!! hi!! Wrote a mary-sue parody! Hope you like it! Please read and review!
On a particularly bright and sunny morning, Mary Sue got up from her silk-sheeted bed and brushed her soft, sun-kissed golden locks. She looked at her reflection in her mirror. A thin, blue-eyed, pouty lipped, face stared back. When she opened her bedroom door, she saw that it was not hallway. Being Mary Sue, she immediately knew that it was Rivendell in Middle-earth. She gasped.
"People almost as beautiful as I am!" she said, in awe.
"Excuse me, lady, but we are not people, we are a people. The Elves," said a voice. Mary-Sue turned around and found that an Elf was standing next to her.
"You must be Legolas!" she exclaimed, once again using her all-knowing Mary-Sue-ness.
"Yes, I am," he said breathlessly. He fell in love instantaneously as he laid his eyes on this beautiful, unknown stranger [a/n: ::shakes head sadly::]. Mary-Sue tossed her hair, and it shimmered like spun gold [a/n: how does she *do* that if she's inside? Jeez…damn the Mary-Sue-ness!!!]
"Come, you must meet my companions," said Legolas, taking her hand and leading her towards the courtyard. No one was there yet, so Legolas sat down.
"Do you arch?" asked Legolas, to pass the time.
"I've never tried," said Mary-Sue, her voice chiming like melodious bells [a/n: ::shudders::]. She took Legolas's bow and arrow [a/n: ::screams::].
"Try and aim for that red leaf," said Legolas, pointing to the only red leaf among a sea of green ones. Mary-Sue, not even trying, managed to pierce it with the arrow.
"Beginner's luck?" she said, smiling, which made Legolas weak at the knees.
"Good shot!" said Boromir. Legolas turned around and there were his friends. All had the same expression on their faces as they saw the creature that rivaled the beauty of Luthien Tinuviel.
She must have been sent from Ilúvatar, they all thought. They all fell in love with her at once. Even Aragorn forgetting he had Arwen, had fallen under the spell of Mary-Sue. She simply fluttered her lashes and tossed her hair flirtatiously. Legolas pulled her aside, away from the earshot and eyesight of the others.
"I have never felt this way about another being, Elf or Human, before," said Legolas. Mary-Sue smiled.
"And I want you to know that even though I do now know your name, I love you with all of my heart, and I would die for you," he said.
"Oh Legolas! Even though you aren't even half as beautiful as I, I want you to know that I love you too!" she said. They drew together, intending to kiss, but another Elf had been watching in the shadows. Esteladuial had become quite irritated with Mary-Sue, and was about to lose her lembas. She, guided most likely by some higher power [a/n: the author. Sick of these little notes yet?], decided to intervene. Esteladuial pulled Mary-Sue away from Legolas. And so the fighting ensued. Mary-Sue, being the wonderful fighter that she was, punched Esteladuial in the face as if she was an orc. Esteladuial did the same back to Mary-Sue. By now, Mary-Sue began to notice that the nailpolish from her $30 french-tipped manicure was chipping. She stopped and whimpered, staring at her once perfect nails. Esteladuial tugged "gently" at Mary-Sue's hair, and it fell off. Legolas was shocked.
"How vulgar…..fake hair," said Esteladuial. She threw it up in the tree, leaving a very pissed and a very bald Mary-Sue. She screamed.
"Do you think that you can get that type of hair from Herbal Essences?!" Mary-Sue screeched, her voice no longer sounding remotely like bells.-
"Why, Mary-Sue, why?" said Esteladuial.
"Because! Blame Author! She put me up to it!" said Mary-Sue. Esteladuial gasped.
"You angered her!" said Esteladuial. A muddy hole filled with famished snapping turtles appeared beneath Mary-Sue. The turtles colsed in on her, snapping ominously.
"Who was that?" asked Legolas, indicating the bald Mary-Sue.
"That was Mary-Sue, Legolas Greenleaf. She is pure evil," said a loud disembodied voice. They guessed that it was Author.
"How about some lembas?" asked Esteladuial.
"That would be nice," said Legolas. They walked away to report the odd incident to the Fellowship.
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