and the pack drove away from the house. Only then did I actually cry. Now here we are. I'm married to Edward, Chloe and Bently see the Embry whenever he's free and I'm as happy as I'll ever be.
"Go to sleep love. I'll see you in the morning," he said as he slipped through the window to go hunting. His eyes were beginning to turn black meaning he needed to feed before blood lust took control. He kissed my cheek before departing and I fell into a peaceful sleep only to be interrupted by a knock at the door. Getting out of bed I made my way to the door trying my best not to wake up the children. When I opened the door there stood Embry.

"Embry what are you doing here? You know Chloe's bedtime is at 8."

"I'm not here for Chloe."

I looked at him confused.

"Then what are you here for?"

"Bella, Jacob has suffered enough. He needs to see his children. He's dying more and more each day. When ya'll were married you and the children were his life; you've taken away his love but please give him his children."

"Em, I don't know how they'll take it. They're already use to Edward, they've been through so much and I can't cause them anymore pain."

"Please Bella? Think of the children. They need their father. Their real father."

What Embry was saying was true. Edward may be my husband but he wasn't their father. Jacob was and I couldn't change that. But what if Jacob tried to get custody of them? What if he filed a lawsuit against me and branded me a horrible mother?

"Bella, I know you love your children and don't want to lose them but trust me when I tell you that I'll make sure that Chloe and Bently will be safe and that no harm will come to them. I will personally take them to and from if that makes it any better."

In truth I trusted Embry more with my children then I did any of the Cullen's. I knew that with him they would be safe and I couldn't have picked a better imprint for my baby girl. I looked to the shadows to see Edward sitting on a tree and I instantly knew that had heard Embry before he even made it to the house. I saw him nod and I turned back to Embry.

"I don't want to hurt Jacob anymore. I can't take away his life because it is not mine to take. I don't want to be the reason for his death because I can't take that blood on my hands. I trust you Embry. I trust you so much that first thing tomorrow I want you to come by and pick up the kids. Take them to Jake and show him that I'm not the horrible person that he thinks I am."

No no no no

Yeah yeah yeah