Dracolocks Strikes Back!!
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As told by The Bed of Harry
"Ohh... I'm singing the blues...!
My, hullo there traveler. What brings you to my humble home?
Well, I had hoped that you could've come here sometime earlier. Oh yes, I was quite a good-looking spring coil mattress in my early years.
Oh yes, believe it! I, the speaker, am a bed. The bed of the cute and adorable Harry Potter!
Dun, dun, dun...(Note that I am sending brainwaves since I cannot talk. Oooooooo! Wait, do pillow heads have brains??)
Well, I'm straying topic, aren't I? So in case you were wondering why I was belting out such sad music earlier, it's because of a terrible incident a few years back in the 12th century…
Ohh yes, so one fine evening, Poppa Ron, Momma Hermione, and little Baby Harry were going to Meet the Teacher Night in his first year of Hogwarts.
Later that night, a blonde-haired dude with a joint dangling from his mouth, waddled in through the door. The strong smell of marijuana filled the entire house, making me gag.
Not that I really could, but you get my vibe.
As I watched helplessly, the unmistakable Draco Malfoy, A.K.A. Dracolocks began to walk around the house.
I wondered what could possibly be his intentions of breaking in. I returned my attention to the drug boy, just in time to see him picking up Poppa bears bottle of Aspirin from the dining table.
I watched dumbfounded as Draco tried a pilled from the plastic container. Not two seconds after the pill had entered his mouth, it shot out. I wasn't surprised, it was sea cucumber flavoured…
Sadly the pill had landed in the kitty's food bowl.
But before I could give that much thought, Draco had moved on to Momma Hermione's bottle of medicine. After taking out a pregnancy tablet, he jammed it into his mouth.
Once again he spit out the condom-flavoured pill and once again the pill landed in the kitty's food bowl. Then can you guess what happened next? Oh yes, the little kitty came and ATE THE PILLS!
Poor kitty, he died instantly.
Dracolocks laughed like crazy before going to Harry's grape flavoured Tylenol. I watched in horror as he deliberately chugged down the whole bottle all in one breath. Then he muttered about how he needed to know where to buy that stuff.
Ugh, this guy really pisses me off!
Oh yes, everyone knows what happens next right? Hn… you don't?
Well, that evil smoker found the three Potter's deck chairs…(Don't you just get that sense of foreboding??) Anyhow, just like with the medicine, Draco tested each one until he finally settled on little Harry's.
For what reason, I don't have a clue, but one thing I knew for sure was that steam was pouring out of my ears… wherever my ears are!
Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, the… chair… BROKE! Like Oh Mah Gawd!! I cannot even describe in any way the anger I felt at that very moment. How dare that punk! He now owes dear little Harry a new deck chair!
I was so blinded by rage that I did not notice him making his evil way towards the Potters bedroom (Big Mistake!).
However my attention was caught when I heard a hard crack from beside me. I looked to left just in time to see a figure jumping from Momma Hermione's bed onto me!
I cried out with pain but the only sound that escaped was the high-pitched creaking of my bedsprings. I then realized that he must have tried the two other beds before settling on me, just like all the other times.
Gawd Almighty! This guy had to be at least 200 kilograms! -Sigh- Now traveler, could you have guessed what that punk did next? He fell asleep on me (Must have been the effect of the Tylenol…)!!
Ohh the humanity! Here I was, squashed beneath this 500-pound loser who happened to toss and turn in his sleep.
Oh yes, it seemed like forever, but the Bear's finally arrived home. Then everything was just random…
First, the bears discovered that everything was totally messed up. Then little Harry found a blonde guy sleeping in his bed and screeched so loud that Dracolocks woke up.
Realising what had happened, Draco let out a girlie scream of his own and jumped off me.
Holy Christ that hurt! The last thing I saw was Draco putting his hood over his head and crossed his arms while leaning back so he looked gangsta. Then he shouted, "Drug Boy Just Struck Back!"
As the world started to go fuzzy, Dracolocks bolted out the door. I fell into unconsciousness wondering why in the world had he come to our house just to say those five words and that was the end.
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Muahahahaha! Sooooo... did you like it? Just a little one-shot that I wrote from a similar version that I used for a english project.
Well, even if you didn't think much of it, please still give me a review. That would make typing this out more than worth it!