Luke and Leia were seated in her private quarters, having finished her lightsaber lesson for the day. For a moment, they each sat quietly, their eyes mirroring feelings of frustration. Luke broke the silence, keeping his voice gentle without effort. Anger wasn't a feeling he directed toward his sibling.
"Leia, I know you aren't happy with your progress, and I'll admit things haven't been going as I'd like all the time either. But you are learning. It takes time, no one learns skills like these as quickly as they might like. It's only been a month."
"I know." Leia sighed, closing her eyes for a second or two before fixing her gaze on her brother's face. He knew already what she would say, but waited for her to tell him in her own way.
"I appreciate all your effort, Luke, I really do. At first I thought once we started I'd lose my feeling of discomfort. I haven't, and I think it may be wiser for me to stop now. I don't want you to think it's anything you did, or didn't do. The lightsaber doesn't suit me, that's all."
The stiffness of Leia's tone let Luke know she was struggling to keep her emotions in check, trying not to tell him the reason for her willingness to give up so easily. Hoping that her brother didn't sense the emotional pain in her. But he did. He spared her any discussion of it for the moment.
"Okay, we'll stop. If you change your mind, you can let me know."
Leia only nodded, tired of talking for now. Though there were things she wished she had the energy to say, she was drained and upset. She would save further discussion for another day. Luke left her quarters quietly, with only a soft 'goodbye.'
It was another several weeks before Leia requested they have another try at the lightsaber training. Luke felt apprehensive, but agreed. He felt Leia's reluctance still, and wondered why she had asked to continue. When they gathered in her quarters,she asked that they sit for a while and talk first.
"Of course," Luke answered calmly. Internally, he was incredibly nervous, which seemed unwarranted.
Leia hesitated for an instant before speaking. "Before we start the lessons again, I need to ask you why you think I should be learning this. I'll never be a full-fledged Jedi. What would I need lightsaber skills for?"
Luke considered his reply for a brief time. All the while, he kept his eyes fixed on his sister's face. He knew that his answer would play at least some role in whether their future lessons were successful. If there were more lessons at all.
"Leia, years ago I told you that the Force runs strong in our family. I meant that literally. They aren't powers intended solely for men. I want to give you some ability with the lightsaber in case you ever need it. I've never felt such light-side powers in someone that doesn't use them to follow the Jedi way. I'm not trying to push you into a decision that isn't right for you. You must choose for yourself. I have to admit that part of my motive is selfish. I can't undo the things that have brought me home. I want you to be as prepared as possible for whatever comes next. And I thought, maybe…. If I could teach you myself, it might… balance things out. I wouldn't fail again. As I said, the decision doesn't rest with me. I don't want you to agree to the lessons simply to…"
Leia interrupted Luke's statement, but not loudly. "Luke, you know I've never blamed you for my son becoming the person he has. I save that for myself. Our feelings about what happened with Ben won't change now. I accept that. I couldn't love you more for wanting to do this for me. But you don't need to bring me any closer to being a true Jedi to prove anything to me. You are a Jedi, but you're still human. Sometimes we fail. It makes sense for me to learn, for my own safety. So I will try my best. I'll admit, it would be nice to be more your equal. I've never felt jealous of you exactly. More like…"
Leia trailed off because she didn't want to finish her sentence, to say the word out loud. Luke finished for her.
"Overshadowed," he said, his tone a mix of anger, sadness and surprise. His sister nodded without a word.
"Leia, how could you… You're no less important to the Rebellion than I have been. If anything, you've had more to do with our successes than I. Without good leaders things fall apart. Do you think I was the least bit surprised to find you holding the rank of general? Whatever lies ahead, I know you can lead everyone on and be strong enough to make the necessary decisions. I'm not trying to make you think becoming a Jedi is what will make you worthy of being my twin! Do you really think that?"
"I do." Leia said simply. Luke waited for her to continue, but she remained silent. He had no idea what to say for long moments. All he seemed able to do was study his sister's face. Reading her feelings in her eyes. He knew she was being honest. He wondered how he had never realized…. never felt it before. Luke felt disappointed in himself, sad for both of them. And, for the first time in their lives… real anger at Leia.
"I don't know where you'd get such a silly idea. I've never bragged, never held anything over you! Do you think being a Jedi is easy, that going away all this time was something I chose to make you suffer? The path is so hard, it takes discipline I KNOW you have! You've always been more calm than me, more level-headed. How foolish I was to think I was paying you a compliment by offering to teach you. That I could lead you in the way… and give you something I think it's your RIGHT to have! Maybe I'd also have liked to give you proper means of defending yourself against being murdered with a lighsaber the way your husband was! We've avoided discussing it for two months now. But if you think I don't know that's why you've been so hesitant to have the lessons, you're wrong. I never thought 'coward' would be a word that could apply to you, that's for sure!"
Leia had remained silent throughout her brother's tirade. She was so surprised that no words of argument occurred to her. After her shock passed, she opened her mouth to order Luke to leave her quarters. He spared her the effort by storming out silently. Leia didn't try to follow…. She knew they each needed time to themselves. Luke had let his anger carry away his reason, something Leia hadn't seen in a long time. They were both caught in such a jumble of feelings. While she was hurt, angry, and on the verge of tears, Leia knew more tears would be no help. She was too tired for weeping. She had waited so long… hoped so long for Luke to return. She had never dreamed they could be so at odds.
Leia hesitantly looked up a few moments later when the door to her room opened. She smiled upon seeing Chewbacca standing in the doorway. He lingered there, awaiting an invitation to enter. She nodded to him, and he stepped inside, the door gliding shut behind him. He barked at her softly, asking if she was all right. Leia knew Chewie must have seen Luke after he'd left, and figured out what had happened.
"I'm fine," she said, not convincingly, as she stood and walked closer to her concerned Wookiee friend. Chewie made a low sound of disagreement.
"It would do me good to get back to work, though. Thank you for coming to check on me, Chewie. It's been a very long day, that's all."
They both turned to walk the short distance to the door. Just as it opened, Chewbacca placed one arm firmly around Leia's shoulders. In an instant, she leaned gently against his side, and they walked on quietly.
It was another two weeks before Luke spoke more than a word or two to his sister. He didn't harbor continuing anger toward her. The time was needed for him to settle his heart and mind, to decide what was the best way to approach her again. The entire time, he felt the deep pain flowing in her like waves. After a few days, Leia wanted nothing more than to talk to Luke again, to be sure no permanent damage had been done to their relationship.
The day that Luke at last approached his sister, willing to discuss their earlier argument, he suggested having a walk out of doors as they conversed. It was a warm day, but not too warm. He thought the fresh air would do them both good. Leia had agreed reluctantly, and followed her brother outside, not speaking until they were some paces away from headquarters.
"Luke, I'm not sure what you want me to say…. All I know is that I'm sorry I made you angry. It doesn't do either of us any good to argue. There are so many more important things…"
"Hey, wait a minute," Luke interrupted, his tone gentle rather than cross. "How you feel is important. I know you'd rather forget we argued. So would I. For now, this isn't about making a decision as far as your Jedi training. That can wait. I know you've been afraid I was avoiding you. I'm sorry for that."
Tears stood in Leia's eyes, but she waved away her brother's concern. "It's all right. I should have known I was worried over nothing. It was foolish of us to argue. I'm so happy you're home, and the things I said to you made it seem like…"
"Like you've had feelings of inferiority for a long time." Luke spoke in a whisper, the pain clear in his eyes. "I'll admit your words hurt me, but mostly I felt sadness. You are not now and never were inferior to me, in any way. Has someone said that to you, put ideas in your head?"
"No… nothing like that. When you went away, I finally understood the great responsibility you must have to bear. I felt so insignificant staying here, doing what little I could while I knew you were suffering, and alone. I wanted to go with you. I thought, if I started training with you again, you would know you weren't a failure. I should have gone with you…"
Outwardly, Luke was very calm, but inside, his sadness and regret grew. He hadn't guessed his sister had harbored such a desire to follow him, that she would have been willing to live in exile to do what she thought was right. He listened as she went on, her voice full of the sound of tears.
"So, that's when I knew how much stronger than me you are, Luke. You were able to do what you thought was best, even though it meant leaving all of us. If I'd gone, I'd already BE a Jedi, we wouldn't be in this place now! It's my own fault, I took the easy way out and stayed here!" A single tear slipped down one cheek, which Leia made no move to wipe away. Seeing this, Luke could take no more.
"Leia, please stop. I'm sorry you have such regrets. You did nothing wrong by staying here. When I left, you had a family of your own. You'd started on your path to being a Rebel leader before I had the first thought of being a Jedi. I'm so proud of the person you've become. I couldn't love you more, even if you were a more powerful Jedi than me." He paused, a small smile teasing the corners of his mouth. "Which I think you'd be, if you tried."
"Luke, please, don't tease me." Leia tried to sound exasperated, but Luke heard the clear undertones of happiness in her voice. His smile widened, the tension of the situation finally broken.
"Oh, why not? Haven't you missed it?" Luke's blue eyes where so full of happiness that Leia couldn't hold back her own grin.
"I have," she said warmly. "I've missed it very much. Luke, if you're still willing… if our earlier argument hasn't changed your mind… I'd like you to teach me. I want to try. I am still scared, a little. But it's the right thing to do."
Luke heard the decisiveness in his sister's tone, and knew better than to ask if Leia was certain. "Okay, we can start again tomorrow. Once we get past the earliest teachings, you'd be better off having your own lightsaber to use. What would you think of that?" Luke slipped one arm around Leia's shoulders as they turned to walk back to the underground headquarters.
"I'll decide later. Besides, I can't just pick one up somewhere. How will I…?"
"I'll explain the process when you're ready. I'm so proud of you. This isn't easy for you, I understand. I'm so sorry I called you a coward. You're the last person who deserves to be called a name like that."
"I forgive you." Leia said this so calmly that Luke knew his sister bore him no grudge at all. "You were angry, you didn't mean it." Leia fell silent and walked on with Luke at her side, his arm still firmly encircling her shoulders. Leia reached up with one hand and placed it gently on top of her brother's. Neither of them turned to look into the other's face, and therefore couldn't see the deep contentment in their sibling's eyes.
Leia turned out to be as capable a pupil as Luke had expected. Within three weeks of beginning her training in earnest, Leia had tired of individual exercises and declared she was ready for one-on-one meant, of course, that it was time for her to be told how to construct a lightsaber of her own.
The main obstacle to construction was where to find the crystal that would power the saber. D'Qar itself had very small amounts of natural crystals, so the twins had to ponder where it would be best to travel to. Ideally, Leia wished to find it on Corellia, but the planet's geology wasn't suited to crystal formation either.
After days of consideration and a bit of research, Leia decided she would travel to Endor. Though it was mostly forest, it did have a small mountain range in the southern regions. Mountains or caves served as the best places to find the crystal Leia needed.
Taking the Falcon wasn't necessary for this brief trip, so it was decided that Luke would pilot one of the X-Wings from the Resistance fleet. It was just what was needed for a pair of travelers. Secretly, Leia was quite happy with this choice, since she had wondered in the past what it would be like to fly in an X-Wing.
On the day they set out, Leia was both nervous and pensive. Luke knew it was best to leave her to her thoughts. It was normal and even encouraged to be thoughtful in this situation, a ritual that was essential to the Jedi's path. When their voyage was nearing its end, Leia was so tense that Luke began to worry about her. Once they disembarked from the X-Wing. he gently took her hand as they walked off to search the base of the nearby mountain for the crystal Leia needed. It seemed improper to break the silence, but Luke needed to speak to ease his sister's mind.
"Please try not to be afraid, Leia. I wouldn't have agreed that you were ready to make this trip if I wasn't sure. You are ready for this."
Leia only nodded in reply, but Luke saw reassurance clearly in her eyes. Smiling slightly to himself, Luke walked on with Leia at his side, still holding hands.
In short order, Luke and Leia had traveled back to D'Qar, having found the crystal she needed to construct her lightsaber. It was a clear crystal, which disappointed Leia, but she didn't voice this. Their return brought Leia back to her usual duties, which filled most of her time. Therefore, work on the saber was intermittent and often brief. It was a task meant only for the Jedi-in-training, so Leia was left to finish the construction in solitude. Finally, the saber was complete, and ready to be activated. Leia went to her brother's quarters to ask him to join her first. At last, the moment had arrived to see if the lightsaber would actually work.
Leia's usual intensity was settled into her features. She only hoped that her long hours of work were about to be rewarded. Luke waited expectantly, not the least bit concerned that the results of Leia's efforts would fall short of his hopes. She pressed the activation switch, and the lightsaber hummed smoothly to life. They were both taken by surprise to see that the color of the blade was not white, but purple.
Leia smiled for the first time in what seemed like weeks, and Luke couldn't help smiling himself. As Leia carefully moved the laser sword about, making sure it was stable, her brother whispered softly to her.
"I knew you could do it. It's perfect. The color suits you."
Leia's smile widened, telling Luke he had said just the right thing. "It's unfortunate I have so much left to do," she said quietly. "I'd like to try this out. See if you're up to having a sparring partner."
"Oh, please… All you want is to show your brother you can beat him!" Luke teased. "But we can try, tomorrow. You've come so far so fast. I'm glad you've trusted me to teach you. We aren't finished with your training, but this is a big step for you. You know that."
"I do." Leia spoke more loudly, but with humility. She switched the lightsaber off and slipped it into a ring she had placed on her belt specifically to hold it. "Thank you for showing me the way. It's so important to me to share this experience with you. I still don't understand why I'm not expected to call you Master while we are training. You said it's customary… that my son called you that, too. What makes me different? I know I'm not supposed to ask questions…"
"It's okay. You're right, it is custom. I am more experienced than you. But you aren't only my sibling…. Since we are twins, and you've already felt like you are somehow less than me, I didn't want to put a barrier between us by asking you to call me Master. It is unorthodox, but right."
Leia nodded firmly, clearly satisfied. "All right, I understand. I'm glad you're so pleased with my progress." An awkward silence fell for a moment or two. Leia obviously had something more she wanted to say, but couldn't bring herself to do it. Luke knew to let the matter rest, to wait for the right time. Even after so many years apart, and their closeness as siblings, saying 'I love you' could be a difficult thing. It could wait.