Author's Note and Disclaimer:
Crack fic I thought of when watching Two and a Half Men and New Girl. It is part of the saga The Dar(h)k War.
I do not own DC Comics or the CW TV shows Arrow, The Flash, Legends of Tomorrow, Supergirl or any other characters or elements pertaining to the mentioned franchises.
Hope you have fun
With regards
Bl4ckHunter
"So, this is a nice gala event, isn't it?" Barry said as he was mingling with other guests.
"Glad that Bruce funded it." Oliver nodded.
"It's nice to have some time to relax." Barry nodded. "Kara's been busy with Clark trying to fight Brainiac."
"Oh, boy…" Oliver groaned.
Barry nodded. "Yeah, I know, it sucks that your girlfriend and her cousin have to fight..."
"Not that, that." Oliver pointed towards the bar, where they saw a woman with brown complexion and long dark hair, wearing a red dress and Barry winced to see Iris. "It kind of sucks to run into your ex-wife at events like these."
"You know… it might not be that bad." Barry said. "I'll just go and say 'hello'."
"Sure. I need a refill of champagne. I'll be back in a second." Oliver said as he was walking towards a bucket, in which was the bottle of champagne.
Barry awkwardly approached Iris and tapped her on the shoulder.
"Iris?"
"Barry." Iris smiled. "Hey. Good to see you."
"Good to see you too." Barry nodded, considering that they didn't part on the best of terms, he was expecting a worse attitude from her. "It's been… a while."
"Yeah." Iris nodded. "I… I know. I…" She bit her lip and looked down in shame. "I guess I owe you an apology. To you and Ralph and everyone else… for… how I treated you all."
"Water under the bridge." Barry said. "What brings you here? Journalism?"
"Yeah." Iris nodded. "You?"
"Oliver got a plus one and Felicity, Laurel and everyone else are busy, so, he invited his best friend." Barry said as Iris smiled.
"Where's Kara?" Iris asked.
"Busy." Barry said and that word was all Iris needed to know as she nodded. "So… want to tell me what you've been up to?"
The next day, Barry yawned as he woke up on the couch in Iris's apartment. He didn't even realize, where did catching up with Iris get him as he looked around and he sighed in relief that he still had his clothes on and didn't do anything he'd regret later, considering he's been in relationship with Kara and was now sleeping over at his ex-wife's.
Then, he heard the doorbell as Barry opened the door.
"Where have you been?" Oliver asked. "You weren't answering any of my calls."
"How did you find me?" Barry asked.
"I'm Batman." Oliver said and Barry blinked before both of them laughed. "Just kidding, the GPS in your jacket."
"Barry, I hope you'll like scrambled eggs. And it is just like old times and please, try not to eat it too fast." Iris said as Oliver heard sizzling of a frypan.
Oliver widened his eyes as he recognized the voice. "You slept over at your ex-wife's? Are you out of your mind?" He asked in shout-whisper.
"Ollie… nothing happened between us, I swear. I just spent the night here, that's all." Barry hissed.
"And remember that you need to eat a lot of calories because a speedster burns himself up." Iris said.
"She's doing it again." Oliver whispered. "She's telling you what to do!"
"She's just worried." Barry protested and Oliver tapped himself on the temple of his head, indicating that Barry was insane and Barry mouthed, "Shut up!"
"Barry, don't forget to clean up the couch, please." Iris said.
"You idiot." Oliver whispered. "You're going to regret this. Mark my words."
He left the apartment as Barry looked dumbfounded at what just happened.
"Barry? Is everything OK?" Kara asked as she entered the apartment.
"Look, Kara, I'm just thinking that… living two universes apart isn't the best relationship for us." Barry said.
"What do you mean?" Kara asked, confused as she sat down.
"What he means is that you deserve someone, who lives on your Earth too, since you two having a long-distance relationship, when it is likely that you might not be there for each other, isn't a healthy relationship." Iris said as she entered the living room and Kara scoffed, realizing what was going on.
"Oh, I see what's going on." Kara said. "When Iris called off the engagement the first time, it's because she thought you were a selfish jerk, too focused on her. You know what, it turns out that she's the selfish one, trying to control every aspect of your life and telling you what to do."
"Nuh-uh." Barry shook his head like a little kid, while Iris held his shoulder like some mother.
"Mark my words. It sounds sweet at first but then, she will withhold sex from you. I know the likes of her." Kara sneered. "And you will be like a dog begging for a bone. You will regret this, Barry. Remember that and you can blame her."
She waltzed off from the apartment as Caitlin and Cisco entered, looking confused at seeing Kara furious.
"What happened?" Cisco asked.
"There's something we need to discuss." Iris said as Cisco and Caitlin blinked, not understanding, since they thought that Barry and Iris were just having a friendly reunion.
"About what?" Caitlin asked.
"About that maybe we should give Iris a chance to return to Team Flash." Barry explained.
Cisco and Caitlin looked at each other with widened eyes in shock and surprise before both of them groaned and there was only one thought going on in their mind as they said it out loud in unison. "Oh… crap!"
Barry was in bed, slowly opening his eyes as Iris sat next to him, smiling. "Hey, sleepyhead."
"Hi." Barry said weakly.
"Isn't it nice? Just the two of us?" Iris asked.
"Why am I feeling a little… groggy…" Barry asked, feeling something was wrong with his body.
"I have a little surprise for you." Iris showed Barry a small box that she opened and Barry widened his eyes in shock and horror before touching himself on his crotch but was horrified to feel something soft but not what was supposed to be there as the realization hit him and he screamed in horror.
"Aaaaahhhhh!"
His thoughts returning back to the present in the gala, Barry shivered at the thought of reunion and catching up with Iris after the horror he had to endure with her as he walked away towards Oliver, who was ordering his drink.
"How did it go?" Oliver asked.
"It was a nightmare." Barry said, quickly drinking his martini.
Oliver winced. "As bad as I thought my reunion with Felicity would be?"
"Worse." Barry said as he swallowed the drink. "I'm glad I didn't catch up with Iris. Felicity turned out OK but Iris... it's like embodiement of fury."
Author's Note:
Sorry to all WestAllen fans but sometimes Iris does treat Barry, Cisco and Caitlin like crap and gets away with it scot-free and she is worse than Felicity.
True, she is mostly tolerable in Season 5 of The Flash but I can't stand the WestAllen drama with Nora.
Please review and let me know if you have enjoyed this one-shot.
With regards
Bl4ckHunter