Author's Notes:
This story was inspired by a conversation with Neo-byzantium. It explores a small lead that was introduced in The French Bug and, as its title suggests, is inspired by the original canonical episode of the same name. Of course… it is most probably nothing like what Neo-byzantium had in mind… lol. If and when Nightbird ever appears in the main Heroic Decepticons universe, she'll be written quite differently. This story is intended as a fun, humorous piece, so whilst it fits into the Heroic Decepticons multiverse somewhere, it should by no means be taken seriously.
I have intentionally borrowed several lines from the original G1 episode; these are highlighted in bold.
Now a small disclaimer: this story is a little risqué compared to anything else I've written thus far, and does contain sexual themes.
There are no pairings for the Heroic Decepticons, either explicit or implied, so please keep this in mind when reading/reviewing.
Thanks for reading and as always, I do hope you enjoy. :)
Enter the Nightbird?
Autobot Headquarters, Pacific Northwest
"Surr-priise!"
There was nothing the Autobots on Earth loved more than spending quality time with the people they considered their human family - first, it had been Sparkplug with his boy Spike Witwicky, but Spike had eventually grown up and had married his girlfriend, Carly. The two had gone on to live on Cybertron for a short while, before settling on the planet of Athenia, where they could raise their son Daniel. Indeed, after Spike had been appointed the role of Earth's official ambassador to Cybertron, he'd found it increasingly difficult to get away from his busy schedule and find the time to visit Earth.
Sixteen years later, Spike and Carly both served as ambassadors on several worlds, whilst Daniel was now a teenager with a girlfriend of his own, and eager to join the Earth Defense Command as soon as he turned eighteen.
"Welcome home, Spike!" Optimus Prime greeted his human allies, as the rest of the Autobots all gathered around to celebrate the impromptu reunion in the main control room of the Ark. "Carly… and Daniel, you've certainly grown since the last time we saw you. It is truly good to see you all again."
"Thanks, Optimus. It's good to see you, too," Spike said, elated at being reunited with his Autobot friends. "It's good to see all of you again. Wow, how long has it been?" He gave Bumblebee a warm smile, offered Ratchet a friendly hand shake.
"Ah, too long, Spike," Optimus replied cheerfully.
"So, did we surprise you, Optimus?" Daniel asked, beaming up at him.
"You sure did," the Autobot leader replied jovially, before glancing at the blonde-haired female hanging onto Daniel's arm. He stooped down to get a little closer. "Ah… and you must be Tammy. Daniel's told me a lot about you."
The girl gave the Autobot leader a reproachful look, her mouth moving constantly with the effort of chewing a piece of gum. "Uh, yah." She rolled her eyes, ignoring the awkward stares from the other Autobots. "Come on, let's go do something fun," she said to her boyfriend, and began to pull him towards the Ark's back rooms. "Show me around, or something."
Daniel looked back at his parents and offered them a knowing look, before being dragged away by the petite female. "Ah… hehe. Well, it was nice seeing you again, guys," he said, waving a quick good bye to everyone before half running, half stumbling after Tammy.
"Go get 'em, son!" Spike called after him, winking, and then added quickly, "And, um, be careful, son!"
"Don't worry, dad! We'll be fine!"
Within a few short moments, the two love-struck teenagers were running down the hallway, arm in arm, laughing together, before they disappeared around the corner.
"Well…" Optimus Prime straightened to his full height again, looking down the empty hallway in contemplation. "He's certainly grown up, hasn't he?"
Before Spike could reply, Ratchet crossed his arms, shook his head. "I'll say. I don't think I'll ever understand human teenagers."
"Or women," Spike added, momentarily forgetting his wife by his side. "Uh… present company excepted, of course," he quickly corrected, rubbing the back of his neck. Carly smiled.
"Do you think someone should keep an optic on them?" Hound suggested. "You know, just in case they get lost… or something." Of course, everybody in the room knew that what he'd really meant to say was, 'just in case they cause trouble'.
Optimus seemed to seriously consider Hound's proposition, but then shrugged it off. "No… I'm sure they're responsible enough."
Spike smiled nervously; he wasn't so sure.
Twenty minutes later, Spike and Carly found themselves sharing stories of their adventures. Seated in a circle together with the Autobot crew, they had spoken excitedly about their achievements and conquests, successes and failures over the last sixteen years… until, eventually, there was a lull in the conversation.
"Maybe I should go and check up on Daniel and Tammy. It's been a while…" Ironhide said in his familiar southern drawl, breaking the silence. He started to get up, but then Bumblebee held him back with a hand.
"Oh, no, I'll go," the yellow car offered. He'd been anxious to see Daniel again; the two of them had been close friends when the boy was only a child, but seeing him again today after so many years apart was making him feel unsettled. He knew that human children grew up to become adult humans, but he'd had no idea that Daniel's behaviour would undergo such a dramatic change as well; it seemed as though Daniel hadn't even acknowledged Bumblebee's existence.
"Oh, uh… okay," Ironhide said, and settled back down in his seat.
Bumblebee gave everyone a polite smile, before making his way down the hallway. As he approached the back rooms of the ark, the sounds of conversation and laughter from the other Autobots growing fainter by the astro-second, he wondered where Daniel and his girlfriend might have gone to. Perhaps they were exploring Perceptor's lab, or tinkering in Wheeljack's workshop. Or, maybe they'd been spending their time hanging out with Jazz and his music – yes, that might be it; humans tended to listen to music a lot.
As he rounded another corner, he couldn't help but hear some strange sounds coming from one of the rooms to the left, and he moved closer to see what might be causing them. There appeared to be nobody else around, and he decided that the sounds must be coming from Daniel and Tammy. Curious, he stepped closer towards the door to… the supply room?
"Ooooh… ahhhh… Oh! Oh! Ohhhahh!"
"Daniel?" Bumblebee stopped at the closed door to listen.
There were those strange sounds again, only this time the groans and moans were higher pitched. "Ohh… mmhmmm… Danny!… Oh, Danny!" This was followed by the sound of heavy breathing, and Bumblebee started to worry that perhaps something might be wrong with the female.
Repeated moans crescendoed into a high-pitched scream.
Bumblebee overrode the door lock and burst into the room, ready to save the humans from their obvious distress. "Daniel! Daniel–" The sight that greeted the mini-bot was something that he would find difficult to put into words, especially when questioned about it later. "Oh."
Daniel was standing over his girlfriend, her legs spread wide apart. He quickly turned his head to stare directly at the Autobot, his cheeks turning a deep rosy pink. "Oh… uh, Bumblebee!" He and Tammy were both stark naked, and frozen in their exertion like statues.
Bumblebee's bright blue optics would have bulged out of their sockets – if he'd been human – while his mouth formed a small 'O'. His gaze slowly moved down to stare at Daniel's hard, glistening member.
Daniel suddenly realized what was happening, and his brain kicked into high gear. Moving as fast as lightning, he scrambled to cover himself up with the first garment he could find. In the same moment, Tammy gave Bumblebee a bored, disapproving look, before turning away to slowly pick her clothing up from the floor.
"I'll… just… leave you two alone," Bumblebee said, pointing a finger towards the ceiling to indicate his thought processes. He carefully took a step back and hit the button on the door panel, watching as the door slid closed in front of him, before he slowly made his way back to the main control room.
Optimus Prime was the first to notice Bumblebee's confused expression as he rejoined the group, taking his seat among them. "Is everything okay, Bumblebee?" The minibot simply offered him a weak smile. "Are Daniel and Tammy alright?"
"Oh, they were, you know… they're fine..." Bumblebee began. "I – I think."
Spike smiled at his childhood friend, rested a hand on the Autobot's knee. "Hey, Bumblebee – looks like you've seen a ghost! My boy didn't scare you away, did he?" he said, half-jokingly, and laughed.
Bumblebee poked a thumb back towards the hallway. "Nah. They were in the supply room, and…" he trailed off, sporting that confused look again.
"The supply room?" Ironhide repeated, perplexed. "What on Cybertron would they be doing in the supply room?"
Bumblebee cleared his throat, as Spike's laughter died down until it was replaced by a concerned expression. "Yes, what are they doing in the supply room? Bumblebee, are they in trouble?"
"Oh, no. They were, um…" He paused, looked around at all the expectant faces. His gaze settled upon Carly, and he was suddenly overcome with embarrassment. "Well… Daniel was… entering Tammy with his reproductive organ," he said, for want of a better description.
"Entering Tammy with his what, now?" Ironhide said, but then stopped as he saw a look of astonishment and disapproval cross Carly's face, while Spike stiffened in surprise, sitting up straight in his chair.
"You mean… entering as in… entering… entering?" Spike prodded, and made a vulgar motion with his hand.
Carly stood up from her chair and slapped her husband across the top of his head. He ducked to avoid her reproach, but failed. "Spike, I want you to go and have a talk with that son of yours, right this instant!" she demanded, pointing towards the Ark's back rooms.
"My son…?" Spike stuttered, but then raised his hands, defending himself from his wife's wrath. "Okay, okay, I'll go." He slowly stood up, and then realized that every single Autobot in the room was watching him intently. It was so quiet one could hear a pin drop. He cleared his throat, put on a brave front. "I'll be right back," he said hurriedly, and then left.
There was the sound of an incoming communication from Teletraan I, and Cliffjumper rushed from his seat to answer the call. A moment later, he called out, "Optimus Prime, come quickly – it's Dr Fujiyama, the famous scientist!"
The entire crew of the ark raced towards the large computer display after their leader, happy for the timely distraction. A Japanese man in a business suit appeared on the screen in front of them.
"Yes, Dr Fujiyama?" Prime asked him.
The man bowed in greeting. "Sorry to intrude, Mr Optimus Prime, but I am in need of the services of you and your Autobots."
"For what reason, Doctor?"
"To guard my latest invention, when I present it to the world."
"Exactly what is it that you've come up with?" Prime's frustration was beginning to come through, though it was subtle; only those who knew him well would have picked up on it. While the Autobots often worked closely with the humans, it didn't mean that he should respond to their every beck and call. Why the heck couldn't Dr Fujiyama have just hired some security guards instead?
Dr Fujiyama glanced around nervously, and then leaned closer to the screen. "Could the Decepticons eavesdrop on us?"
"Oh, it's not too likely," Ironhide reassured him.
"Nonetheless, I fear to speak. My invention is… a sex robot," the Doctor explained in a lowered voice, glancing around furtively once again.
"What?" Prime said in disbelief. All optics in the room were now fully fixated on the screen.
"At the risk of seeming boastful, eh – it is the greatest robot ever created by man, which means it is, well… hehehe," Doctor Fujiyama chuckled nervously, as the Autobots continued to stare at him in shock. Cliffjumper, in particular, appeared to be in a state of pain, a twisted expression upon his face. "Primitive, by Autobot standards."
"My curiosity is aroused," Prime stated, earning him a strained look from Carly. "We will come, Doctor."
"Oh, splendid, splendid!" It was obvious that the Doctor was quite pleased, excited by the prospect of the unveiling of his magnificent robot, with the Autobots' help. "Oh, and please – there is no need to feel uncomfortable. The sex industry is a multi-billion dollar industry; coupled with our rapidly growing technological advancements, why – there's no telling just how far our inventions will go in the future," he reassured them.
"All the way, I'd assume," Wheeljack joked, though out of earshot of Dr Fujiyama.
With nothing further to say, Prime bowed, the Doctor bowed in return, and then the transmission was terminated.
"Heh – imagine: Autobots playing nursemaid to a sex robot," Wheeljack contemplated, sharing a joke with Ironhide. "It had better be worth the service, if you know what I mean."
"Nevertheless, we'll go if only to make sure the Decepticons don't get their, uh… hands on it," Prime told them, ignoring the Autobot engineer's grin, just as Daniel entered the control room with Spike, Tammy and Bumblebee.
The teenager glanced about furtively, holding his girlfriend's hand while purposefully avoiding Bumblebee's gaze. "Oh, hey, guys," he said, and then paused, noticing the strange mix of expressions from the Autobots gathered around Teletraan I. "So… what'd we miss?"
Decepticon Headquarters, Australian Eastern Seaboard
In the control room, Soundwave had some interesting news to share. He'd been scanning the humans' air waves, as he was wont to do every once in a while, and had tapped into classified military information regarding something called Operation World Energy Sources. From the information that he'd managed to retrieve thus far, it involved some kind of special info-chip that would allow the possessor to find and tap into any power supply on Earth. Not only that, but it had been classified Top Secret, and also included a mention of the Autobots in a collaborative partnership with the humans.
"This warrants further investigation," Megatron informed him. "If this info-chip is able to grant the Autobots access to all of this world's energy sources, it will give them virtually unlimited power."
Several minutes later, a meeting had been called to discuss the situation.
"If the Autobots are in possession of the info-chip, no doubt the humans will convince them to use the chip's unlimited power sources to locate our base and destroy it," Starscream said, after giving the matter some thought.
"Agreed," Megatron said, glancing around at his high ranking Decepticons. "But if we can retrieve the chip and reprogram it without the Autobots' knowledge, they won't be able to use it to achieve absolute power… or world domination… even if they tried."
"So, how do we find it?" Skywarp asked.
"And if it's already inside the Ark somewhere, how do we retrieve it without being detected?" Thundercracker added. But no one had any answers.
"Perhaps, if there was an easier way…" Megatron started, contemplating all available possibilities, but nothing helpful came to mind. He spoke to his Communications officer. "Soundwave, keep monitoring the air waves. Let me know if you learn anything new that may prove useful to us."
"As you command, Megatron," Soundwave replied.
Rumble fiddled with the main display controls in the common room, as the three Insecticons, seated around one of the tables nearby, watched him with interest. After several minutes, noticing that the Cassetticon was becoming increasingly frustrated with his task, Bombshell walked over to stand beside him.
"Is there something wrong with the display?" he asked Rumble.
The smaller Decepticon looked up at him. "Oh, nah. I'm trying to pick up the humans' air waves, but I can't seem to find any signal," he explained.
"Oh. Well, let me try," Bombshell offered, and took over the controls. As he turned the various knobs and dials on the panel in front of him, the static on the display disappeared, and a hazy image began to replace it, though there was no discernible sound signal. Then, as Bombshell continued to play with the dials, the static reappeared again, though only briefly before the hazy images returned. "Hm, I see what you mean. Such primitive technology," he muttered, but kept trying until, after another minute of experimentation and fine tuning, he managed to bring up a clear signal with both visual and audio components. "Will this do?"
"Hey, thanks!" Rumble said, and the two of them began to watch the broadcast. It appeared to be from a local news channel. Bombshell couldn't help but wonder why the Cassetticon would be interested in the humans' broadcasts, but before he could ask Rumble gave him an answer, as if he had read his mind. "Soundwave suggested I check out the humans' broadcasts, just in case there's anything about the World Energy Sources."
"Ah." That made sense. Bombshell had heard about the so-called Operation World Energy Sources from Starscream less than a breem ago.
The news program had just finished reporting on the state of the economy, and then it showed a large, empty auditorium. At the front, occupying a mezzanine area was a large, veiled object, an empty table and several empty chairs. A large sign read: 'Robotics and AI Expo: 15 – 16 August, 2009, Washington State University.'
The voiceover reported: "And in other news, Washington State University is proud to host this year's Robotics and AI Expo this weekend, showcasing the latest in the world of robotics and artificial intelligence. Among the guests will be the world famous scientist Dr Fujiyama, who will be unveiling his latest invention – a highly sophisticated service robot – and, in his own words, 'the greatest robot ever created by man'. Worth more than six and a half million dollars, it is so sophisticated, and so valuable, that the Autobots themselves have been given the task of safeguarding Dr Fujiyama's highly anticipated robot… "
Rumble scratched his head in contemplation. "Wait, so – the Autobots are going to look after some service robot… do you think it means anything?"
"Hm. I'm not sure, but… it does give me an idea," Bombshell replied.
Less than half an hour later, the meeting reconvened, this time with Bombshell joining them. After he had finished explaining his idea to Megatron, he was met with a certain amount of healthy skepticism by his fellow Decepticons.
But then Thundercracker shrugged. "You know, it could work."
"What if it doesn't work?" Skywarp considered.
"I imagine it'd be no great loss," Starscream answered, then added, "I think it's worth a try."
When nobody else had anything further to add, Megatron agreed. "Very well," he said, "Decepticons, we shall attend the Robotics and AI Expo this weekend."
Robotics and AI Expo, Washington State University
Several minutes before the various technological marvels were to be revealed, the domed University auditorium was filled to capacity. Aside from the excitement for the much awaited unveiling of Dr Fujiyama's prized robot, the obvious presence of several Autobots stationed at every entrance and upon the mezzanine was an additional, yet unintended, attraction for the human attendees at the Expo.
Wheeljack, partnered with Ratchet, couldn't help but make derogatory comments aimed at Dr Fujiyama's special robot; in fact, he had not stopped making jokes about it ever since the Doctor had contacted them two days earlier, much to the annoyance of several of his fellow Autobots, but particularly Optimus Prime. Still, they had allowed him to continue non-stop with his merriment – for one thing, it had offered them all a distraction from Daniel and his girlfriend, Tammy, both of whom had been behaving like two sex crazed teenagers around the Ark the past two days, but also some of his quips were actually quite funny.
"If it has a mouth, it probably only knows how to use it for one thing, and it ain't for talking, hehehe…"
"Hehe, I wonder if brains are included, hehehehe," Ratchet added mirthfully, encouraging his friend.
"When they turn it on, she'll probably blow more than the lights," Wheeljack continued, enjoying himself thoroughly. So much so that he did not notice Optimus Prime walking past.
"We're here to guard the robot, not to make jokes at its expense," Prime rebuked, sounding none too pleased. He continued towards the main stage, where Jazz and the Witwickys stood beside the shrouded robot; other than his two unruly Autobot gagsters, all seemed to be in order.
A few seconds later, Dr Fujiyama walked onto the stage to begin his presentation. "Gentlemen, what you are about to see is state of the art robotics!" That was all the introduction that Prowl and Mirage needed; they stood completely mesmerized by what might be hidden beneath the veil, and without further ado, Dr Fujiyama reached out and pressed a button to lift off the cover…
The so-called sex robot was nothing like what anybody had imagined; her well proportioned, athletic figure and protective armour made her looked distinctly like a ninja robot, not a sex robot. Other than exposed yellow optics, her facial features were covered with a mask, and she was even equipped with a ninjaken – or a ninja's sword – across her back, and a pair of nunchuks in her right hand.
There was a mixed reaction from the audience – surprise, wonderment, even a touch of disappointment – if anything, Dr Fujiyama's robot looked a little understated, and certainly did not appear to match the description of its promised function.
Dr Fujiyama would not be deterred. "This, gentlemen, is the first female ninja robot!" he announced proudly. "I have named her: Nightbird."
For Spike, at least, Nightbird was very sexy. "Oh, wowser! That is one hot robot!" he blurted out, completely forgetting that he had a wife and son standing right beside him. Carly looked at him in surprise, her brows raised, and then grimaced, crossing her arms. But Spike did not appear to notice her. He was too captivated by Nightbird.
After several moments, the audience slowly began to warm to the idea of Dr Fujiyama's female ninja robot, and he received several compliments and words of admiration.
However, the leader of the Autobots was still struggling to understand or appreciate the concept. "Why a ninja… erm… special robot?" he ventured to ask, a little hesitant to say the 's' word in front of a room full of strangers.
"That sure is one sexy ninja!" Daniel replied, admiring the figure of Nightbird standing motionless in front of him. His dad gave him a wink of approval.
"Enter the Nightbird, ey, son?" Spike hinted, grinning at his son.
"Huh. Must be a Japanese thing…" Jazz said, shrugging, not quite understanding where Spike was coming from.
Nearby, Optimus Prime pretended not to hear them. He was thankful when a man in the audience stood up and proceeded to ask Dr Fujiyama the crucial question, so that he didn't have to.
"Ah, why build a ninja sex robot, Doctor? Isn't that rather dangerous?"
Unperturbed, the doctor seemed to have a ready answer. "Nightbird has been constructed to demonstrate to the world the limitless capabilities of technology. She will expand the horizons of robotics research to assist mankind, and not to harm him. I assure you, gentlemen, she is not meant for battle or assassinations, and I have limited her powers accordingly. Now, gentlemen, if I may…"
His speech was interrupted by the sound of doors on the second level beside Trailbreaker being forced apart, and before he knew what was happening he felt himself being flung high across the auditorium, startling the human attendees as he crash landed on the other side of the large room. The two Cassetticons, Rumble and Frenzy, burst through the doors and jumped down over the landing to the ground floor.
"We just love a grand entrance, don't we, Frenzy?" Rumble said to his twin, before activating his pile drivers.
The Autobots quickly became alerted and jumped to action in an attempt to keep the unexpected Decepticon intrusion at bay, whilst also making sure that the humans were not injured in the process. On top of all that, they still had to ensure that no harm would come to Nightbird. No easy feat, even for the esteemed Autobots.
Frenzy and Laserbeak added more mayhem to the sudden madness, shooting laser beams from their blasters in all directions, scattering the humans and sending them running for cover as building debris fell all around.
"The humans have evacuated," Prime announced after several moments, "Autobots, attack!"
As per usual, Cliffjumper did not spare a micro-second and was the first to fire a few retaliatory shots at Rumble. That was Megatron's cue, as he and Soundwave burst onto the scene.
"What are you doing here, Megatron?" Optimus Prime demanded, confronting the Decepticon leader.
"We are here for the Robotics and AI Expo, what else?" Megatron answered him with obvious sarcasm.
The mini-bot Brawn opened fire upon Soundwave from the level above, but was quickly taken down by a single shot from the Decepticon's blaster. "We have tickets," Soundwave defended, before Mirage reappeared just in time to pay him back with a blast of his own.
Of course, this little skirmish had set up the perfect opportunity for the other Decepticons to carry out their real objective. While Megatron and Soundwave continued to engage Prime and the Autobots in another round of target practice, first playing defense and then taking the offensive, Starscream and his trine mates burst through the domed ceiling and down into the auditorium. Thundercracker and Skywarp transformed into their robot modes long enough to grab the ninja robot by her arms and lift her into Starscream's cockpit, before the three of them flew up and out again before anyone could stop them.
Their first goal accomplished, Megatron and the Decepticons still inside the auditorium immediately ceased their sparring match with the Autobots and evacuated the scene after their aerial team.
Decepticon Headquarters, Australian Eastern Seaboard
"This is child's play compared to Decepticon transform circuits," Bombshell commented, tinkering with the internals of the humanoid robot Nightbird as she lay off-line on an examination table. Megatron and the other Decepticons looked on with interest.
"I don't get it – what's so special about her?" Skywarp asked. His puzzlement was shared by all.
"She does not appear to have been programmed with any special function in mind… except, perhaps, to obey her creator's voice commands without question," Bombshell informed them, though he sounded unsure.
"Can you do it?" Megatron inquired of Bombshell, eager to find out whether the trouble they had all gone to just to bring her to Decepticon Headquarters had been worth it.
Fortunately, Bombshell was highly skilled in circuitry modification – the kind of modification that would be necessary in order to transform Nightbird into the sort of robot that would be able to assist them in their mission. "With a little rewiring, some additional micro-chips, and a triple power booster, perhaps," he stated, as he completed Nightbird's upgrade. "Report progress on optic interface, Soundwave."
"Almost completed," the Cassetticon guardian returned.
"Good! This micro-chip contains all the necessary instructions for her to be able to carry out her new objective," the Insecticon scientist informed the Decepticon leader. Then he raised Nightbird to a sitting position and inserted the micro-chip into a slot in the back of her head. She was now ready to be brought online.
He pressed a sliding lever just below her chin, and her yellow optics came to life. Looking around the room for several long moments she carefully surveyed her new environment, studying each Decepticon in turn until, finally, her gaze rested upon Starscream. Then she jumped off the examination table and came to stand in front of him.
"Can she speak?" Starscream asked, quite unimpressed with Dr Fujiyama's technological marvel thus far.
Bombshell shook his head. "No; she has no vocalizer component."
"Hm. That's odd," he noted, before turning his attention to the female ninja robot. "So, Nightbird… if you can't speak, then show us what you can do," he ordered her.
Nightbird's optics flashed for a brief instant as she assimilated her first instruction, and then she burst into a sudden demonstration of some basic ninja moves, kicking and punching into the air in front of Starscream as if enticing the Air Commander to spar with her.
Unamused by her display of martial arts abilities, he folded his arms and looked away, casting his gaze towards his fellow Decepticons – and unwittingly providing Nightbird with the perfect opportunity to demonstrate her special abilities. "Well, if this is–" he began, but was cut off as he suddenly found himself being grappled by the waist and flung down onto the examination table. Before he even realized what was happening, Nightbird had climbed on top of him, and had his shoulders pinned down with her arms as she repositioned her legs to straddle him…
The look of surprise and shock on his face was priceless. The other Decepticons stood quietly watching in confusion, not quite knowing what to make of Nightbird's puzzling behaviour or her motivations behind it.
Then, as Nightbird began to reach down with one hand, looking for something on Starscream's frame, he called out to the others, "Well, don't just stand there – do something!" just as he quickly regained control of the situation and heaved her forcefully off him. She fell to the ground gracefully, and then picked herself up to stand at rest, awaiting her next instructions.
Starscream took several steps back, keeping a safe distance between him and the Earthling ninja robot. "What the scrap just happened?" he demanded of Bombshell.
"Some special robot she's turning out to be," Skywarp commented, still not seeing why the humans had made such a fuss over her, enough to have the Autobots assigned to protect her.
"Bombshell?" Megatron said, looking for a reasonable explanation for what had just occurred.
All optics gravitated toward the Insecticon, but all he could do was shake his head in uncertainty. Then, after a brief consideration, he offered them his best theory. "Uh… it appears that Nightbird was attempting to, well… service Starscream, if you know what I mean…"
A perfect quietness fell upon the room, and Bombshell cast his optics down towards the floor, purposefully avoiding the others' gazes as they considered the implications of what he had just told them.
"Wait… you mean to tell me that… that… that she's a…" Starscream began, breaking the silence as he looked again at Nightbird, pointing, before he burst into a fit of laughter.
Autobot Headquarters, Pacific Northwest
Later that afternoon, after Optimus Prime had personally offered his sincerest apologies to Dr Fujiyama for losing his prized robot to the Decepticons before promising to return her to him unharmed, the Autobots arrived back at Headquarters to attend to minor repairs after their encounter with the Decepticons, and to try and figure out why the opposing faction would have an interest in an Earthling robot.
As Spike made his way inside the Ark with Prowl via an external elevator platform, he couldn't help but share his thoughts with the Autobot strategist. "I don't understand it, Prowl. Why would the Decepticons steal the ninja sex robot?" he asked in exasperation. "I didn't think Decepticons even had sex."
Were all humans always this… forward? It made Prowl feel like he was being put on the spot, and he didn't like that feeling much. "I don't understand anything the Decepticons do," he replied, and decided it was best to leave it that, hoping that Spike would not ask him any further questions regarding sex robots and Decepticons – his knowledge in that area was rather limited.
As the two of them stepped off the platform, they had no idea that Nightbird was tracking them closely, whilst Blitzwing waited for her nearby.
She had only one goal in mind, and that was to carry out Megatron's orders. Of course, it was a very good thing that Dr Fujiyama had equipped her with everything she could possibly need – above and beyond her function as a sex robot – to ensure her success in her mission.
She hitched a ride into the Ark atop the main elevator platform, making certain that the Autobot and the human did not see her. Stealth was, after all, one of her primary skills.
Navigating the mostly empty hallways, she stopped short as another human walked past along an intersecting hallway, unaware of her presence, and then continued. Approaching the Ark's repair bay, she heard the sound of several more voices, and stopped momentarily to listen in. Three Autobots were present, engaged in a lively debate.
"You know what I really don't get about humans?" the chief medical officer was saying as he worked on repairing Brawn's seized shoulder joint.
"No, but I can think of a few things," Wheeljack replied.
"I'll tell you: it's their obsession with sex," Ratchet explained. "Oh, absolutely. It's immersed in almost every part of human culture, in one form or another. And, now, the ninja sex robot invented by Dr Fujiyama – you know, it's just what we need." He shook his head in disbelief.
Just outside, Nightbird was distracted by another Autobot approaching from behind her in the hallway, and she turned around in alarm, ready to confront him and defend herself if need be.
"Whoa!" Walking at his usual fast pace, he almost ran straight into her. Instinctively, he moved out of her way to allow her through, but then realized that it was Dr Fujiyama's special ninja robot. "Oh, hey, stop!" he called out, alerting any Autobots in the vicinity.
She had to act fast, or she'd soon have the entire Autobot crew onto her.
"It's – it's Night–!" He was cut short in mid-sentence, as he felt a hand slip around his mouth and then the familiar sting of an immobilizer plunged into the side of his neck.
A moment later, Wheeljack stuck his head out the med bay door and glanced up and down the hallway a few times. He scratched his helm; there was nobody in sight. "Hm, that's strange. I could have sworn I heard Bluestreak in the hall just now."
Ratchet and Brawn appeared at the doorway alongside him. The hall was very quiet. Too quiet, it seemed. Then Brawn shook his head dismissively. "I'm telling you – there's definitely something not quite right with Bluestreak's cranial circuits."
With that Autobot now taken care of, Nightbird continued on her mission, moving gracefully down the passageway until she reached the main control room. A quick scan of the Autobots' central computer revealed just the thing she had been sent here to retrieve – the World Energy Sources info-chip. It was well within her reach, sitting comfortably right underneath the main console. All she needed to do was open the protective panel, press the release button, and…
She held the chip securely in her hand, examining it briefly. So far, so good. She quickly placed the object inside her back pack and then began to retrace her footsteps back down along the hallway.
An Autobot was approaching her from the opposite end of the passage, and she froze, waiting to see his reaction. He stopped short to examine her. "Hey! Why you're–"
But there was no time to stop and make his acquaintance. The Decepticons would be expecting her back soon, and she did not want to disappoint.
She pushed him up against the wall, locking optics with his, and then reached for his interface panel, teasing him with it. As she did this, the Autobot started to become completely mesmerized by her, as if rendered powerless under a potent spell, and could not pull himself away. He barely managed to press the intruder alert button on the wall beside him.
Optimus Prime quickly appeared around the corner, accompanied by several other Autobots. "Mirage, what happened?"
Mirage looked disoriented. "I… uh… oh, oh, wow…" he mumbled, still in a daze as the figure of Nightbird took off past him down the hall. But she had come to a dead end, and it appeared that she was trapped. "Whoever you are, stop!" Prime called out after her, and she turned to face them.
"It's the sex ninja!" Cliffjumper identified.
"Don't harm her!" Prime ordered, as she transformed her hands into spinning shurikens.
"And definitely don't ask her for a hand job!" Jazz added, copying some of the humans' sense of humour he'd picked up once when he'd accompanied Spike to a nightclub.
Distracting the Autobots with several hand blades thrown in their direction, Nightbird activated her dazzling light show, and disappeared before their optics.
Decepticon Headquarters, Australian Eastern Seaboard
Nightbird had been away on her mission for the better part of the afternoon, and had still not returned by night fall. Understandably, the Decepticons were beginning to worry that she may not return at all.
"Maybe it wasn't such a great idea to send an Earthling pleasure robot to do a Decepticon's job," Starscream said, dismayed. "She could burn out fast, or worse – she could revert back to her original programming."
"Well, if that happens I'll bet she'd be the envy of the entire Autobot crew," Thundercracker said.
"Eh, she's not so hot," Starscream replied dismissively.
Autobot Headquarters, Pacific Northwest
When Optimus Prime and his crew made their way back to the main control room, Ratchet and Ironhide were already waiting for them with a damage report. "It's much worse than I thought, Prime," Ratchet began. "She's stolen the World Energy Sources chip, but not only that – Bluestreak seems to have gone missing."
"Hm." Prime held his chin in thought for a second. "Finding her now is more important than ever. Autobots, transform and follow Hound!"
"Ah, Prime? What about Bluestreak? I have a feeling that the she-bot has something to do with his disappearance," Ratchet explained, "and, if I'm right, Bluestreak won't be the first of us to fall for her female charms, if you know what I mean." He glanced over at Mirage as he said this; the blue and white Autobot was still recovering from the unexpected effects of his brief encounter with the ninja sex robot.
That possibility was something Optimus had not even considered until now. If what Ratchet had said was true, it could certainly make their entire mission a lot more unpredictable, not to mention risky. Mechs would always be mechs, after all. "Understood, Ratchet. Bumblebee, I want you to stay here and look for Bluestreak. He may still be inside the Ark somewhere. Report back to me as soon as he is found."
"Sure thing, Prime," the yellow mini-bot replied, giving him a small nod.
"The rest of you… I don't need to tell you twice – be careful out there. Let's go!" And with that, Prime's convoy transformed and rolled out.
Decepticon Headquarters, Australian Eastern Seaboard
Gathered in the control room waiting for Blitzwing to return from the American Pacific Northwest with his passenger, Nightbird, the Decepticons had been discussing the ninja bot and her original function.
Bombshell summed it up perfectly for all of them when he concluded, "There's no other way to say it – Nightbird was designed to be a robotic sex slave. Despite my best efforts to reprogram her, she might be triggered to act on her basic instincts to… interface... at any moment," he explained, as he searched for the right words.
"What if there's more to her than just her basic instincts? What if she actually has a crush on Screamer?" Thundercracker said, amused.
"You can't be serious?" Starscream challenged him. "Even if she has the capacity to experience such feelings… why me?"
"Hm, perhaps… Thundercracker is right," Bombshell answered. "She has shown an unusual amount of interest towards you, Starscream. But as to why you in particular, well… that is anybody's guess."
The Air Commander turned to Bombshell, determined to change the topic. "The important question is: can she be trusted to carry out her mission?"
The Insecticon nodded reassuringly. "Oh, yes… I guarantee it. Her mission is top priority… I made sure of that." No sooner had he spoken than Blitzwing appeared in the doorway, Nightbird right behind him.
"Ah, she has returned. Good," Megatron announced. "Does she have the info-chip?"
Blitzwing grinned, held up a rectangular object. "Sure does."
"Excellent. Soundwave?"
The communications officer made his way over to Blitzwing and took the chip from him, before heading back to his work station to begin the process of modifying the chip.
As Blitzwing moved towards the center of the room, Megatron watched as Nightbird obediently followed after him. "We thought you might have been captured by the Autobots," he said to her, though he did not expect her to answer. "The important thing is that we have the chip. After Soundwave has finished reprogramming it, you will return to the Autobots and allow them to capture you. Once the info-chip is back in their possession, they should be none the wiser."
Though she had no vocalizer unit to speak from, she understood his instructions perfectly. The enhancements that Bombshell had made to her systems when he'd upgraded her had made her fully sentient and self aware, whether they knew it or not, and for that she would be forever grateful to Megatron and the Decepticons. She made a deep bow on bended knee to let them know that she would honour his wishes.
Besides, she thought, Starscream was hot.
Spirit Lake, Washington State
"Why aren't we getting any signals?" Optimus asked Hound, rather impatiently. They'd managed to track Nightbird's trail for almost two hours, but so far their search had come up empty. Dr Fujiyama's erotic creation seemed to possess a level of elusiveness and skill far superior than they'd ever thought possible from an Earthling robot.
"Maybe she's already long gone," Hound said, but then, "Wait – there she is!"
And sure enough, there she was; walking casually amongst the craggy precipices as if she had not a care in the world.
"Autobots, transform!" Optimus said, and she turned to face them, alerted to their presence. He had to think fast if he was going to catch her unharmed. "Nightbird, we mean you no harm. Come back with us. Dr Fujiyama would be most happy to see you again."
"In more ways than one, I imagine," Jazz joked, then, "Sorry, Prime," when he received a look of disapproval from the Autobot leader.
Rather than reassuring Nightbird, however, the mention of her human creator seemed to have the opposite effect on her. She unleashed her retractable laser weapon and demonstrated some fancy moves as a warning to the Autobots to keep their distance, before showing off her acrobatic manoeuvres by somersaulting up and over the nearest bluff.
Still, Prime was not one to give up so easily, and he followed after her in pursuit until they came to a small enclave that was surrounded by steep cliffs. This time, it looked as though she had nowhere to run.
"I swore not to damage you, Nightbird, but you're leaving me no option," Prime warned, and fired several shots from his rifle, knocking her down.
But then, to the Autobots' sheer astonishment, she slowly picked herself up again and activated her shurikens, sending several of the pointed blades flying in all directions. Cliffjumper was knocked out cold, while Brawn, Ironhide and Hound scrambled to avoid a volley of spinning blades headed straight for them. It seemed as though nothing could stop her.
This was fun, she thought, but sooner or later she would have to let them win.
Decepticon Headquarters, Australian Eastern Seaboard
The Decepticons were gathered around the monitor, watching intently as the battle between Nightbird and the Autobots played out. Up until now she'd made it look so easy, counteracting their efforts with ease, but then the Autobots had managed to contain her within an electro-mesh prison. As she put on a show for them, struggling to escape from the mesh, the info-chip 'accidentally' fell out of her back pack.
"They're probably congratulating themselves right now," Thundercracker observed of the Autobots, "even though she's allowed herself to be captured."
"Of course," Megatron reiterated, pleased with Nightbird's performance thus far, "She has done well, just as she's been instructed to do."
"I wonder how long she'll last now that she's in the company of the Autobots," Starscream said, speaking his thoughts aloud.
"My guess is longer than any of them put together," Thundercracker joked, eliciting a round of laughter from his comrades.
"I bet she'll be thinking of Screamer the entire time," Skywarp added, grinning.
"That's not what I–" Starscream started, but quickly realized that he was not going to get anywhere with them, and shook his head in resignation. "Oh, never mind."
Autobot Headquarters, Pacific Northwest
Bumblebee walked through the Ark's hallways, calling out for Bluestreak. First, he had tried contacting the missing gunner on his com link, but had gotten no response. So then he'd tried asking Teletraan I, but their main computer had simply replied by telling him that Bluestreak was currently unavailable. That's when he'd started to worry.
"Bluestreak? Bluestreak! Blue… are you in there?" He came to a stop before the supply room; it was the only room in the entire Ark where he had not yet looked.
He stood listening in front of the closed door. He would make absolutely sure that this time, there weren't any humans having sex inside the room as he walked in. Uh-uh, no way that was going to happen again.
Thankfully, he could not detect the sound of voices or heavy breathing coming from inside the room so he slowly reached for the door release, but then hesitated. 'What am I doing?' he thought. Surely he wouldn't catch Daniel and Tammy in the act again, would he? He started to feel rather silly about the whole thing, and pushed the thought out of his mind as best he could. Then he pressed the button to open the door.
It was very dark inside. "Uh, Blue? Blue, are you in here?" No response. He sighed, was about to turn back and leave the room when he heard a noise. It sounded like groaning. Quickly, without thinking twice, he activated the lighting with a voice command.
He jumped slightly in surprise at the sight of two naked humans, lying together asleep on top of a makeshift berth. Right beside them, in a rather uncomfortable position on the floor and chained to the foot of the berth by his left wrist, was Bluestreak. He, too, appeared to be off-line.
"Blue?" Bumblebee carefully approached the Autobot and, after making certain that the gunner was not damaged, leaned in closer, lowering his voice so he wouldn't wake the humans. "Blue? Blue, wake up! It's me, Bumblebee."
Bluestreak groaned, and then stirred awake, his blue optics coming back online. He stared, wide-optics, at the scene around him, his processor trying to make sense of his situation. "Ugh, what happened…?" he managed, before realization suddenly hit him.
He was in the supply room, chained to a berth, Daniel and Tammy sound asleep on top of it. He slowly looked down at his frame and… realized his interface mechanism was activated. And if that wasn't bad enough, Bumblebee was leaning directly over him, looking down at him nervously.
Bluestreak let out a loud and drawn out scream.
"Well done, Autobots. Nightbird is contained, and unharmed." Prime was proud of their achievement, and of the way his Autobots had handled the situation. It had taken his entire crew to capture her, it was true, but at least she had been brought safely back to Headquarters, and the World Energy Sources chip was securely back in Autobot hands.
However, since Nightbird had spent time in the company of Decepticons, he was a little worried. "Oh, Wheeljack?"
"Yes, Optimus?"
"I have a strong suspicion that the Decepticons have tampered with her original programming. I want you to make absolutely sure that she's in the same condition she was in when she first came to us."
"Don't mention it, Optimus," Wheeljack said. "She'll be as good as new by the time I'm done with her."
"Heh, just don't let the little lady do you over first–" Jazz quipped, a wide grin on his face, before a look of disapproval from Prime quickly shut him down.
Amidst the awkward silence that followed, an agonized, prolonged scream floated into the main control room from somewhere within the back rooms of the Ark. They all turned their heads to look down the hallway behind them.
"What the…?" Ratchet said in alarm, but before Prime could send someone to find out what was going on, a second scream infiltrated their audio sensors. It was a different scream from the first; it consisted of two distinct voices – one male and one female.
Carly, who was standing beside Spike, nudged him with an elbow as she looked at him in surprise. "Spike, that's our son!" she exclaimed in surprise. "And that girlfriend of his!"
Spike looked around the room, his eyes wide, as he tried his best to feign ignorance. "I, um, I really don't know what…"
But before he had a chance to come up with a good explanation for Daniel's worrying behaviour, a third scream emanated from the same direction down the hallway. This time, it sounded like it was coming from Bumblebee.
No one moved or said anything for several long seconds. Then Wheeljack raised a finger, pointing tentatively towards the back rooms. "I'll, uh… I'll just… go and make sure everything's alright back there," he volunteered, and turned to leave. "I'll be right back."
As soon as he was out of sight, all optics slowly turned back towards Spike, who offered them all a big, nervous grin and shrug.
Dr Fujiyama's Robotics Lab, Vancouver, Washington State
"Oh, Mr Optimus Prime, I'm so glad you have returned Nightbird, and not a scratch on her chassis." Dr Fujiyama hadn't looked so happy in days, especially now that his precious Nightbird had been safely returned to him.
As for the Autobots, well… they could finally begin to relax, and Optimus, greatly relieved, was extremely thankful that he did not have to deal with the Doctor's ninja sex robot any longer. "Well, I'm glad she's back in your possession, Doctor – deprogrammed, and neutralized."
"…And safely locked up, forever!" Dr Fujiyama announced in satisfaction, as he closed the lid over Nightbird's containment pod, where she lay deactivated.
…Or so they thought. Nightbird's yellow optics glowered, and she knitted her brow in anger and determination.
She would be free.
'Post-credits' scene
After a very eventful – not to mention unusual – stay on Earth, it was time for Carly, and her husband Spike, to return to their ambassadorial duties on Athenia, and while she adored her Autobot family on Earth, she was secretly glad for the opportunity to return home.
As she approached her son's personal quarters, she called out to him from the hallway. "Daniel? Daniel? Get your bags packed, it's time to leave–" She opened the door to his room and, as the door slid open, stopped short.
Her son was staring at a holographic image of Nightbird, pants down, one hand pumping his member hard.
Daniel snapped his head around in shock…
"Mom!"
He stared, wide-eyed, back at his mother, stunned and humiliated, his triumphant manhood unwittingly ejaculating into the holo-image of Nightbird.
But Carly was not impressed, and she gave her son a sour look, hands on hips. "You and I are going to have a good, long talk when we get home," she said sternly, before pressing the button on the door panel and then turning and heading back down the hallway as the door to Daniel's room slid closed.
Oh, Spike will most definitely be hearing about this!
End!