She will be loved, Part 1
Pairing : KisuGou, some onesided MakoGou (and the slightest implications of MakoHaru, because I can't help myself)
Rating : M (nsfw content at the end.. and the next parts, whenever I post them)
Prompt : Partners in Crime(in sin more like)
Summary : When Gou first runs into Kisumi, she instinctively hates him. He is too bold, too flirtatious, too… arrogant. But unexpectedly, their friendship grows stronger and she discovers that they share a deeper understanding, that they are partners in a darker sin… Of coveting a heart that they can never truly attain.
Written for gouallout day 7.
"A boyfriend?!" she asks, incredulously. "W-Well, I haven't really thought about it.."
Her friend huffs impatiently, no doubt irritated with her friend's feigned innocence. "Come on, Kou. There's no point pretending like you haven't ever thought about it."
"I…" she toys with a strand of her carmine hair, too intimidated by her friend's questioning gaze to answer. If only she knew how much Gou had thought about it.
"Are you gay? Because that's okay too. In fact Akane-chan, from class 2 is into girls too. I could," –
"Hana-chan," she says, despairing because if she hadn't clamped a hand over the brunette's mouth she would've gone on forever. "I'm not gay. I like boys. Muscle obsession, remember?"
"Oh yeah," Chigusa says, grinning. Who could ever forget Gou's love for muscles? "Okay, so tell me," she pulls back to her initial question. "There's got to be some guy you like. I mean, you hang out with those super-hot swimming hunks all the time."
Hunks though they were, there was only one boy on whom Gou's gaze would linger for more time than was professionally necessary. There was only one boy whose favourite things she whom she stared at shamelessly, when he flipped his hair dripping wet as he pulled himself out of the pool.
Yes, for Matsuoka Gou, she may be surrounded by some of the most fabulous men in the school… but there was only one boy, the very sight of whom would make her literally weak at the knees.
She sighs, the very thought of him bringing stars to her eyes. "Makoto-senpai…"
..
She grabs her water bottle, drinking the water greedily like she's just made it out of the Sahara. Gymming was an awful, torturous new hobby of hers and there isn't a single moment when she doesn't think 'Fuck the membership, I don't need this shit,' but she labours on.
No pain, no gain, she tells herself. And the gain could be immense, especially if she gets to wear her new bikini when they go to the beach next month. She'd invite him along casually, as if she hadn't given it a second thought and he would obviously come along. She knows Makoto-senpai is too kind, too considerate to actually turn someone's invitation down.
She starts to wonder if she's being bitchy, taking advantage of his niceness this way, as she does her last few stretches before she begins her run home.
"Gou-chan?" An unfamiliar voice calls interrupting her precious daydreams. She turns to find the new guy at the gym, waving at her smilingly, making his way to her. She's seen this guy. Judging by all the excited whispers of her fellow muscle enthusiasts, he had just joined this week. He was the same guy who had been making heads turn all evening. And he was talking to her.
She feels the familiar thrill of being approached by a very, very attractive guy and she runs a finger through her hair, trying to make it look just a little bit less messy.
But wait, how does he know her name?
"I'm sorry," she says politely, "I'm not able to"-
"Not able to place me?" He asks, grinning. "Don't worry, Gou-chan. I've seen you before. Rin's little sister right?"
She nods, even though the boy in front of her, breathtakingly gorgeous though he may be, makes her just a teensy bit uncomfortable. Maybe it's just the fact that he seems to know her and she can't, for the love of god, remember his name.
"Not so little anymore I see." His eyes twinkle, turning towards her chest for the barest second and he winks.
She gasps. Surely he doesn't mean…
She's more than a little shocked. It was the first time she's ever meeting him and his boldness was already bordering rude.
"I've seen you," he says with the same confidence that she's always wished she had, "with Makoto and Haru and the other boys."
"I'm their manager," she says and it sounds like a justification even to herself, although she knows there's no need to. She doesn't even know him after all. It's just that there's something in his voice, in his eyes, as though he's always hinting at something, behind that cocky-ass grin of his.
"I see," he hums, still with that smug smile of his, and she just wants to reach up and wipe it straight off his face. Although she has to admit it looks pretty damn fine on him. It gives him a dangerous, flirtatious look despite the pink-tinged softness of his locks.
But that isn't the only thing dangerous about this guy, because his eyes darken suddenly, lips curving into mockery. "I've also seen the way you look at Makoto."
She blushes, feeling strangely exposed under the darkness of his questioning gaze, as if her looking at Makoto-senpai was something forbidden, criminal even.
Get a hold of yourself, Kou, she tells herself sternly, because some random stranger has no right to make inappropriate comments on her personal life.
For the first time since the beginning of this incredibly awkward acquaintance, she looks into his eyes, levelling them with her best version of a you-should-probably-just-fuck-off glare.
"Well," she says, tightening her laces and plugging her earphones in, just as she is about to leave, "Surely that's none of your business."
..
It turns out her new gym buddy isn't always so unpleasant, after all. The next time he sees her, he's far more forthcoming and he tells her that her brother and he were classmates back in Junior High. He's talkative and funny and Gou warms up to him sooner than she would have liked.
If his behaviour was any indication, he rather liked the attention he received, the anonymous love letters he received in his changing locker and the flustered blushing when he winked at his female admirers. "Kisumi?" she asks curiously when he first tells her his name. Another girly name, she thinks with a smile.
"Sure thing, sweetheart," he had said and dropped an unsuspecting kiss on her lips, that had left her shocked and her female gym companions furious with jealousy for days. But when she thought about it, his utter lack of shamelessness and and undeniable flirtatious charm, she couldn't stay angry with him for more than a day.
"You want to come watch our joint practice tomorrow?" she asks him, a few weeks later, when hanging out with Kisumi had become a daily routine that she enjoyed thoroughly. He asks her about Makoto and Haru, the former especially and talks about him with a fondness she could relate to completely. "It's a good excuse to visit him," she teases, harbouring a sneaking suspicion that Kisumi's affection for Makoto was not as simple as he makes it out to be.
Having agreead, he reaches Samezuka the next day, as fashionably late as ever, hair tousled lazily, tie hanging loose from his neck. "Haru," he calls loudly, with absolutely no regard for swimming pool decorum. Haru just turns away, annoyed, and dives into the pool.
"Kisumi," Makoto calls, surpised, his eyes crinkling in a way that it does when he's excited, little green bursts of happiness twinkling brightly. "What're you doing here?"
He points at Gou and she blushes a little, subconsciously, just as she always does when Makoto smiles at her. "She said I could come watch."
"You gotta love these things," he says cheekily, giving Makoto's hard, muscled bottom a light spank. "Very form-fitting."
"Kisumi," he stresses, embarrassed, looking quickly around to make sure no one's noticed the pink-head's playfulness or his humiliating yelp in response.
"I can't believe you spanked him," she complains, when Kisumi joins her a few moments later after his chat with Makoto. He just grins in response, having enjoyed it far too much to apologize for his actions. "That. Is. So. Unfair."
"Then maybe you should tell him how you feel?" He asks her pointedly. "Then you could do anything you want to him."
Her cheeks burn at the shameless thoughts that flood her mind. Anything she wants, huh? Shaking her head out of her illicit thoughts, she redirects her attention towards Kisumi. "You're late," she tells him accusingly and upon closer observation, it becomes obvious why. To eyes so well-trained for accurate detail, Gou could easily identify that his buttons were buttoned all wrong, clearly thrown on in a haste.
"You're disgusting," she chides, shaking her head in disapproval, reaching to redo his buttons. Upon removing the top one she can just about make out a faint outline of cherry red lip gloss, perfectly shaped into lips. She sighs, "One would think you'd be able to control yourself atleast when you're coming to meet your precious Makoto."
He captures her wrist, effectively stalling her motions, and bending low enough to whisper in her ear. "Well he's not just my precious Makoto, is he?"
..
Graduation has come and passed, tears and goodbyes ceremoniously dispelled with and at Nagisa's behest they've decided to spend their last night together at a club, getting emotional and drinking themselves silly.
"Wear heels, Gou-chan," was Nagisa's enthusiastic solution when Gou presented the not-so-tiny problem of underage drinking.
So she had decided, that if she was going to go and make a complete, utter fool of herself at a club, she would at least invite Kisumi to come watch. Besides, he was leaving too and as much as Gou hated the guy the first time she met him, she had to admit she was a teensy bit sad that one of her best friends was moving away.
"Well, how is our beloved Mako-chan? Still completely oblivious to his fans?"
She knew that was a pointed question, not that he cared about Makoto's fans in general, he was asking her how her progress was, whether her efforts for her beloved senpai had borne any fruit at all. She knows he is just egging her on, teasing her as he always does, and for this reason alone she really wishes she hadn't invited him at all.
She looks over at the tall, gentle hunk of a man whom she has loved ever since she stepped into this school two years ago. He is caught between a hyper Nagisa and a stubborn Haru arguing about something as frivolous as dancing. Evidently Nagisa's powers of persuasion – or blackmail – are not to be taken lightly because Haru, albeit grudgingly, follows him a minute later. A small look passes between Makoto and Haru, a gentle one from Makoto's side, because he's all Gou ever looks at, a shy smile encouraging Haru to rock it out there. A wave of jealousy, tidal and ferocious, passes through her when she sees that smile because all she wants to do is steal it from Haru and keep it to herself.
But how much ever she wills Makoto to look at her, she knows he won't, that when it came to his heart, it wasn't just a losing battle, there had never been any chance for her, ever.
"Haru, you lucky bastard," he murmurs from beside her and for the first time, Gou is compelled to agree, an irrational bout of hate springing from the very depths of her heart. She follows Kisumi's gaze and she sees that he is looking exactly where she was, at Makoto, at Makoto's eyes firmly fixed on Haru who is dancing awkwardly in the crowd.
"It's always been him, hasn't it?" He asks softly, to no one in particular, the weight of the most obvious truth pressing him down on to the ground, like a boulder, breaking him.
It's almost like he's taken the words out of her mouth, because she feels his pain, exactly likes she feels her own, crushing and disappointing. She takes his hand in hers, without thinking, tracing small, soothing circles into his palm.
He laces his fingers into hers, regaining his composure and taking a heavy gulp of his drink. "Oh well," he says, the smile back on his face, sparkling again, but by this time she's learnt to see the cracks he hides so well. "I get jealous pretty easily, huh?"
She turns back to her Cosmo, sipping it less delicately than a lady should. "Honestly, I wouldn't blame you."
"It's true though, I got jealous of even you at first, and you're in just as pathetic of a situation as I am."
She doesn't really get why, it's not that she isn't aware of how pathetic her situation really is, being in love with a boy who will never even look at anyone apart from his best friend. It's probably just the copious amounts of alcohol she's consumed, but hearing it from the mouth of someone else makes it seem too harsh, unchangeable, and cruel.
An intense anger wells up in her, surging irrationally and she empties her drink in a single gulp. "My situation is not that bad," she defends, but even she knows it's a lie.
He laughs, loudly, a mocking note that makes Gou's cheeks burn a little.
"Is that so, Gou-chan?" His eyes narrow at her, head tilting coquettishly. "I'm sure that's why you're sitting here wearing this slinky excuse for a top – in which you're breasts look amazing, by the way – and hoping, praying that he will speak more than two words to you this evening."
He could've slapped her and it would have hurt less.
She looks to her left, at Makoto's spot now empty, now standing next to Haru, petting a hand through his dark hair murmuring words of comfort because he's had too much to drink. "Look at you," he jeers, because apparently Kisumi is feeling quite merciless tonight, "Watching him, wishing his hands were on you instead, touching you instead of Haru."
"You want him, Gou-chan," he lilts, and there have never been words truer than Kisumi's humiliating derision.
She can't bear to look at him, at the light haired, beautiful boy beside her, just as hopelessly heartbroken as she is, speaking the truth even he feels so keenly.
She's a little bit dizzy from the several drinks she's had and severely heartbroken. A lethal combination. She knows she should just wait for Rin to come and take her home. But she just wants to get back home, and strip out of the extra skinny jeans she's wearing – another pointless bid to look good for Makoto-senpai – get into the shower, and let the tears which have filled her so completely, flow without restraint.
"I'm leaving," she mumbles angrily, staggering to her feet. Hastily, she fishes out the money and places it on the table. "Here, this is my share."
"Oi," he protests, because even though he knows he was being a complete asshole, this was not the reaction he predicted.
He doesn't get a reply because she's already pushed her way through the crowd, heading towards the exit. He gets up to follow her, and he almost loses his footing, the alcohol having made him a little wobbly. "Makoto," he starts to call, but he realises that Makoto's too caught up in a completely shit-faced Haru and Nagisa is god-knows-where doing things with Rei that he really doesn't want to see.
So he pushes past the crowd, focusing his hazy vision to find Gou. She should be easy enough to find, he thinks, especially with her bright, wild tresses flowing freely tonight.
He finds her eventually, leaning against the brick wall right outside the club, shut eyes squeezing large, uncontrollable teardrops.
"Hey," he says, brushing her arm gently, awkwardly thinking up a way to apologise. His cleverness with words seem pretty useless here, so he decides to just go with the basics.
"I'm sorry."
The tears flow harder, growing into heaving, embarrassing sobs. Kisumi looks pointedly away from the slow movement of her chest, trying desperately not to be a typical teenage boy… And failing.
"Go away," she mumbles, her voice small and childlike. "I hate you." The words are out before she can even think it through. Yes, she thinks, not in the mood to apologise for her emotional outbursts, she could just blame everything on him. It was Kisumi's fault she was like this, drunk and hurting.
"I hate you." It was his fault she was here, trying over and over again for a boy who would never look at her.
"I hate you," she says brokenly, pounding her fists at his chest in frustration. It was his fault that she was out here sobbing like an idiot, because he didn't have to enunciate so brutally, how pathetic she was.
"Shut up," he says harshly, hands gripping around her wrists tightly, so tight it begins to hurt. "Stop crying."
But she doesn't. She can't stop, not now when her heart feels so heavy, she can barely walk two steps without falling to the ground.
"Gou," he says menacingly, almost like a warning, "stop crying."
And she wants to listen to him, wants to stop and yell at him for being so mean, but the words get caught in her throat, dissolving into tears.
A fury burns inside of him, seeing her like this, even though he knows he is to blame. It's not fair, he thinks, his eyes following the path of her tears, glistening across her porcelain cheeks.
She opens her eyes and looks at him, the sadness slowly consuming her, scarlet pools looking so bleak, he just can't take it anymore.
He knows that it is all manner of wrong, that there's more alcohol than reason in their blood, but he looks at her, trying so hard to look desirable, crying pretty, desperate tears of anguish and he does exactly what he isn't supposed to do.
He kisses her.
And it isn't soft or comforting, it isn't a kiss that is meant to soothe, it just simply is. His teeth tug on her lower lip, parting her lips for him, delving into her mouth with his tongue.
"You don't get to cry, dammit," he whispers hoarsely against her mouth, "you don't get to have it that easy."
It's then that she realises he isn't trying to hurt her, or take advantage of her, and that with every flick of his tongue he's only trying to swallow his own tears, scorching them with the heat of his mouth and burning them dry.
He loosens his grip on her wrists, hands moving up to cup her face, drinking her in with a passion. It's rough and so very demanding, she can do nothing more than just give in. Her hands fly up to his hair, tugging at his locks to slow down just a little bit, because she should've known. That he has known how it is to covet someone so hopelessly ever since he first learnt the meaning of love.
That for Kisumi this heartbreak is nothing new, it's a simply a way of life. And he cannot cry. And he cannot stop loving Makoto.
He's been nurturing this despair for years, without anyone to talk to, with no shoulder for him to cry on.
Would she be like this too? Loving him helplessly from the sidelines forever, hoping, wishing for a glance, a smile from his perfect mouth?
His hands reach into her shirt, stroking her lips lightly and making her shiver. His touch burns like heated metal, smooth and exacting. It is something she has never felt before, the first flicker of intimacy far beyond even her wildest dreams of large, strong hands pinning her down and devouring her with a passionate, verdant gaze.
It's new and heady, the strangest kind of heat flowing into her and pooling in her belly.
She kisses him back fully, winding into him closer, pressing against him and shamelessly drinking in the misplaced love that tortures them both.
Wrenching his lips from her, he looks into her delicate, scarlet eyes, wide and dazed and he really, really just wants to laugh at their situation. Resting his forehead on hers, his words graze her lips, sensitive and swollen from his abrasive kiss. "Just look at us, Gou. We're so stupid. I'm stupid," –
She lifts a finger to his lips, effectively hushing his mindless derision. "Kisumi," she says, tentatively, her ego so bruised, she's almost expecting rejection. It occurs to her that this is Kisumi she's dealing with, a compulsive flirt who has played around with more women than he could count and maybe even boys… She had no idea.
All she knows is that right now, she was looking into eyes the most beautiful shade of night, and that regardless of from where it stemmed, they were looking at her with the most desperate desire. "Come home with me."
A/N : A big thank you to the organizers of this event! I doubt I would ever penned down this story otherwise. Hopefully I'll be able to get part 2 and part 3 up soon.
I haven't been able to find too much KisuGou fiction and I really really like the idea o these two together.. so I just decided to write something myself.
:) I hope it was okay.