Title: Lose yourself

Summary: Everyone of the crew just prayed and hoped, their captain would be their captain once more to guide them through their 5 year mission.

Rated: T

Chapter wordcount: 3259

Spoilers: None

Warnings: angst, fluffy, cuddly, McKirk, sahlet!kirk, (this fic is a non-beta fic, all mistakes are mine)

A/N: I had a fic ages ago about a sahlet Kirk but I couldn't do a good plot to it, it was going to end up being a huge story and I couldn't figure out where to go from there. So, I made a 3 part story of it. It started as a one-shot, now it's got a second chapter in the making. Probably a 3rd too, if you're lucky.

So, enjoy xx

"Evening, darlin'. I brought you your dinner."

McCoy, watched, with his heart thumping away, as feral golden eyes watched him come into the brig. It could have been either that the creature in front of him was eyeing the tray that had the raw meat on it or McCoy himself, deciding if it should eat him first or the stuff off the tray.

McCoy stepped back a bit when the sahlet growled and stood up to its full height. Slowly, it started to slink its way around the room, towards the petrified doctor, it's growl rumbling and bearing it's 6 inch long fangs.

The sahlet was now mere feet away from McCoy and really, McCoy had nowhere else to but to back up into. The brig door was securely closed to stop the creature trying to get out when it had the chance. McCoy was stuck between a rock and a hard place, holding a tray of meat meant for the creatures breakfast, heart banging away in his chest from absolute fear.

Ever so gently, keeping his eyes on the wild creature, he bent down to put the tray on the floor and slid it gently over to the sahlet. He raised himself back up to full height, never leaving the sahlet's gaze until its gaze let him. Sahlet's, as Spock had once told him, see diverted eye contact as cowardice and submission and will attack.

The creature finally diverted its golden stare at the doctor to look down at the tray full of meat before it started to consume it.

McCoy let out a huge sigh of relief and ran his hands over his face to calm himself down. He had, for a second, thought he was finally got to be eaten by the sahlet. Slowly, he slid down the door to sit on the floor to watch it consume the meat off the tray.

It never took its time chewing. Maybe 1 bite could be found when eating but it normally gulped the flesh down while letting the red protein juices run down its furred chin, causing a mess.

Well, McCoy thought. At least one thing had never changed. Jim had always been a messy eater when it came to steak meals done medium rare. Only now they were just raw. For now that is.

A smile flitted across his face as he watched his once human captain turned huge deadly creature eat his dinner with much infusiasim. He managed to feed him on time, which is good because it could have been a different story if he was late with either breakfast or dinner. Jim was in there, his mind, even though it may be a bit sloppy with salet influence and some aggression, was there, thats been proven many times. But every now and then, if not fed on the dot at breakfast and dinner, he became feral, loses all sense of himself and becomes full sahlet, wanting his food. Gold eyes narrow, low rumble of a dangerous growl escapes his throat and the game of stalking McCoy slowly around his cell becomes terrifying. McCoy had barely missed being clawed at one time he was 10 minutes late with dinner which caused him in the end to just chuck dinner into the cell and leg it. He's never late now, and sometimes he's early which delight's Jim, he knows that.

A metal scratching noise pulled McCoy from his mind to see the sahlet now finished with the meat was now lapping up the protein red juices from the tray, getting every last bit, making the tray move across the floor. The pig. McCoy couldn't help but laugh as the metal tray scrapped along the metal floor of the cell as Kirk tried to get at the juices, nose practically in the tray. If Jim were in the form of a sahlet, he'd could have been compared to a Labrador dog, those breeds were basically rubbish bins anyway, eating anything to the last little bit.

But then, Jim would have been pulled off to be a labby, or maybe a golden retriever, it just seemed to be in his natures with suited to be those fun loving, eating, sleeping, big friendly, fluffy dogs. The thought of Jim being a labby or a retriever just seemed to set McCoy laughing even more

The Vulcan creature looked up when it's sensitive ears perked up, having heard the sound of the doctors laughter. Its head twisted to look over at the man sitting on the floor, watching him with a twinkle in his blue eyes as he tried to stifle his laughter to a light giggle.

The sahlet licked its chops, it's huge pink tongue picking up the juices from around its muzzle, nose and 6 inch fangs, getting every last morsel. Once it had finished, the tongue went back in and then, dog like, shook its head to get rid of the saliva that now coated its face instead of the blood like meat juices.

Spittle went everywhere, but not as much as any normal dog would have produced, since sahlet's were more like bear and cat like creatures and rarely produce much saliva since it being a desert dweller and needs all water fluids of its body stored for emergencies. Really, they were likes camels of the earth, they needed little water and could last days without a sip of liquid.

After shaking his head free of drool, Jim proceeded to walk over to McCoy, with a low growl coming from it's throat and eyes narrowed again at the man on the floor who now became silent, the giggling died in his throat and a look of fear replaced the twinkle in his eyes.

McCoy brought his hands up to his face, as if trying to defend himself from the animal snarling its way towards him. He didn't say anything, knowing that they was no hope of talking to his captain while the man was this this, growling and hissing. Jim probably wasn't there at the moment, the sahlet with poisonous fangs was.

The sahlet got closer, now face to face with McCoy. Again, McCoy refused to look away, in case the creature may attack. His blue eyes focused terrifyingly with the burning gold ones.

Hot breath that smelt of warm meat flushed across his cheek, making McCoy's stomach lurching, making him think that in any moment, his flesh and bones will be what's smelling on the sahlet's breath, along with a little hint of his cologne. Probably could act as a breath freshener.

But before he could think any more, a warm, slightly wet and slightly scratchy tongue swiped across his cheek, from the bottom of his chin to his eyes. McCoy held his breath for those seconds the creature tasted him, tasted his fear, tasted the sweat beading and sliding down the side of his head.

Just as quick as the tongue was there, it was gone and then suddenly McCoy's lap had a head full of sahlet giving off this very purring like rumble, nuzzling its head deeper in McCoy's stomach. Its thick furred tail was thumping happily on the metal floor making the room echo.

McCoy spluttered out his outraged when he realised Jim was playing him on as a dangerous wild creature about to tear him to pieces when really, Jim was in his right mind.

"Jim!" McCoy shouted. "You gave me a heart attack, you idiot!"

Jim just laid there, his fluffy head in his doctor's lap, purring, wanting head and ear scratches, while in his head, he was laughing like an ass at the way he had got McCoy riled up.

McCoy knew Jim was laughing at him and in the end just let out a loud sigh before his head went to work on fondling those sahlet ears of Jim's, earning him more soothing purrs and head butts, wanting more.

"Was that stunt because I was laughing at your current eating habits? Was this a taste of my own medicine?"

Jim looked slyly up at McCoy through those golden eye before burrowing back into the blue medical shirt McCoy wore.

"Okay, alright fine. I will try not to laugh at your eating habits any more, okay? Just, please, don't do that again. I thought I had lost you for a second. I hate it when that sahlet half of your brain takes over."

McCoy felt the rumble stop on his stomach before he heard the purrs fade. He felt Jim's head move from its comfort in McCoy's shirt and lift up to look at him. McCoy met his eyes and saw the sad look in his captain's golden eyes.

It was the comment about the other half of Jim's brain, the sahlet half that by every single day, but felt more like every single minute, was taking over Kirk's human half of his mind, slowly making him more animal than human.

It scared McCoy to know that one day, he could come down here and just not find Jim there any more, but a wild animal waiting to tear out his throat, have him for dinner. Jim would be lost forever.

The crew had brief knowledge of how their captain had became the creature. They somewhat know that it involved an earth human, alien animal trafficking, illegal breeding, the animals turning out be actually humans, Kirk finding out when briefed about this situation and asked to check it out, Kirk losing his shit and then ending up as sahlet after being knocked over the head by one of the men's goonies when he started to call for backup from the enterprise.

Then, to try and cover it all up before the crew came down from the ship to assist their overdue captain, tried to sell him off to a breeder that was into mixed species breeding.

Luckily, the crew got to him just in time. The man was detained and practically spilt his guts about the whole animal/human trafficking business for profit. He was so scared of what the Federation would do to him when they would find out what he did and tried to do to their lead flagships captain, he just told Spock everything.

The man was dumped off at the next starbase 3 days later, along with all those animals and the poor humans trapped in animal skin.

A month and 6 days later, Kirk was still in the form of a Vulcan sahlet. The man didn't say anything of a antidote to cure this... curse. Said he didn't know of any cure, only of the green slimy mixture mixed with sahlat hair that was injected into his victims to make them like they are. He was telling the truth, Spock had said after the interrogation, and even McCoy knew its was the truth if Spock said it was, especially something as seriously as this couldn't be a lie. If this was a joke, it was sick one.

Kirk stayed with the ship after persuasion from Spock to the Commodore of the space station that this would benefit him more if he were to be in an environment he knew, surrounded by the people he knew. If he were on his own on the space station, Spock feared him might completely lose himself. The Federation could not afford their most valued captain, so Kirk stayed with the ship while Spock was made temporary captain.

Test were performed on Kirk, hoping to get an answer to their problem and hopeful it would provide the cure to his curse. Blood samples take, hair samples, saliva samples and tissues samples were taken into the lab to being made into a antidote for the captain. Only 2 antidotes were deemed safe to use on the captain so. Mixed in with his food, hopefully, the captain would be back to being human within a few hours of antidote consumption.

But, sadly, nothing, Kirk was still stuck as a sahlet when McCoy called to see if there was any change. All the samples taken from Kirk were developed into the antidote to try and cure him, and a fat load of good it did. In the end, the science team ran out samples. One suggested a... semen sample until he got a clip around the ear from McCoy. How they hell were they going to do that, for crying out loud!

While they were still out in space, their next stop space station had gotten brief on Kirk's condition and had agreed to help in finding an antidote too. They had more equipment than the Enterprise did, it only made sense that an antidote from the space station would be the right one and be sent of to them quicker. But it turned out to be twice as long. Again, antidotes were unstable and had to be destroyed after tests. In the end on 3 antidotes stable enough to help the captain regain his human form was sent out to them by the means of a cargo ship. But, still there was no change. Whatever the captain was injected with was potent stuff and stubborn enough to fight against the the injection mixture. In the end, the starbase said there was nothing more they could do without wasting all their resources. In the end, nothing else could be thought off and now it was just a waiting game to see in their sahlet captain would just turn back over night.

Everyday, the crew would wake up and hope. Hope that when McCoy went down to the room Kirk is currently held in instead of a huge bear like creature of the Vulcan sands, there would be their very much human captain.

But no, McCoy would report to Spock that there was no change, Kirk was still a sahlet.

Everyone went to see Kirk, carefully first but now he recognised everyone and was happy to get some visitors. Spock especially, because even though it was very illogical, as Spock would say, at the end of the day, Spock would go see him and for a good hour stay there with his friend and recount the day's events, never leaving anything out. He wanted to make sure Kirk was up to date so in case he did turn back over night, he'd be ready to assume command again. But, it was also to make sure that Spock's best friend was still there, all in mind, even though he no longer had a human body.

Spock hated to admit it, but he was worried. And scared. Scared that they may never get the ship's captain back, never get his one true best friend back.

Everyone was scared for the captain and his undecided future. Him slowly becoming too sahlet and no longer human.

What scared them the worse was that if he lost all control of himself and he and the sahlet become one, with the sahlet side more dominate, there were either 2 options for him then.

One was that they would head a course to Vulcan and release him as a normal dessert sahlet.

None of the crew wanted that.

Two... Two which no one wanted was the saddest. Two was that he'd have to be put down, put to sleep. The crew would lose their captain, the Federation would those their golden boy and Winona and George Kirk would lose their youngest son and become childless, both of their sons now dead.

Number two was what the whole world feared but would make the Klingon Empire have a fucking field day knowing the meddling James Tiberius Kirk of the USS Enterprise was out of their way for good.

Everyone of the crew just prayed and hoped, their captain would be their captain once more to guide them through their 5 year mission.

A tear ran down the side of McCoy's face as he thought about the possibility of having Jim put to sleep because he was no longer Jim. His Jim. It was so sad to think about. Dammit they had only hooked up 2 months ago and then suddenly this happens. Of all the goddamn luck, this had to happen to him of all people. Jim couldn't go and get an alien like disease like any other normal person, no, he had to go and get physically changed and there was a chance he may never come back!

The tears rolled down McCoy's face and he let out a hiccuping sob. His fingers made their way into the fur at Jim's neck and burrowed into the pelt and just held on there, never letting Jim go as long as he lived.

He lent down and buried his face into the fur on the neck and slowly breathed in and out deeply, concentrating hard to not let that barrier he had had been holding up for ages crumble and let loose the flood of emotions he has been feeling for the past week.

He breathed in the smell of Jim's soft fur and was startled. It still smelt of Jim. It smelt of his human scent of his skin and, weirdly, his favourite cologne. Its was strange. McCoy had always had the chance to have a cuddle with Jim when Jim had finished breakfast or dinner, but he had never really considered burying his face in his captain's thick fur and breath in the scent. Really he had always gathered he would smell of whatever a sahlet would smell like. Not of cologne or of Jim's essence.

Jim had always had a soothing scent, it turned exotic when he was also wearing cologne. But this, right now, it was was just soothing. So comforting, even though the past month and 6 days had been the worst he, Spock and the crew faced, there was just something soothing about the captains human scent in the sahlet fur slowly convinced McCoy that some day or another, Jim Kirk with be Jim Kirk again.

"Yeah," McCoy whispered mostly to himself into Jim's fur but was pretty sure Jim heard his word anyway with those ears of his. "Yeah, It's going to be okay."

McCoy finally lifted his head up of Jim's neck and nodded a little reassurance to himself. Jim lifted his head and watched his friend carefully, probably convinced McCoy had lost.

Maybe he had lost it, who knows, but one things for sure, McCoy suddenly felt a whole lot better than he had ever been in the past few days.

He cupped Jim's large fluffy head in his hands and made him look him in the eyes. Jim did, he didn't have a choice, but naturally confused instinct's made his head tilt to a side as if to say 'what is it, I don't get it.'

McCoy laughed and carefully leaned in and kissed Jim on his fluffy head, eyes closed while he did that. Kirk's scent wafted in through his senses, calming him further, making him more convicted of Jim's return to the human side of things.

He pulled away and smiled so gently at his lover turned sahlet that the smile would have melted ice if it was such a thing. Jim looked back at him, with what McCoy would say to himself, a sort of fellow smile in his hazel eyes.

A hand through Jim's fur, gently doctors hands acting as a comfort. Jim leaned into the touch, beginning to rumble out that weird purr.

McCoy nodded again to his lover. "Yes," he said confidently. "You are going to be fine."

Part 2 maybe at the end of the weekend