My name is James Novak and I am not an Angel of the Lord.

I know that is a strange and fairly obvious thing to say. To tell you the truth if I had heard myself saying that a year ago, I'm not even sure how I would have reacted. But Patient Thirteen changed so much in such a small amount of time. Really getting to this point, being this far down the rabbit hole was all my fault and now I don't know if I can ever fix it, ever make things go back to normal. I keep having to remind myself of the truth or else I fear it will slip away from me. He has that effect, patient thirteen, that's part of why I originally had him brought to me at Ward B. He was a curiosity, something new for me to play with; an addition to my collection. I wanted to help him of course, like everyone else I had brought to me. His delusions were amazing, he stunned colleges in other hospitals and they brought him to my attention. But now I don't know, the farther I press the more lost we become.

My name is James Novak and I am a Psychiatric Doctor and Psychologist.

I specialize in delusions, even since I was in college they fascinated me; hell I can probably trace it back to high school if I really tried hard enough. But that's not the point, or is it, wait no it isn't. The point is that I work with some of the most broken, fragile and creative minds you have never had to come into contact with. Some of the most delusional individuals. You know those movies about the paranoid man who things the government is spying on him? I can do them one better I have a man on my ward that used to think the devil was talking to him. Used to being the keyword. You should see him now after Patient Thirteen's influence. Needless to say he hasn't improved. But I'm rambling again. I know I am. What I'm trying to say is that Ward B was my kingdom, I hand-selected my nurses and my orderlies. I even selected my patient's because of their delusions. When all else fails to put the mind back together properly, I am called on. Most are helped by the end of a week but there are some cases, like my thirteen patients, that require other methods of help.

I am a savior to these people, even though they are still lost inside their own minds. I've brought them from prisons, hospice, from vile excuses for asylums to my ward, in Ward B they are happier and in much better health. For some I was making progress, slow but steady progress. That is until I brought Patient Thirteen home.

My name is James Novak and My parents loved Vertigo.

At least that was the running joke I would tell when anyone ever pointed out the connections to my name. I honestly don't know what my parents were thinking although I suppose its better then what my brothers are called. And a lot better then Patient Thirteen's name for me. Honestly for a mostly self taught man, Thirteen's depth of knowledge both amazes and scares me. He knows Latin, almost fluently, is extremely well versed in all kind of lore. Some of which I have had to look up to even hope to understand what exactly he is talking about. I know from his previous records that he is also trained in hand to hand as well as armed combat, even so far as train in a variety of weaponry. But again I shouldn't be talking about him, this is about me.

My brothers, God what are their names now. Kurt, he's my older brother, is married and had two kids. Danny is my younger brother; he's halfway through college I think. I need to keep this up, remembering who I am. If I don't I doubt I will ever be able to free any of my patients from their own mind. I can see it now. At the rate this has been going I'll be patient fourteen in a few months. I'm not even sure how Thirteen would react to my constant presence. It's interesting, even though I'm almost always there almost always watching, there are times he sees me and times I swear he is looking straight through me. Almost as if I'm not even there, my parents always did say I was a bit of a wall flower.

Oh my parents, pair of wasps if you had ever seen one. Honestly I imagine they are what would have happened if the stepford people began replacing both sides of the gender fence. Course I know why there are like that, there is so much silicon and pills in them that at this point I doubt I can count them as being genetically my parents. Ha, another statement that would have sent me to the loony-bin. But its true, my mother has told me.

"We lost our passion," She said, "Once the lust and sex dried up they were stuck with each other."

Unfortunately everything that line passes through my head, I can help but think of the scene in Citizen Kane. Charles Foster Kane and his new bride are sitting across from one another at a small dinner table, basking in love. As the scene progresses their love turns to indifference, then contempt, then hate and when the scene is finally over. They are sitting at a table much larger and distancing then the one they started with. Ha random movie trivia, how Thirteen would love me right now.

My name is James Novak and I am Lost.

I have become lost within the dark woods; I have lost the true path and find myself unable to return. I am loosing myself, who I am. I feel this need, this pressing desire to go back. If I talk about it, all of it from the beginning I can hold on to myself. But I don't know whose beginning to start with. There really are so many options for me to choose. I could start at my beginning; high school, college several years building my reputation and my ward. Or I could start with Patient Thirteen's, a lovely tale of loss, heartache, violent and the eventual fall into insanity.

But I think it's probably best to start at our beginning, the day I first encountered the man who would become Patient Thirteen and complete my ward. Yes that is the place to start. With him, patient number thirteen in James Novak's happy Ward B family.

His name is Patient Thirteen and he is called Dean Winchester.

A/N: Apologies if this sounds too disjointed, thats the effect I was going for. R&R

-WordDemon