AN: Iron Twilight, Grey Dawn picks up immediately after the end of Two Sides of the Same Coin.
When a hero ends an epic journey, we like to see them raise their glass and drink to the future. We assume that they will settle down to a life of peace and bliss, but sadly, in the ashes of war, there is often no home to return to, no matter how glorious your victory was. Rebuilding after the desolation of war isn't done at the end of a lightsaber. It's done through grueling hours over maps and lists with bad coffee in the small hours, shivering in tents against the rage of a snow storm. Pretty stories make war sound glorious, and the grueling task of rebuilding is ignored, as though cities and crops will spring from the scorched earth beckoned by hope and dreams alone. Treaties are written in blood and dusted with ash. Compromises must be made that turn stomachs, and sometimes what rises from the ashes looks too much like what was torn down. I think people are hoping that Ben and Rey will be able to settle down to domestic bliss. That's not what the dregs of war looks like. If you think it's going to be that easy, you haven't been paying attention. This isn't going to go the way think it's going to. Buckle up.
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In the early hours after their rescue from the Battle of Urobos Prime, Ben had risen from the deck of the Millennium Falcon's cargo bay and carried his wife to what had been his parent's quarters. He was surprised that when he punched in his own personal access code the door opened, the code still active after all these years.
"Ben?"
Ben untied Rey's obi and unwound it from her body, laying it aside with her saber and belt. I'm here. Rey groaned softly as he eased her arms out of the overtunic of her padawan robes. She leaned forward and rested her head on his shoulder as he slid the undertunic off her shoulders.
I hurt.
I know. We killed millions. You wouldn't think so, but when there is a massive reaving from the Force, there will be a physical toll if the Force flows through you the way it does through us. You should take it easy for a few days.
Ben felt Rey's wry amusement. Stay in bed with you, you mean.
Ben smiled. As much as I'd enjoy that, I don't think that's going to be an option. I don't think anyone has realized yet the implications of destroying the First Order.
Rey stretched and groaned again as Ben drew the blankets up over her. This is much better than the floor of the cargo bay.
I thought it might be.
Rey sighed with contentment when Ben slid into bed beside her moments later and drew her close. What implications?
She felt his reluctance. Ben stroked a warm hand down her shoulder and arm and pressed a kiss into her hair. We controlled every shipment of every commodity. We manipulated the economies of every system to ensure that not a single one would be capable of self-sufficiency. It ensured their reliance on us. Every system will be on the brink of famine within a standard year. Some will be there within a few months. That's why I didn't want to tear down the Order in a single fell stroke; it needed to be untangled slowly.
Rey was wide awake now. There were stories that Jakku had once been green and lush. The old women used to tell wild tales of a land in their grandmother's time covered in grain, rather than sand. Is that true?
Ben's hand stilled on Rey's shoulder, and his answer was tense. Yes.
Who would do such a thing?
Jakku's water was decimated by the Empire.
What about the rest of the systems? The Empire didn't even have a solid grip on many of those systems.
That was me.
You?
When Rey turned in his arms and looked at him, she looked betrayed, and he felt her shock, sharp and barbed through their bond. Ben rolled onto his back and looked up at the ceiling rather than face her. Hux's job was to sweep in with his armies and decimate a system. I sometimes took part in fleet strikes, but more often, my role was to ensure a system's compliance once it fell to the Order. I looked for the system's weaknesses and developed strategies to undermine them. Hux thought that it was enough to crush a system and move on. It was left to me to figure out how to cripple the people and ensure that there was no possibility for them to rise up again. That's why Hux barely questioned it when I left for Eurillis; he assumed that I was continuing my duties of keeping systems subdued.
Rey sat up and pulled the blankets around her. Ben had wrapped a veil around his feelings, and his face was serene. She sensed that beneath the veil, there was anguish, but she couldn't stop her thoughts from tumbling through their bond. Children starved because of what you did. People were too weak to even dig graves, and the bodies were left in the Great Sands so that the wind would scour the bones clean. I knew women that had as many as eight boxes beneath their beds, with tiny bones bound together with twine. You did that.
He continued to look stubbornly up at the ceiling, and his lips were compressed into a thin line. I did that. I felt every one of those sparks flicker and go out, and I carry their ashes in my heart. Ben turned his face to look at Rey, and he dropped the barrier between them. In his mind, she saw a vast grey plain beneath a glowering iron twilight, and in the plain stood Ben, alone. The wind was harsh, and it carried an acrid grit that it scraped from the barren ground and threw into her eyes and nose and mouth. This is where I keep my dead. The remnants of the souls I have been forced to extinguish. Even if I could atone for a death for every second for the rest of my life, I could live hundreds of years and still not be properly shriven for what I have done.
We just added millions to your toll.
Yes. I cannot reclaim the souls that were lost, but if you will help me, I can try to undo the damage that was done.
And if we can't?
Ben flicked his eyes back at her. Millions more will die, and it will be worse than before. They will start to long for the days of the First Order, when regular shipments of civilian rations came with First Order insignias and when storm troopers regulated the flow of water. From the First Order's ashes will rise a new, more brutal master who will promise to return the galaxy to stability, if only they will pledge their loyalty to him. In their desperation, as their children die of hunger and thirst, they will believe his promises, and they gladly line up for their own destruction.
Who?
Ben spread his hands briefly. Who knows.? It is the way of wicked men to step into the breach when there is chaos and suffering to offer hope that benefits only themselves.
Rey didn't respond. When she laid down, Ben was relieved that she once again laid her head on his shoulder and wrapped her arm around him, though he could feel her mind humming quietly and tension ran the length of her body. Even with her pressed against him, it felt as though a chasm had opened between them.
"I told you I was a monster."
Rey sighed. "We all do things we are ashamed of to survive." She expanded her consciousness to touch Ben's, and she felt the wary fear that still lingered in his mind that even now, she would abandon him. Rey turned his face to accept her soft kiss, and she felt through their bond how badly he needed her reassurance, how grateful he was for her unwavering love. "You'd only be a monster if you didn't regret what you had done. You've been too long alone in the shadows." With a hand on his shoulder, Rey encouraged Ben to turn and face her. When he obliged, she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. "Come back into the light with me."