Warning: Language.
Summary: UA Ed catches Mustang taking his brother to a strip club. Being the nosy person he is, he follow the two everywhere, only to find the what he least expected… Ed/Roy Roy/Ed implied Al/Scar
A/N: Humor/Romance with a somewhat serious plot mixed in. . . Pluvia means Rain in Latin. First chapter is mostly just introduction. The chapters will get longer, I promise! Not entirely sure when this takes place, I'm just kind of winging it. But I imagine sometime after brotherhood. I've yet to look over this for mistakes.

Pluvia

-Chapter 1

"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist."
-Fredrich Nietzsche

Paperwork, paperwork, and more paperwork. Damn. His desk was littered with so many papers he couldn't even see the mahogany desk underneath them. Putting all the papers through the shredder was an idea that occupied his thoughts for some time, but actually doing it was another thing entirely. The Lieutenant was anything but sweet, and if she caught him slacking even a little, it would be only a moment before he had a few bullets through his head. Or more.

He sighed again, his hand holding his head up as he glared numerous holes into the white sheets before him. Due to the mess in front of him, he couldn't even pinpoint the calendar he bought just the other day. A wicked smile formed on his lips as his hands got to work moving the white pieces of hell off of his desk and to the side.

"Aha," he mumbled to himself as he found said item, eyes settled onto the calendar before him, a big breasted woman in a seductive pose showing herself before him. He wouldn't admit that even though he bought it to get a good laugh from the straight-laced men who came in and out of his office, it was also secretly for his amusement. Nothing made his day better than a good-looking woman winking at him from afar. He spared a moment to hang it up, smiling mischievously to himself as he pictured the Lieutenant's face upon discovering it. But that quickly turned to a frown. She'd destroy it upon seeing it.

He wasted another good ten minutes finding an appropriate place for it where said woman couldn't get her grubby hands on it. On the wall behind his desk is where it found its new home; Roy could only smile.

Until the door to his office shot open and a tall blond came walking in-or more like stomping in-and before he could comment on her awful mood, she snapped a quick," sir, if I can have a moment of your time."

Roy whirled around in his chair to face her, eyes dancing with amusement. "Anything for you."

She ignored the comment and held out a stack of papers to him. "These need to be signed immediately. Fuhrers orders."

He scowled at the word. "Always ruining my fun."

"More work and less play-" but her words were cut off, and Roy watched as her features scrunched together, an annoyed look taking place of her usually stoic one. "I thought I threw that calendar away?"

Damn. She caught on quick. "I just bought her a few days ago. Beautiful, isn't she?"

The look on her face said otherwise, but she made no move to comment any more on the subject, eyes darting back to black ones. "It's late; I'm surprised you haven't run off yet, sir."

The sides of his lips slowly rose at her comment. She knew him too well. "I was just about to make my escape, care to join me?"

She rolled her eyes at this before setting down the stack of paper he refused to acknowledge. "I'll be taking my leave now, sir. Don't work too hard." There was a hint of a smile in her voice. She knew he was planning to hightail it out of there as soon as she walked away. She turned to leave.

"Riza," he called to her retreating figure. She stopped, but didn't turn around. "I leave the rest to you."

"As always, sir." The door shut quietly behind her.

If there was one person he could trust, it was her. It wasn't unblinking loyalty, quite the contrary; it was earned over many years together. Having that type of woman on his side was an asset.

Normally, he'd spend the rest of his night lounging over paperwork and empty coffee mugs, cursing and sighing his way through mounds of white, wishing he was anywhere but work, silently hoping the fuhrer would keel over so he could finally taste his dream— but today was a special day. It was Thursday. Though it wasn't entirely something he looked forward to, it was a welcome distraction from his work, and an intelligent conversation over beer was always welcomed.

As Ed rounded the corner, all he could think about was how much he didn't want to see Mustang. Or Colonel Bastard. Whatever.

He spent the last hour hurriedly writing up his report, and to be honest, it was less than legible, yet he couldn't find it in himself to care. A twinge of guilt proceeded a smug smile as he imagined Mustang spending an hour trying to read it. No less than the asshole deserves after sending him out North to work on some secret alchemy assignment. Without Al.

The bastard.

He turned another corner, Mustang's door in sight when he abruptly stopped, eyes wide as he ducked back to the corner and peeked his head out.

There Al stood, waving a hand and walking into Mustang's office. What the hell?

Ed contemplated what could be going on. Al wasn't in the military, so why would he show up here, and not to mention he looked damn happy! Something wasn't right. What was the Colonel Bastard up to with his brother?

The two emerged minutes later.

Ed stuffed the report in his pocket—he didn't care whether it was ruined or not, as long as it got there—and made it his mission to follow them. Whatever was going on couldn't be good, and he was going to find out what.

Only minutes into covertly following his superior and his brother did the urge to strangle Mustang appear. It didn't happen right away, but slowly with precision only a ladies-man like the Colonel could pull off, he had wrapped his arm around Al's shoulders and pulled him close, smirking as he told his brother something.

He was going to fucking kill him! The only thing that kept him from doing so—a flimsy reason at best—was the fact that he wanted to know what was going on. If anything his damn brother was enjoying the bastards company! Was there something he was missing?

No.

Fucking Mustang was up to something, and he was going to find out what.

Ed kept quiet and followed them until the two stopped; arm falling from his brother's shoulder (about damn time) and said arm pointed to the door.

He read the sign and blanched.

They were going to a strip club?!