Children's Science Corner

"Good news, listeners! We have a special guest in the booth today: Carlos, lovely Carlos, this town's FAVORITE scientist."

"Cecil –"

"I assure you, listeners, that his hair is looking ESPECIALLY luxurious today. So soft, so shiny… Carlos, would you tell our listeners what kind of conditioner you use to keep your hair so glorious?"

"I – Cecil I… I wish you wouldn't do that."

"Anyway, Station Management made it known through a series of terribly menacing messages under the door that they'd like me to make the program more educational, especially for our younger listeners. Of course, I instantly thought of our most intelligent scientist. Sweet, selfless Carlos, who never hesitates to help those in need."

"I can't believe this…"

"Carlos has agreed to teach us a little bit about science today! Isn't that wonderful?"

"Cecil, this IS supposed to be for children, right? That's what you told me."

"Of course, our Children's Science Corner!"

"Okay. Okay…"

"Whenever you're ready, my radiant Carlos."

"Cecil, I swear to – Okay. Um. Well… hello. I'm here today to… to clear up some misconceptions. And I thought I'd start with something simple. Mountains."

"Snrk!"

"MOUNTAINS, which are not only real, but in fact an incredibly COMMON geological feature on this and many other planets. And in fact, there are a number of different types of mountain, formed in different ways over the course of millions of years. You see, the Earth's surface is covered in tectonic plates – thick layers of rock. They aren't stationary as you might imagine; they are in constant motion, crashing into one another and pushing each other back and forth. This can form mountains, or even whole continents. Did you know – But I'll keep it simple and just focus on one type of mountain."

"Oh? What's that?"

"Well the most dramatic type of mountain is formed by volcanoes. This is – ah… should I explain volcanoes?"

"Please!"

"All right. Um… Well, the plates, the tectonic plates… Underneath… Okay, the Earth is made up of a number of layers, right? Inside it's impossibly hot, full of lava – that's rock heated up to liquid form. Like… like thick liquid fire. Okay?"

"Okay…"

"Okay. Well sometimes as the plates shift, a crack is formed down through the Earth, and some of the lava is given a passage to the surface. So it… erupts. It pushes up the plates around it, forming a protrusion. As the lava flows out and cools, it turns to rock. Over time, the plates and the lava form a mountain. Does that make sense?"

"…I don't mean to be a dissenter, Carlos… but that seems a bit far-fetched."

"No, look, I brought a book and some print-outs…"

"I mean, I wouldn't want to be disrespectful to your beliefs…"

"I – They're not… beliefs, they're solid, hard facts, Cecil! Honestly!"

"And is that how the house that doesn't exist was formed, as well? Do we need to worry about… liquid, fiery… wood bursting out of it?"

"Of course not, that's completely different!"

"I'm just saying it seems a bit hard to believe – the Earth full of fire, and covered in plates, and… well, mountains."

"Cecil, so help me, I will drag you out of this sound booth RIGHT NOW, and take you to see a mountain with your very own eyes."

"Did you hear that, listeners? Carlos asked ME on a DATE! You heard it yourself! I mean I can't leave NOW, obviously, but what about Saturday?"

"Uh… Saturday?"

"Yes, we can go see this mountain of yours."

"Well… well okay. Yes. That's what we'll do."

"Carlos, have I mentioned how your eyes sparkle like the Glow Cloud?"

"…Not in the past twenty minutes, no."

"Well, listeners, this has been Children's Science Corner. And now… the weather."