A/N: A crackfic, because why not? This is meant to be short, insane, and nonsensical.
"Why do you keep putting the prey you catch in the Dirtplace?" Bramblestar demanded, narrowing his eyes at Jayfeather.
"So they can get it all out of their system before I put them in my mouth." Jayfeather huffed.
"Lionblaze found them in the corner, rotting. This needs to stop."
"NEVER." Jayfeather screamed.
"You are no longer a medicine cat, then. Sandstorm can be kicked out of the elder's den to replace you."
"What the actual ****, Bramblekit?!" Sandstorm jumped on him and tried to rip his throat out.
"I'm a STAR, and I always will be!" Bramblestar promptly killed her.
"You just killed your stepmother, you dolt." Leafpool yelled, trying to cram Deathberries in his mouth. Squirrelflight joined in.
"All of this has granted me the power of sight! I'm out of here, suckers!" Jayfeather ran out of camp and was hit by a monster. He died on impact.
"I killed him! I'm the new leader!" Leafpool announced to the clan. "Call me Leafstar!"
Firestar came down from StarClan. "Sorry, but there's already a Leafstar of SkyClan." He went back to StarClan, carrying Sandstorm's dead body.
"I'm Squirrelstar!" Squirrelflight told everyone.
"WHAT IS GOING ON?" Bumblestripe wailed.
"I DON'T UNDERSTAND!" Purdy had a heart attack and died. Everyone saw the dead elder and they were all so horrified at the sight of the ticks eating the body that they all had heart attacks and died too.
A few weeks later, the other clans came together and tried to figure out what had wiped out Thunderclan. When they gathered, though, everyone in Starclan told them to **** off, because they were busy holding an Illuminati meeting. The next day, the only evidence of the meeting was a few Dewrito crumbs on the grass. And so the remaining clans fought over Thunderclan's territory and everyone died.
They all joined the Illuminati in StarClan.
The End.