Disclaimer: I do not own Legion of Super-Heroes.
A set of drabbles about our favorite family of electrokinetics, the Ranzzes. Five different versions of them!
Fun even if you don't read the comics. Oh, and side note, on New Earth, Timber Wolf is with Lightning Lass. And during the Five Years Later story, Garth's body was posessed by the mind of Saturn Girl's pet, Proty, a Protean, who gave his life to bring Garth back from the dead.
And after the Reboot, Garth hsd to use Element Lad's body, which was really awkward as Element Lad had killed Garth and Monstress after going insane.
A Young Mekt Ranzz in: Snow Twins
Little Mekt ran out into the snowy fields around the Ranzz Farm. Inspiration had struck him. He rolled up a ball of snow about his size. He stuck in two twig arms, a carrot nose, button eyes, and a shoe lace to make a smile.
"Mommy! Dad! Come look what I did!" Mekt called out.
"What is it?" His parents came running out to see what all the hubbub was about.
"I made myself a twin out of snow!"
The two blanked at the crude little boy made out of snow. They then looked at the smile on their son's face
"Finally, our son is normal!" They screamed.
Cartoon Ayla Ranzz In: Store Credit
"Here you are Garth!"
Garth Ranzz kneeled in front of the tree, facing his ten-year old twin sister Ayla as she handed him something big and soft wrapped in a blue-and-gold paper.
"Thanks sis. What is it?" He happily asked as he unwrapped.
"Mekt said you might like it." Ayla said. Garth finished unwrapping it, only to raise up to his head in pure horror.
"C, Captain Howdy?" He shakily asked as he held the horrible clown doll
"Sizzlin' supernovas!" The doll said as it laughed. There was one course of action.
"DIE!!!" Garth screamed as he incinerated it with his lightning powers.
"You could've just returned it for store credit." Ayla said.
Reboot's Spark & Livewire In: The Perfect Christmas Gift
"Hey Garth!" Ayla Ranzz, a.k.a. Spark, ran up to her brother Garth, a.k.a. Livewire, still housed in the crystalline body of Element Lad.
"Yeah?" He asked.
"You'll never guess what I got you for Christmas." She said in a singsong voice as she held something behind her back.
"What?"
"It's what you've always wanted!"
"Oh? Is it my old body back? Is it my fiancé finally gaining the nerve to look me in the eye? Is it everyone treating me like a normal person? Is it Dan Didio finally bringing our Legion back into the mainstream?"
"…" Was what Ayla said, until she placed something on his head in blur of superspeed.
"It's a hand-knitted hat!" She said, as she happily skipped down the hall as Garth looked like he was going to cry while wearing his new hat.
New Earth's Lightning Lass in: Santa Claws
"You remember how excited we used to get waiting for Santa Claus?" Phantom Girl asked as she reminisced with Lightning Lass about simpler times, as Timber Wolf passed by.
"Yeah, only now I'm waiting for someone else tonight." Ayla told her.
"Who?" Tinya asked.
"Santa Claws." She said in a romantic tone. Brin stopped in his tracks and began eavesdropping.
"Claws?" Tinya asked.
"With a C-L-A-W-S." Ayla spelled it out.
"What's he like?" Tinya asked.
"Well he's sweet, tall, rugged, muscular, fuzzy…" Ayla listed before Brin charged in.
"WHO IS HE?! I'LL KILL HIM!" The jealous lover screamed. The two girls gave him incredulous looks. Then it hit him.
"Oh." He bashfully said.
"You left out stupid." Tinya said.
New Earth's Shrinking Violet In: What I Want For Christmas
"Violet what are you doing?" Brainiac 5 asked. Violet was walking out the door with a letter in hand.
"Sending my letter to Santa." She told. Brainy gave her an odd look.
"Aren't you a little old for that?" He asked.
"No. And I hope he'll give me what I really want since I've been good all year long." She happily trodded off to send her letter.
"What the hell did Earth-Man do to her?" Brainy pondered.
Christmas Morning. Under the tree, there lay Ayla Ranzz, wrapped in red-and-green paper with a label over her mouth which read "For Salu."
"Thank you, Santa!" Vi happily cried.
"HEY!" Screamed Ayla's brother Garth and her boyfriend Brin.
Threeboot's Lightning Lad & Light Lass In: Holiday Lights
"Ayla we have a problem." Star Boy told her.
"What?" She asked.
"I can't find anymore outlets for the lights." He held out two balls of tangled Christmas lights.
"No prob. Garth!" Ayla called out. Lightning Lad walked in.
"Yeah sis?"
Minutes later…
"How long do I have to stand like this?" Garth cried. He stood in the lounge, holding up one strand of lights connected to the tree, and another connected to the lights outside the building.
"Long enough." Ayla told him.
"But my nose is cold!" He moaned. She stuck a red ball on it and fake antlers on his head.
"Problem solved." She said.
"I hate you." Garth swore.
Minutes later…
"Great, now my butt itches too." Garth complained.
"Someone call?" Invisible Kid popped in.
New Earth's Lightning Lad In: Fruitcake
Lightning Lad flew into the kitchen with a white box and a roll of wrapping paper, but got distressed when he saw the empty plate on the counter. He dropped everything and started looking frantically around for the missing item, when Brainy walked in. Garth grabbed him.
"Brainy have you seen a fruitcake around here?" He asked. Brainy repressed a burp.
"Oh, was that yours?" He asked.
"Wait, you ate it?!" Garth screamed.
"What? I like fruitcake. And I needed a little snack." Brainy defended.
"I made that for Imra!"
"You made your wife fruitcake? I did you a favor." Brainy laughed.
"I put her gift inside it, moron!" Garth clarified. Brainy paled.
"What?" He paled.
"I bought her a ruby ring and I put it in the cake!" Garth told him. Brainy's stomach rumbled.
"Uh-oh."
"I also put in a matching necklace." Garth said, gritting his teeth and eyes glowing.
"Is that all?" Brainy meekly responded.
"And earrings." Garth held up his crackling fists, grabbed Brainy by the collar, and dragged him to the bathroom.
…
"Come on, already!"
Vi stopped in her tracks as she heard painful cries from the bathroom. There were two in there, Garth and Querl, and Querl sounded like he was in a lot of pain. Vi figured it had to do with the empty laxatives bottle outside the door.
"I'm trying!" Querl cried.
"Try harder!" Garth ordered.
"Guys, everything okay in there?" She knocked on the door. It hissed open, and Garth popped his head out.
"Vi! Just the girl I needed!" He happily said, before dragging her in and slamming the door shut.
…
"Here you are, Imra. Merry Christmas, babe."
Christmas Eve night. Garth held open a box containing the ruby jewelry. Imra's eyes lit up as she put the earrings on.
"Oh they're beautiful!" She kissed him on the cheek. He beamed. "Where'd you get them from?" She asked.
"It'd be best not to ask questions." He said as he laughed. Imra looked puzzled, and then started to wonder why they smelled like air freshener.
...
"The things I've seen." Vi said, horribly disturbed as she shook back and forth in the shower, wondering if she'd ever be clean again. And Querl wondered if his poor insides would ever recover.
Animated Mekt Ranzz in: More Fruitcake
Mekt Ranzz sat in his cell in Takron-Galtos and started to unwrap his gifts.
"From mom."
He opened it.
"Fruitcake."
Picked up the next one.
"From dad."
He unwrapped it.
"Last year's fruitcake."
Picked up the next one.
"From Garth."
Unwrapped it.
"Last year's fruitcake that I sent him."
He sighed in frustration and picked up the next one.
"From Ayla."
It was smaller then the others, but he unwrapped it, and then he smiled.
"Thanks sis."
He held up a bottle of Tums.
Five-Years Later Garth Ranzz in: The Visit
"Well Imra, looks like everyone's here." Garth said as he leaned on his cane. The entire Lightning Rings Plantation was in full swing for the holidays as it was crowded by visiting Legionnaires and family members.
"It looks like it." Imra said, holding Dacey and Doritt, their baby girls, in her arms.
"Oh wait, someone's not here." Garth noticed.
"Who?" Imra asked.
DING-DONG.
"I'll get it." Garth said.
"Who could that be?" Ayla asked.
"Mom! Dad!" They heard Garth cry.
"What the…? Our parents are dead!" Mekt yelled.
"But, could it be…" Ayla gasped as she and Mekt exchanged glances.
"MOMMY! DADDY!" They ran into the foyer, arms wide and smiling broadly, until they tripped on one another when they saw Garth hugging two Protean blobs.
"Son! So good to see you!" One of the Proteans said.
"Look how tall you got." The other said.
"Where's our grandchildren?"
Ayla got up and glared at Imra.
"I hate you."
Animated Lightning Lad In: The Surprise
"You'll never guess what I got you for Christmas." Garth teased.
"I bet I will." Imra joked. She looked up at the thought bubble above his head, and saw his thoughts. Thought Garth handed Thought Imra a bowling ball.
"I love it!" Thought Imra said.
"JERK!"
WHAM!
He went flying across the room as she stormed off. He shook off her right hook, and said to himself…
"Sucka."
Another thought bubble, Garth handing her a bottle of expensive perfume.