A/N: I started this fic after Committed- but it's really more of a S9 fic. Thought I wrote this before knowing anything about S9...So keep that in mind.
Disclaimer: OK. So I don't know if I can take full credit for the metaphor because I have heard it before from my mother/grandmother, but I also read it in a book- so just in case I don't want to say I actually 'own' it- simply borrowed it for the story.
Rating: PG-13 (for language)
Spoilers: Season 8
Dedication: sarawolfe
Doughnuts and Muffins
"So, anyway I said to Carl-" Lois stared blankly at the man sitting across from her. To the untrained eye it probably looked like she was listening intently. She smiled and nodded at the appropriate points and threw in the occasional giggle. Then took long gulps from her wine glass in between. The next time the waiter came to the table she was just going to tell him to leave the bottle.
The man in front of her was handsome- in that ridiculously fake tan, way. He was tall and successful and had a winning smile. His teeth were very straight and obviously bleached, like his hair. His suit was Armani and even though he seemed to be listening when she spoke, she was pretty sure if there were a pop quiz at the end of the night he wouldn't pass. He'd also 'dropped' his napkin several times as an excuse to peak at her breasts. Her dress didn't even show that much cleavage!
Doughnut, he was definitely a doughnut. She'd known he was one when he'd asked her out last week, but she'd said yes anyway. Maybe it was because she was hoping she was wrong. But the last time he made a grand hand gesture to 'inconspicuously' show off his Rolex, she noticed the tan line on his left ring finger. Great, not only was he a doughnut he was an already taken doughnut. Gross.
So, after Lois finished her third or fourth glass of wine, Stan drove her home, looking extremely pleased with himself. Lois almost snorted at his eagerness to walk her to her door. She let him.
"Well, I had a really great time tonight, Lois." He smiled at her in what was probably supposed to be a charming way. I bet if snakes could smile, they'd smile like that, Lois thought.
"Yeah," she answered vaguely fumbling for her keys.
"So."
"So?" Lois said distractedly finally managing to get her key in the hole.
"Can I come in?" That was bold. And usually Lois liked bold. And if he wasn't a cheating, narcissistic, heel she might have been tempted to say yes. But since he was-
"Sorry, I don't sleep with married men you jackass!" And she slammed her stiletto heel into his toes, shut the door in his face and locked it; just in can he was a violent jackass.
The phone rang ten seconds after Lois dropped her purse on the couch.
"Hello?"
"Oh?" Her cousin sounded surprised to hear her voice. "Hey coz, I'm guessing since you're home at ten o'clock the date didn't go so well. Doughnut?"
"Not just a doughnut." Lois confirmed, "A used doughnut"
"What a jerk!"
"Yep."
"Is there anything I can do?"
"Send me a muffin, would ya?" Lois said half joking.
"He's out there, Lo." Her cousin encouraged, then immediately added, "listen, I was just calling to leave a message, to remind you about tomorrow, but since you're on the line-"
"I know Chlo. I'll be there around six thirty."
"You better be. I really want you to meet this guy- I mean I haven't felt this way bout anyone since- he's a really good guy, Lo. A definite muffin."
"I'm sure he is," Lois said a bit warily. Unfortunately her cousin's track record hadn't been so great since her ex-husband's death, almost a year ago.
"Well, I'll see tomorrow then," Lois could tell by her tone that her cousin was beaming ear to ear.
"Yeah, see ya," Lois replied with fake enthusiasm and hung up. It wasn't that she didn't trust Chloe's judgment she just hoped this guy wasn't another doughnut in muffin's clothing, or some 'lost soul' Chloe wanted to save. Well, she would see tomorrow, wouldn't she? There was no use in worrying about it tonight. Lois yawned. It was time to get out of this itchy dress and in to something more comfortable and more flannel.
Lois had just curled up on the couch and started her movie when there was a knock on her door.
"Now what?" Lois said aloud, grabbing her robe off the back of the couch.
She peered through the peephole and saw Clark Kent standing in the hallway.
In spite of herself, Lois felt her lips twitch upward. Figures. She was having a shitty night, of course Mr. Fix it would show up. All he was missing was a cape.
Making sure her robe was secure, Lois opened door.
"Come on in, Smallville," she motioned for him to enter. "Let me guess? Chloe."
"Yeah, I was still at The Planet and she called, and said something about a muffin?" He said, extending his right arm out.
Lois laughed looking at the pastry in his hands. "I didn't mean that kind-"
"What? But lemon poppy seed is your favorite." Clark interjected furrowing his brows, "Unless of course it's that time of the month, then you prefer choc- you know what? I'm just gonna stop talking."
Lois couldn't help but giggle as he awkwardly set the muffin down on the kitchen counter and cleared his throat.
"Where did you find a bakery open at this hour?" Lois asked.
"You know Lois, I think there should be some mystery between us," Clark answered smiling a smile that was actually charming and not at all snake-like.
"So, I guess the date with Steve-
"Stan." Lois corrected, trying not to roll her eyes. He always did that. Purposely, 'forgot' the names of all of her dates. He always found something wrong with them, too. And the worst part was he was usually right. He'd told Lois Stan was bad news, but she'd gone out with him anyway.
"Sorry. Stan," Clark continued, not sorry at all. "Didn't go so well." He almost sounded hopeful at the end.
"He was a complete doughnut."
Clark gave her a bemused look, "I thought you wanted a muffin?"
"I do." Lois said, enjoying the look of confusion on his face. She sat next to him and started to explain. "When my mom found out she was going to die she wrote down all of the things she thought Lucy and I would need to know, in a small journal," Lois began. "You know, guidelines and advice and just little sayings to help get us through, since she wasn't going to be around to- anyway, my dad gave it to us as a Christmas present when I was fifteen. And when I got the section on love and boys she'd only written one thing."
"What was it?" Clark prompted.
"She wrote that there were two kinds of men in the world, doughnuts and muffins."
"Doughnuts and muffins?" Clark's interest was definitely piqued.
"Yeah, you see doughnuts are the guys that make you salivate. You know, they make your heart go thump thump. You see one and it's just sitting there covered in gooey chocolate glaze icing and it looks warm and soft and you have to have it. And if you don't get it, you think about it all day, and then you go back later anyway, because it's a doughnut," Lois paused.
"OK." Clark said, processing.
Lois continued, "And muffins just sit there looking all lumpy and plain and un-glazed. And though muffins may be wonderful, they aren't as eye catching as the doughnuts, you know? Not as exciting, they don't look as good."
"So doughnuts are good?" Clark questioned.
"Well, yeah, for a night. But then the next day comes and the dough is stale and soggy and the icing is hard and chipping off into gross chunks and you have throw it away, because it doesn't look delicious anymore, it looks disgusting! And you ask yourself what in God's name you were thinking! It's a bad idea to keep a doughnut overnight."
"And a muffin?" Clark asked
"A muffin actually tastes better the next day. Of course, it doesn't have the 'yearning' factor that a doughnut has, but you want it the next day and maybe the day after, if you store it properly." Lois winked at the end.
"So, Stan was a doughnut?"
"Yeah, he was definitely a doughnut. Now, do you want to stay and watch a movie with me, or what? I've had a really crappy night and I could use a little company."
Clark rose from his seat, "What're we watching?"
"Philadelphia Story."
After she put in the movie, Lois curled up next to Clark on the couch and tried to focus her attention on the witty repartee between Katherine Hepburn and Cary Grant. But her eyes kept wandering back to Clark. She studied her seemingly mild mannered colleague's profile. Maybe her mother had been wrong. Maybe there weren't only two types of men in the world. Or maybe Clark was the exception that proved the rule.
Because Clark had both doughnut and muffin qualities, he made her pulse race and sometimes she had to squelch the urge to grab him by the tie and kiss him senseless. He had a great mouth.
Yet, she knew that without a doubt in her mind he would still be here tomorrow. He'd crash on the couch, because he was a gentleman and probably have her morning coffee ready, when she woke up. And he'd probably look even better than he did now, because his hair would be all messy from sleep and-
Lois shook her head trying to rid her mind of such thoughts. Her and Smallville were a bad idea. I very bad idea, in fact, it was probably the worst idea since someone decided to put peanut butter and jelly in the same jar- wrong and strange and it kind of freaked her out.
But- there was always a 'but,'- that was the problem with Clark. When she saw him her mind says [i]don't even think about going there again, Lane. But her body says hey there gorgeous, come to mama. And her heart- her heart doesn't know what to think. Because Clark Kent has some of the biggest doughnut moments a man can have, then he makes up for it with amazing muffin moments- how is a woman supposed to handle that?
He was like some strange hybrid. Like a muffin doughnut, looks like a doughnut, but tastes like a muffin. And that wasn't fair at all. Especially, when she was trying so hard not to fall for him- or was it, get over him because she was already in far too deep? Wasn't that the real reason she'd gone out with Stan? To prove to herself she was over Clark.
Dating other people- albeit, not the greatest catches- who was she kidding they weren't even-
"Do I have something on my face?" Clark's voice abruptly brought Lois out of her thoughts.
"Wha?"
"You're giving me this strange look," he said, cocking his head to left. Looking more adorable than anyone had a right to.
"I am? Oh, sorry, I must have spaced out."
"Do you want to go to bed? I could leave-"
"Leave? Clark it's almost midnight. We have to be at work at eight, tomorrow. There's no way you're driving all the way back to farm now, just crash on the couch. I'll go get you some blankets."
"Are you sure? I don't wanna-"
She rolled her eyes. You can take the boy out of the farm, but you can't take the farm out of the boy.
"I insist." Lois cut him off. She went to the hall closet to get him some sheets and pillows. He already had clothes over here and his own toothbrush, so spending the night wasn't a big deal. But he always put up a half-hearted struggle just to make sure it was really all right.
"Here." She threw the linens at him. "Good night, Smallville."
"Good night, Lois."
********
Lois couldn't sleep. It was almost three o'clock in the morning and she lay in her bed, wide-awake starring up at ceiling, hoping that the lack of scenic interest would coax her to dreamland. It wasn't working.
With a frustrated sigh, Lois wiggled out of her blanket cocoon, grabbed her robe and slid into her bunny slippers. Clark, the bastard, was sleeping soundlessly on the couch so the chance of watching info-mercials like she usually did when the occasional bout of insomnia hit, was out of the question.
So, instead she poured herself a glass of water and silently tip toed past the living room, and gently opened the sliding door to the veranda. It was her favorite thing about the apartment. She collapsed into one of the fold out chairs and looked out over Metropolis' skyline.
You couldn't see the stars here like you could in Smallville. And even though Lois and small town living hadn't really gotten along, she did miss that- looking at the stars. Not that she'd ever admit that to anyone, especially the man crashing on her couch.
Lois curled her feet under her legs and snuggled down in the chair. The distant sound of car alarms, sirens could be heard on the streets below, even at this hour of the morning. She liked that about the city- it never really slept.
"Lois?"
The brunette whipped her head around and saw a very shirtless Clark standing in the threshold of the door. Oh my!
"Smallville, what are you doing up?" She asked, and then took a long drink from her glass. Her mouth had suddenly gone very dry.
"I was just about to ask you the same question," incredibly toned shirtless man replied. "Here," He tossed her something.
Lois caught it and smiled. It was her muffin. "Thanks," she said as he sat down next to her.
"I couldn't sleep." Lois said after a few moments of silence.
"Any particular reason?" He asked.
Lois shrugged and broke a piece of her muffin off and popped it in her mouth. Mmmm. God, he did know what she liked, just the right amount of sweet tartness. A doughnut would have been too sweet this early.
"Should I leave you two alone?" Clark questioned when Lois couldn't hold back her moan.
"You might have too," she winked, "this really good. I mean really good."
"I can see that," his voice sounded different a bit darker than usual and she knew instinctively he was looking at her mouth. Lois tried to quickly think of reasons why she should not, under any circumstances crawl into his lap and kiss him until he couldn't remember his own name. That was a bad idea! Remember! The peanut butter and jelly thing!
But he wasn't playing fair. He was cheating!
How was she supposed to ward off her pesky feelings, when he looked like Adonis come to life, sitting next to her!
"Stupid muffin doughnut," Lois grumbled to herself.
"What did you say?" Clark asked, giving her a highly amused look.
"Nothing." Lois answered too quickly, averting her eyes to her lap. You know? Muffins really aren't that unattractive. Even partially eaten ones. OK. That came out wrong-
"Come on Lois," Clark was using his 'cat-ate-the-canary' voice, "spill." It wasn't often Smallville got the upper hand in their word sparring, so he tended to milk it when he did.
"It was nothing," Lois insisted. "I was just mumbling to myself "
"Lo-is"
Did he have to say her name like that? Once again- cheating!
"I don't remember," she lied.
"Liar."
"So," Lois emphasized loudly, letting him know she was now officially changing the subject. "Have you met Chloe's newest 'catch?' I mean I know you two aren't as close anym-"
"Chloe and I are fine. " It wasn't a lie. She and Clark had finally found a good balance for their friendship. "And yes, I have met him, he's nice and crazy about Chloe."
"Really? You're not just saying that?"
"Scouts honor." He winked and Lois snorted.
"I just worry about her, you know?"
"Yeah, me too." Clark put a comforting hand on her shoulder.
Lois felt a slight shiver rundown her spine. His hand was warm. He was always warm. She cleared her throat trying to ignore how the air had suddenly grown thick with tension.
"So, anyway- " Lois rose swiftly from her chair, and went to lean against the railing of the balcony. "I get to meet Mr. Wonderful tonight, so we'll see if he's everything you and Chloe say he is."
"I think you'll like him," Clark leaned next to her. "A definite muffin."
Lois smiled out at the skyline. "You're mom once told me that you had to get through the doughnuts before you found your muffin. She just forgot to specify exactly how many."
"Well," Clark began a bit too casually. "What about having a fall back muffin?"
"A fall back muffin?" Lois thought about it for a minute then gave him a suspicious look. "And, uh who pray tell, would this fall back muffin be? You?"
"It makes sense!" Clark said, indignantly.
"Yeah I guess it does. All right. If we're both not married by- oh, I dunno thirty-five? Forty?"
"Really? That long?" Clark frowned.
"What were you thinking?" Lois asked, curiously.
"Oh, twenty-nine? Thirty?"
"Clark I'm you're fall back muffin! We should at least get ten-"
"No." Clark interjected. "I'm your fall back muffin, but Lois you'll always just be- my muffin." He paused for a moment before adding, affectionately, "muffin."
Flashbacks of a very awkward jewelry store incident flashed before her eyes. She shook the thoughts away and gaped up at him.
"Clark?" Lois felt a bit light headed for a moment. Did he mean what she thought he meant?
"I was thinking. Maybe we could get some coffee. I know this great twenty-four hour place. They, apparently have really good muffins, too." He said lightly. Like it wasn't a big deal. But they both knew it was.
"Well, I don't-"
"And," he wasn't going to give a chance to protest, was he? "I figure since I'll be going there with you, there won't be any chance of me not showing up."
Lois stared at him for with wide eyes, then crossed her arms over her chest, "just so we're clear, you are asking me out on a proper date, right?"
"Yes, I am."
"Hmm," was all she said, before pushing herself off of the railing and heading for the door.
"Where are you going?" Clark asked, his voice laced with alarm.
"Inside," Lois replied, simply. "I have a date to get ready for." She winked, disappearing into the apartment.
END
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A/N: You know what to do- Liked it or disliked it- Please review! Thanks!