It's like three years since my last fanfic, and I'm cheating by doing a rewrite. Everyone loved this story and so did I but I was never happy with the effort I put in it at the beginning and it truly deserves a revamp. Hah. That's technically a vampire pun. Sort of.

Some things may be changed but the plot will be mostly the same. I hope to give it more depth and more up-to-date snark and sass. Don't worry though, the original is up where I left it. The sequel will hopefully be rewritten and consequently finished too. Any fans from the original, give me a shout!

Do we still say "I don't own Twilight" before these things? God knows. I'm old.

Lara's P.O.V

Lunch was my favourite hour of the day. And yet, it had become polluted. Sat at my usual table of four, I looked with amused distaste at the amount of girls reading battered copies of fucking Twilight. The negative look on my face was accompanied by one of my noises of displeasure and Melissa, a friend of mine, laughed.

"Why is it you don't like it, anyway? It's not all that bad. I like it." Her voice was whiny, like I'd personally insulted her with my opinion. I snorted, and followed it with a grin.

"I think it was written by moneys." I nod at my own theory. "Rosalie is the only character I could stand. She's a quality bitch." I'd read it, of course. I refuse to chat shit about something without some knowledge of it. Before she could reply, my quick check of the clock told me I had to leave. My school had abolished the bell, deciding it was "too unrealistic" of the workplace. Just meant I was usually late.

I nodded at my two other friends, the gutsy Leia and her boyfriend, Elijah, before I departed. Those lucky bastards had a free period which mine never aligned with.
I set off to art, which was easily my favourite subject.

Oh wait, fuck. Introductions! I'm Lara Swan. Yes, I know, just like Bella. My life had been Hell since Meyer made that decision. The only good choice she made was that joke on page 800. Oh wait. There wasn't a page 800.

I'm short as fuck, I've got good boobs, green-grey eyes and blue hair that desperately needed a touch up. You really don't need more than that. Oh wait, I also need glasses. I wear contacts though, because I'm not about getting bullied.

I scowled as I walked into the classroom, remembering the new addition to the seating plan - new chick, fucking weirdo, called Jazzlee or Jasleen or something. I perched on my stool right next to hers as she stared at me, dropping my bag with a thud.

"Do I have a dick on my forehead?" I asked her seriously. Her big eyes narrowed and she shook her head. "Fuck! I must have lost it." I joked, hoping to at least get a smirk. "No? Not funny? Cool." Giving in, I pull out my iPod and start untangling the earphones.

"You've got a lot of hate in there." She said, in an intolerable whispy fairy voice as she glanced at my chest, presumably my heart. I drop my shoulders and look at her with a look that could only be described as unimpressed.

"It's called bra padding, not hate." I drawled. Again, not even a little lip twitch. Fuck. I'm slacking.

"You need to be taught a lesson. I'm sure I could show you."

I put on a faux-surprised, gaspy voice. "Oh my god, are you the new teacher?"

"I've seen what you hate the most." This fucking creep, what is she on? "I wonder if it'll break you." She grinned. Oh, fuck. Her teeth are gnarly.

"The guidance councillor is actually three doors down, Jazzband." She scowled that time. Success.

I put in my earphones, but I can see her lips moving even as music plays. I make a wind-up motion and lift my middle finger to her before turning to work. The rest of the day was psycho free, apart from my mother, and after ripping an essay from the internet I fell asleep quite cheerfully. It was after all my favourite hobby.

I'd have to remember to wind Jasleen up tomorrow. It'd be fun.

The next morning, the soft rumbling of an old engine woke me up...

Technically a prologue I guess, so short in length. The next chapter will be where the fun starts. I wonder if I'm funnier now than when I was 12. That's a scary question.

Seriously, any old fans, hit me up. It'd be fun to see if any of you are around.

Review and shit pleeeasseeeee

~I.F~