A/N: Hello world, and a very merry Christmas! Or whatever winter holiday you celebrate. This... is kind of strange. Or, very strange, rather. It's the GLLLLLLORIOUS story JohnnyCadesChick and I wrote earlier... because... we felt like it. And because I haven't had an update in forever.
Disclaimer: Do you excpect us to own any of this? Susie owns the gang and their girls, Trees own Johnny's song, While the Iron is Hot, and Charles Dickens owns A Christmas Carol (thankfully). All we own are the golden retriever and her puppies, if that. And Johnny's cat ears, of course.
WARNING: Fair warning, right here. This is horribly random. It was not meant to be serious, so don't eat Jenna or myself. Because, you know, how Christmas-y would that be? On that note, let us proceed!
Christmastime was not Dallas Winston's favourite time of year. If he thought his friends were crazy ordinarily, their insanity was at least doubled around the holidays. On top of that, the Season of Giving just wasn't for him. What was he supposed to give anybody? What did they want from him?
But that wasn't the worst of his troubles. Oh, no. The worst thing that was brought on by Christmas would have to be their annual holiday party, predictably held at the Curtis place.
So, reluctantly, Dallas walked into the Curtis house on the big day, and was greeted by Soda. "DALLAS! How are you on this amazing day in which we recieved Baby Jesus?" he practically screamed. Dallas slowly backed away. "Come on in, man! Have a...um..." Soda looked around. "COOKIE!" He shoved the plate into Dally's gut and ran off, yelling "Enjoy!" over his shoulder.
Another reason Dally sometimes wondered about Sodapop Curtis, and if he was alright in the head.
"Ehnnn..." Mister Winston winced, dropping the plate of cookies onto the floor. He was sincerely hoping that there were to be no biscuits at this party.
But immediately all hopes were smashed, because in came Two-Bit, carrying a HUGE plate of biscuits. "I BROUGHT THE BISCUITS!" he shouted happily. Dallas groaned and dropped onto the couch, as his friend said, "Dally, would you like a biscuit?"
"WHAT DO YOU THINK?!" he exploded, making Two-Bit shrink back. "HOW MANY TIMES MUST I TELL YOU THAT I AM ALLERGIC TO FREAKIN' BISCUITS?!"
Johnny, who was sitting on the chair, cringed at the yelling. Two-Bit cowered against the wall, setting the biscuits on the kitchen table that was far away from Dally. "But I thought that you would like one anyway..." he started, then trailed off once he saw the look in Dally's eye.
"Well you thought WRONG."
"I can see that..." Two-Bit then proceeded to scamper off into the other room, just to get away from Dallas.
And if Two-Bit and his biscuits weren't enough, Darry just had to teleport into the room as Sylvia opened the door. Yes, Sylvia.
Dally backed away from Darry. "When did you pick up teleportation?" he asked slowly. But then he realized that Darry wasn't paying attention to him.
"You," Darry's voice spat at Sylvia.
"Me," Sylvia shot back because she's too dumb to think of anything else to say.
"Who said you could come to this party?"
"Like... I dunno, but it ain't a party without me!"
"And who says that?" Darry argued.
"Me," Steve said, waltzing in and slipping his arm around Sylvia. "She likes me better, Dal, face it."
"HEY!" Ponyboy yelled, walking in from... somewhere. "Who said you were invited?!" he pointed accusingly at Steve. "We decided you weren't cool enough to come over any more!"
Dally was suddenly seething.
"WHAT"S GOING ON?" he bellowed. But in the midst of their arguing and yelling, Sylvia, Darry, Ponyboy, and Steve didn't seem to hear him. And when nobody cares about what Dally has to say, mean Dally becomes VOLCANO EXPLODING DALLY. And VOLCANO EXPLODING DALLY is not anything you want to mess with.
He was seriously about to start throwing punches at Steve, when Evie accidentally stumbled into the room, having just finished helping Soda with something in the kitchen (she was supervising his use of food colouring). Her entrance suddenly gave Dallas an idea.
He grabbed Evie and crashed his lips onto hers. Evie, taken off guard, kissed him back. Dally heard the yelling suddenly stopping and out of the corner of his eye saw people gaping and Steve hollering, "THAT'S MY CHICK, DALLY!"
Brilliant.
"SO?! SYLVIA'S MY CHICK, BUT THAT DIDN'T STOP YOU!"
Suddenly, Ponyboy burst into tears. And yes, everyone ignored his pleas of, "WHY CAN'T EVERYONE JUST GET ALONG?" Johnny, who had vanished into the background before, suddenly pointed out the window and said in his quiet, scared voice...
"S-S-Santa Claus..."
Naturally, he was ignored, too. And that caused Johnny to take the liberty of adjusting his trademark cat ears, and get everyone's attention by screaming out, "WE WILL NOT WORK FOR YOU AGAIN, SIR, 'TIL YOU PAY US ALL A LIVING WAGE!"
The sudden folk music outburst caused everyone to stop dead and stare at him.
"What did he say?" asked Evie.
"I'm...not...really...sure," Darry started. Then, in tumbled Soda through a hole in the ceiling, covered in flour, turkey, and pie crust. He began to sob and pound his feet on the floor like a two-year-old.
"My cooking...it's RUINED! IT'S ON ME!"
Evie shook her head. "Should have been more careful, hon."
"People?" Johnny tried to regain his friends' attention. "Um... guys... guys, Santa's... S-Santa--"
But his small voice was once again lost in the sea of noise that was Soda's tantrum, Evie's comforting words, Steve's strange outburst at his girlfriend comforting his best friend, Ponyboy's resumed crying, and Darry trying to fight with Sylvia, who was a little busy eating Dally's face.
Johnny finally kicked Ponyboy in the shin, regretting it, but being happy because he made a loud yell and it got everyone's attention. "SANTA IS COMING IN THROUGH SODA'S HOLE IN THE CEILING AND DROPPING THINGS!"
Suddenly, a heater dropped down, made a loud CLONK on Johnny's head, and he fell down unconscious.
"What the hell?" Two-Bit questioned rhetorically, appearing from nowhere. He then got hit in the head with a Dora the Explorer doll.
"ARE THESE THINGS DEADLY?" Soda screamed.
"Shut up, man, why are you being so PMSy today?" Dally asked, pulling away from Sylvia for a minute, only to realize that she'd been hit in the head with a barstool. "Why the hell would Santa deliver a barstool?"
"Why wouldn't he?" Two-Bit asked, dodging a strange Harajuku-style headband. "AND WHAT WAS THAT?!"
"That was a Harajuku headband, and it's very popular in Japan. Mainly with girls but--" Ponyboy and his infinite knowledge of Japanese street fashion, was cut off by the unconsciousness brought on by another barstool.
Suddenly, a jukebox came flying from the ceiling, playing songs from Jenna's play, South Pacific. Steve covered his ears and moaned, "AUGHHHH I HATE YOU DEBBIE REYNOLDS!" Suddenly, Debbie Reynolds' voice came out and yelled:
"WHAT WAS THAT?" as the record player knocked Steve over the head, causing him to fall and trip Darry in his lightsaber battle with Sylvia.
Dally wondered where they had gotten the lightsabers, and then proceeded to yell, "WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!" at the ceiling and Santa, while making rude hand gestures.
"I'm trying to teach you that you are a Scrooge, Dallas Winston," Santa's voice came down. Johnny got up and then he tripped over Dallas's huge foot, and Dallas shoved him. "See, you just shoved Tiny Tim and he did NOTHING!"
"Johnny's name is not Tim! But he is kinda tiny..." then, a Golden Retriever fell on top of Dally and he blacked out.
Evie took a glance up at the ceiling. "That was a horrible book," she informed Santa Claus. "The University of Tennessee's version of the play was very good though..."
"Um, okay?" Two-Bit replied, jumping out of the way of the golden retriever's puppies. "That was relevant how?"
"Well, if Dally's Scrooge and Johnny's Tiny Tim, I wanted to know which character Santa thinks I ought to be."
Two-Bit rolled his eyes and Santa shook his head, just as Ponyboy picked up one of the puppies.
"I'm gonna name you Lionheart, after a boy one of Jenna's friends likes!"
Sylvia sighed. "You're Estella, and Steve is Pip. Cos he is all yours, homegirl."
"Wrong book, dumb broad," Ponyboy remarked.
Suddenly, a large armchair was dropped onto Sylvia. Santa figured she deserved it, what with her stupidity and all.
"You know... I think I'd like to be Belle..." Evie was still rambling about Dickens books. "...wait, no... she was engaged to Scrooge, and that's gross... ummm..."
No one was listening to Evie or realized that Sylvia was now lying under an armchair. And she died! But then, an angel Sylvia was dropped down and she began singing the Hallelujah Chorus. And everyone stopped to listen. But, her singing wasn't very good, and Santa dropped another armchair on her.
Dallas suddenly regained consciousness. "SANTA!" he wailed. "I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT! IF I HURRY, I CAN CHANGE THE FUTURE, AND TINY TIM WON'T DIE! I'M FILLED WITH THE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS!" and then, for good measure, he added a line from the University of Tennessee's production of A Christmas Carol. "I'M AS MERRY AS A SCHOOLBOY!"
Everyone cheered, even though it was completely impossible for Dally to turn around. That of course was overlooked.
And Johnny, who had overcome his shyness, suddenly kissed Evie. Then he jumped in the middle of everyone and said, "God bless us, everyone!"