There he was.
Target spotted.
Through the grill of the vents, you could see him below in the history section, looking between two books and taking turns flipping their pages. You couldn't make out the titles from up here, but Komaeda had been frequenting this area of the library for the past week and seemed to be studying ancient religions.
Yesterday it was Zoroastrianism, so he was probably working his way across the religions that had once reigned supreme in the middle east and soon enough he'd work his way to Africa. For someone that never attended class, Komaeda was diligent with his studying (not that you had room to judge him considering you hadn't been back since the first day) and that made him all the more admirable.
It was weird.
Komaeda was really attractive. He had a cute face. He was never mean to anyone.
And yet…
As he decided on one book and put the other back, the few students that were already sitting at the nearby table looked at each other warily. They stopped reading, writing, and packed up their bags to move away the very second Komaeda sat down. He smiled as if their disgust delighted him and started reading. He was probably used to this by now. How sad.
Everyone disliked him. Allegedly—emphasis on the definition of "allegedly", which is "everyone says so but that doesn't mean it's true"—he was always causing trouble for other students without meaning to. Even though he was SHSL Luck, he seemed to suck the good luck out of everyone around him and cause bad things to happen to them. So even talking to him could ruin your entire day.
Allegedly! That was probably just a rumor. And if that was true…well, you had a sigil on your back that dispelled anything to do with curses. And you could cure it. Not a big deal. The headmaster must have put you two in the same class for this very reason.
If you'd done this sooner, maybe it could've helped him to make friends...but you couldn't help feeling shy around him.
Which was why, right now, you were staring at him through the library's ventilation system like some sort of wild animal stalking its prey.
You crawled over to the opening and unlatched it with a screwdriver. They might as well had given you a key already; everyone knew you stayed up here. The library attic as practically your private study. With the door vent open, you swooped down and hit the floor with a quiet tap, then walked behind him casually.
"Komaeda-kun!" You waved.
He looked up from his book and waved back, grinning. He was surprisingly happy to see you? "Oh, Kageko-chan! Hello! You must be having a bad day to be talking to trash like me, or have you not heard? You should run. My bad luck is on a winning streak against me lately!"
"Nope, not at all!" His desperation was actually making you feel better about this. "Komaeda-kun, will you come to the attic with me? It's my secret lair, you know! A witch's lair! Which means I have…uhm…taxidermied mermaids! They're really cool if you wanna come see them! …They're actually just monster girl scale figures from this one manga but they have really nice…uhm…craftsmanship—"
His green eyes widened. "Eh? You want to hang out with me?!"
"Y-yeah!"
"Why? Seriously, you shouldn't take pity on me just because we're in the same homeroom. From what I see, no one shows up, anyway. Your Hope shouldn't be wasted on scum like me."
You crossed your arms into and x. "Nope, it' the opposite! As the leading magical authority here, I have a duty to examine you for a curse! The headmaster asked me to!"
That was a lie. Well, a half lie. He'd lectured you about the responsibility of making sure everyone was safe spiritually and that nothing unseen could hurt them. It wasn't like he actually knew anything about magic himself.
"That's…unfortunate." Komaeda sighed, standing up. "I'm sorry you have to do this."
"No, Komaeda-kun, I want to. I don't hate you like everyone else, okay? I legitimately like you as a person just from our meeting at the entrance ceremony. So don't beat yourself up like it's bothering me to be around you." You erased all hesitation and pat his shoulder, offering him a friendly smile.
You hoped you were coming across as confident, because you'd never felt so embarrassed.
Komaeda gulped and looked away from you. "A-Alright."
"Ohh, these are…!" Komaeda was instantly drawn to the mermaid figures you'd mentioned, moving to the glass case in the corner of the room.
You regretted bringing them up, because they were exceptionally sultry. Their nipples were visible at the right angle, and they looked like characters from a cheap ecchi. Well, the manga they were from was a cheap ecchi but the story was okay enough and the boob physics were nice enough…
"These mermaids are based on the Assyrian versions, right? The fertility goddesses always had wide hips like that! Do you practice from some ancient Atargatis text?"
Komaeda was knowledgeable about his mythology. You were kinda impressed.
"Well, it's like, a mix of things." You moved over to your bookshelf to grab a notebook full of your personal notes. "Mostly from religions that are completely dead and accepted as myths. When the last follower dies out, so do gods. But they can still be contacted."
That had to sound exceptionally strange.
But Komaeda was strange himself, and his smile wasn't judging you. "I see! That's really amazing, Kageko-chan. You would know everything there is to know about any curses that would be hanging over me like a rain cloud! I have no doubt that my luck is a curse, but I'm going to have to decline your offer!"
"What? Why? And it wasn't an offer, it was…" A demand? "An order, remember? From the headmaster?"
"The thing is, my luck what got me enrolled here to begin with. Isn't it pointless to kill it?" He was looking around the spacious miniature library you'd set up. This place wasn't too impressive; just a few bookshelves full of mostly personal spells and supernatural experiences compiled by yourself and a pool of other students, the collectable figures in the glass case in the corner, a table, and a miniature refrigerator in the corner. Oh, and the unusable stove and sink in the opposite corner that no one ever used on account of it being broken (and truthfully, you were too lazy to try your hand at cooking).
"We aren't gonna zap it from you…" You tried to imagine whatever scenario he had in mind.
Strapping him down to a chair and performing an exorcism? Throwing him into a bath of salt? Common magical misconceptions.
But how to put it?
"Um, what did those papers say…I read the report... Right! Hope's Peak Unexplainable Phenomena Committee believes that talent is something that's directly rooted to the soul, so it can't be taken away except in death. Even if you were to forget your talent, it's a hard-wired feature of your flesh. I wouldn't ever do anything that would put someone at risk for that…just because I'm doing this on an order doesn't mean it won't have karmatic consequences."
"Unexplainable Phenomena Committee? I didn't read about that online! Is that a new club?"
"Yes—eh, kind of."
It wasn't official, but it was still a club. There were four and a half and dedicated members: yourself, Pandora, Sonia, Tanaka, and Ryouta (Ryouta counted as half a member because he never actually showed up, but didn't mind your adding his name to the roster). That qualified you as a club, whether or not anyone remembered to submit the application.
The council only really cared about paperwork when it came to the Reserve Course students, anyway. "But the point is, I'm not gonna do anything to put you, your soul, or your luck in danger. Think of it as me studying you."
Komaeda let the information sink in for a moment, eyes lit up with delight.
He was practically sparkling. "Thank you very much, Kageko-chan! For you to cast your hope onto an unworthy piece of garbage like me, your light is shining with a thousand—no, a million-rays of the sun!"
You moved to the table in the center of the attic, turning your head for a moment to clear your thoughts because you could feel your face going red. "It's not a big deal. And if you're gonna cast me in some sort of light, use 'moon' not 'sun'…"
"It is! If my talent could actually be salvaged to spread Hope, that would be the most wonderful thing! Maybe my existence could have some value, after all!"
His excitement stabbed you with guilt, because you weren't so sure that this was something that could be cured, and you didn't want to see him getting sad if this was something that really couldn't be helped. Some people are just luckier than others, for whatever reason, and his seemed to come in waves of one or the other in unrealistic extremes. It could just be a glitch in reality with no real explanation…like the platypus.
"Alright, well, first…" You flipped your book a few pages, pretending to look for a spell. You really didn't need to look. It was simple, but you wanted to actually apply some effort now. "I'm going to need some lavender candles, but I don't have any up here. Oh! I know! Komaeda-kun, why don't we take a trip to town?"
"Eh? I can go for you, I'm sure you wouldn't want to be seen out in public alone with me!"
That's the opposite of a problem.
"I don't mind it. Komaeda-kun, I already said I don't hate you." Did he just ignore you the first time? "And anyway, it's cloudy today, so I kind wanted to go out for a bit, anyway."
"With my luck, it'll probably rain."
"Again, I don't mind it." In fact, you'd prefer it that way, and there was an old, soft green umbrella behind the rightmost bookshelf. You retrieved it and smiled. "See? I like the rain!"
"If you say so." He laughed, apprehension looming in his voice.
"I've got you covered! I'm protected by the divine, y'know! I'm the SHSL Witch, don't forget it, Komaeda-kun." You attempted to spin the hook shaped handle around your finger in a vain attempt for aesthetic, but the umbrella opened on its own, knocking over the black box that was already teetering on the edge of the shelf. It hit the floor with a loud clatter, cards spilling out, facing downwards.
Komaeda audibly gasped. "Kageko-chan! I'm…I'm really sorry." He moved to picked them up and gather them back into their container hurriedly.
Forcing the umbrella back down with bitter force, you folded it back and attached the Velcro tie around it and knelt down to help him. "N-No, it's my fault…"
He handed you the cards he'd picked up. "You…maybe wanna make sure they're all here."
"They are." You didn't really check, feeling as embarrassed as he looked, heart beating fast enough to send a tremor into your chest when his hands touched yours giving them back.
There was one card sticking out, right side up in the center. You pulled it out: Queen of Chalices, eyes closed, smiling in tranquility holding a glass filled with the finest wine. You gave the beautiful painting a look over, sighing contently, and placed the box back onto the shelf.
The best candle shop in the entire world (in your humble opinion, anyway) existed on just the next island over. It was just a newly opened bookshop with overpriced school supplies and occasionally mediocre manga, but they carried the lavender candles with star patterns etched into them and those were your favorite!
The bridge to the other island wasn't as long a walk as it looked, and the quiet slush of the ocean below and the cool breeze (and complete lack of blinding sunlight) would make this a scenic route for a journey with a beloved classmate. Especially since no one else was here right now.
It felt a little awkward, walking with him when you'd imagined it before under a dozen other circumstances, if only because he insisted on staying at least twenty steps behind you no matter how slow you walked, and you couldn't…make conversation like this.
What were you even going to say?
Something simple like, tell me about yourself, Komaeda-kun!?
…That seemed the most reasonable ice breaker, but you couldn't help feeling shy around him even knowing he didn't have any friends and seemed grateful for your time so far (and you didn't want him to be your friend just because he didn't have anyone else…).
This was going nowhere fast. Too fast, because thinking about this had you increasing your pace and practically speed walking.
Am I really going to just let him do this…okay…stop.
You turned around to look at him.
He was even further away now!
He stopped.
He blinked. Still wearing that amiable smile. Waiting on you to continue. Almost like…a cat.
"Komaeda-kun!" You had to yell to make sure he'd hear. "I thought we were walking together!"
He cupped both hands over his mouth and shouted back. "If I walk too close to you, a whale could jump out of the ocean and swallow you in one bite!"
What? This bridge was too high up for that.
"I seriously—" You stopped to cough into your hand. Screaming was such a pain. "I seriously doubt that Komaeda-kun! …Come on, I'd rather walk next to you!"
"That's dangerous!"
"No, it's—" Your throat was already itching. Enough. You clenched your fists and walked over to him. Surprisingly, he didn't back away, but a bead of sweat rolled down his forehead. "Komaeda-kun, I'm not going to be swallowed whole by a whale that decided it wants to jump like a trillion feet out of the ocean to prey on me specifically. And the bridge won't collapse either; and there's not going to be a pterodactyl that scoops me up."
"Eh?"
That last part made more sense in my head.
He blinked, staring at down you in awe, as if defying his precautions was some heroic feat.
When he didn't say anything, you took his wrist in your hand and gently tugged him along, one step forward. "I already told you that it's alright." His skin was warmer than yours, and being this close to him was a reminder of how he was at least half a foot taller than you. "Let's go."
"My, you're rather persistent…" He was following you at a steady pace now.
"Well, I—" You looked away from him, letting him go, realizing that your palm was sweating just enough to notice. "I kinda understand what it's like to have a force out of your control that scares other people."
"But with a Hope like yours, it's no problem controlling magic, right?" He sounded enthusiastic now, much to your relief. "From what I read about you on the internet, you hexed your entire household and brought demons into their minds. It wasn't in the main news, of course, or on the official HPA boards, and your name was never outright stated, but I did some digging around and your story was interesting! To think, someone as small as yourself could bring adults to their knees and make them commit suicide…"
"Well, uh…" You weren't too sure how to respond to that, or if he was even listening. So he knew all about that even on the first day of school? Oh, no. "Sometimes…things…happen."
Suddenly, you felt uncomfortable at having those memories dug up from the shallow grave you'd pushed them into.
Oh, right. The first day of class, he knew everything about everyone and it made them unhinged. That was what made everyone so reluctant to hang out with him to begin with. He had nothing but good, positive things to say them, listing off their personal accomplishments like he'd been there himself to witness them, but it still felt invasive.
Thankfully, he hadn't said anything of this caliber to you back then. At least he was…kinda respecting your privacy, not announcing the story of your being scouted to an audience. Even if you weren't the most social person, it'd be troublesome if your classmates became scared of you…or worse, if the Unexplainable Phenomena Committee got wind of it.
They were your only friends…or at least, that's what you considered them.
People that sat in the same room together sometimes, shared stories of seeing ghosts or peculiar nightmares, and brought snacks to share. Sometimes a movie and a laptop to watch it with. It was peaceful, and you wouldn't want anything disrupting that…
Komaeda continued to prattle on; but he sounded more and more excited, like he was praising you. Not an ounce of apprehension.
There's no reason to be uncomfortable. It's just his way. He studied us because he wanted to know, wanted to be our friend…
"You're definitely a force to not trifle with, but unfortunately, because my luck is so powerful, I can't being cautious because of how generous you've been with your company today, I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to you! Like with your cards…"
"That wasn't bad luck." You looked at him as you stepped off the bridge and shook your head. "Well, we made it over okay. So it's fine, see?"
He crossed his arms and sighed. "I guess so."
Was he disappointed?!
It was fine. You were on the ground. Safe. And from the looks of the bookstore, you'd have the entire building to yourself! It wasn't a huge building, especially in comparison to the rest of the shopping district, so it being dead was preferable. Not too many other students were shopping here today, just a few Reserve Course students sitting outside of the café with overpriced shaved ice (5000 yen a cone and the cashiers only gave them one pump of flavor instead of three!) who wouldn't bother anyone.
They never wanted to talk to the Main Course, anyway, much to your relief, but despite that, Komaeda scoffed when he noticed them looking in your direction.
Getting the candles was eventful. They were towards the back, in their own aisle, plentiful in stock and conveniently on sale (did no one else besides you and Sonia buy them?), and Komaeda followed you expectantly, having picked up a basket without you asking him to.
"I might as well stock up…since they're on sale." You picked up the biggest violet candle they had, this one with not only stars but phases of the moon etched all around it, and sniffed it. Perfect!
The lavender scent of this brand was completely organic and one out of every three candles had a wick that made the fire a different color!
So far you'd found blue, green, purple, black, white, red, ora—wait…
You held it up Ko's face, careful not to hit his nose. "Isn't it relaxing?"
He closed his eyes and sniffed. "It is! It's like practically throwing yourself into a garden of them! It's used for meditation?"
"Yupp! Oh, and even though it isn't magical, Ultra Clean Linen is nice, too…" You picked up the multi colored candles and started dropping them into the basket. "And there's also the Midnight Mist, this is a new one, but I trust this brand enough to drop the money. Oh! Lagoon Liquid!"
There was a dark blue candle on the very back of the shelf, only visible after you'd grabbed the Pumpkin Parade. "I thought they were out of stock!"
You turned to Komaeda, feeling bashful suddenly about your enthusiasm. "They were limited edition and selling out, there was only one left last time I was here a month ago and I'd forgotten my wallet and so I—I…hid it…in the back…"
Laughing nervously, you placed it in the basket gently. "Okay. I'm done."
"So if you see something dreadful hanging over me, aside from my luck itself, you'll remove it? Or?"
Komaeda laid down on the couch by the window of the attic, dim sunset peeking in through the ongoing drizzle outside. He placed his hands to his chest like a praying corpse.
You on the floor next to him, chalk in hand, drawing out a circle and sketching down a simple reveal sigil. It was your own design, and maybe there wasn't any magic involved considering the center of it was just a right side up cat face with sharp teeth, but it worked helping you concentrate.
Setting four of the lavender candles up and lighting them, Komaeda sat up suddenly.
"Be careful…if there's really an evil spirit following me around they realize what you're doing, my luck could be used to burn down the entire library! The floor is made of wood!"
"I know it is, otherwise I couldn't draw on it."
You grabbed a box of matches from the shelf, lit the candles (they were all just regular wicks? Really?), and climbed onto the top of the couch with precise balance, crossed your legs, and stared down at him. He was looking away from you now, a surprisingly lively pink hue to his cheeks.
He glanced to you, then away again.
"Komaeda-kun, close your eyes. Also, don't get up because without your weight I'm sure this thing would topple over with me up here."
He closed them immediately.
His eyelashes are long…
His mouth open, ever so slightly, you could…see his tongue if you tilted your head the right way. And his chest was rising and falling with dreadful slowness, as if he wasn't breathing at all.
And he's so pale...his wrist was soft when I touched it, and kinda bony…I wonder what it's like to hug him without a shirt on…I bet he doesn't have any hair…he's so pretty….
"Kageko-chan?" He opened his eyes and you forced your gaze to the wall. "Is everything alright?"
"I-It's fine! Close your eyes…I'm…concentrating."
He closed them again.
"Okay, do you smell the lavender?"
"Yes."
"Focus on that."
You looked to the candles yourself, letting your consciousness drift into nothing with the flames. Putting yourself in a trance wasn't hard anymore. It just required letting of distracting thoughts, including thoughts about how pretty Komaeda was.
The red and orange illuminated the room, the brightness singing away distractions.
Eyes half lidded, you waited.
Waited until you could see it. Feel it. Sometimes even hear it.
Is something cursing Komaeda's luck…
Or is it really like that…
You weren't thinking in words, but feelings, the questions leaking out of your mind and sauntering around your body, seeking an answer from nothing. But it wasn't nothing. It was everything.
It was the divine. It was you. Your higher self. Whom you called upon for divination. For hexes. For prayers. Everything.
Maybe it wasn't something that could be so easily described. It was magic. You were magic.
And this magic, encasing you in a cold embrace, confirmed that there was no evil or dark spirit in the room. Nothing casting a shadow of misfortune over a single human, following him and causing travesty in his life only to reward him later for cheap laughs.
It was just you, Komaeda, and stuffed animals that moved when you fell into a deep enough trance (of course, that wasn't real, just an optical illusion from unfocusing your eyes).
His luck is something he was born with, after all…
You'd halfheartedly hoped that it had been a curse, something that could be cleansed, but no. It was just like this.
And disgustingly enough, a part of you was…relieved.
He was attractive enough to be popular if not for his unsettling demeanor and bad luck. He probably wouldn't like you if that was the case. And that was implying that he could ever develop romantic feelings for you.
I'm…fucked up. Komaeda-kun, I'm sorry… This is why a monster like myself shouldn't be allowed to love anyone.
Mood ruined, by both the diagnosis and yourself, you hopped off the back of the couch and sighed. "Alright, I'm done."
Komaeda opened his eyes and sat up immediately, looking at you with shiny, eager eyes. "Well?! What did you see?"
"…I…didn't see anything. But…" You sat next to him and put a hand on his shoulder; he flinched, and looked at you like you'd just driven a knife into his arm. "I'm…"
It'd be easy to lie. To say that there was some high level spirit that had laced itself into his soul and his luck, that it'd take years of sessions to overcome.
He'd keep coming back. Keep smiling at you. Keep investing hope that you could one day give him a life of freedom. He'd be so grateful to you. He'd grow to love you over that period of time.
You'd become his Hope. You'd be the most special person in the world to him.
That's so evil.
But no. You couldn't. It wouldn't be sincere. It'd be built on a lie and it wouldn't count. You'd never feel right about it. Some half-baked, artificial, fake, synthetic lie of a relationship just because the whim had taken hold of you.
Thinking it doesn't make me evil, only doing it…right?
It was hard to not be evil sometimes. But karma existed. And even if it didn't, it kept you in line.
"Komaeda-kun, I don't see any cure for your bad luck. There's nothing evil hanging about you." There. The truth.
"I see…" For once, he frowned at receiving bad news, and looked away from you. "Well, thank you for trying…had some sort of dark poltergeist been hanging over me this entire time, I'm sure you could have gotten rid of it no problem!"
"However! Your bad luck didn't affect me at all today. And you were having fun with me, right? Even if it was just for a little while?"
"But your cards earlier—"
"No, that was good luck! I…needed to see the card that was sticking out." You stood up suddenly, standing before him, hand over your heart. "In fact, seeing that card gave me the courage for what I'm about to do! Ten of cups represents emotional nourishment and thriving relationships." Don't think about it donthinkaboutdontthinkaboutit. "Komaeda-kun! Do you like me?!"
Why am I screaming?!
He was smiling again, lit up at the chance to praise you, and your face turned red at seeing his expression. "Well? Yes! I think you're wonderful! And it was so kind, so generous of you to even try to help me today. No one has ever insisted I walk side by side with them before, and even when I dropped the entire bag of candles of the way back, you didn't get impatient with me! I like you very much! I love all of you! I love all of you more than I could ever love myself! Kageko-chan, your light shines so radiantly…I don't just like you, I love you, and I'll do anything you want to help your talent shine even more brightly!"
"Then…then…I'd like you to…" He was using the word "love", but…that wasn't the same type of "love" you were aiming for.
That was fine. He liked you. You had a shot here. Guilt from your thoughts of trying to trap him into hanging out with you stabbed at your heart and you realized that maybe you didn't deserve his affection.
"I'd like you to…be my…friend…." You were definitely blushing right now, unable to look at him.
You could wait. This could wait. Whatever flurry of sudden warm emotion had overtaken you from the moment you'd met him could wait. Of his own free will, he'd praised you from the beginning, and you wanted it to stay that way.
It's probably just a stupid high school crush, anyway, I must have caught it from someone…like a disease…
He waved a hand dismissively and laughed loudly. His hollow voice echoed off the walls. "Friend? I don't make friends, Kageko-chan! I'm not meant to mingle with the likes of those with talent! I only act in the interest of Hope! If anything, I'm a servant of Hope and nothing more. A stepping stone for people like you."
You shook your head and sat back down next to him, leaning forward so that your eyes met. "I-I'm serious…and, um, aside from that, I'm still very much fascinated by your luck and I want to learn more about it. It's…definitely something supernatural. Komaeda-kun, if you aren't in any other clubs, I'd also like you to-to join Hope's Peak Unexplainable Phenomena Committee."
"Me?! In a club?!"
"Yes."
"What would I even do?"
"…We can decide that at the meeting tomorrow. I, uh…" You moved back so that you were sitting on your hands, and shifted uncomfortably.
He waited.
"…Think of yourself as a study subject! I'm studying your luck. It's a neat subject. And, um, my…my hope shines brighter…when I'm studying it. I just noticed today. Your luck has, um, given me inspiration. For my research as the Ultimate Witch. You'd be doing me a huge favor by joining."
"Well…" He put a finger to his chin, carefully considering your proposition.
He grinned. "Alright! If it helps your talent! Who am I to say no to any of your demands, anyway? But as soon as my bad luck affects you…Kageko-chan, I can't forgive myself."
"It won't." You'd make sure of it. You stood up, a newfound energy flowing into you as you strode to the window, arms crossed, and smiled out at the pouring rain. It'd really picked up. How revitalizing!
He was so doubtful of himself, but confident in his luck and that it would reach out and push you into some sort of mortal hell if you got too close to him. And maybe that was why he didn't ever make friends.
Ever since you'd dragged him up here, he'd been so cautious. Not wanting to overstep boundaries that didn't exist. (That sort of timidness definitely wasn't attractive.) It was…sad. And pitiful. If anything had put a curse on him, it was himself.
For the first time in two weeks, you'd actually be calling a meeting with the Committee. Despite his reputation in class, no one would object to his joining as long as he was your responsibility, and you'd find something for him to do to help out, even if it was just…helping keep the club room clean.
…What Komaeda needed right no wasn't your silly affections for him, you realized, but actual friends. Yeah. You'd introduce him to that first, and then, maybe….
Maybe you'd figure his luck out after all.
You turned to face him again. He was on the couch, still, looking out the window or maybe watching you, lost in thought until you spoke up. "The club meeting will be tomorrow at four o'clock! I'll see you there, Komaeda-kun."
He smiled. "Alright. I'll be there."
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