Okay, this is my first try at Aoshi/Kaoru pairing. So people be gentle please. Still constructive criticism is always welcome. This piece was originally written for a songfic community on LJ. This is the first of 15 that I need to do in order to complete the challenge.Due to FFnet's rules, I've taken out the lyrics and just posted the story.

If the want the complete version go to my lj (livejournal), you will find the link on my profile page. I don't have a beta for this, so forgive me if there are any mistakes.

Anyways enjoy and let me know what you guys think.

Try

By Anime-Goddess-Sakura

The moon shone through the large glass windows of the room that for once was left bare as the dark curtains were pulled completely open. She normally preferred the darkness, reveling in being able to hide all of her imperfections, her secrets, her pain with the dark shadows that always appeared to incase the room…her beautiful cage.

Yet today she wanted everything to be exposed. She could not take it any longer…she didn't want to pretend or hide…not anymore.

Indigo blue eyes stared sullenly at the white ceiling, which seemed almost blue as the moonlight slid against it. She knew that he would be home soon, the thought making her hands unconsciously tighten in the green sheets that covered the bed.

Kaoru had always been a strong person, certainly in spirit, but right now she was feeling weak. She had never been as apprehensive in her life as she was this moment. Being raised in a dojo, discipline and courage were the fundaments to her personality.

Nevertheless here she was her stomach turning because of her nervousness as she waited for him to come home.

The word home left a bitter aftertaste in her mouth. She wondered if he even considered this his home.

She sighed as she raised a hand to run through her dark long hair that was sprawled behind her.

Aoshi was a very complicated man, with so many layers and most of them incased in the strongest of ice, shielding him from whatever might be out there, shielding him from her.

She did understand however why he was the way he was.

Aoshi hadn't had the best of childhoods to say the least, from his early-age involvement with gangs to the loss of his four best friends, there weren't really that many happy memories for him.

Indigo blue eyes saddened, he still carried those scars with him physically and emotionally. Not trusting and not letting anyone too close to him…even her, the person who loved him so much.

She sometimes wished that he would open more to her, but she was tired of waiting for him to do that. She could not put her heart out there any longer. She had given all she had to give to him, but she felt like he didn't share her feelings.

Aoshi had always been a very distant and unemotional man. He was an enigma to all, beautiful to admire, but hard to get close too. She could still recall the first time she saw him. She didn't know what it was, but he seemed to ensnare her instantly, for he was beautiful…his silence was beautiful.

It made her wonder how silence could be so beautiful, for Aoshi was silence in the most pure form and she found him utterly beautiful.

Her gaze shifted to the clock, which hung forgotten on the wall. Time was almost nonexistent in this room…this was their own little world.

The insistent ticking though reminded her that the moment was drawing closer.

Aoshi always arrived at this hour.

A man of very few words, he would barely speak a word to her as he came home. And as always when he entered this room, he chose to hide his flaws and secrets in the shadows just like her, even if those same shadows were the same ones that offered them intimacy when they made love on nights like these.

Closing her eyes, she tried to recall his caresses…his touch…his whole being as he made her his, over and over. Biting her lip, she tried to keep her tears at bay.

She loved him…she truly did…but she couldn't do this anymore.

Kaoru looked up as the door to the door was slowly pulled open. She didn't even bother to sit up as he stepped into the room, quietly closing the door behind him. He only had on a pair of dark pants on; probably having discarded the rest of his clothing in the bathroom as he always did, before coming to bed.

He stood there, imposing as always, looking as composed as ever with his eyes surveying the room. She resisted the urge to giggle as she watched him gaze at the windows, obviously expecting the room to be dark as always.

'Not this time, I don't want to hide and neither will you.'

She felt a pang of remorse as she eyed the scars on his body.

'So much history of pain.'

Kaoru was brought out of her musings as she felt his gaze on her. She resisted the urge to squirm as his smoldering gaze ran along her body.

Ice could burn just as well, she thought sardonically for an instant.

However whatever thoughts might have been circling her head vanished as his arctic blue eyes met her indigo ones. She still wondered how, he could always render her so helpless with only one look, but she didn't dwell too much on it as she noticed the look in his eyes.

She was certain that for a fleeting second she had seen curiosity in those dark depths, but it was quickly replaced by the same indifferent mask he always wore.

She suddenly felt vulnerable as he gazed at her as she lay there for once completely visible to him as streams of moonlight illuminated her tiny frame sprawled on the large bed, the tank top and the pair of comfy string pants she wore, no longer covering her enough in her opinion.

"Kaoru…"

His voice send a shiver down her spine, for a moment she wished to just close her eyes and forget about everything, but she quickly pushed those feelings aside as she slowly sat up.

She needed to do this.

"I'm leaving…" she muttered her voice cracking a bit and revealing her inner turmoil, which she was trying hard not to show.

His eyes bore through her and she momentarily lost her courage and looked away, eyes diverting to her suitcases which sat calmly next to the closet.

"Why?"

The question although warranted, still surprised her. She would have thought him to know better, to understand.

A wry smile appeared on her lips as she lowered her head, allowing the dark bangs to cover those deep indigo eyes of hers that at the moment glistened with unshed tears.

Why? Did he not see it? Did he not see that she loved him…but she couldn't stay…she couldn't stand watching and feeling him push her away each time.

"Why don't you figure it out!" she snapped, her anger, pain and sadness, all swirling together and making her yell at him.

She hadn't been planning to yell at him, but it was too much to keep inside.

She was now glaring at him as the same tears she refused to cry, fell from her eyes, leaving wet glistening paths along her cheeks.

And yet he seemed unperturbed by the whole thing.

Kaoru felt her heart break even more, as she studied him. He didn't seem to show any kind of emotion and it hurt her. She would have gladly welcomed anger, even hate, anything besides the aloofness that he was demonstrating her at that instant.

Shoulders slumped in defeat as the dark haired woman gave up. She needed to leave…now.

Looking away from him, she slowly stood up from the bed and made her way towards the suitcases that were standing and almost waiting on her in front of those large glass windows.

The dark haired woman could feel his gaze on her, but she refused to look at him. Her heart could not bear it any longer.

Just as she was about to reach her suitcases, she felt him move. She had absolutely no time to react as he took hold of her.

"Don't." Her breath caught in her throat as she felt him wrap his arms around her waist, pulling her against him.

She felt her resolve crumble slightly at his spoken word, but anger soon reared its ugly head. He had no right to order her around. Not now…not after he so carelessly showed her that he didn't love her.

"Let me go Aoshi." She said frostily, her voice sounding as cold as she was feeling inside at the moment.

For a moment, she thought he was going to let her go, but he only tightened his hold on her, while bringing her closer to his body. She swallowed hard as she felt the warmth of his body permeate her clothes, warming her back. For a moment, she couldn't speak and just settled on standing there with him holding her.

The silence grew deafening to her ears though. She bit her lips, wanting to say anything, but having nothing to say. Just when she thought it was becoming too much to bear, he spoke once again, breaking the silence.

"Stay." He whispered, finally breaking the silence that had settled between them.

Indigo blue eyes widened as his word registered to her mind. Hope blossomed in her chest, but she wasn't ready to believe just yet.

"Why? Why do you want me to stay? There's nothing here for me…" she whispered sullenly, voice wavering.

"We can try." He spoke calmly, his voice not giving any hints to what he was feeling; it made her wonder if he truly wanted this.

"Try?" She asked meekly.

She sighed deeply, her eyelids lowering slightly as she thought about his words.

Could she try once again? Was she strong enough?

Indigo blue eyes fixed on the slumbering city in front of them, while her index finger made imaginary patterns on the glass surface.

Did she want to try again? Was it worth it?

"I can try." He muttered softly in her ear, his hot breath dancing along her neck and shoulders, making her shiver lightly as she tensed in his arms.

Aoshi didn't know what more he could offer. He was a man of a few words and even less emotions. The way he was brought up, was completely different from her. While she had been able to show her emotions freely, he had to keep his hidden, knowing that it could only be a weakness to him in the world he was brought up in.

He sincerely wished that he could offer her more, but it wasn't in him. He could not change himself, but even if he didn't show her, he did care for her.

If only she could understand that…

"Aoshi, tell me this…" she whispered, untangling herself from his arms, so that she could turn to gaze at him.

For the first time, she could see surprise flicker across his face, even if it was short lasted. Not wasting any time, she blurted out what she had wishing to ask him for some time.

"Do you love me?" She cried out, needing to know that if she decided to stay…she was staying for a good reason.

He had been expecting the question, knowing that she would not settle for less. She was such a willful creature. A part of him felt guilty for having made her suffer, even if it was unintentionally. Still he could not be at fault for being himself. Coming once back to his senses, he tried to answer her question as truthfully as possible…but the words just couldn't come out.

Love; it was such a complicated word. It wasn't something that he usually used in his vocabulary. It was foreign to him…but he was willing to learn if only for her.

She felt her hopes vanish as he stayed silent.

"I should have known." She whispered bitterly, making him gaze at her.

She turned her face away from him and tried to move passed him, but he wouldn't budge. With every second she felt her anger and frustration mounting to the point that she wanted to physically hurt him.

Still he didn't let her move. She was just about to yell at him to let her go, when he stopped her by bend down and sealing his lips against hers. Once again blue eyes widened in surprise.

She was shocked and outraged that he would do something like that, but her body betrayed her, responding to him even if her mind refused to be deceived; eyes shutting close, while she clung at him like he was her lifeline.


She didn't protest as he led her to their bed and she didn't protest as he laid her down, his strong body incasing hers.

A part of her was outraged that he would stop her from leaving, but as soon as her eyes met his, she felt her anger disappear.Not even how much she wanted, she would not be able to leave.

She raised a hand to touch his cheek, his fingers dancing along his perfect face and she knew at that moment that it wasn't a dream, it was real.

No words needed to be spoken, to understand each other. She knew that it wouldn't be easy, but she was willing to try if he was.

She loved him that much.

And as he once again kissed her, she forgot about everything else, surrendering herself to him, their room shutting them off from the rest of the world.

Only this time there were no shadows between them as the moonlight illuminated them, exposing all of their truths and secrets to one another and her love for him…

And maybe even his unspoken love for her.

END……………………………………………………………………………………