M/C "Why Don't You Try"
A/N: This has been sitting on my laptop for a couple of years… I figured it's about time it sees the light of day ;)
Inspired by Kelly Clarkson's "Why Don't You Try", off of her album "Stronger" (as a diehard KC fan, I strongly recommend this song, but that's just me)
The blinking lights and vibration of her Blackberry on his nightstand wakes her from her light slumber. She reaches for her phone, to silences the vibrating alarm. Slowly, she slips out of Mike's arms and rises from the bed, carefully as not to wake him, although they both know he's not fully asleep. It's become their tradition.
Neither one of them remembers exactly how their sexual relationship commenced, but she suspected it had something to do with a few too many drinks one night after work. Somewhere along the way, they'd established guidelines for their relationship. It was purely sexual, no strings attached. They both agreed a concrete relationship would complicate things, in both their personal and work lives. Secondly, their relationship never left the area of their encounters. What happened between the four walls of a bedroom was completely separate from their personal and especially, their work lives. Somewhere along the way, Mike's apartment had become the standard place for their encounters. Probably because his place was closer to the office than hers and it was more accessible to the both of them. Generally, they ended up back at his place after a hard day at work, or a contrary verdict, both of which tended to happen often.
At first, the arrangements suited her just fine. It was satisfactory to both of their needs and by keeping it a secret; they avoided the possible complications at work. They were both free to see other people and they did, on occasion. But they always returned to each other. They were each other's safe haven. There was no pressure to conform, to please anyone because they'd been working together for so long, they'd discovered their true characters long ago and they'd come to terms with their differences.
But lately she'd begun to feel torn, between her relationship with Mike, and the actuality of her life. Part of her had begun to want more than what she had with Mike. But most of all, she wanted Mike to want more. Unfortunately, he didn't seem to share her desires. He, on the other hand, seemed perfectly fine with the way things were. He was content and satisfied and she'd tried to be the same but she couldn't. No matter how hard she tried, she always returned to the feeling of wanting more. She didn't share her feelings with Mike because part of the reason for their arrangement was to maintain a certain distance between them. She felt it would be crossing the line, to ask for more. So for now, she simply followed their original plan.
She padded around Mike's bedroom quietly, gathering her scattered clothing. She dressed quickly and silently. He shifted a bit in his sleep as she headed for the bathroom. As she glanced in the mirror, she ran her fingers through her hair to comb out a few tangles. She returned to the bedroom and as she gathered the rest of her belongings, he stirred again. This time, he turned in her direction and smiled sleepily. His naked body, entwined in the sheets, his bright blue eyes, sleepily content.
"Leaving so soon?," he commented, taking in her slightly disheveled, but dressed appearance. She gives him a small, slightly dishonest smile, as she says, "I have to. It's late. I have to go home and change before going to the office."
"Oh. See you in a few hours?" He says nonchalantly.
"Yeah. See you." She says, a bit deflated as she turns around and begins to walk out of his apartment. He starts to drift off, back to sleep, breathing in her lingering scent. Suddenly, he hears the familiar pair of footsteps turn around and head towards him. He opens his eyes to see Connie walking back into the room. She drops her things by the door and slips off her shoes.
"Is everything okay?" He asks, with a tone of concern in his voice, as he awakens and sits up. He reached for lamp on his nightstand, flicking the light on.
"No. I need to talk to you."
"At four in the morning?" He asks, a bit confused. "What could be so important?"
"Us. I can't do this anymore."
"Do what? Connie you're not making sense." He says as she sits on the bed beside him.
"This isn't what I agreed to."
"Can we go back and start at the beginning because I'm completely lost."
"This isn't going to work. We don't want the same things out of this relationship and I can't keep pretending."
"Whoa! Slow down, slow down… Connie," he says taking her hand. " Deep breath and start at the beginning."
She takes a breath and says, "I'm ending this. It never should have started and it's my fault it's gotten this far."
"Wait. First of all, whether this should have started or not is a mute point because the fact is that it did. We can't change the past. As to whose's "fault" it is, I didn't consider there being any fault in this situation. I thought this was something we both wanted and agreed to. That's at least as far as I'm concerned. We came up with this arrangement together, to avoid complications, two equally consenting adults. So what changed in the past five minutes? Was it something I said, something I did?" He says. She can hear the genuine concern and confusion in his voice and it breaks her heart.
"I can't talk to you." She says, pulling out of his grasp. She has to get out of there before she completely losses her composure. She starts to stand up but he catches her arm, forcing her back down, forcing her to stay. She doesn't fight him as she sighs reluctantly.
"Connie, I'm right here. Talk to me. Whatever it is, we can work it out."
"But we can't," she says.
"Why not?'
"Because it's too complicated."
"Connie, we're prosecutors. Everything about our lives is complicated."
"It's just not going to work, Mike."
"What's not going to work? I don't even know what the problem is because you won't tell me. I thought we were fine. You never showed any unhappiness before today."
"But I was…for a long time. I… I just didn't know how to tell you."
"You've never been shy before. What changed?"
"We did. This entire thing... We went from being professional work colleagues to illicit lovers."
"Connie we've never been illicit."
"We developed guidelines to keep this affair a secret. If that's not illicit, I don't know what is."
"I just thought it's be easier for the both of us to keep this as quiet as possible, given our professional obligations. Maybe that should change, I don't know. But I won't know if you don't tell me because as far as I was concerned, we were both satisfied with this arrangement."
"I am… I mean, I was. I… I don't know what happened. I was fine. Everything was fine. Suddenly… it's like I realized that I was living a lie and I hated it. I wanted more."
"More, in terms of…"
"More than sex."
He doesn't answer for a while as he rubs a hand over his forehead and through his hair. Suddenly he gets up from bed and pulls on a pair of nearby boxers. He walks out of the room. She's afraid to breathe, to move. Afraid of what will happen next. Part of her wants Mike to agree to the culmination of their affair. Part of her can't bear to lose him, even if it is just sex.
Just as she's about to run out of the apartment, he walks back into the room. She observes his face as he walks back into the bedroom. His smiling blue eyes, gravely serious and directly centered in on her. The intensity of his gaze holds her captivated and she wants to look away but at the same time she can't bear to break the spell of the moment. She wants it to last forever. Despite his serious demeanor, she can see the intensity of the love in his eyes. A flicker of insecurity passes through his eyes but before she can determine why, the next thing happens. She unwillingly gasps as he kneels in front of her. He opens his left hand to reveal a small blue velvet box that was hidden in his closed fist.
" Connie. Marry me." He says, his voice soft, yet steady, as he opens the box. Inside is the most beautiful ring she's ever seen. A silver band with vines intertwined around small & exquisitely carved lilies, with a clawed gleaming diamond in the middle.
"Mike, I…" She says, letting her voice trail off. She knows the answer she wants to say, but can't seem to find her voice to say that one simple word.
"Connie I love you. You're right, I don't know how or when got started along this path, but this has made me realize something I'd been trying to deny every since the moment we started working together. You are the most extraordinary woman I've ever met and I don't want to go on another day without you." He finishes with a hopeful tone in his voice, as she fights back the tears threatening to spill over from her eyes.
"I… I love you Mike. But…." She says, stopping herself from giving him an answer. Before she can stop herself she says, "I can't give you an answer because… Because in the back of my mind, I think I pushed our relationship and I don't know if we're ready for this."
"Wait, you think I'm proposing because you said you were leaving?" He asks.
She doesn't answer but looks away guiltily, hating the sound of the words that just left his mouth, even though that's exactly what she was thinking. He gets up from his kneeled position in front of her and closes the remaining distance between them, taking a few steps forwards. He takes her hand and gently pulls her to a standing position. Without words, his lips capture hers in a sweet reassuring motion. And in that single moment, all her fears and doubts are erased. She cannot resist the pull of his kiss as she returns his affections. A moment later, she mumbles in between kisses, audibly yet quietly "Yes."
He pulls away almost immediately. His eyes sparkle as they meet hers and he asks "What did you say?"
"Yes. Yes, I'll marry you." She says, allowing tears of excitement to spill over from her eyes. He kisses her again and as she kisses him back, she finds herself suppressing a laugh from the depths of her heart. She doesn't know why exactly but she suspects the laughter is the built up relief of all her worries and insecurities. Mike pulls away hesitantly as her laughter becomes uncontainable. Despite his confusion, somewhere along the way, he joins her in laughter as he wipes a few remaining stray tears from her eyes. He takes the ring out of the box and gently slips it on her finger. Gently caressing her face, he tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear as he kisses her softly and reassuringly, and she can't remember ever being happier in all of her life.
The End :D 3