Author's Note: Okay, so this is a test run for a series of fics I have in my head. I don't know if they'll work or not, but I figured I would try since I haven't written anything in a long, long time. I started it after the Night Terror's quest in Act 2 of DA2, and I figured I would do one for every big decision in the game between these two (and Legacy as well) or something like that. I'm still working on that lol I know it may suck, don't criticize me too harshly! I'm a bit rusty at this.

After the incident in the Fade, Lily had explained why she did what she had done, but no matter how she laid the cards out, she felt like shit and was pegged as the villain. Once she was alone, she drew her hands along her face and sighed. Shaking her head, it tousled white-blonde hair in front of her eyes. Fenris and Varric she could forgive for their actions in the Fade, Anders was another story. But really, it had been Justice.

Justice never liked her much anyway.

Once she knew she wouldn't be followed, Lily made her way to Darktown. She'd never let the others know just how much she hated it there. Then again, almost being mugged and raped on a daily basis… yeah, that would make anyone dislike it.

Pausing outside Anders' clinic, Lily took a deep breath and braced herself for what was about to happen. Slipping inside quietly, she waited until the patient Anders was seeing had left.

"What do you want?" The tone in Anders' voice was cold, and it sent chills down Hawke's spine. Everything she was about to say died in her throat. "Well?" He didn't even look at her.

"Um."

"'Um'? That's all you got for me? You chose a demon over me, and all you have to say for yourself is 'um'?" Anders laughed bitterly and shook his head before sitting down on a crate.

"But I didn't…"

"You didn't what, Lily? You didn't try and do the right thing, that much I'm aware of."

"I did the right thing!"

"Oh, you did? You killed me and made a deal with a demon! Were you even sure if I would awaken on this side? What if you made me tranquil by doing that? Did you even think about that?" Finally, he set his gaze on her, and there were tears of anger brimming.

"Justice attacked me! What was I supposed to do? Sit there and let him kill me?"

"If you would have denied the demon, we would have fought beside you!"

"You should have trusted me!"

"You should have listened to me." Anders remained calm, but there were small blue cracks forming across his skin. Justice wanted out.

Lilianya had no words for Anders; she couldn't say anything that would make this all go away. "I did what I had to do."

"I figured that would be what you would say to justify it. There's been sufficient time, did the demon grant you what you wanted? What was it anyway? Unlimited power? Money? I don't get it. What could you want that you don't have? You have money, power… I loved you." His voice quieted. "You had me."

"Had you?" Hawke was mustering up some of her nerve as she narrowed her stormy eyes on Anders. "It was a bluff, Anders!"

"Right, and I'm supposed to believe that? It's hard to believe your words when I watched you kill me. You struck me down like I was nothing."

The anger was beginning to build inside Lily. The frost was starting to form on her fingertips, and the bolts of electricity were dancing across her skin. Fingers clenched into fists so hard that her knuckles turned white and she could feel her nails bite into her skin. She could feel the power dripping to the floor with every bit of blood that seeped from the half-circle cuts. "I killed the demon, Anders." Her voice was calm, but just barely. She was bordering on fury and was afraid she would hurt him – again.

"You killed it? You took its offer and then killed it? But you didn't bother to save Feynriel. You didn't have to make him Tranquil. He would rather you kill him outright than to be a shell."

"He was too dangerous to let free. What if the next time this happened, we weren't there to help? To save him? What if he, himself wasn't strong enough to resist the demons? Hell, he wanted to go to Tevinter, and from everything Fenris has said, I wouldn't want a powerful dreamer mage to go to them. Would you?"

"Of course you would listen to Fenris." A bitter laugh and Anders shook his head and pressed his fingers into his temples.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Pale brows furrowed as she looked incredulously at Anders.

"It means, if Fenris said jump…you would ask how high. You would beg at his feet for a little of his attention. I see the way you look at him." A disgusted look crossed Anders' features, and that was all it took to set Lily off.

"How dare you speak to me like that? I've done nothing to you!" Her hand lashed out and a burst of ice exploded under the crate that Anders was sitting on and launched him into the air – and straight into the wall behind him with remarkable force. Once the power subsided, Hawke shook her head and turned away from him. "I don't even know why I bother with you, honestly." And with that she was gone.

A few drunken hours later

Squinting her eyes against the setting sun that began to shine through the drapes, Lily groaned and brought her hand to her face. Dangling in the fingers of her free hand was the bottle of rum that she had begun hours before. One leg dangled over the arm of her chair and the other stretched out in front of her.

There was a faint knocking at the door, but she was all but ignoring it. She'd had enough people bitching and complaining at her lately, she wasn't about to let anyone spoil her night.

Hawke had a lot more drinking to do.

She wanted to drink away the feelings she was having. Having thought falling in love should have felt better than this, she knew that she had a lot of disappointment ahead of her. Hell, Fenris knew more about how she thought than the man who supposedly would die if something happened to her. And the audacity Anders had for saying she was the elf's lap dog or something.

"Yeah, right." That's why he all but left her standing on his doorstep when she went to explain what happened in the Fade. Then again, she did lash out at him. But he made her so mad.

Bringing the bottle to her lips, she all but snorted before taking a drink.

"What was worth turning on me? Killing me?" She kept hearing him say that in her head. He wouldn't even believe her when she told him it was all a set up. Like she would ever give into demons.

Well, that wasn't entirely true. She was a blood mage, after all. So it was only inevitable, just a matter of time. Maybe she should speed up the process and give Anders something to really bitch about. Lily grinned and took another drink. "The poor boy would piss himself." And Lily laughed hysterically and the thought crossed her mind, which cut the laughter off abruptly.

"I wonder if he would come to my rescue… I wonder if he would even care. I could make him care… to take back the things he said." Drunken thoughts were never the right course of action in a dire situation. Raising her leg up, she let her fingers glide across her soft suede boots to where the loop of fabric held the fancy engraved dagger. It was a weapon she never really needed, but she always thought it best to have some back up. Pulling the dagger out, she pressed the tip of the blade against her index finger and twirled it, almost as if she were examining it.

"Just one little slice, that's all it would take." She'd run herself through with her stave before and that didn't hurt very much at all. Grasping the bottle of rum in her hand, she takes another large swig before shaking her head and placing the bottle between her thighs. Gripping the dagger in her hand, she presses the tip of the blade to the hollow of her wrist. A small breath and she slid the blade along her skin just before the crook of her elbow. The pain was sharp and immediate, she had cut a bit deeper than she had intended. "Andraste's fucking knickers." The hiss of her voice came from between her teeth.

Blood flowed freely and she could feel the magic fill the small sitting room. The air was almost palpable as her blood dripped and covered the floor. She didn't call out to any demons, but she sent a thought out, though as incoherent as it was.

Lily just wanted Anders to understand – to comfort her. To show he cared.

More rum was knocked back as she let her other hand dangle over the side of the chair. Like rising water in a sealed room, the magic was almost too much to handle. Lily was strong as a mage, this made her stronger – but also more dangerous. Time ticked on, and Lily was getting more and more sleepy.

"He's not coming." There were tears in her pale silver eyes as she closed them. Unconsciousness flowed over her like the waves in the ocean. She could feel the darkness coming, and she couldn't pull herself out of it. The bottle of rum tumbled from her fingers, and the contents soaked into the carpet along with the blood.

The last thing she remembered was the door flying open, but she couldn't see whom it was that came through, though she still said the same words. "You did come." A lazy smile crossed her features momentarily before her head lolled to the side and she lost consciousness completely.