She stepped into her cousin Sirius's long abandoned house, the new Headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix, and cast a look around. She hadn't been in there for ages now, and everything looked extremely old and neglected, under a thick veil of dust. It was weird to see the mansion like that, because her Aunt Walpurga had been a real maniac about cleanness and splendour for her luxurious house.
She moved a few unsure steps in the dim light of the hallway and nearly fell down on her knees, stumbling in a huge dirty carpet. She cursed mentally for her clumsiness and hauled herself up.
"Is everything alright?" a kind voice asked her out of nowhere. Tonks looked up at whoever had spoken, and found herself blushing in front of a pair of smiling amber eyes.
A tall, thin man stood a few metres from her, wearing a black shabby robe over a dark green pullover and a pair of consumed jeans that looked impressively like her own.
"Are you okay?" he asked, stepping ahead toward her.
"Peachy." she bubbled embarrassed. "I'm a mess, I didn't remember there was a carpet there."
The gentle-looking man gave her an heart-melting smile, even if she had the feeling it was just an average smile for him.
"That might be because you were about twelve years old last time you've been here." He quipped, and, Tonks wondered how he knew that.
"Am I supposed to know you?" she inquired, tilting her head lightly to observe him. Her wavy blond hair tickled her bare shoulders as her eyes studied him intently.
"I won't blame you if you don't remember of me." He offered her his hand. "I'm Remus Lupin, an old and very dear friend of Sirius's."
A sparkle lit up in Tonks's head. She did know him, only she would have never been able to recognize him. She'd met him years ago, but he was different now: the charming shy Head-boy had been turned into a very attractive man who, however, seemed to be much more than the eye met. There were a few thin scars on his face, and she could see in his look an amount of pain that she had hardly seen in her life, and being an Auror – however young – she had seen a lot.
"I uh… I'm…"
"Nymphadora Tonks." He completed for her, shaking hands with her. His attention lingered on her for a moment, as if he was trying to take in her looks. "You're pretty different from the little girl I met once, but I reckon I don't look exactly like a schoolboy anymore, either, do I?"
Despite herself, Tonks gave a little giggle, and conceded herself to enjoy the warmth of Remus's hand for a couple of seconds longer than necessary.
She couldn't take her eyes off his face, couldn't help thinking how nice he was. Her memories of the boy he had been were misty and remote, like a fading dream; she barely knew his name, and yet she felt she could trust him blindly, because there was something in him that she had never seen in anyone else.
She had just opened a new chapter of her life, and Tonks smiled, because it couldn't have had a better beginning.
Sitting idly on a bench nearby the Durlsleys' house, Tonks fidgeted with her blond curls, looking around with a hand before her mouth, trying to stifle a bored yawn.
It was about midnight and there was no sign of anyone around, Muggle or Wizard. She enveloped her arms around herself, shivering at the chilly breeze of that late spring day. Dressing up like a Muggle girl hadn't been difficult, but she didn't feel at ease in that pair of slacks, and that long-sleeved shirt wasn't the most comfortable piece of clothing she could have chosen. She missed her baggy jeans and her t-shirts, but she needed not to catch anyone's eye, and it was turning out to be rather easy, since the whole street was deserted.
On owl landed upon a tree next to the house she was surveilling, and her hand darted immediately at her wand, hidden up her left sleeve, but didn't take it out. She watched the owl flutter its wings with a hoot and followed its movements until it lazily flew away.
"Busy, night, isn't it?"
She winced, startled by that unexpected voice. She tried to regain a normal heartbeat, breathing in and out deeply. She didn't need to turn around to see who it was.
"Nymphadora." He greeted.
"Cripes, Lupin, you caused me a heart attack!" she complained, a hand pressed to her chest, decideing to pass over the way he'd just called her. He didn't squabble; he handed her out one of the two bottles he was holding, then sat by her casually, as if it was normal for them to sit on a bench in the dead of the night, drinking butterbeer under the stars.
She eyed him quickly: he wore a black jacket over a partially unbuttoned white shirt and an old pair of haggard jeans, his light brown hair tied back in a small tail. He looked good – especially because the fool moon was a remote thought – and quite in shape.
With another light shiver – which she wasn't sure had much to do with the cold – she accepted the very welcome butterbeer and smiled.
"Thanks."
"You're welcome." They clinged the bottles together as a little toast. "And it's Remus, by the way."
"Tonks."
He turned around to meet her cheeky grin. Blackmail, she thought, was a very good mean of persuasion.
He put on a wistful face, staring transfixed into nothingness, swirling the liquid inside his bottle. If it was mock seriousness, then he did it impressively well.
"So… Tonks," He stressed the word with a tiny grin. "Anything remarkable so far?"
She took a sip of butterbeer and felt its magic warmth spring inside her.
"Apart from a solitary owl and a couple of guys who brought up the worst pick-up lines I've ever heard, you mean, Remus?" She shrugged unenthusiastically. "Sheer nothingness."
A small laugh escaped from his lips, shaking his shoulders gently as he got rid of his empty bottle with a quick wave of the wand..
"Turning your hair blond is not enough to make you go unnoticed, I believe." He mused, and Tonks felt a light jump into her chest, presumably coming from her heart. But maybe she had just misunderstood what he meant… No, she definitely had.
"Are you cold?" he asked attentively, breaking the short silence that had fallen upon them. Tonks awoke from her thoughts, blinking blankly.
"Uh?"
"You're trembling."
She looked at her shaking hand and realised he was right.
"I uh… Think so. But it's not-"
Before she could complete the sentence, she saw him take his jacket off to offer it to her. Her cheeks felt like on fire in front of the disarming kindness painted on his face. Melting, Tonks realised that simple gesture had been enough to make her feel nicely warm.
"I didn't curse it, you know." He smiled, his jacket hanging from his hand, right under her nose. "I don't really need it."
Blushing furiously, she accepted it, murmuring some thanks to Remus, whose smile enlarged even more.
In a few weeks they would go and pick Harry to escort him to the Burrow, and she suddenly realised there would be no more waking nights to spend chatting with him. She would miss them. She would miss him.
She put on the jacket and enjoyed the sensation it gave her. it had absorbed some of the warmth of his body, and it felt just wonderful.
"It's a beautiful night." He noted, gazing up at the dark starry sky. Tonks followed suit and nodded, wrapping the jacket tighter around herself, and she nodded, because, in fact, that night was truly beautiful.
She usually didn't like the summer heat very much, but she had to concede it was nice, for once, to just enjoy the day doing nothing more than hang around Diagon Alley without having to care about duties and shifts. Besides, the company was quite pleasing.
Well, very pleasing.
She screened her eyes from the blinding sunlight and leaned back to the brick wall, inhaling blissfully. The air smelled of sugar.
When she opened her eyes again, a huge strawberry ice-cream cone appeared to her sight, a mountain of whipped cream on top. Her eye sparkled in delight.
"Precisely the same colour as your hair."
"Whoa, Remus, this isn't a simple ice-cream, it's an iceberg-cream!" she squealed excitedly as she grabbed the cone. She glanced at his and smirked. "Chocolate… Would've never guessed."
He just smirked back and licked some cream off his own cone, eliciting a smug grin from Tonks.
"What?"
"That was very, very sexy." She sucked the tip of her cream, as innocently as she could, watching him put of the corner of her eye.
He smiled enigmatically, never dropping his trademark affability.
"Not as sexy as your nose in this moment." He retorted, and licked some other chocolate, much to her pleasure.
She turned toward the shop window behind them unsurely and meet her own reflection. There was some cream on the supposedly sexy spot Remus had just mentioned.
She blushed instantly and tried to wipe it away.
"Wait, you still have some here…" he intervened and she felt his fingers brush delicately against her skin. They had grown closer and closer every day, but she couldn't seem to get used to his attentions.
Speechlessly, she stared at him as he took his fingers to his mouth and lapped the cream away.
"Geez, you're one hell of a seducer, Remus." She quipped, but truth was that she actually thought he was.
He pretended to look away, but she didn't miss his mischievous expression.
"What a very charming couple!" cooed an old, weird witch to her equally weird friend, fingering her and Remus as they passed them by. "Aren't they charming, Winfrid? I'll dye my hair pink if it helps me get a youngster like him…"
This time Tonks couldn't suppress a hearty laugh. Remus's dazed expression was absolutely priceless.
"You see? You're way sexier than my nose."
He laughed, too, and very quietly, and tilted his head to one side to look at her.
"You know," he said softly. "I'm glad I let you drag me out of Grimmauld Place… I'm quite enjoying myself."
Tonks beamed at that confession.
"So am I." she said. "We're a good match, after all, uh?"
Remus just looked her in the eye for a long while, the corners of his mouth imperceptibly curled up, then gave her a small smile and returned to his ice cream.
Tonks chuckled to herself, because she knew he agreed with her.
A heavy blanket of snow covered the surroundings of the Burrow and had created a quiet padded atmosphere. The silence reigning in the house was nearly scary, accompanied by a stillness that only sleep could create. At one o'clock in the morning of the twentieth of December, the Burrow was sound asleep.
Tonks reached the wide window in the downstairs hallway, placed a hand on the cold glass, admiring the breathtaking opalescent landscape, and sighed.
She wished she could sleep, but there was too much on her mind to even manage to stay in bed. Barefoot, wearing nothing but her Weird Sisters sleeping shirt, she headed toward the living room, in the hope she would be able to rest on the couch until tiredness kicked in.
She crossed the hallway, doing her best not to make any sound. The parquet creaked ghastly under her steps and she nearly fell to the floor when she stumbled across the carpet, that same carpet she had stumbled across a couple of years ago.
She propped onto the wall to regain her balance and there she stood sadly, old, dear memories flashing unwanted through her mind. It all felt so distant, now.
She rubbed her eyes, swallowing back the tears rising from the knot in throat. Her feelings were driving her crazy.
She turned the jamb and pushed the living room door open, sidling in as silently as she could. It was only when the door closed under her back that she noticed the room wasn't empty.
In front of the dying fire, on an old, ragged armchair, sat none other than the reason of her insomnia, more commonly known as Remus Lupin.
He sensed her presence before she could even think about leaving. He looked tired and tormented, and Tonks was sure he hadn't got more sleep than herself.
"Tonks," he said, unable to hide a hue of surprise. "What are you doing up so late?"
He made to stand on his feet, but she lifted a hand to stop him.
"I would say I'm sleepless, if it wasn't such a huge understatement." She said with a bitter smile. "But don't worry, I didn't mean to disturb you… I thought everybody was in bed, by now."
She cast a rapid glance at the coffee table in front of him, where a half empty glass of scotch lay miserably. "I'll leave you alone."
"No." he said mildly, and stood up at once. "I was going to leave anyway."
"It's always like this, Remus, isn't it?" She said in a strained tone, clenching her fists. "It's either you or me." She bit her lips between her teeth, swallowing. "It always will be."
He hang his head helplessly, in an attitude that she had learned to classify as 'pre I'm-not-good/wealthy/young-enough-for-you lecture'.
The room was small, bathed by the flickering golden light coming from the dancing flames. The tension between them was so palpable that she could barely stand it.
"You could be a little less obvious when you want to avoid me, you know." She observed dryly, pale thorns of anger grazing through her voice.
Remus sighed in that patient way of his that would always soothe her and stood by the fireplace, a very concerned expression darkening his features.
"We've been there many times before, Tonks." He muttered contritely, resting an arm on the mantelpiece. "We both know the drill."
He sounded oddly sour, as though it was harder than usual for him to talk to her.
"I stand my ground, Remus." She said in a low, solemn whisper, approaching him. He scrutinized her resolutely.
"So do I. You need to understand that it's not like in fairytales… Happy endings are for normal people, people like you, Tonks… But not like me."
She scoffed and shook her head stubbornly. It was always the same, impassable wall she was trying to speak through. He wouldn't listen to her, he never did.
"I don't know how to explain to you how darn little I care about that, cause you don't seem to get the words 'at all'!" She hissed rigidly, stamping a foot on the ground. They were facing one another closely, coldly. "You and your stupid selflessness…"
"One of us has to give in, eventually." He replied in his most diplomatic tone.
"That won't be me."
Tonks didn't care if her eyes were glossy and misted by tears. She was tired to struggle against his overprotectiveness; it was harmful for them both, and she knew he knew better than her.
His eyes locked in hers and her heart sank when she saw the pain hidden in them. It hurt her more than any other thing.
She stood frozen as he lifted a hand and placed it on her cheek with a soft caress, causing a shiver to run down her spine.
He had never touched her that way, it gave her so many different sensations that she could barely discern one from another.
It felt heavenly and wonderful, and yet so full of sorrow.
"I can't let you love me, Tonks." He whispered over her lips. "You mean too much to me."
She shuddered as he leaned forward slowly to close his mouth upon hers in a gentle, desperate kiss.
She placed her shaking hands on his chest and kissed him back, as much desperately and tenderly, and a lonely tear crawled down her face. It was their first kiss, and it tasted of hopeless love, and Tonks cried, because she had the eerie feeling it would also be the last.
There were still screams and cries in her head, the sounds of the exploding spells echoing within the walls of her mind. She could see the blood, and the corpses lying on the ground. Everything was still, everything was silent.
"It's… It's over…" breathed Hermione, standing next to her, still brandishing her wand.
"Yes," said Harry, panting. Tonks noticed he was wounded in his arm and side, and bleeding copiously. "It is."
All around her, she searched for known faces. She saw Ginny, and Mad-Eye, and Snape, and many others she knew, all standing petrified in front of that slaughter. Then, lying lifeless on the ground among the Death Eaters, she spotted Bill and Kingsley, in a unique pool of thick, red blood.
She had a very deep cut across her back, but she couldn't feel the pain. She started feeling dizzy as her restless seeking went on, scanning the whole area with an undying sparkle of hope, determined to find him. Alive.
"Tonks…" said Ginny's voice in a barely audible whisper. "He's over there."
She spun her head in the direction Ginny was indicating, and her knees nearly gave in when she found him.
"NO!" she cried, running to him with all the strength left in her. He was lying motionless away from the crowd, Bellatrix's corpse just a few inches from him. He was pale and deadly motionless.
"Please! Please, no!"
She knelt down next to him, taking him in her arms, and started shaking him gently under everyone's pained looks.
"Remus!" she screamed in a broken voice. "Remus, please… It's over, it's all over." She sobbed. "Please…"
But he wasn't moving, nor giving any sigh he was alive. Tonks felt lost.
She felt a cold hand lay on her shoulder and squeeze it faintly.
"I'm sorry, Nymphadora."
Not moving her eyes from Remus, she listened to Snape's unusually gentle words like entranced. They sounded distant and remote, as if coming from a dream.
"No," she shook her head, holding Remus tighter, her nails digging convulsively in his flesh. "No, no, no…"
She broke down in tears over his body, soaking his blooded shirt with her cry.
It couldn't be, she refused to believe he was gone.
"Tonks…"
She froze for a moment, wondering if she had just imagined it or if she had really heard that voice calling her name.
"Tonks…"
"Remus!"
She lifted herself from his chest and stared wide-eyed as his eyes opened slowly and immediately set on her.
"Don't you ever dare give me a scare like this, Remus Lupin," she sniffled, as a large smile spread on her lips, lighting it up. "I though… I thought you were… I…"
In spite of his suffering expression, he endeavoured a smile and placed his hand over hers.
"I love you."
As the whole world seemed to brighten up all of a sudden, Tonks bent down on his and brushed a watery kiss against his forehead, happy like she had never been.
"Did it really take you to get a step away from that to say that?" she inquired, attempting to sound playful behind her tears.
"From now on, I swear, I'll never miss a chance to remind you." He answered hoarsely, and Tonks smiled, because she knew it was the truth.