The Kingdom's Heartless

The Shadow Inside

The Realm of Darkness is not an unpleasant place for those native to it. They are adjusted to the darkness and are put at ease. For them it is a place of warmth and comfort not unlike a womb. Like a womb though, many of them will be removed from it given enough time.

That's how it was for me.

I had no intention of leaving my realm. I seldom intend to do much of anything, especially at that time. To be a true Heartless is to feel an aversion to the light and very little else. The Realm of Light would have no place for me in it. I knew this and kept my distance.

Where I went though was not the Realm of Light, at least not directly.

Nothing in these worlds is every truly created or destroyed. It all comes from somewhere, and it all goes somewhere. When darkness accumulates in one's heart, it is from my home that they subconsciously draw that darkness. They gather it, for purposes they do not understand, and with it they gather us.

And that is the reason I had the misfortune of being drawn into the heart of a child so ready to fall.

By the time I arrived, the darkness was so great I could scarcely tell I had left my home. I felt pain and fear and longing, and I drew from that courage and strength. There were Shadows there, as there are in any place of darkness. I was by far the greatest of them. They were subservient to me, as is our way, and made room for my occupancy.

Being surrounded by my lesser and delicious suffering made my stay tolerable for a time, but as I realized the shape and scope of my cage I attained an uncontrollable desire to understand it. So ventured free of the Shadows, out from the deepest recesses of the boy's torment and sorrow. I reached a neutral space first. It was of memories and will, intent and ego. None of this meant anything to me. I continued my trek.

What I found left me nearly destroyed.

Light! Unbearable, powerful light! Had it been sapient or physical in itself, I might call it my equal or superior. But it was neither of these things. It was liquid and ethereal, mighty like a river and expanding like a supernova. This radiance beat me down and cut deeply into my core. I made a hasty retreat, but not before noticing there was something within the light. I could not see the thing clearly, but it took notice of me. It watched me flee, and made an utterance that may have been rooted in amusement.

From the neutral zone I examined this new territory. A heart that could contain such darkness and such light must be large indeed, and powerful. I knew little of the denizens of light, but I had felt hearts before. None had been like this.

Should I have escaped the heart, maybe I could have gained a better understanding of it from the outside. (Before striking its bearer down and claiming the heart for darkness, naturally.) But this option was not presented for me. I glanced wearily toward the light, knowing it could be the source of my destruction. The safe choice would be to return to the dark, where none could harm me.

But what then? Wait in silence surrounded by mere Shadows till the heart fell to the dark or was purged entirely, neither by my hand? This would not do. For none other reason save to sate my own curiosity, I rooted myself in the neutral zone and began to shift through the occupant's memories and experiences, into his soul.

The boy was an island dweller on some peripheral world devoid of significance. The boy was strong, a fighter. He had friends too, surely the source of this radiant light within him. One in particular troubled me. A girl. A girl so shrouded in the light, her simple presence made me feel weaker. Not only that, it caused the light to surge out. So often her interactions with my bearer resulted in my dark surface being scorched by the embers of his heart.

There was hope though. Another boy. Like my bearer, this lad had some power within him. Light? Darkness? I couldn't hazard to guess. What I could tell from reactions in the light that my bearer loved him in a certain way, but it was an entirely different connection from what he had with the girl. This other boy's strength and prowess fed into the vessel's fear and anger. Every time they came into contact, there was a surge in the darkness. Their relationship preserved my strength also. Without this boy and the emotional turmoil he offered, I surely would have perished within that heart.

Whether I dwelled within that neutral space for months or years, I cannot say. I lost track of time watching the bearer live his life, crossing blades with his friend, being a part of his world, dreaming of escape. I saw it all. In all that time the boy's life on the outside changed not at all, but inside his heart it was a different story. The dark was growing. The neutral space between light and dark remained, but it was not as bright as it had been. Coils of solid black dread wrapped around chains of memories, tainting his perceptions of them. The Shadows became daring. They struck out against the light. When it struck back, many of my cohorts were destroyed, but there were always more.

Soon I knew the heart would cave; the boy would fall forever into darkness. This should have overjoyed me, but…. Perhaps my bearer was not the only one who had begun to change inside. In my time with him, I had started to feel things beyond hunger, aggression, and curiosity. I had a specific interest in this human's life. I liked watching him. I hoped for his future. Despite my nature, I did not want this child destroyed from within. I wanted him to continue.

This development is not something that has happened before to my knowledge. I cannot accurately explain why it occurred. I do know that overtime, the light and the girl both began to burn me less. I also wonder: If a denizen of the Realm of Darkness can dwell within the heart of a denizen of Light, might something find itself dwelling within me?

I was staring into his memories as I was wont to do one night, when I was approached. The being was shrouded in light, as bright or brighter than the girl outside. I sensed him standing behind me. I did not turn to look at him as I knew the mere sight might kill me still.

The figure spoke. "You've been here a while fella. Not as long as I have, but days and days. Why's that?"

I did not respond. I did not know how. It was my first conversation.

"I've met a lot of things like you. Like your little friends over there. But you aren't quite like the others, huh? You're a thinker, I can see that. You like thinking about this kid. And I know those eyes too. You're worried."

I tightened my fists around a memory and shook my head.

I do not wish for him to end.

The figure laughed. "So you can talk. Anyway, I don't wish that either. This kid is… special. He helped me a long time ago. He saved me, and I think maybe he saved you too. But now he's the one who needs help. Ours."

I thought for a moment. Feelings sympathy for a dweller of light was one thing, saving him was another. The Heartless have no concept of treason. What we do have is a sense of the natural order. What I was being asked to do was completely unnatural.

But then again, I was no longer natural either.

I turned toward the figure, a hand shielding my face to lessen the effects of the light.

What would you have me do?

The figure cast his gaze aside sheepishly and placed one hand on the back of his head in a nervous gesture. "Well, I'd have you die."

I hid in the darkness of his heart as my bearer began his dive within. It had been too long since I immersed myself in darkness and changed as I was, weak as I was, it felt good.

I was at one with the darkness and I saw all within it. I saw him as he chose his weapon. I saw him strike down my allies, the Shadows. He grew stronger with every step he took.

To the boy, it was just a strange and unpleasant dream. In truth though it was a necessary, emergency procedure. The figure explained it to me well. The boy was special, and what he was about to undergo he could not survive with a heart full of darkness. The figure brought him within his own darkness so as to purge his heart manually. Should all go well, I and all of my allies would soon be destroyed by the only friend I had ever known.

This did not mean that I would go easily. My kind are among the strongest of the Heartless, and we fight till the end. Weak as I was the boy would have a fighting chance. If it was I who stuck him down though, and I who dragged his heart back into my own realm, it would merely be as things had been meant to be. The figure had agreed to this also.

I felt him, weapon drawn, approaching my resting place. This was it. At least we'd meet face to face. I drew into myself to prepare.

The closer you get to the light… the greater your shadow becomes.

But don't be afraid.