A/N: Hm. Parts of it seem a little rushed, 'cause finals took so much more outta me than I thought they would… but I'm pleased with the story overall, since there is a sense of a rush into the unknown with these two. They just never listen to me anymore, doing their own thing...Gawd. Like this: I ended up switching the stereotypical views of Kuro and Fai. Fai is the cynic, while Kuro's the closet romantic. I personally think love is a miracle in itself, so… Thus the title. I wanted to convey the miracle of finding one's soul mate, but I ran out of time to expound on their feelings and ideas…. -sighs- Christmas just came so fast this year… Hope I don't offend anyone with my veiws. (People in my town are really titchy this time of year...O.O)
Reason
The house on the hill was all windows; all year, they glittered with different lights, welcoming in nonexistent guests. However, when every other window in town sparkled with multicolored lights and candles, his house was dark and lonely.
No one ever went up to the house with windows—its only visitor was its occupant, Fai D. Flowright.
Maybe it was because he never went caroling himself. Maybe it was because in the small devout town of Celes, he was the only agnostic. Maybe it was because he kept to himself, pushing others gently away. Maybe it was because his house was on top of the hill. Maybe it was because the children were terrified of going to a teacher's house.
Or maybe it was because they still believed the old rumors.
Maybe it was all of those things, or maybe it was just his imagination. But still, it was fairly lonesome to be left all alone during Advent. (Not that he believed in such a thing—if there was a god, where was he to save him when he needed it?)
Fai leaned into his couch, tracing his fingers along the warm rim of his ceramic cup. He turned on his television, flipping idly through channels until he found an old Christmas movie that he remembered watching when he was young and still enjoyed Christmas. He smiled sadly, pulling his feet underneath him, curling into the pillows as he watched. His cats, Soel and Larg, soon followed suit, balling themselves up next to their master.
Fai absolutely adored Christmas when he was young. Now… was an entirely different matter. He sighed. For the last twelve years, his Christmases had been singular, solitary events. But that alone wasn't enough to deter him from the spirit… there were… extenuating circumstances as well.
His eyes drifted to his window. He could see the hustle and bustle from the well-lit town. It saddened him.
"I'd like a Christmas with someone special," he murmured. "Maybe then I could…"
The truth was he didn't even have someone special. No one to shower love and affection on. At work, he was left out. Not only was he the youngest teacher at the school (and it was his first year of teaching literature), he was the only single teacher in his grade, and Celes was a small town, too. Not many people moved to the remote, country town. However, it was cold all year, and during the winter, snow could pile to at least two feet, drawing tourists like flies during this time of the year… but they never stayed. The pickings were slim… very slim indeed.
Fai leaned over to set his mug on the table when his phone rang.
He blinked, answering it. "Hello?" he asked, wondering who could be calling him.
"Flowright-sensei!" A girl squeaked, "It's me, Sakura Kinomoto!"
"Oh, hello Sakura-chan. Why are you calling?" Fai smiled warmly; Sakura was one of his favorite students. She was a warm, caring girl whom everyone loved.
"I-I… wanted to know if you could come to the nativity play tonight?"
"You know I'm agnostic," Fai said gently. He didn't mind going for Sakura, but the stares the people gave him in that church were unnerving. It wasn't like he didn't believe, but more along the lines of that he had lost hope. He loved Christmas, but he had lost the reason a long time ago. He'd given up everything he was brought up to believe in.
"I know, but you can still enjoy the play! I'd really like you to come! Be-because, you see, Syaoran and I are playing Joseph and Mary," she admitted shyly. "A-and, you're my favorite teacher, Flowright-sensei!"
"Aw," Fai murmured, "I'll come for you, Sakura-chan."
"Thank you very much! It's starting in about thirty minutes! I'm so sorry I couldn't call you sooner, sensei!"
They exchanged farewells, Sakura stammering thanks until Fai hung up. He slid slowly from his seat, Soel and Larg mewling plaintively as they were moved from their master's lap. "I'm going out," he announced to them.
He wandered to his room, pulling a sweater on over his tee-shirt. He tugged on a pair of boots, and then stood, swinging a jacket onto his arms.
He grabbed his wallet on his way out, wrapping a scarf haphazardly around his neck. He opened the door, reaching tentatively out. "Oh, burr!" he cried, reaching out for his gloves. He snatched his keys from the door-side table, then closed the door behind him.
He drove slowly into town, watching the people around him warily. He pulled into the church's parking lot, sighing softly. He'd not been into this church since he was about fifteen. He was young then, and still believed in miracles. He couldn't tell if he was simply naïve then, or if he was cynical now. He chuckled quietly; "Who knows? Maybe this year there will be a miracle," he whispered to himself.
He strode purposefully in, tucking himself into an empty space in the very back. Not many people sat this far back, everyone crowded into the front to see the play.
Fai shifted uncomfortably, feeling a set of eyes on him. Much to his relief, it wasn't someone from the town, but a man he'd never seen before. He smiled amiably, only to get a scowl in return. The man turned his gaze back to the front, leaving Fai to examine him.
He had to be a tourist. He was too tan to be anything but—Celes didn't get a lot of sun. Fai smiled, he could never get that sort of healthy complexion; he was far too lazy and too adapted to cold weather. Fai smiled blandly; he was a very handsome man, with broad shoulders and spiky hair. He looked strong, too. Fai was instantly attracted to the man, but shook it off, drawing his attention to the play.
About halfway through, the man stood, moving closer.
Fai wondered if he was related to someone in the church. Again, he shrugged it off.
The nativity was very well acted out—Sakura was just adorable as Mary. Fai smiled softly—he may just have to give her extra points for this. Her boyfriend, Syaoran, was good too. The music was nice, and the story was always heartwarming, even from Fai's point of view.
He waded through the crowds to go congratulate his student when he overheard a very interesting conversation.
A fellow teacher, Subaru was murmuring unhappily to someone. Another voice, harsher interrupted him angrily.
"There has to be some place open," the angrier voice interrupted. Fai swung his head to the side finding out the speaker was the man from before. The handsome tourist. He blinked, interested.
"Well, I'm sorry, but my sister's the innkeeper here, and it's completely full."
"I can't just sleep in my car! That's why I'm here, because it bloody well broke down!"
"Do you know anyone here that you could stay with?"
"No," the man snapped.
Subaru bit his lip. "Well, I can try to see if anyone can take you in for now…" he trailed off, looking around helplessly.
"Excuse me, but maybe I can help?" Fai asked, stepping forward. He didn't know why he did it; impulsive, really, he thought. But, he was lonely, and someone, even a stranger, was company. Besides, he wanted to know what a man like that was doing in a small town like Celes.
"Oh, Fai-san! I don't think I've ever seen you at a service before," Subaru gushed, his face brightening.
"Well, it is Christmas," Fai said breezily.
"Will you be joining us—?"
"Later? No, I don't think I will," the blonde said softly, cutting the matter off entirely. "Now… I'm Fai Flowright, what seems to be the problem?" Fai inquired, turning his attention to the tall, raven-haired man.
"Kurogane," the man grunted, "Yeah. I'm stuck here with no place to stay."
"I have room in my house, if you'd like to stay with me," Fai offered, beaming.
Kurogane looked at Fai for a moment, then rolled his eyes shrugging, "Got nowhere else to go."
"That's settled, I'll see you at school, Subaru," Fai murmured, clapping his college on the shoulder. Subaru smiled awkwardly, waving. Fai motioned for Kurogane to follow him, weaving through the crowd. They stepped out into the cold air, shivering instantly.
"My car's that way. Do you have anything you need to get?"
Kurogane nodded, "My car's at the mechanic's down the road. My bags are there."
"Alrighty!" Fai chimed, clapping his hands together. "Say, what are you doing here if you don't have family here?"
"Heard it was a good town for snowboarding," Kurogane muttered offhandedly.
Fai nodded, "We get good snow." He unlocked the car doors, watching as Kurogane slid in. For such a large man (he couldn't tell this before, but the man was tall! Taller than himself, and he was 5'11"!) Kurogane was really graceful—everything was fluid.
Fai climbed into his own seat, starting the car before he closed his door. "First stop, Kuro-ran's car!" he cried.
"What the hell was that?!"
Fai blinked, he honestly didn't know. He just hadn't felt like saying the other man's entire name, and did what most of the girls in his classes did—deigned nicknames.
"Your name, Kuro-kuro," Fai sang, sailing out of the parking lot. After a few minutes of seething, Kurogane finally spoke through grit teeth.
"The only reason you're not dead right now is because you're driving," he hissed.
"And giving you free housing."
"And that. Let's get one thing straight! My name's Kurogane! Kur-o-ga-ne!"
Fai giggled, pulling into the mechanic's. "Kuro…"
Kurogane raised an eyebrow, waiting.
"Chama!" Fai cried, gripping his steering wheel as he laughed.
The dark-haired man growled a few expletives, then left the car, heading for another. In a few minutes, the man returned, a few bags in hand. He knocked on the back window, and Fai unlocked the door.
He leaned back in his seat as Kurogane deposited his bags into the backseat. "Need any help?"
"Nah, that's it."
Fai nodded, humming softly. "Say, why were you in the church?"
"That's where the most cars were," Kurogane muttered, sitting heavily.
The blonde nodded again, "Makes sense," he mused, pulling out.
The rest of the ride went quietly, though Fai was aware that his new guest was surveying him rather closely. He resisted the urge to squirm.
"Ah, home sweet home!" he cried, parking the car in front of his garage.
"Why don't you actually go into the garage?"
"Oh, no," Fai warned, "That's not safe at all. Never go in there unless you want to be piled under junk."
Kurogane nodded curtly.
Fai climbed out of his car, grabbing one of the other man's bags. He then waltzed up his lawn, then into his house, twirling his keys around his finger. Soel and Larg sat at the top of the entry's hallway, meowing softly at their master. Fai moved aside to let Kurogane in, and the cats seemed to do a double take. They trotted up to the taller man, rubbing against his ankles.
"You have cats?" Kurogane asked, looking down as the black cat pawed at his foot, while the white one stared up at him deviously.
"Are you allergic?"
"No."
"You're a dog person, hm?"
"A little."
Fai gave a small smile; he couldn't help the urge to show off. He picked a small yellow ball up from the long shelf that lined the entrance hallway. "Watch this," he commanded, tossing the ball in the air.
The white cat jumped in the air and caught it, then trotted up to the blonde, dropping it at her master's feet. Fai giggled, patting Soel on the head. "Good girl," he praised. "Soel thinks she's a dog… or a human," he said.
Kurogane smirked slightly. "Nice trick."
Fai broke into an easy grin. It would be so nice to have company.
/./././././././././
The next day was a Monday. His alarm began to ring at five-thirty, like always. Fai groaned, rolling onto his back. He disliked Mondays. He stretched his arms out, only to have his hand smack right into something…
That something being someone's face.
"Ow, goddammit!"
Fai jolted, then sighed. "I'm sorry, Kuro-tan," he mumbled sheepishly, "Forgot you were there."
Fai didn't actually have any spare beds in his house; sure, he had guest rooms, but since he never had guests (and thought he never would) he'd never bothered to actually furnish them like guest rooms. Libraries were more his style. With the front of the house being so drafty (due to the windows and all), Fai would not allow Kurogane to sleep on the sofa. He had all intentions of doing so, but Kurogane wouldn't let his host disadvantage himself.
So they'd ended up sharing Fai's bed. Luckily, it was a rather large bed, so the two didn't have to sleep on top of each other, and, at the moment, there was enough bedding for them to split and still be comfortable. (However, Fai knew it would get very chilly—as in below zero—soon, and if Kurogane was still there, they'd have to share the blankets as well… Not like he'd mind.)
Kurogane muttered darkly. "Why are you getting up so damn early?"
"I have a job to go to," Fai said lightly.
"Which is?"
"I teach literature at the high school in Ruval."
The other man grunted, rolling onto his stomach. "Whatever."
Fai smiled softly, sliding out of the bed, "I'll make you food, too," he sang, flouncing across the cold floor to the bathroom.
When he'd finished his shower, he went into the kitchen to make breakfast, only to find Kurogane cooking.
"You could've stayed in bed," Fai pointed out, smiling blithely.
Kurogane shrugged, dumping a pan full of eggs onto a plate. "I can at least help out."
The blonde giggled, making his way to the counter to fix himself a pot of coffee. "So thoughtful."
Kurogane snapped some irritated reply, but Fai paid no attention.
The blonde leant against the counter, watching his guest cook contentedly. Kurogane was a very handsome man, even without any primping at all. He sighed, sipping his coffee. "So, Kuro-tan, you got a girlfriend anywhere?"
"No," Kurogane snapped. "And it's Kurogane! We just met so why are you so damn familiar?!"
"We've slept together," Fai commented off-handedly, setting his mug down.
Kurogane turned bright red and blustered, "Food!" he snapped, shoving a plate at Fai.
The man took it, laughing. "You're quite adorable, Kuro-chan. But that's off the subject."
"There never was a subject to begin with, moron!"
Fai grinned, "Well, I was about to start one. I have to go to work, but you can do whatever here. When I come back, I have to grade some exams, but I'm going into town afterwards for some shopping. You can come with me to talk to Fuuma, the mechanic, and pick out some food, alright?"
Kurogane scowled; "I'm not a kid."
"I never said you were," Fai sang, shoveling down his food before breezing out of the room, leaving Kurogane to seethe and wonder why he was letting a complete stranger work him up so much.
/./././././././././
Over the next week, the two fell into a routine that was so familiar that the two men felt as if they'd been doing it for years. Kurogane would make breakfast while Fai'd get ready for work, then in the evening, the two would eat together, watching TV. Afterwards, Fai would wander off to his study to grade papers, often recruiting Kurogane to help him.
Kurogane was oftentimes more hostile, but he was easy to get along with. He was fun to tease, and Fai found himself growing more and more attached to his guest.
Fai was easy going, and quite eccentric; not the sort of person Kurogane often associated with. He was surprised at how fast he'd become friends with the crazy blonde.
"Oi."
Fai looked up at Kurogane, peering over the rims of his reading glasses, "Number twenty-six has two possible answers," he replied, waving the man off. "Ophelia can be crazy or not, it's right as long as they back it up."
"No, not that," the raven-haired man snapped. "I just wondered… Would you like me to put up your decorations for you?"
"What decorations?" Fai inquired, putting his current essay down.
"You know, your decorations."
"What decorations, Kuro-pan?" Fai repeated, honestly baffled.
"Your Christmas stuff," Kurogane muttered, rubbing the back of his neck. "I figured you've been to busy to put anything up… So if you can show me where they are, I can do it for you."
"Oh, that," Fai deadpanned, "I don't do Christmas."
"Why?" It was now the other man's turn to be completely confused: Fai seemed to be the type to absolutely adore Christmas. The type of person who'd short-circuit the entire neighborhood with an overflow of yard decorations…
"I'm an atheist," Fai murmured, turning back to his essays. Somehow… saying it made him feel so much lonelier.
"Why?"
"My, my, I never thought you'd be so nosy…" The blonde murmured chillily.
"There has to be a reason, though. There are some atheists who still put up the tree for the hell of it."
"I'm not one of those people. I detest what Christmas stands for. Miracles and unconditional love do not exist in this world."
Kurogane stared at Fai, then scratched his head. "It may be out of place for me to say this… But, you just seem like the type to spout that kind of stuff."
"Well I'm not," Fai snapped.
"You're young, right?"
"If being in one's twenties constitutes as young, sure," Fai mumbled, marking corrections on a student's paper with more antagonism than necessary.
"Something's had to happen that's made you so cynical."
Fai leaned back, closing his eyes. His retinas burned beneath his eyelids, and he brought his hands up to rub his temples. "I was born on Christmas, with a twin. On the way to the hospital in Ruval, the car my mother and father were in was hit by a drunk driver. My father died instantly, and my mother only lived long enough to give birth. We were passed on to an uncle, who absolutely adored my mother. He blamed us for her death. He said some awful stuff and traumatized my twin, and he, our uncle, eventually killed himself on our birthday. A few years later, my brother caught pneumonia. He'd never been the healthiest of kids, but the doctors said he'd pull through. He didn't. Again, he died on our birthday. Miracles don't save people. Love doesn't exist for some people. There is no person out there who can save others," Fai muttered.
He wondered why he was telling an almost complete stranger this. He never revealed this stuff to anyone. Hell, he hadn't even told his boss. No one except his doctors knew this stuff.
It was that same compulsion that made him invite Kurogane into his home in the first place.
The room was silent. Then, Kurogane rose from his chair. "I, on the other hand, actually like Christmas… somewhat," he announced, walking to Fai. He leaned forward, picking the literature teacher up from his chair.
"Ku-Kurogane, what are you doing?!"
"Taking you to buy Christmas supplies."
"Uh… that's kinda… Why?"
"It's a punishment."
"Uh…"
/./././././././././
Fai sulked as he pushed the grocery cart, slinking behind Kurogane. He wondered what the man would do if he ran the cart into his butt. Probably curse him out. It would be amusing, but in the long run, not worth it.
"I don't want to celebrate Christmas," Fai mumbled, staring dolefully up at the decorations that absolutely crowded the supermarket.
"Don't care," Kurogane snapped, pulling the buggy along, dragging his host along with it.
"It's against my moral fiber!"
"My ass," the man snorted, stopping to survey boxed trees. "You seem like a white Christmas tree sort of person… If you're so dead set against Christmas, why were you in the church that night? Huh?"
The blonde halted. "B-because my students were in the play!"
Kurogane whirled around to glare at Fai. The teacher seemed to wither under his gaze. The man sighed; Fai didn't celebrate Christmas, not because he was an atheist, but because he was alone. He could see that. He figured that was why he became agnostic. He wondered why the man didn't just take advantage of the fact that he had company this season and go all out. Fai was almost pitiful, drowning in his own past. He could overcome it, Kurogane could see, he just didn't know how. Maybe celebrating Christmas instead of mourning it could help his host.
Fai sighed, turning his eyes from Kurogane's. He'd never noticed just how intense the man could be—his eyes were intimidating. He was already attached to this man; it was almost scary how much he'd forgotten about being alone. After a week, he'd forgotten how he'd met the red-eyed man and how he lived before his company.
That was dangerous territory.
"We're just getting this stuff because you want it, right?" Fai muttered, dropping his head.
"I guess so, yeah. I don't think anyone should go without Christmas, no matter how irritating it is."
"…You're not thinking of me at all," the blonde whispered, his hands tightening around the cart's handle. "Not one bit."
"What?"
You're going to leave soon enough! You won't even be here for Christmas! Once the need to stay here is gone, you'll just leave, like everyone else! And I'll be—
"Flowright-sensei?" A girl called.
Fai's head shot up and a grin was plastered onto his face, "Kinomoto-san?"
"Over here!"
Fai blinked and Kurogane raised an eyebrow. A giant poinsettia seemed to be talking. "Oh!" the flower squeaked. Sakura poked her head through the plumage, "This is larger than I thought it would be," she apologized, blushing.
"Still decorating?" Fai asked casually.
"Yup! Well… actually, this is a present for Syaoran-kun," Sakura admitted. She looked at Kurogane then to Fai, blinking.
"Oh, let me introduce you, Kinomoto-san—"
"You may call me Sakura outside of school, sensei. You've known me for a while, so it's okay."
"Sakura-chan, this is Kuro-myan, who's staying at my house for a bit."
"It's Kurogane!"
Sakura bowed, her face falling once more behind the poinsettia's leaves. "Good to meet you!"
"Same."
"So, what are you doing here?"
"Shopping, Sakura-chan," Fai said gently, nodding.
"Uhm! I mean…!"
"In the Christmas section?"
Sakura nodded furiously, bright pink by this time.
Fai shrugged, "Kuro-tan has a bit of the Christmas spirit in him, and I need a new tree."
Sakura nodded, "Sorry for intruding!" she said softly, scurrying away.
"Say hi to Syaoran-san for me!" Fai called.
"She's that girl from the play…"
"Told you," Fai muttered frostily, smile still in place.
In short, he was infuriated. First of all, with this random stranger who just happened to pop up at Christmas time when he was at his most lonely, interrupting his life and turning it around so much that everything would only hurt more when he was left, yet again, and secondly, with himself. Was he that much of a scrooge that even Sakura noticed? (She was a sweet girl, but not the sharpest crayon in the box…) He was always tolerant of the Christmas decorations, songs, and shows… He just holed himself up in his house, and did as little as possible…
Maybe that was it… why no one bothered him anymore; he had just faded from their radars while he was too absorbed in his own self pity to notice that he was fading away.
Oh, and did he mention that he was absolutely furious with Kurogane?
He balled his fists briefly, then sighed. He couldn't help it; when someone had been alone their entire life like he had… You just couldn't help to fall hard and quick.
This stupid, irritable, son of a bitch from god knows where, come to do god knows what had somehow managed to make him fall…
"I won't say it," Fai muttered, flushing slightly.
Kurogane looked over at him, hauling a bag out of the buggy. "You enjoyed it; I can see it," he said shortly, putting the bag in the back of the car.
"…I kinda did," Fai whispered, looking up at the sky.
/./././././././././
"Let's wait until tomorrow to put this stuff up," Fai suggested, eyeing the large pile of Christmas decorations he and Kurogane had bought. "I'm dead tired."
Kurogane nodded. "This is a lot," he agreed.
Fai smiled amiably, trying to conceal his growing panic. "I think I'll go read for a while," he murmured softly, wandering out of the room, almost running smack into the door.
Kurogane raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms. Soel and Larg looked curiously after their master, then Larg turned to Kurogane as the white cat trotted after Fai. It meowed softly. "Your master is a weird one," he muttered, settling into the sofa. He exhaled sharply. Fai's behavior irritated him for some reason; he had the distinct impression that his host was lying to him.
"It shouldn't bother me so much," he grumbled. "So why does it?"
Larg only swished its tail in response.
/./././././././././
Fai locked himself in his study (which was actually the real guest room), and began to throw things about irritably. He hadn't pitched a fit like this in years (there was no one to be mad at, really). This aggravated him to no end!
Not even in the romance novels he read (yes, he read those—he justified it by becoming a literature teacher) did the characters ever 'fall in love' that fast.
"Then it's not love," he muttered. "It's… companionship."
He sank into a chair, head in his hands.
He should have never let that man in his house.
Whatever company he had would be lost the moment Kurogane didn't need to stay with him. Whenever the inn had a vacancy or whenever his car was fixed… the man would eventually leave…
And where did that leave him?
Here. Alone… again.
He'd never actually understood how lonely he actually was until he had the chance to not be lonely… But that's how things generally worked, wasn't it?
And love be damned, he'd not celebrate a holiday that only meant death to him. If the day didn't mean hope, then why celebrate it? It wasn't like he could be saved anyway.
Not even by love.
Fai cursed softly, leaning back in his chair. "No. I do not like him in the least bit; I'm only being a good Samaritan. I will forget that I ever cared for this man as soon as he leaves. I will not stop him."
/./././././././././
In the end, forgetting Kurogane was a lot easier said than done.
It was getting harder and harder to avoid the man, now that school had been let out for Christmas break… And now that the temperature began to drop, it was becoming necessary for them to share all the blankets on the bed.
"I could always go buy some more," Fai suggested, sliding tentatively into the bed.
Kurogane shrugged, pulling his side of the blankets over his shoulder. "Once I'm gone you won't need them anymore."
"I'm curious, why did you come to Celes?"
"Told you, to snowboard."
"You've not gone once," Fai accused, snuggling deep into his pillow. He tried to ignore the warmth of the other side of the bed, digging his nails into the sheets in an effort to keep himself in one place.
"…I got, in a sense, banished from my hometown."
"In a sense?" Being excluded from a town was something similar to Fai; even though he lived in Celes, most of the members of the town barely acknowledged his existence.
"Ah, I got fired," Kurogane grunted. "I was security for this high-class lady in our town, but I did something she didn't like, so I got fired. It's a small town, so it's not like there are many other jobs. So I left."
"To look for another?"
"No. Just to cope."
The two fell silent. Fai smiled softly into his pillow. "Thank you for telling me." It made him feel special, for some reason, to hear something about Kurogane. Even though he knew that it was egotistical for him to think that way, he felt it was like the man had deemed him worthy of the knowledge.
"Go to sleep."
"Goodnight."
Fai reached out to turn off the light, drowning in the darkness. He fell asleep slowly, dreaming fitfully when he finally did sleep.
The ghosts of Christmas past had come to haunt him. He dreamt of his dead parents, his brother, who died in front of him, hooked up to IVs and monitors, of the blood that pooled around his uncle's broken head… He walked from scene to scene, guided by some bright and distant figure; his hand within the ghost's, dry and warm. Suddenly, it pointed, and Fai drifted away from it into a light so bright that he had to squint to see.
He never could remember if what happened next was a dream, or reality. He slowly came out of the light, disoriented. Warmth greeted him. He sighed softly, snuggling into it. Arms curled around his waist, and Fai smiled gently. He breathed deep, a slightly spicy scent filling his nose. It was so familiar, yet so alien at the same time. He pressed closer to the source, nuzzling it gently. His cheek pressed against skin, a heartbeat filling his ear.
He felt safe. Whole. Happy. So contentedly complete for the first time. He'd give up just about anything to continue feeling this way.
He moaned softly, then everything faded back to black. The ghost bothered him no more.
For Kurogane, it wasn't some line between dream and reality. He never once went to sleep that night. He was close to it, but was pulled away by the sounds of his companion having nightmares. He rolled closer—but not too close, he didn't want the blonde to wake and find him looming—watching Fai closely.
His face was contorted in pain as he moved restlessly in his dreams. He spoke quietly, in pained whispers, crying out like a small child. He tossed and turned several times, finally landing atop of Kurogane.
His eyes opened blearily, his ice-blue eyes clouded with dream. Kurogane knew this to be part of the night terrors his host was experiencing. He knew it would be best to wake the other man, but part of him couldn't bear to pass this opportunity up. Before he knew what was happening, his arms were around Fai's waist, and the blonde was snuggling in.
He watched as Fai's eyes slid shut, peacefully sinking back into sleep. After staying awake a little longer, making sure that Fai wasn't going to suffer from anymore nightmares, he let himself fall asleep.
It was then that Kurogane knew he couldn't leave this town, no matter how much he wanted to… Something stronger than his measly wants tied him here…
And he found he didn't mind.
/./././././././././
Fai attacked the bowl with a vengeance.
"What the hell are you doing?"
Fai whirled around, spoon in hand, then gasped. He grit his teeth, turning his back on Kurogane, pounding the spoon into the half-melted glob of chocolate. "Making fudge."
"Why?"
"Because I need it," Fai snapped.
He did. He was desperate for something comforting—he'd been completely out of whack since he woke up cuddled against Kurogane that morning. He was confused at first, but when he finally gained his senses… he couldn't bring himself to move.
"You need it why?"
Fai grumbled something unintelligible. He continued to violently stir the chocolate. It didn't help his screwed up heart—no, Fai mused, hormones— that Kurogane was standing there, sans shirt, looking unbelievable sexy…
"Urg!"
Kurogane raised an eyebrow. "Having problems, much?"
"Aw, shut it," Fai whined, pouring a can of sweetened-condensed milk into the chocolate.
"What are you doing today?"
"Why?"
"Can you drop me off at the mechanic's? They said my car's almost done, so I need to come down to talk. Apparently they can do more," Kurogane said with a shrug. He narrowed his eyes as Fai visibly tensed, his hands freezing over the counter.
Fai swallowed. He couldn't move. His throat tightened, and an unfamiliar prickling formed behind his eyes, hot and painful. He watched as chocolate dripped to the counter, solidifying slowly. "No… I ah, am… busy… to-today," he finally managed to mumble. "I have to go to school… Staff meeting… or … something…"
Kurogane leaned against the door, "Thought school was out."
"Special," Fai croaked. "I'll be late soon… maybe later?"
"Hold you to that."
One Fai was certain that Kurogane wasn't in the kitchen any longer, he allowed himself the luxury of eating the chocolate right out of the bowl.
Not fair! Not fair! Not fair!
"I'm leaving!" Fai called, voice unsteady, "I'll be back… later…"
He rushed out of the house, his tie floating behind him, his coat hanging haphazardly off his shoulders. He bolted to his car, then sped off. Once he was out of city limits, he pulled over, finally breaking down.
Not fair, not fair, not fair!
He hated this time of year! It always took away something important to him…
"Not like there's even been a chance for him to become important," Fai muttered bitterly.
/./././././././././
Eventually, Fai had to return home. As he walked through the door, he threw his jacket and gloves to the floor, completely irritated with himself.
"I'm back," he called, stepping into the living room. He froze, standing stock still in the entrance.
Kurogane looked over his shoulder. "Good. Wanna help me with this?"
Fai shook his head, "Don't know how," he breathed. He bit his lip, watching as Kurogane returned to putting up the Christmas tree they bought the day before.
Had it only been the day before?
"How was school?"
"Work… I just ended up grading finals…"
"Hm. Well, I walked down to the mechanic's. My car will be done tomorrow, so I figured I'd start decorating so something will be up when—"
"No!"
Kurogane turned around, frowning. His scowl deepened as his eyes fell on Fai, standing in the doorway, head down and fists clenched. He could see the man shaking.
"No!" Fai repeated, flexing his fingers, like he wanted to grab hold of something. "It's not fair!"
Kurogane didn't say anything; instead, he sat back on his heels, watching Fai warily. The blonde was nice, and attractive at that, but he was volatile. He decided to wait out his tantrum, just to see what his host had to say.
Fai lifted his face, tears in his eyes and a defiant look set deep into his features. He strode forward, throwing his hands out, knocking the tree down. Soel and Larg darted out from under the decoration just in time, hissing as they fled the room. "I never wanted this!" Fai seethed, kicking the branches angrily. "Never, never, never! I hate snow, I hate the cold! I hate it! I don't want to be loved! I don't deserve to even think about it! I don't need to be happy! I don't need company to live!"
The blonde stomped, half sobbing. He picked up a box of ornaments, throwing them at the wall. The lid flew off, and the glass shattered with an cacophony of cracks, shrapnel raining on the couch like rain. "I don't want to put these up! I hate this!"
"Why?" Kurogane asked, standing slowly. He grabbed Fai's arms, holding them tightly.
Fai looked away, "Because you're going away. There's no point if you're not here."
"Who said I was leaving?"
"No one stays in Celes for very long," Fai said cryptically. "Not once they've met me…"
"Oh, shut up!" Kurogane's hand flew to Fai's face, wrenching the man face-to-face. He glowered down at the teacher for a minute, then kissed him roughly.
Fai gasped, whimpering. Kurogane pulled back, scowling.
"But you said…"
"You didn't let me finish. I was going to say 'So something will be up when I manage to find you a good present'. Dumbass."
Fai blushed deeply, enraptured. He then shook his head, struggling away, "We're strangers! We'd never even seen each other before last week!"
"Well…" Kurogane blushed slightly, looking thoroughly embarrassed about what he was about to say, "Christmas is the season for miracles, isn't it?" He then made a face.
"Funny, you never struck me as a romantic…"
"You never struck me as a Scrooge."
Fai cracked a smile, "Well, never judge a book by its cover… Say… why did you come with me that night?" he asked. It was something that had been nagging in the back of his mind since that first night; he just never got around to asking.
Kurogane shrugged, letting go of the blonde. He moved to pick up the fallen tree, "I suppose it was the same thing that made you ask me. I felt this …compulsion to say yes. Before that, I was ready to camp out at the church."
Fai nodded, scratching his head absently.
"…You know, those were the only ornaments we bought…"
The blonde shifted guiltily. "Sorry…"
"We can go buy more."
"…Then let's go," Fai mumbled, smiling.
/./././././././././
Miracles were something that happened, whether you believed in them or not, he supposed—you didn't have to be religious.
Love, to him, was a miracle. It starts out as an urge to talk to someone, and then it grows, at whatever pace you need, until it can no longer be contained. Sometimes, it would creep slowly, smoldering in the back of your mind, catching your attention one thing at a time. Other times, it was like a flash fire. One moment two people could be strangers, the next they could be head-over-heels.
Fai hung happily off Kurogane's arm, joyously pointing out different things on the aisle.
"Just because they're sparkly doesn't mean they're good, you idiot!"
Fai laughed, nodding, "Sure, sure."
Kurogane pulled a package of plastic balls off the shelves. "I think we should get non-breakable ones."
"Hey…"
"Your cats like to climb that tree; they'll knock it down more than you can even try."
Fai jabbed Kurogane in the ribs with his elbow, giggling as the man spewed obscenities and threats.
Yes… certainly miracles were the reason for the season. He would still fear being left behind… but slowly, he could get over it.
While something, somewhere had taken away those they loved, they'd also given them someone to love; a reason to continue on; a reason to celebrate… They could celebrate as long as they had this person who was given to them by their side.
Kurogane looked down at Fai, frowning, "What are you grinning about?"
"Nothing… Merry Christmas, Kuro-sama."
Kurogane chuckled rolling his eyes. "And a happy New Year."
"I don't celebrate New Years," Fai said stubbornly, trying not to snigger.
"Why you little—!!"
END