Young and Beautiful
Disclaimer: Naruto does not belong to me
She did not realize that she could be so resilient until it happened.
When Neji shielded her from imminent death, with multiple foreign objects piercing vital parts of his body, bleeding, death looming, she did not shed a tear. When he shared his final words, words that revealed his love and breathed his last, she stood her ground. She had stood at the heart of it all and used her strength and courage to bolster everyone else. Long black hair whipping, eyes dry, standing steadfast and tall, determination and resolve in her eyes despite her bleeding heart. She had been so young and beautiful.
That was over seventy years ago.
Now in her twilight years, she reflects on this, her proudest moment, frequently as well as her cousin's death. After all these years, it still hung heavily on her conscience. It was the one part of her heart that will never see light.
At that time, it was important to not fall apart. They were after all standing on the edge of a precipice. Each one of them at the war knew death was a possibility. Wars were not fairy tales where everyone is a main character and nobody dies. They had all made their peace.
But no one thought of the aftermath. Of what happens after the war. Of picking up the pieces, of facing the reality that some loved ones were never coming back. She had fallen to pieces, or her heart did. She did it privately, internally. She finally picked up the trademark emotionless mask of the Hyuugas. No one knew that in her spare time, she would go back to that bench, what the servants termed as her 'favourite spot' in the Hyuuga gardens, to reminiscence her last proper conversation with Neji.
"What were you thinking? Throwing yourself before Pein? Does your life mean nothing to you?"Neji had asked her pointedly, his tone harboring some barely repressed anger.
She had just returned from an extensive stay at the hospital, recuperating from the injuries sustained from Pein. "I…I couldn't let N..naruto die." Hinata managed out.
She was seated on the bench while Neji had remained standing, too energized to sit. He paced impatiently up and down before her, occasionally flashing a glance at her. His eyes, usually so bland and cold, was today filled with so much unspoken emotions. After a few rounds of pacing, he finally stopped and knelt down before her.
Catching her face with both of his hands, he said heavily, "Next time let me be the one who will protect him." And you. That part was unspoken. She had stared at him uncomprehendingly as he gently rubbed the curvatures of her cheeks briefly with the pads of his thumbs before snatching his hands away and standing abruptly. He gave a curt bow and then left.
And he kept his promise. He shielded her, while she tried to shield Naruto from an incoming attack.
His final words cut her to the bone and finally opened her eyes to the truth of the matter. Neji loved her, but knowing that she only ever had eyes for someone else, had made the ultimate sacrifice and asked the man she loved to honor her love for him. Her happiness came before his, even at the cost of his life.
When someone does something like this for you, how could you go back to living your life as it was before? Hinata could not. There was no coming back from this war intact.
Although Naruto wanted to honor her love and Neji's sacrifice for them, Hinata was too filled with guilt and regret. She could not bring herself to be with Naruto after the war. No. Her realization that Neji loved her and how much he loved her made all other loves seem like mere pittance in comparison. She could no longer accept Naruto.
Neji will own her heart until the day she dies.
Now at close to ninety, she often sits at her favourite spot in the garden, at that particular bench. It was not hard for Hinata to imagine she was still 15 and Neji, 16, was still around, somewhere in the large sprawling estate. After all, the gardens had barely changed since then. Estates as old and established as the Hyuugas were not prone to changes. Its beauty was timeless.
No longer the clan head since she reached 70, she had passed the mantle on to Hanabi's second son as she did not have any children of her own. Although she was told she suffered from slight dementia, they still gave her an honorary seat on the advisory board to the Clan Head. "Dementia, psh," she thought. She could still recall the events of the war as if it were yesterday. Surely, she did not have dementia.
"Hinata-sama, it is time for you to go back inside. You have been out almost all day. You should rest a while before dinner."
Where had all her time go? Replaying a life she could have had with him?
An aide whose name escapes her gently helped Hinata to stand. Hinata was sure she saw this aide daily but her name escaped her. Hinata wanted to stand on her own and flip her long black hair as she once would have but realized she could not. Her legs felt wobbly and her hair was tied up in a bun.
Facing the mirror back in her room, she saw a wizen old lady she did not recognize in the reflection, and her hair, her beautiful black hair that once whipped in the wind was now all white and tied up. Who is this woman?
Will you still love me when I am no longer young and beautiful?
The Neji she remembers is young and at his prime. His body lithe and muscular, his skin white and supple, his face strong and noble. What would he have been like if he were to grow old, like she had. She could not imagine, but she wondered if he would still love her as she was now, old and tired.
Hinata sighs and walks slowly, clumsily to her bed. Age seemed to have sapped the grace and energy of her youth. She would take a short rest before dinner. She was tired. Even doing nothing much, just sitting down in a garden, tired her out.
Just as she was closing her eyes, she thought she glimpsed a movement at her window. Since her childhood days she had always liked her bed to be situated beside a window. It always gave her a little thrill to know that any one of her shinobi friends could drop by this very window, usually late in the night, to secretly meet up with her, including Neji. Especially Neji. Of course as she grew older this occurred less and less frequently. Yet today, in her old age, there was someone crouching at her window.
It was him.
He looked just like how she remembered him. She reached out an old wrinkled hand to caress his face and it felt solid. She felt ashamed of her age, of her wrinkly, trembling hand and her thinning white hair but he still gave her the same stoic smile.
"Come Hinata, let's go." He said as his hand moves to cover over hers on his face.
"Where? I'm not properly dressed. I look so old." The last part came out unwittingly. She blushed. And I don't think I can jump down the window. Hinata was just old, not stupid. She knew her limitations.
"It doesn't matter. I will still love you."
I will still love you.
She knows that he means it. His love is forever.
A tear drops. Her waiting was over.