Onyx Mistakes - TheManBehind-TheJokersMask
"You're far from tainted damnit." Heero hissed, pinning Duo to the counter by slamming his hands down on either side of the man.
Violet orbs glared hard at him. "I'm just as tainted as the blood on my hands Heero." Duo shouted back at him.
Chest heaving, Heero tried to calm himself. "No. You are one of the purest things I have ever laid eyes on." He said evenly, eyes peircing straight into Duo's. "Never, ever let me hear you say other wise."
Duo growled at him, shoving him away. "Don't ever tell me what I can and can't say." He bit out. "I'm tainted Heero. Face it god damnit. I've spilt to much blood to be considered pure of anything!"
Heero took a step and a deep breath, trying to rein in the anger seeping through the cracks of his well molded self-control. This had all started because of a damn nightmare. It always came back to those.
Duo had woke up panting and sweating, on the verge of tears. When Heero had came running back into the room upon Duo's choked sob, something had flashed in Duo's eyes. Something he hadn't seen in nearly three years.
Hesitantly he had aproached the bed, gently wrapping his arms around Duo as he cried about the torment and torture. Then he had made the mistake of saying Duo wasn't tainted. After that one comment, it had escolated into this. A full blown screaming match about how Duo wasn't tainted and stainted permenantly by the blood.
"I killed hundreds of people!" Duo shouted, slamming his hands down on the island with enough force to rattle everything on the onyx tile top. "I've taken lives of Mothers, Father, Sisters, Brother, Daughter, Sons, Grandchildren! They all fucking haunt me in my sleep damnit! How can you fucking say I'M NOT TAINTED? HOW CAN YOU SAY I'M PURE? HOW CAN YOU SAY IT WASN'T MY FAULT FOR GOD'S SAKE?" Duo screamed at Heero.
With practiced control, Heero growled. "Because I know the man under all the god forsaken masks you hide behind. You did what you had to to stay alive! You're fucking forgetting that you didn't fight alone! You took what was needed to survive Duo."
"Every night I see the faces of the men and women I've killed Heero! They torment me and they haunt me!" Duo shouted, picking up a container, chucking it at the other pilot. "You don't fucking understand! It was my damn fault! It never sho-"
"It wasn't your damn fault!" Heero shouted, shoving Duo back into the counter. "Stop thinking that everything that happened in the wars was because of something you did!" Heero growled. "You weren't the one who fired the damn shot! You weren't the one who changed the course of history for the worse!" Heero's hands were in a white knuckle grasp on Duo's forearms. "You were one of the ones who changed it for the better! THE BETTER DUO!" He emphasied it with a tight grip, making Duo wince.
The other shoved Heero away again. "NO!" He shouted. "How can killing hundres of people be for the BETTER? I took away their lives Heero! There fucking blood covers me. I never-"
"You weren't alone damnit!" Heero shouted, over powering Duo's voice. "You didn't stand alone on the battle fields." Heero took a deep breath. "You tell me day after day, that I did what I had to do."
Duo swollowed thickly, watching as lightning flashed across their kitchen angrily. "Long before." He mumbled. "No one else should have had to."
Duo flinched when Heero brought his hands up to cup his face. Anger flashed darkly in Cobalt orbs. "Damnit Duo! I'm not going to hurt you!"
Duo panicked. It wasn't so much that he thought Heero would hurt him it was the thought of Heero-. "Don't." He hissed, pushing Heero away. Heero growled and reached out for him again. Without thinking his fist flew out, landing squarly with Heero's jaw. He turned on his heel sharply. "Don't fucking touch me." He shouted over his shoulder before bolting out of the house.
"DUO!" Heero roared, turning in time to see the braid vanish around the corner. "GOD DAMNIT!" He screamed, falling back agianst the counter. Slowly he slid down to the floor, head in his hands. "It's not your burden to bare alone." He muttered. "Why? Why do you feel the need to take all the blame?"
He growled, launching up from the floor. This wasn't the first time he'd made the mistake of saying the wrong the thing to Duo. And this wasn't the first time they'd fought like this either.
He had a strong feeling it wouldn't be the last time either. Storming out to the hall, he saw the front door sitting wide open. "Damnit." Slamming his fist against the wall he pulled on shoes.
Without hestitation he headed out in the night.
He was an idiot, leaving Duo alone. He knew the other hated waking to the onyx night of their room alone. Duo didn't like being left alone. He had enough troubles as it was with Heero away on mission every so often. Yet he had boldly left Duo in the darkness of their room. He was an idiot for making such a stupid mistake. Then made yet another mistake by saying the wrong thing. And yet another, which ended with physical force. Again, not the first time one of them hand thrown and landed punches.
Heero ran through the rain as it poured down around him. Nothing was open, so where was Duo headed? He darted under an open canopy and stood, slightly freezing, eyes hsifting through the onyx, murkyness that was to be called night.
"Damn." Where are you? Heero asked silently, eyes looking around at the closed shops. The only place he could remotely think about being open at this time of night was the church. But Duo wouldn't head- Would he?
Casting his eyes to the sky as lightning flashed and thunder clapped loudly, he pushed himself out into the pouring the rain yet again.
He bolted up the steps of the church urgently. He paused as Duo's voice reached out to him through the door. After hearing most of the devistating convestion, he let out a growl. With only a glace up at the cross above the door, he opened it. A gust of freezing air swirled around him as he entered.
In the darkness a lone candle stood, lite on one of the alters. A form crumped on the ground before it. Heero sucked in a quiet breath as the pained voice drifted back to him in the nearly silent church.
"I had to." Duo screamed in the silent church. "I needed to save others from my fate!" Duo shouted. "No one else should have to bare the weight! Bare the blood on their hands!" A shuttering pause, Heero moved forward silently. "No one else. I've already been tainted, already been dyed far before the war." He heard the broken whisper. "My hands are permantly stained." Duo chocked out. "Permantly."
Heero shuddered with Duo as the thunder clapped and lightning lite up the dark church, cast away the darkness for a few brief seconds before it plunged back seconds later.
Duo let out a loud scream that echoed and rebounded back to him in the silent church.
"It wasn't my fault. Tell me Helen. Tell me it wasn't my fault DAMNIT!" He choked out a sob. "Please."
Heero fell to his knee's before the braided man. "Oh Duo." He whispered, making the other's head jerk up in surprise.
" 'Ro?"
"The price is not your's alone to pay." He whispered, wrapping his arms around Duo. "You're not alone, and it wasn't your fault." He muttered into Duo's ear. "It wasn't your fault."
Duo's shaking hands clenched in the dreanched jacket. "Heero." He breathed. "I'm sorry."
Both men knew he wasn't talking about the fight.
"I know." Heero pulled him closer. "It wasn't your fault. It wasn't your fault." He kept repeating the same phrase over and over until Duo stopped shaking from the pain and fear.
"I love you Duo." Heero murmured. "I'll always be here. You'll never be alone again. I'm not leaving you." Duo pressed closer to him, basiclly pulling himself into Heero's lap. "You won't bare this burden alone anymore. I love you. That means blood stained hands and all. I'm not leaving." He continued his mantra over and over until Duo had calmed down enough to talk to him in the right state of mind.
"Sorry." Duo muttered, moving to pull back. Heero stopped him by gripping his hips tighter, knowing Duo needed physical contact right now. "I'm sorry." Duo whispered again.
"It was something stupid to fight over." Heero responded, brushing off the fight. "These hands," Heero laced his fingers through Duo's. "are the ones that touch me softly, gently, yet leave a burning trail. These hands are the only one's I allow to touch me. These hands are the one's that have saved me countless times. These hands belong to the one I love most in this world. I know that many times in the past they have been tinted red. But never have they been dyed. Because these," Heero wipped away one of the stray tears falling from the violet orbs baring into his eyes. "wash the blood away. You cry for the one's that have lost their lives, not only by your hands but by mine, Trowa's, Wufei's, Quatre's and everyone else's."
Heero kissed Duo's hand. "These are hands that I have come to love, the blood that has been shed on them and all. I know your past, I know just about everything you've had to do to get where we are today. But you must remember. You didn't fight alone. Even when we were not around, there have always been people watching over you. Sister Helen wouldn't want you agonizing over this." Heero whispered. "Father Maxwell would so proud of you. You, a fifteen year old, stopped a war that adults started a long time ago. You stood when no one else would. You made your way through the darkness and dispear of war to help stop others from falling to the same fate that was pushed upon us."
Heero cupped Duo's face, gently swipping away a few tears. "And I love you for it. I would not be where I am had it not been for you. Even in darkness you managed to find and spread the light Duo." Duo leaned his forehead against Heero's. "You *saved* me."
Duo's eyes fell closed. Heero glared gently when he felt the slight frown against his lips.
"Do you hear me Duo? You're hands are not permantly stained. They are far from it."
Duo opened his eyes, staring into Heero's for what seemed like an eternity. "I hear you." He whispered, eyes flickering back to the candle.
"It's not there to haunt you." Heero voiced softly. "It's there to *guide* you." Duo looked back at the scarlet candlelight again.
Duo's eyes drifted back to Heero's. "You've saved me so many times." He whispered, throat tight and scratchy. "You don't even know how many times."
Heero stroked his cheek. "I can only guess." Duo wrapped his arms him, burrowing into the warmth.
"Lets get you home." Heero murmured, lifting Duo bridal style as he stood. Duo simply burrowed farther into the warmth as the cool air hit them.
Heero felt the small smile aginst his neck before the hot breath. "I love you." Duo whispered to him.
Heero gave a soft snort. "Baka." He said affectionatly. Lightning lite up the sky and thunder clapped over them. Thankfully the rain had stopped.
~END~