Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, Oscar-Meijer, or 7-Eleven

*Chapter 1: In the Morning*

The morning was perfectly normal, well if you can say "normal", in the Akatsuki base. Things were going as they usually did: Itachi making a delicious, wholesome breakfast; kisame having a chat with his girlfirend, and soon to be fiance, Veronica; Deidara was setting prices for his art, while Kakuzu observed, making sure to have Deidei set the prices to borderline expensive; Sasori was painting Hidan's nails, as he was the Akatsuki's lead mani-pedicurist; Tobi was saying how much of a good boy he was to Leader-sama, asking him for different assortments of rubber ducks; and Konan was secretly taking some of Pein's peircings while he was engaged in other matters. There was peace only one place in the Akatsuki headquarters, the Super-Evil Garden of DOOM, that belonged to Zetsu, the weird plant-taco.

Konohagakure was busrting with excitement. Orochimaru had been spotted in the ninja day-care school. The teachers there were frantic. They knew what the infamous Oro could do to young minds. This had happened too many times before, but this time was different. This time, they were prepared. One of the head jonin released Rikki Tikki Tavi, the dreaded mongoose. Mongoose hate snakes, you see, and as a snake, Orochimaru had no choice but to conform to the mighty power of the demented squirrel-like creature with the fangs and shot-gun and slithered back to whatever little boy he crawled off of.

Naruto was sixteen. He knew he HAD to have some sort of female interaction in his life, so he went to the ramen shop to look at the sexy clerk with the big rack…. Of ramen bowls.

"Hey, Ayame. Wanna go with me to the ramen shop sometime?"

"Ummmmm….. I get off work at ermmm… the ramen shop… at-"

At that moment, Orochimaru burst into the ramen shop with what looked to be a package of Oscar Meijer Weiners.

"BLEH BLU BEEEEH BEY BLAAAAT!" Oro screamed at the top of his lungs grabbing Naruto by the throat and pulling him towards the door. He ran out with a surprised Nauto close to his left butt cheek.

"…" Ayame said.

"It's nice to see that boy with a friend. He deserves it." Her father exclaimed happily.

Sasuke and Karin were sitting at the hideout in Karin's room, watching all four Twilight movies back-to-back.

"I got them before they came out to theaters," Karin said seductively, thinking this fact was somehow sexy.

Sasuke sighed. He wasn'The going to sugar-coat this, as there was no possible way to. The raw fact is: he hated her. She was gross. Her hair was always messy, and it stank. He wished he had never saved her from that pedophile dressed like a bear in the forest that one day. That guy always gave him free chimichangas. At that moment, Orochimaru walked in the room holding a sack that was dripping blood and leaving a trail of it on the carpet.

"It'sssss a dead cat I ran over with my car," he explained.

Karin and Sasuke both nodded nonchalantly, knowing but not really caring that it wasn't.

"Oh, and Karin. Here'ssssss a treat," he held out the package of hot dogs he bought at 7-eleven. Karin immediantly snatched the package from Orochimaru, ravaging the packaging and wolfing down the hot dogs. She looked back at Sasuke sometimes and growled, protecting her "treat" given by Orochimaru.

-End Chapter One-