Artemis Fowl: The Kindergarten Catastrophe
Disclaimer If I owned Artemis Fowl, or any of the characters in here, I would lord it over all y'alls. But I don't, so I can't. Rats.
Chap. 1: Kindergarten
Artemis Fowl. It was a name that would install fear into any heart. Any teacher's heart anyway. Even though the small, raven-haired kid was only five, he had managed to get rid of two kindergarten teachers, five school counselors, and a principal. And that was only in his first week at Hamburg Academy.
Even though he could have been taking fourth grade classes, (and making very good grades) little Arty's mother wanted him to lead a 'normal' life. Or, at least as normal as one can get when you're a genius, your father is an international criminal, you have a 6' 6" bodyguard, and a girl's name, when you're a boy. In other words, when you are Artemis Fowl the Second.
Angeline Fowl was distressed. Her only son had recently taken to selling books to famous publishing houses. The problem was that her son was only five, and already he had written and sold fourteen books. For adults. Where did he find the time? She had him in that privet kindergarten from nine to noon, karate from one to three, and then two hours till dinner, then bed! She shook her head and sighed. There was no figuring out males.
Including her husband. Artemis Fowl the First had been rather a criminal. But, finally, after years of pleading from his wife, he had decided to go straight. And in going straight, he had decided that, now that Russia was no longer communist, they would need goods. So, he had decided to invest much of his fortune into the cola business…
Young Artemis Fowl was just finishing his latest chapter on Modern Art Forgers, when Butler walked into the room. Arty quickly saved and exited his writing program. Witch he had written himself, for his own fifth birthday present.
"Ah, Butler. Did you need me for something?" Even at the tender age of five, his vocabulary was impressive.
"No, Master Artemis. I was merely checking on you," the giant manservant replied. Artemis scowled. This had been happening more and more recently.
"Did Mother ask you to?"
"No, Master Artemis, I simply felt-" He was cut off when the short boy, whose features looked remarkably like a vampire's, stood up.
"Butler. I am more then capable of taking care of myself, unless a situation calls for an adult or someone with body guarding skills. This is not one of these situations. So please stop!" They both felt rather taken aback. Artemis had just said please! This was rare.
Mulch Diggums. We all know him as the kleptomaniac dwarf. However, Headmistress Claustein knew him as the rather short kindergarten teacher. The first to actually come to her ever since that Artemis Fowl the Second had entered her school. Well, technically, it was Headmaster Murphy's school. But he had decided to take a temporary vacation. Until the little terror left the school.
Mulch was currently trying to escape from the LEP. (Lower Elements Police.) And if he had to pretend to be a teacher, and even be in the sun, he would. He had chosen Hamburg Academy because it had a school safety officer. One who just may be able to give him amnesty from the relentless fairy police.
Meanwhile, a few miles under the earth, Captain Holly Short was getting ready to take the first shuttle up to E1: Tara. It was the closest to her perp's exit point. The centaur Foaly was busy prepping Holly for her aboveground trip.
"Remember, DO NOT ruin these wings. They're antiques. The museum is going to want them after this mission." He handed her the wings. They were Dragonflys. Holly barely suppressed a groan. Ok, she did groan. But oh well.
"Not these!"
Artemis looked his new teacher over. He was anything but impressed. The little man was easily his height.
"It may interest you to know that I'm Artemis Fowl the Second. The headmistress will have no doubt warned you of me." Mulch just grinned. And when he did, Artemis could hardly keep his eyes from widening. His teeth were tombstone shaped, and there were almost too many to fit in one mouth.
"Yes, she did."
Mulch, or as we must call him now, Mr. Diggs, had no idea how to talk to children. Especially Mud Boys and Girls.
A/N HA HA! I love cliffhangers! But don't despair. I'm working on Chap. 2: Beetroot, right about now. Please review, as this is my first attempt at a fanfic, and I'd like to see people's response!