A/N:Watch out, guys. This story is the mutated offspring of Doctor Pepper, boredom, and a disgustingly late night. In other words, I'm babysitting. And since it's three-thirty (and I've already watched their entire "Chip and Dale: Rescue Rangers" video collection, plus The Lion King (I and II)), I've decided to open up their pretty Microsoft Word and write the first thing that comes to mind. I have to warn you, what you're about to read is preeety brutal.

--LA

P.S: This is set in a sort of… late-night induced, half-ass universe that doesn't exist at all :\. Cut me some slack T.T It's late!

Pfff. Well, I own me :). A message to any… like… sexual predators out there: keep your greasy paws off of me! I've got a schnoodle… and she'll bite your ankles if you try and mess with me!

The more I thought about it, the more Plan G was loosing its novelty. I frowned and crumpled up my seventh piece of heavily drawn-upon stationary, tossing it into the fiery depths of my trash can along with its peers, plans A through F. I wiped a sleepy eye. Thinking was not one of my strong suits in the early hours of the morning. This was going to be harder than I had anticipated. My polka dotted notebook sat empty amongst an assortment of desktop knickknacks; unused paper weights, pencil sharpeners, overdue homework… but I remained uninspired. No light-bulbs popped up above my head to illuminate my barely functioning mind. What I needed at this point was a fool-proof idea that I could evolve into a flawless plan.

But flawless was not an easy attribute to obtain. I had spent enough hours playing, watching, writing Sonic to know that even someone with a staggering IQ of over three hundred could not successfully capture and hold the fastest thing alive. I had an IQ of one hundred and thirty-four to work with. This was not going to come easily.

I chewed on my fingers, a habit of mine, pensively for a few fruitless moments before thumping myself on the forehead with my fist in exasperation. I pushed myself away from my desk, rolling over to my mirror in the plush chair that I had begged for. I looked like a wretch. My almond-shaped eyes were framed with dark ovals. I thought that my eyes were boring; just dark blue-green. The only interesting part of them, as far as I was concerned, was a spot of rusty hazel in the left one that made them non-symmetrical. I yawned and hopped from my chair onto my bed, which looked too tall for its base due to the many layers of blankets I always slept under. I slouched under the covers. The Sand Man evidently didn't appreciate the fact that I had a super-sonic hedgehog to interview, and promptly arrived to do his thing.

I awoke the next morning in irritation, annoyed at myself for falling asleep, for putting my mission off yet another day. I called it my mission because I was tired of my writing. My pathetic, agonizing stories. I needed to know what the characters were really like, in person. Today, I resolved, I would most certainly prepare my plan. Within the next twenty-four hours, I would be talking to Sonic. Whether he liked it or not.

In the end, the plan I decided on was incredibly and beautifully simple. It was the first thing that you would have expected me to think of. Unfortunately, my head of blond hair often preceded me. I had set up a neat little cardboard box earlier that day in which my conversation would take place. I bounced up and down on my heels in excitement, kneeling just out of view beneath the little window I had cut with a knife blade. The sign perched above the window said just what Sonic would want to see on this hot summer day: "Free chili dogs and pop!"

I felt like some sort of terrible, unoriginal villain. But I wasn't complaining; I was quite fond of my nifty stand.

"Hey!" came that oh-so-familiar voice, "Who can I talk to about the free chili dogs?"

Actually, I was fairly surprised that he fell for it this quickly; you would think that after how many times he had been lured in with his favorite food he might think before marching up to my trap without a thought. He must have been very hungry, I decided.

"Hey!" he repeated, craning his neck. "Anyone home?"

"In here!" I chimed as planned, positively squealing. I was amused at how quickly he fell for the makeshift stand. I was quite proud of myself.

Sonic stepped through the rectangular opening that I had used to pose as a door. I had even made an attempt at making my own hinges, but the Playdough ended up cracking when it hardened. I had decided that the open doorway would work just as well.

"Hi there, I'm-" I said happily, bouncing up in front of my "customer". But before I could complete my cheery introduction, the most peculiar set of fireworks went off in my head, accompanied, after a moment, by an instant of pain. Then, quite suddenly, someone switched off a light in my head and I slipped back into unconsciousness.

When my eyes finally opened, the pain had left me and I felt perfectly refreshed. It was quite unlike how I had pictured returning to consciousness… I had figured that a brain-splitting headache and dizziness would most certainly follow, but I felt better than ever.

"Oh good." Sonic said, sounding relieved, "you're awake."

I sat upright and beamed, glancing around. To my delight, we were still sitting within the pleasant shade of my refrigerator box fort. "What happened?" I asked happily. He regarded me for a moment with an eyebrow raised, then smiled uncertainly.

"Well," he began, scratching his head and grinning sheepishly, "I figured this was just some bad trap of Eggman's. So I went along with it and grabbed a branch to smack out whoever was dumb enough to try and capture me." He smirked, "and I whacked you in the head before I really saw you."

I laughed out loud, but cringed openly after a moment. I hated my laugh sometimes, especially when I was excited.

"Sorry," I said in a high pitched voice. Apologizing excessively was another bad habit of mine.

"Don't sweat it." Sonic said casually. He took a seat in one of the two matching plastic lawn chairs I had placed in the cramped space. "So, where's my chili dog?" he asked.

I blinked. I had never heard that pretentious tone in Sonic's voice. "Sorry." I said meekly. "There are no chili dogs. I wanted to ask you some questions."

Sonic raised his eyebrow again. "I don't do interrogations."

I flung my purple notebook out of my bag hastily and shoved it in his face. "But Sonic!" I said in distress. I absolutely couldn't have him leaving at this point. "I'm a writer!"

He furrowed his brow. "For what, some sort of newspaper?"

I opened my mouth to correct him, 'no, I write on a website!', but hastily stopped myself and injected a quick excuse. If he wasn't aware of the network writing novels starring him, I didn't want to be the one to tell him. Stalker much.

"No," I said. My lie came out as smooth as the truth might have. Lying was one of my strong fronts due to years of improv acting classes, "I'm writing an article for school on 'My Hero'."

Sonic grinned. "Hero, eh?" he said, sounding rather showy all of a sudden, "Well, in that case, sure I'll answer some questions."

I grinned. "Amazing!" I raised the notebook to my face and recited the first question to the blue hedgehog, who I was beginning to like less and less:

"Who do you think has influenced you most in life?" I asked, staring at him with eager, wide eyes. Sonic shrugged, and I felt my joy deflate.

"I dunno." He said airily. "I thought we were talking about me."

"Oh," I said sheepishly, "Sorry." I scanned the list for a question that I thought he might prefer. "If you had a million dollars, what would you do?"

Sonic put his feet up on the plastic table. "That's easy. I'd buy Tails the parts to build a giant vacuum cleaner. Then, I'd take it and suck up all of the water in the world."

I frowned. "But wouldn't that…"

I was going to object and explain the catastrophic result that would have, not to mention how many cute sea creatures would end up homeless, but there was no use arguing his opinion. His eyes had glazed over and he was clearly day-dreaming of his perfect world.

I cleared my throat to ask another question, but I was interrupted.

"SONIC!"

All of a sudden, a pink blur sent our fort flying over our heads. Sonic snapped out of his trance.

"YOU ARE-" Amy exclaimed, advancing on the blue hedgehog, "THE MOST-" I hastily stepped out of the way as she charged past me, "IMMATURE, PIG-HEADED ANIMAL I HAVE EVER MET-" she snatched the deflated box up from the ground and thwacked Sonic on the head with it, "IN MY LIFE!"

She turned to me, her eyes venomous. The terrified look I gave in return softened her glare slightly.

"He played a stupid prank on Knuckles." She explained, shooting a sharp look at him, "and that idiot freaked out and smashed up my garden."

I felt sort of sympathetic towards her, but she seemed rather inconsolable at the moment. She turned back to her victim.

"And­,"she continued, "I-"

But before she could finish, Sonic grinned at me and bolted off. Amy screamed a few obscenities at him before turning back to me with a sigh.

I grinned and propped up one of my refrigerator boxes, gesturing for her to enter.

"Chili dog?"

A/N:What… The… fu…iddlesticks?! That didn't turn out anything like I had planned. Ewness! Like holy flaming EWWWNESS! I'm sorry guys. Once I get good at solitaire I'll play that instead of torturing you guys with this crap. I'm anticipating some flames :\... Awwh man, the Adams' are home and I get to go home and SLEEP! Enjoy, and please review. Sorry again XP!

--LA