Estelle looked outside of the window, she followed the raindrops as they slithered across the window, like snakes searching for its next meal, she listened to the sound the rain made as it hit the window…Estelle was entranced by the simplicity of it and wondered where the raindrops would go…where would she go? Estelle then slowly pick up the knife that she managed to steal from the kitchen…she placed the sharp end against her wrist and slowly made a cut, just a small one, before watching the blood slowly drip from her wrist to the table, stained by countless drops of blood. Estelle sighed before bandaging the wound, using her healing artes would just tire her out and bandaging it made the cut more real, she then cleaned the table but she knew that it was useless…the table went from a brown colour to a, now, crimson colour and soon the maids would be asking questions as to why the table had droplets of, what would look like, blood.
Estelle could simply request for another one, it's not like the people wouldn't ask any questions but…but each drops of blood on the table represented one day of suffering for Estelle. She had started cutting her wrists a month ago, when Yuri said that he didn't love her back when Estelle told him that she loved him.
"But why Yuri?" Estelle had asked, she remembered tears flowing from her eyes and down her cheek.
"I-I'm sorry Estelle" Yuri said softly, "I'm dating Judith now…we have been since our return two months ago."
"B-b-but I-I-I don't see you two together often, or at all, you're always apart."
"I know, we decided to keep our relationship this way…it makes less of a fuss when we do decide to get serious."
"Oh…I see."
"I'm sorry Estelle but I hope we can still remain as friends."
Estelle didn't answer and just simply ran to her room, she didn't even hear as Yuri yelled her name, she didn't even care if she bumped someone as she ran…all she cared was that the one man she had actually cared and loved had rejected her…and broken her fragile heart. Now a month later she still avoids Yuri and Judith whenever any of them are in Zaphias, Flynn had often asked Estelle if anything was wrong but all Estelle could say was that she was fine and he didn't need to worry. She began cutting herself to relieve the stress and despair inside of her but soon she would have to do something else more drastic if she couldn't find help soon.
Estelle sighed and went out of the room, she would need to steal some more bandages if she was to keep this practice up. She had resorted to stealing things, a concept Estelle had never considered in her life until now, because people tended to ask questions when she took a knife or some bandages…although Estelle kept the knife it wouldn't be long till a maid finds it and returns it to the kitchen although they were smart enough not to ask too many questions. Still Estelle didn't like being confronted on why she's doing things so she resorted to stealing, which wasn't so bad she thought since it was just 'borrowing' the item for a while, and now she's been cutting herself daily.
Estelle wandered aimlessly around the castle, it cleared her mind and there wasn't anything else to do in the castle other than just simply wandering around the place until someone needs her or she needs something for herself. Most of her friends were somewhere outside of Zaphias: Raven was out with Flynn on an expedition, Karol was in Daranghest taking care of the guild, Rita was in Aspio researching as for Judith, Yuri and Repede? She didn't want to know where the trio was though she was wondering if they were actually getting more intimate by the second. She shook the thought out of her head and decided to go to the throne room so she could talk to Ioder, she walked quickly and went inside to find that no one was inside…'strange' she thought 'usually Ioder would be here talking about some sort of issue' Estelle slowly walked into the empty room, her footsteps echoing loudly. She sat on the steps as she embraced the darkness and silence of the room and then sat on the throne and made herself comfortable, "So this is what it feels like to sit here" Estelle murmured to herself. She then simulated becoming an Empress, "You there I want all the chocolates in the world," pointing to an empty space imagining that there was an official there, "You I want…uhm…I want all…what do I want?" she muttered as the game began to quickly fade away.
Estelle never wanted anything so badly as for someone to love her, she never had anyone take her seriously, partly her fault but still…, they always treated her like a child, like someone to only listen to but never treat seriously. It made Estelle so mad that she often thought of having a tantrum but that would only affirm her status as a kid and no one would take her seriously then. She then wondered if she would find anyone, someone who didn't want her status as a Princess, but it would be hard…so hard. Estelle fell back into a state she called 'gloomy time' where all she could think about was the sad times in her life and how lonely she was. She took out the knife she was holding and started to cut herself again, making sure that no one was around, she made a large one this time and it bled freely…she wondered if she had cut too far but after checking it she figured that it was fine. She watched as the blood smeared her clothes and she knew that she would have to have it wash, she started to think of excuses that she could use to justify why there would be blood on it.
Suddenly she heard one of the doors starting to open, startled she ran to behind the throne room and underneath a space where she often hid when she was a child, it was a tight squeeze but still enough for her. She listened as footsteps echoed, by the sound of it two, then as it got closer she heard voices, "…impossible Andrew" Ioder's voice rang out as she talked to one of his closest advisor and confidant, Andrew, "she acts like a child everyday, a naive child to boot it"
"But you must be patient your highness" Andrew retorted back.
"Call me Ioder when we are alone," Ioder said as he sat on the throne, "she doesn't understand anything about politics or life…she thinks all of it is just one great fairy tale."
"That was the way she was brought up," Andrew replied, "it was our own fault for letting her be this way."
"But the journey with Yuri should have made her grown up, instead she's gotten much worse. I'm starting to wonder if Estelle can ever grow up."
Estelle stifled a gasp, they were talking about her…they were talking about their own, true feelings towards her. She listened in more carefully and hoped to pick up what they felt about her.
"I heard that she tried to confess her love for Yuri recently" Andrew stated.
"So have I…this just shows how naïve she is, she thought that Yuri loved her? That is a far cry from the truth…I'm not willing to say this in front of Estelle but frankly I think Brave Vesperia have had enough of her, they're spending less and less time in Zaphias just to avoid her, and Flynn…Flynn confided in me that he hoped that Estelle would grow up soon, he's tired of baby sitting her all the time, in fact he took this assignment with Raven just to get away from her" Ioder explained.
"Aren't you being a little too harsh Ioder? Princess Estellise is still a child, a young woman, but a child nonetheless…perhaps with time she would grow up."
"And if she doesn't? I'm not willing to cover up all her mistakes Andrew, sooner or later she must take responsibility for her own actions. Frankly I'm starting to think she's an embarrassment to the royal family."
"Ioder!" Andrew chided angrily, "how could you say that about your own childhood friend!"
Ioder gasped with surprise, "What am I saying? Perhaps I'm far too tired, lets go Andrew I need to go to sleep."
Ioder and Andrew's footsteps echoed until they all disappeared but Estelle stayed there…tears ran down her face as she thought about Ioder had said, so it was true: everyone hated her and didn't want to be around her, even Flynn had to stay away from her, she trembled with despair and sobbed non-stop for the better part of an hour. Then wiping the tears away she got out from her hiding place and after checking that no one was around she ran to her room and locked the door…it was like being rejected all over again except it wasn't just by Yuri, it was almost everyone she's known, she felt isolated and alienated from everyone else. She was a child…a simple, naïve child that didn't no any better and was now paying the price, her knife dropped and in one instance of insanity she considered stabbing her wrist and then opening it and wait until she bled out, but then she stopped herself…she would end her life, but not here; not in front of Ioder, Flynn or even Yuri, no she would end it in front of the one person she cherishes.
For now she settled down and tried to act like nothing happened, dinner would soon be served, so she cleaned up and calmed herself down before heading there. As she walked she began to think on how she would act at the dinner, should she act like nothing was fine? Or should she directly confront Ioder? Or worse yet should she actually act like she was 'grown up' and prove to Ioder that she was a child? Finally she decided on the first option, acting grown up would only make Ioder more suspicious about her actions and he would confront her on that, perhaps not directly but indirectly, and if she did confront Ioder about what he said it would only affirm that she was acting like a child. She would act like normal though it would be hard to sit there for the better part of two hours…but she had to do it.
She entered the dining hall and seated herself, much to her disdain, next to Ioder, "Good evening Ioder" Estelle said with a smile.
"Good evening Estelle," Ioder said with a smile, "how are you tonight?"
'Furious, mad…what do you think?' Estelle thought to herself as she glared at Ioder but instead she said, "I'm fine Ioder…just fine."
"That's good."
"Say Ioder, do you know where everyone else is?"
Ioder nearly dropped his mushroom and hesitated for a bit before asking, "Why do you ask?"
"I just want to know where everyone is that's all."
"W-well…uhm…Flynn and Raven are on an expedition, you know that, Rita is in Aspio, I think Karol is in Daranghest taking care of the guild and I'm not sure where Yuri and Judith are."
"I see" Estelle said as she continued to eat, she wondered if Ioder is beginning to suspect that Estelle was acting strangely…she never asked where the others were, even when she felt lonely, Estelle became to fume at herself for letting such an easy mistake happen. The rest of the dinner proceeded in silence as Estelle didn't want to talk to Ioder and neither did anyone else…it was an awkward silence and Ioder often glanced at Andrew who simply shrugged, it seemed that they did notice the change in Estelle, 'let them think of it' Estelle thought to herself, 'let them think whatever they want to tonight because by tomorrow I'll be dead.'
"Sorry I'm late to dinner," a voice rang out Estelle looked to who the speaker was to see that it was her best friend Rita Mordio, "I had some things to do."
"Rita," Estelle exclaimed, "what are you doing here?"
"Hi Estelle," Rita said, "I was just in Zaphias to pick up some stuff when I ran into Ioder. He invited me to dinner, how have you been Estelle?"
"Fine" Estelle simply said though she was wondering what Rita thought about her, 'does she hate me as well?' she thought to herself…but it was the perfect situation, she wanted to die in front of Rita…she loved her more than she loved herself, 'yes…tonight will be the night I die.'
After dinner was completed Rita and Ioder chat about how her research was doing when Estelle interrupted her, "Rita I would like to meet you in my room, can you come up when you're done?"
"Sure Estelle" Rita said as she continued to talk about her research. Estelle went to her room and prepared herself…she hid the knife under her sleeve and made sure that there were no bandages in the room, she didn't want to be saved…not tonight…not ever, if they wanted her to disappear then so be it, 'tonight I will disappear from this world…tonight will be the night I disappear as I should have been years ago' a knock then came and she invited the person in, "what's wrong Estelle?" Rita asked.
"Can you please lock the door Rita" Estelle said not even looking at Rita, when she heard the audible click of the lock she continued to look outside the window.
"What's wrong Estelle? Why the long face?"
"Rita…" Estelle started as her voice quavered but then it went back to normal, "what do you think of me?"
"Huh?" Rita said in surprise, "what do I think of you? I'm not sure what you mean Estelle, we're best friends aren't we?"
Estelle didn't answer, "Do you think of me as a child?"
"Of course not…what's wrong Estelle? Where are you getting these things from?"
"Do you hate me? Do you think I should grow up, stop being who I am?"
"Estelle answer me what's the matter?"
"Am I a burden to you?"
"Estelle stop it!" Rita said as she went in front of Estelle and looked at her, "tell me what's wrong? Why are you asking me all these questions?"
Estelle looked down and stood up before standing in front of the door, "I was in the throne room when Ioder was talking to one of his advisors. He was telling him that Brave Vesperia, you guys, think that I'm a child…he openly mocked me saying that even Flynn told him that I was acting like a child and he took the expedition because he wanted to stay away from me…he kept saying that I should grow up, that I was an embarrassment to the royal family and that I was a child…I am a child Rita, a child who shouldn't even exist."
"Stop talking like that Estelle, I don't think that way."
Estelle then took out the knife and placed it on her wrists, "But how long will it take before you do? 5 years? 10 years? A month? I don't want you to hate me…I don't want you to reject me…so that's why before you do I'll go away, I should never have existed in the first place anyway."
Rita looked at the knife in horror and she said softly, "Come on Estelle, stop being an idiot just give me the knife and I won't tell anyone about this. I promise."
"Stay away Rita…I'm not myself now and I'm afraid of hurting you, I am an idiot, I thought everyone would love me but instead they hate me for being who I am, perhaps I should have known better but…but…but…" Estelle had tears going down her cheeks, she could hardly breathe, "I'm sorry Rita…but tonight…tonight I will disappear." Then in one swift motion she sliced her wrist and blood spurted out of the wound.
"ESTELLE!" Rita yelled as Estelle collapsed, she took off her scarf and pressed down on the wound but she knew it wasn't enough, "no no no no no no! Don't die on me Estelle!"
"Leave me alone Rita," Estelle said weakly as she closed her eyes, "I'm tired Rita, let me rest for now."
Rita opened the door, luckily it was enough for her voice to ring out, "I need some help here!" she yelled and tried to stem the blood but it wasn't enough, tears began to flow out of her eyes…to think that Estelle, the brave Princess, would be in so much pain that she resorted to this, she didn't care if it would kill her Rita would give Estelle all her blood. She couldn't lose the only friend she had in this world.
It was morning when Rita woke up, she lifted her head up and looked around her, she was inside an infirmary room that had Estelle on a bed, "Estelle…" she said weakly remembering the shock on the healer's face when they saw how much blood she had lost…luckily they were able to replace it but she would lethargic for a while, "I'll take care of you Estelle," Rita muttered patting Estelle's head, "I don't hate you…don't worry about it Estelle."
The door opened and Rita saw a healer come in and replace the bandages, "Princess Estellise will be fine," the healer said, "but I never imagined that she would do this, did she tell you why?"
"No" Rita said though she knew who to blame…Ioder, he was the one who told her the truth about everyone else's feelings, although he couldn't be blamed since he didn't know but…to call her a naïve child? That was pushing it way too far, "actually if possible Princess Estellise doesn't want any guests, it will be best to leave her alone."
"But the Emperor might want to see her" the healer said.
"Tell him I said no, if there are any problems let me know and I'll deal with it myself" Rita said, Ioder was the one man that she did not want Estelle to meet ever again.
"As you wish Ms Mordio."
For the next three days it had been a continuous cycle of staying by Estelle's bedside, she didn't care that there were researches waiting for her in Aspio, it could wait and she didn't want anyone other than the healers and herself alone with Estelle. Although Ioder continually asked permission to enter Rita would always deny it saying that Estelle was far too tired to meet anyone…but finally Ioder insisted and by chance everyone else said the same. Estelle still hadn't woke up yet so Rita left her alone with orders not to let anyone inside other than the healers and strode into the throne room; Ioder, Flynn and Brave Vesperia were inside, "Rita how is Estelle?" Ioder asked.
Rita strode angrily to Ioder and stood in front of him before slapping him, hard, and growled, "You…stay away from Estelle, never ever come near her again!"
"Rita!" Yuri said in shock, "what the hell are you doing?"
"Yuri shut up!" Rita said pointing to Yuri and not even looking at him, "I'll get to you in a second."
"What have I done?" Ioder said slowly getting up, his knights rushed in but he told them to back off.
"What have you done?" Rita asked sarcastically and laughed, "are you serious? Do you have any idea what you've done to Estelle? No…let me put it another way, do you even have any idea how much your words hurt?"
"Rita tell me what happened now!" Flynn said, "you've attacked the Emperor, I can have you arrested."
"And you Flynn" Rita said turning to Flynn, "you think Estelle should grow up? How about you grow up first?"
Flynn's face turned white and he turned to Ioder, "I said that in complete confidence your highness…and those weren't the words I said, you've twisted them" he said angrily.
Ioder's face also turned white, "S-she-she actually heard me?"
"You think?" Rita said sarcastically, "she was hiding underneath the throne when she heard your little chat with one of your advisors. I'm warning you, all of you, stay away from her…I can't believe you would even think of Estelle like that."
"Rita that's enough," Judith said angrily, "we-"
"Judith you, like always, should shut up," Rita angrily retorted, "you think you and Yuri are a good match? Did you ever considered Estelle's feelings? I'm not even sure if you're manipulating Yuri like you always do with Raven and Karol."
"You want to say that again Rita?" Judith said as she took out her spear.
"Bring it on," Rita said knowing full well that she wouldn't be able to defeat her but she had to try to bluff, "I want to see you take on a kid."
"That's enough Rita!" Yuri said now angry, he never thought that Rita would act this way, "you know yourself that Estelle acts like a child, she doesn't even think of reality, she needs to know that there are people out there that want to hurt her."
"Then that is none of your business," Rita snarled, "any of you even dare to go near her I will personally send you flying to Zaude one way or another. You should all be ashamed of what you've done…from here on in Estelle and I are through with Brave Vesperia" she walked out of the room leaving behind a shocked and angry Brave Vesperia.
She walked into Estelle's room just as she was waking up, "Rita…" Estelle muttered.
"Hey there," Rita said smiling and stroking her head, "how are you feeling?"
"Bad…" Estelle replied looking to Rita's eyes, "why are you smiling?"
"Because you're alive silly…I was really worried about you for a second."
"I thought…I thought the blade killed me?"
"It nearly did but the healers got to you on time."
"Rita…do you-"
"No I don't hate you Estelle, I never have and I never will…I love you, as a sister and as a friend."
"What about Ioder, Flynn and all the others?"
"They won't be bothering you anymore…hey Estelle I had a great idea. I've just recently brought a house in Halure, how about you and me move in together. You know get away from Zaphias and all."
"B-b-but I'm a Princess…I can't leave."
"Yes you can, you're just a Princess in name only. Come on there's a lot of nice people in Halure…we can live together, it'll be fun."
"But what about your research?"
"I've grown tired of them, I think I'll settle down. Find a job in Halure, how does that sound?"
"What does the other think about it?"
Rita's face-hardened, "Estelle, they're no longer your friends…I don't think they'll ever be after what they did to you. I'll protect you, I promise."
Estelle looked at Rita as tears began to form, "Rita…" then sobbing into Rita's shirt, "you're the best friend a person could ask for…I'm sorry I did that to you."
"Don't worry about it Estelle, it's all been forgiven" Rita said as she calmed Estelle down.
One year later
Estelle woke up to the sound of birds chirping, she looked to her side and saw Rita, still asleep, she giggled and hugged her closely to her body. It has been one year since she moved in with Rita, it had been tough at first since, for some reason, the people in the castle looked at her with fear and a few with disdain. She never knew why and Rita never properly explained either but she didn't mind, as long as she had Rita then everything would be okay, she then moved to Halure where the people were extremely nice to her and gave her a welcome party, which surprised Estelle since she never expected the people to be so nice, they then moved into their house. It was two storeys high and was spacious enough to accommodate five people…however only two were converted into bedrooms while the other were converted into a huge library that Estelle had brought over from her room shocking Rita since she never expected Estelle to have this much book.
At first Estelle and Rita slept in different rooms, but then one day Estelle decided to sleep alongside Rita, at first it had been awkward and they wouldn't talk except trying to quickly fall asleep but as time went on they got used to each other's presence and Estelle's bedroom became a spare one. Rita finally retired as a mage and now works alongside one of the grocers who were more than happy to take her on board, they have a reasonable income and they were happy, overall it had been a smooth and interesting transition.
As for the others, Estelle never knew what had happened between Rita and the others, sometimes Yuri or one of the other members, never Judith for some reason, would drop by but Rita would ask Estelle to remain in their rooms and she would hear loud yelling…not enough to hear what was happening but enough to catch some words: the most common being 'you're being stupid', 'you're insane' and at the end of every yelling, 'don't ever come near her again' although Estelle asked Rita what they were yelling about Rita would only respond that it was nothing, just some guild work, and life would go back to normal. It wasn't until the fifth time the yelling began did Estelle pressed the issue…she finally found out what Rita had done, and much to Rita' surprise she didn't hate her…in fact she began to adore her for what she did and she was truly thankful for having a good friend beside her.
Rita turned on her side and looked at Estelle, "Morning Estelle," before kissing her on the forehead.
"Morning Rita" Estelle said as she kissed Rita on the lips, "what are we going to do today?"
"Not sure…how about some fun?" Rita said teasingly. 'Yes…" Estelle thought to herself, 'I'm going to live a good life here, with Rita and everyone else…I don't have to disappear…I have some to love me for who I am, not for what my status is, and that's all I ask for' she then hugged Rita closer as she thanked the gods for giving Rita into her life.