This is a one-shot I wrote in dedication to one of the best things that has ever happened to me. A lot has happened over the past week and I know things have been hard but I wanted you to know I love you and everything will be okay.
Okay so this has hits of suicide and self-harming in so please be warned now and if that is not cool for you I am sorry. This hits close to home for me as well.
I hope everyone enjoys this and to my amazing readers, don't forget to drop me a review.
Regina had been helping the others search for what felt like hours but so far nobody had been able to fine Emma. She had heard what happened at the station from everyone: David, Snow, Hook, Gold and she had even sat and listened to Elsa who she was still not fully trusting in yet. The only person she had not heard the tale from however, was Emma, but currently the blonde was nowhere to be found. Regina groaned as her heals got caught in another hidden mudhole, pulling out her foot as she continued her trek. She had come across many hidden sinkholes covered by fallen leaves and swore she wouldn't wear another pair of heeled boots again. Though in her defence, when she got dressed that morning a hike in the woods was not on her agenda. She pushed through, tugging her thin blue jacket over herself more. She should have grabbed her coat before leaving the house. Her blouse, black mini skirt and thin tights were not doing her well in the bitter cold night, but the cold was not the first thing on her mind; Emma was. Her Emma. She had been resenting her for so long after she brought Marion back but, all it did was give her a reason to face her feelings for the blonde, and that scared her. She loved the woman, she after Emma confessed her love back, she knew she was the one. Robin had been in the way but now he was out of the picture, Regina could take Emma, but first, she had to make sure she didn't fall deep into her dark mind. She needed to help Emma find herself and once she did that, everything would be okay. It had to be. Regina panted heavily as she reached the top of the steep slope she had hiked up, glad to see a clearing up ahead.
"Thank god" She muttered, taking long strides up to the cleared area, frowning when she heard a low mumbling from ahead. As she came closer, she spotted the familiar brightly coloured bug, a smile spreading across her face. Finally, she had found her. Her happiness was soon destroyed as she appeared at the edge of the clearing, spotting Emma pacing backwards and forwards, her gun lying recklessly in her hand. Regina tried to approached quietly, cringing when a twig snapped beneath her heal, Emma turning around sharply. Even in the dim light, Regina could see her blotchy face, clearly showing she had been crying.
"Regina what are you doing here?" She asked, her voice cracking slightly. Regina held up her hands as she came up to the blonde, dropping them slightly when she backed away.
"Everyone has been out looking for you Emma, you need to come home" She shook her head hard and fast, Regina swearing she saw a few tears fly off her red cheeks.
"No, I can't. My magic, it's out of control"
"Want to tell me how that happened?" Emma was pacing again now, Regina leaning against the buggy, crossing her arms over her chest. As Emma tossed around her words in her mind, Regina couldn't help but take in her appearance. She had a white vest top on with a pair of jeans and sneakers. She wondered how the blonde wasn't freezing, that thought topping everything, including the repeating question as to what Emma was doing with her gun.
"The snow queen. Her mirror in the tower, it was a fake. She wanted to speak to me alone, she wanted me. She told me that she knew me as a kid, even told me about my super power which I had never mentioned to her. I know her from somewhere before that day in the ice cream shop, but for my life I just can't remember where from. She started pushing my buttons, telling me my parents didn't love me and that, they are glad they have another child to put before me and how they fear me and I didn't want to believe her, but... They fear me. I notice the way my mom looks at me, she thinks I am going to go crazy every time she sees me. Thinks I am going to lose control of my magic which, clearly, she was right about because look at me now. I almost killed my dad, almost crushed him under a streetlamp. What if it had been Henry in his place? I could have killed everyone there and they were only trying to help me. I am a danger to everyone" She whispered to herself at the end, Regina shaking her head.
"No Emma, your powers are tied to your emotions and with them the way they are your powers are going to be slightly awry. It's normal- it happened to me and I can help you but you need to let me in" Emma shook her head again, taking another step back. Regina could see her hands shaking, the sparks flying off them making her cautious of what could happen. Emma stopped suddenly when she noticed Regina get into her defensive stance, her hands ready to fire if need be. Even Regina, the evil queen, feared her. What had she done?
"You're scared of me as well, aren't you?" Regina frowned, shaking her head, lowering her hands back down.
"No Emma, I am not scared of you, I want to help you" Emma scoffed, placing her hand on her head in distress, another stray tear rolling down her cheek.
"What is the different Regina? You want to help me because you know I am losing it, because you are afraid of what I can do. I need you to go" Regina noticed how her tone changed suddenly, her back to the brunette.
"Emma I am not going anywhere"
"No Regina, I need you to leave now!" She couldn't help but notice how her hand twitched around the gun which was now at her waist, barrel putting upwards.
"Emma please, tell me what you are thinking" Regina felt her knees go weak when Emma turned back around, her face vacant of any expression, any emotion. It was like a blank canvas.
"I want to die Regina. And not in some petty way of me trying to get attention. I want to end my sucky life and just… die" Her voice was shaking, Regina trying to go towards her but Emma took another step back, the distance between them growing.
"Please think about this. What about Henry? Your parents? Me?" Emma laughed bitterly, raising the gun so it was against her forehead, her hand steady showing Regina just how sure she was.
"Henry? Henry went 10 years without me Regina. If it wasn't for this stupid curse he would have been just fine without me for the rest of his life. I love that kid more than anything in this world, but all I have seen since I met him is destruction. I am supposed to be this big saviour he boasts about but really, I am just an orphan who had a shit childhood and an even shitter adulthood. My parents spent 28 years without me. Yeah, they had no idea I existed and as much as I have forgiven them, they still put me through that wardrobe without thinking of another possible solution. They have been so good to me over these past few years but, the snow queen was right. They aren't magical, they can't cope with me or my powers and they have a normal baby boy right there to raise properly and restart. I am just, the elder child who was the test run. And you, Regina I love you. I fell in love with you the second I laid eyes on you and even though everyone told me to stay away, I kept coming back, seeing the good side in you. Yeah, I tried it off with Hook but we both knew I was using him as a distraction and when I saw you with Robin, I knew it was too good to be true. You have barely looked at me since I brought Marion back and that, it hurts me more than I thought it would have. Everyone will be better off without me, and you and me both know that I am right" Before Regina thought about what she was about to do, she threw her jacket to the side, Emma's hand shaking slightly as I held out my bare arms to her, palm up. Scars littered my pale limbs, tears continuously streaming down my face.
"You think not talking to you has been easy on me? You think raising a young rebellious boy on my own was easy? Emma, my life has been nothing more than exhilarating since you first stepped foot in it. The feelings I felt when I saw you were confusing and they knocked me off my feet, so I covered them up with anger and resentment but all those times you risked yourself for me, for Henry and your parents and this town, it just made me fall more in love with you. When you confessed your love to me I was windswept because I had no idea what to do with all these feelings inside of me. I used Robin as a shield to protect me but when you brought Marion back and he left me defenceless, I had to hide myself away because I didn't know what to do. I had all these emotions waiting to explode out of me and, all I could do was draw further into myself and hurt you when I really should have opened up and helped. I know my mistakes and I have learnt from them, so please let me help you. If you die, I don't know what I'll do because I will openly blame myself for as long as I live. I love you Emma Swan, and I swear to God you can't leave me alone here. You can't leave me empty and un-whole because I will go to wherever the hell you go and bring you back myself and that is going to take time and effort I haven't got. You aren't the only one who is broken here, we both are, and, I think together we can fix this, with time, a lot of time, we can be whole again, together, if you let me help you" Emma felt the gun fall to the ground with a thud, slowly approaching Regina who was still holding out her arms, the cold of the wind nothing compared that which she felt when Emma's hand grazed over one of the scars gently. As she came closer, it was clear to the brunette that she had been out in the cold for a lot longer than she had realised, her blue tinted lips trembling, her hands as pale as paper, as cold as the winter snow that fell on Storybrooke. She tightly gripped onto Emma's hands causing the blonde's bloodshot eyes to snap up and meet hers, the heartbreak she could see shattering.
"Let's go home Emma, together" Slowly the blonde nodded, suddenly wrapping Regina up in a hug, a sob escaping her lips causing her entire façade to fall, Regina having the hold her up as she cried into her shoulders.
"I am so sorry Gina, so, so sorry" Regina shushed down her ear, nodding against her head.
"So am I dear, so am I. Come on, let's get you home" And so the two climbed into the yellow buggy Regina hated so much and drove back to civilisation. They had a long way coming, they both knew that, but together they knew they could accomplish anything, because they were stronger together. Together, they would be extraordinary, with time, a lot, a lot of time.