Pairing: Seto X Yugi
Warning: This is yaoi, don't like it then go away.
Disclaimer: I do not own Yugioh. Only this story.
A/N: Yeah... this is the result of me being upset. :( I seriously had to stop about two or three times while I wrote this because I almost started crying.
I hope you enjoy the oneshot, please review *no flames* it'll make me feel better! :)
Nightfall was upon the city of Domino, the air was chilly and not a single soul was in sight, but that was no surprise at where the CEO, Seto Kaiba stood. He looked up at the black arch which was the entrance to this place. He stared long and hard at it, wondering how he finally had made himself come here. Maybe it was because after long months of internal conflict and high defenses, he was ready to let it all go.
The defenses were not gone, but they were weak, this let the pain ease into his heart at standing before the cold, desolate place. The place of the dead, or the eternal resting. He had not wanted to come here during day, feeling that someone may see him. He felt that at night, in some kind of way, the dead were alive again, they wandered invisible to the eye. Some rejoiced at having someone of blood come, but others kept in their place. Still not wanting to be disturbed, which was respectable.
Even though it had been months since he last came here, and since that horrible, horrible day, the aching in his chest was still there. Still there because he hadn't let go of it, he chose to stay wallowing in the sorrow, he tried to fight with it, overpower it, but it was too strong, even for him. This event, what brought him here this night, burned a hole in his mind, it burned a hole in his heart that he denied was there.
He still felt like it was his fault, that was because he had yet to let go, but he planned to tonight, in front of his grave, where five months he was laid to rest. Kaiba then began his slow descent, wanting to take his time since he had finally come here after so much effort. But what really kept him back was regret, pain, sorrow, torment, and fear. All of the words that before any of this, he didn't know the meaning of. That meant absolutely nothing to him because he thought he'd never have to deal with them, and how wrong he was. He was a fool to think like that. To think he could just push away these memories.
These memories were what tormented him, what triggered the pain, sorrow, regret, and fear. Not being in such an eerie place, that barely fazed him, but it was who he was going to in this place.
Kaiba gazed around, his blue eyes glancing from grave to grave as he walked past them, some were decorated with flowers and others with charms and other things of meaning. Kaiba only had one thing with him, and that was a small box of regret. He had his hand in his pocket where the box sat, it felt frozen cold despite how hard he held onto it. Once this box hadn't been this way, it had been filled with hope, but now, it meant nothing.
Tighter he gripped onto it, so that he could keep emotions at bay, but he was slipping and there was no one to catch him anymore. Since he refused to break down, his mind tortured him with a memory like this had turned into some kind of sick joke.
xXxXx
Kaiba still didn't understand why he'd agree to come here, but it was something to do with the constant begging and cute smile that finally got a yes to come from him. He'd never been to a butterfly emporium, and never thought he would, but it was brand new and an hour or so long drive from Domino. He didn't see the point in it, but he had to admit, he always felt less tense and more at ease with seeing his small lover happy and jumping around like he did. There was something about that Kaiba just couldn't resist.
They walked on a path, inside a large white, see through dome, home to hundreds of butterflies. They were all unique, beautiful and so fragile, just like Yugi. He couldn't believe he was comparing Yugi to a butterfly, but the similarities were uncanny.
Every time one of the insects flew in his face he had an urge to swat at them, but remembered they'd be asked to leave for killing such a harmless creature. Kaiba didn't want to make that smile disappear from Yugi's face, ever.
"Ooh! Seto! Look at that one! Isn't it so pretty?" Yugi exclaimed happily. Pointing towards a large blue butterfly that was resting on a rock, it's wings every once in a while flapping.
Kaiba nodded once, he'd never actually agree to saying something was "pretty".
Yugi held his hand tighter. Smiling brightly up at him, that smile could literally warm any heart. Sure enough, it had his. "Thank you for taking me here! This is so fun!"
"Trust me, I wouldn't have come here if you hadn't insisted so much." he replied. He'd been working at the time Yugi had asked him, and had remembered that Yugi always was saying he shouldn't work so much. His brother had told him that too, but it wasn't the same as hearing it come from Yugi. He just had a way of getting whatever he wanted out of the CEO, and still he hadn't yet learned that secret.
The two of them continued on the path for a little bit longer, Yugi stopping him once in a while to look at a butterfly either on a rock or tropical tree. On some of the railing that helped lead the path and kept you out of the butterflies habitat were names of the butterflies. Kaiba almost laughed each time Yugi would attempt to read the scientific one, he'd try and sound it out and read it over and over again until Kaiba finally decided to correct him. Sometimes even when Yugi heard it said the right way, he'd still pronounce it wrong.
When Kaiba was stopped again, Yugi began laughing. Kaiba gazed back at him to see what could be so funny, when he saw a green spotted butterfly crawling on his bare arm. Kaiba really couldn't resist but smile ever so lightly, Yugi's laughter was so innocent and sweet. Really, it could make anyone smile.
"Seto! It tickles!" Yugi said through his laughter. They both watched as the winged insect moved down Yugi's arm, eventually resting on their locked together hands. Yugi rose up their hands and looked more closely at it. The smile never leaving his face. "I think it likes you too." He admitted. Glancing to Kaiba for a second then back at the butterfly.
When the green butterfly suddenly began flapping it's wings and took residence on Yugi's nose, was when Kaiba smirked. "I think it likes you better."
Yugi blushed lightly and giggled. "I guess so! Too bad I can't take it home!"
xXxXx
Kaiba growled, how dare his mind show him things like that, how dare it show him a memory he use to be so fond of and be so full of meaning, that was now completely cold. He felt like his mind was working against him, trying to get him to finally crack, to break down right then and there and give up. He still refused, he couldn't, he was better than that, he wasn't going to let those emotions get the better of him. Not yet.
He had continued walking, the wind was steadily picking up and blowing against him, though it didn't stop him. Even on this night, the moon was barely visible underneath a blanket of grey clouds, it had been forecasted to rain tonight, but he didn't care. An impulse was what brought him here, the impulse to finally do what he had wanted to do five months ago. Somehow, during all of the tears of others he just couldn't. He didn't want anyone to see this.
On that day, he had also felt the strongest feeling of regret, he did not cry, but it had been destined to all build up inside him. All of the emotions he has felt since then and now, were about to explode, and Kaiba knew this. Was that why he finally came here? Because he knew deep down he could no longer take it? Was it because every night before he went to bed he would stare at the box in his pocket?
Maybe it was because often he'd find himself laying awake, staring at the empty side of his bed. There was also the possibility that he'd had enough of his nightmares tormenting him and his memories taking turns stabbing at his heart. His mind was taking revenge on him, because he knew the truth, he knew that everything was his fault, if he had been there, if he had been protecting him…
Yugi never would have died.
He wouldn't be walking to his grave, he would be back home in bed with Yugi where he should be, but cruel fate had different plans. That fate had taken Yugi from him, the only boy he had ever loved besides his brother, and he was never coming back. Never. There wasn't a thing in the world that had the power to, if only he could have kept Yugi home on that day, none of this would be happening.
His mind wouldn't be taking revenge, he wouldn't loathe every memory he had of Yugi, things had even gotten so bad that he'd begin hallucinating during the day. He would see Yugi everywhere, he would hear his voice, and his laughter, Yugi would always be calling for him. Always in the happiest tone like he always did, and it was amazing that Kaiba hadn't snapped. That he hadn't broken down and begged for Yugi to keep calling his name, just so he could hear his voice.
Finally approaching the grave, he stared at it. Yugi's friends had obviously visited recently, there were white roses surrounding his grave, for once his friends actually did something that meant something to him. Kaiba didn't know how shaken up his friends still were, but he remembered Yugi's friend, Anzu hadn't been able to speak for three days because she kept crying. He'd almost found it irritating, he still greatly resented her. Knowing that she had liked Yugi more than a friend. Like Yugi would have ever returned her feelings, it had been pitiful.
Pushing away the thoughts of that, Kaiba kneeled down and reached into his pocket. Pulling out the box, he gazed at it for a long moment before opening it. Inside was a ring, a ring he'd wanted to give Yugi a month before fate tore them apart. He'd been waiting for the perfect moment to ask Yugi to marry him, but clearly it had never been meant to be. He remembered clearly the day he lost Yugi. He'd been leaving work, seeing an ambulance pass by he didn't think much of it, and didn't realize what had happened at that very moment.
As soon as he got home the phone had rang he heard the most disturbing thing he had ever heard. Kaiba remembered he'd felt like his heart had seriously just dropped into his stomach and dissolved. He was told that Yugi had been hit by a car, instantly dying. At first he'd thought it was a prank, but when he'd driven to the hospital and seen for himself. He realized how real it was, and that day learned how easily life was taken away.
Kaiba stared at the ring, feeling regret that he hadn't asked him sooner, that he hadn't been there to protect him. He would have rather gotten hit then Yugi, he would have rather have Yugi live on then himself. How dare fate take away such a boy that was nothing but innocence and had the power to make anyone he looked at smile. Kaiba slowly placed down the ring in front of the grave. His teeth gritting together as he thought about Yugi never coming back.
The battle in his mind spiraling, his whole body began to shake and couldn't stop it. "Yugi…" Kaiba muttered. Staring at the headstone, why? Why did it have to be like this? How could Yugi have been taken from him? Kaiba bundled his fists as he dropped his other knee to the ground, his fists shook with every single emotion that festered inside him. Everything he was feeling was slipping out, his defenses were breaking down. He couldn't stop it.
"Damn it… Yugi, look what you've done to me!" his voice slowly began escalating. "Yugi!" Kaiba slammed his fists down on the ground. "Do you hear me Yugi! Look what you've done! How could you!" he shouted. Finally, five months later, he was breaking, snapping and couldn't do a thing to stop it.
The wind then picked up, blowing around his clothes and hair as drops of water began falling down from the dark grey clouds. Steady at first until pools of water formed underneath the grass. Kaiba slammed his fists down again, mud splashing everywhere but like he cared. He eventually unbundled his fists and sank his fingers into the dirt of the grave. Shaking as water dripped down his face, rain mixed with the salty, frozen tears the cold hearted CEO finally let go of.
"Yugi… I don't understand… why did you…" he rose his head to look up at the sky. "Look at what you've done! How dare you leave me like this! Are you listening to me, Yugi!" Kaiba yelled as loud as his voice could possibly go, it echoed throughout the whole cemetery, maybe even loud enough to wake the dead.
Kaiba breathed heavily from his outburst, glaring up at the sky as if it was going to answer him. As if it was going to bring Yugi back to life. He stared back down at the ground, clawing his nails through the dirt and closing his eyes. He gritted his teeth together so hard as water fell from underneath his eyelids, uncontrollably falling. At last Kaiba was broken, this was the result of keeping in all of those emotions, if he didn't unravel them, then they would stretch to far, get too thin, and snap.
He hated himself and he hated fate, Yugi was taken from him forever and there was nothing he could do. He had been reduced to something so pathetic, that he felt almost ashamed.
When a sudden chill ran through him a voice was heard, that signaled he'd really lost it, that he was finally insane.
"Seto?"
Kaiba ignored it, damning his mind for doing this to him again, wasn't being broken enough? Now he had to start listening to that voice. To Yugi's perfect, soft voice, it sounded like he was right next to him, standing over him. Though he wasn't, he never would be again.
"Seto, please look up at me."
He refused to give into this, he would look up and see nothing. All the more reason to keep his eyes shut and burry his nails deeper into the ground to keep from causing more tears.
"Please, Seto. I miss seeing your face…"
Kaiba couldn't fight that tone, he opened his eyes and forced himself to look up. Expecting to see nothing, not expecting to see Yugi before him, but instantly knowing that this just had to be a hallucination because it wasn't possible. Kaiba stared at him, he removed his nails from the ground and ignored the feeling of dirt under his nails and on his fingers. This couldn't be real, he must have seriously lost it.
Yugi kneeled down next to him, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. His touch felt real, but it was so light. "I'm sorry Seto." he said. His voice so soothing that he could have been whispering.
Kaiba sat in shock. He didn't understand what was going on, if this was a hallucination, it felt so real. He really felt Yugi's arms around him like he was really here, but it wasn't possible, Yugi was dead. "This isn't possible…" he muttered looking to Yugi who gazed at him lovingly.
"Seto, this is as possible as it gets. I'm really here! Stop looking at me like I'm a hallucination!" he cried playfully.
"Yugi is dead, it isn't possible." he said. Kaiba reached out to grab his arm, expecting his hand to just go through it like he was imagining this. Shocking him to see Yugi's arm actually in his grip. He felt cold, but he was really feeling him. Like he really was here. Slowly, he gave into this at staring at Yugi's arm. His eyes then going to his face. "Yugi…?"
The boy smiled. "Even though I may be dead, I've never been away from you. I'm always with you Seto! Always! Please don't forget that."
Kaiba continued to stare at him, his words slowly sinking in before he reached out and grabbed his cheeks. Feeling his cold skin underneath his touch sent shivers over his body. How could this be happening? How could he really feel Yugi like he was here? Was this really real? Or was he imagining it? Whatever it was, his hands slowly dropped from Yugi's face. "Yugi…"
"I love you, Seto. I always will." he said. Reaching out and taking Kaiba's hand. He then looked to the box, a bright smile instantly coming over his lips as he grabbed it with his other hand. Yugi gazed at the ring then to Kaiba. "I really was hoping you wanted to marry me."
As unbelievable as this was, seeing Yugi able to pick up something still within the living world made him believe. Yugi really was here in front of him. "Yugi… why did you wait so long if you were always there?"
Yugi laughed, making Kaiba's heart lighten just a little bit. "I was waiting for this. I was waiting for you to finally give into your emotions. I knew it would be the best time." All of a sudden the boy before him began disappearing. Still he smiled, letting go of Kaiba's hand to reach out and touch his cheek. "Remember that I'll always love you Seto! And I'll be waiting for you." with those words he vanished before Kaiba.
In shock for the longest moment, Kaiba sat in the dirt of Yugi's grave. Wondering really if that had actually happened, but when his gaze moved to where he'd placed the ring, he saw it no longer there. Eventually, a smile found its way over Kaiba. He stood and still gazing at the grave he said in a calm, collected voice. "I love you too Yugi… I'll always love you…"