Meet at the Crossroads: Mocha Revision
This is based off a one-shot originally written by detrametal. So obviously, major credit to him for providing the bones of this, my rewrite.
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Formless, once known as Beast Boy, ghosted into the common room of Titan Tower. He made absolutely no sound when he entered, a shadow within a shadow. It was an odd feeling, being back. The once warm, welcoming walls of this place now felt alien to him. All this peace and quiet after so long was polarizing. It was a cool, moonless night, and he had arrived just past the stroke of midnight. All of the Titans were in their rooms, fast asleep. All, except for Nightwing. The Titan leader sat at the table, pouring over documents, and files, and ledgers, a small lamp on the table next to him the only source of light in the room. No doubt he'd been at it since everyone else had gone to bed. He was a good, diligent leader like that.
It was a testament to the changeling's stealth that Nightwing didn't react until Formless had already sat down across the table from him. Formless smirked a little as the masked hero practically jumped up out of his seat. Only a handful of people could get the drop on someone in the Bat Clan, and Formless was proud to know that he numbered among them.
"Formless?" Nightwing squinted in the dark disbelievingly. "You're back?"
The green hero gave a low chuckle, and Nightwing visibly paled. "No, Dick, I'm still overseas. Clearly."
Three years ago, because of certain circumstances and situations, Formless had volunteered for an extremely dangerous assignment. He would be sent overseas to the Middle East to assist in the quelling of multiple terrorist organizations, and the likelihood of returning alive was projected to be very slim. Even so, when it was offered to him, he had jumped on it. Anything to get away from this place at the time.
"I mean, so soon? We thought you'd be gone for another two." Nightwing said as he retook his seat warily. That they didn't expect to see him ever again went unspoken. "What happened?"
Formless shrugged. "Job was done. Didn't have a reason to stay, didn't have a reason not to come back."
"No, I mean, can I debrief you?"
Sighing, Formless stood and moved to the kitchen. "Suffice it to say that things were fucked, and I unfucked them." He pulled a beer from the fridge. "Can I have one of these?"
"Sure…"
There was an awkward silence as he returned to the table with his drink and sat down, Nightwing silently working his jaw back and forth with a slightly pained, contrite expression. Formless turned his chair to face the window, and looked out over the bay towards the city, admiring the scenic skyline. He hadn't realized he had missed the view.
"Gar, look, I was an ass–"
"You know," Formless said, placing his bottle down with a loud bang, and cutting his leader off sharply. "I achieved a certain sense of clarity while I was over there. See, while you were marrying Starfire, and Cyborg was hooking up with Bee, and Raven was doing whatever she was doing, I was crawling through sewage tunnels in war-torn cities, getting dirt, and worse caked into my gunshot wounds."
Nightwing's eyebrows shot up in shock. "You were shot?"
"Several times." Formless lifted up his shirt, and displayed the scars that were scattered across his torso like a grim constellation. "By my own guys no less. The C.O. of the camp I was assigned to put out a standing order for them to shoot me on sight after giving me this little present." He tapped a scar that streaked backwards across his temple three inches. "Turns out no one really trusts you that much if you can change shapes at will."
He dropped his shirt as Nightwing cursed under his breath.
"Oh, it gets better. So my side didn't trust me. The other side sure as shit didn't either. The only people who didn't take shots were the fucking civilians, and only because they were too busy running away at the sight of me. I did all the work, and got none of the credit as my guys would roll up soon after I'd finish. It was like the whole world was against me. And it was when I was face down in the filth, bullets whizzing over my head, that I had my epiphany. That I'm destined to be alone." He paused, and closed his eyes. "You'd think that would make things worse, but once I realized that, everything became much more simple. I wasn't there to make friends. I was there because I had a job to do. If everyone hated me, if everyone saw me as a monster, then I would become a monster. Anything, and everything for the mission."
"Shit, Garfield, if I had known–"
Formless turned abruptly to look at Nightwing again.
"I don't want your pity." He spat harshly, eyes glinting dangerously. "The point, Richard, of my little story is this; you can save your apology. It's too late, and I don't care."
Silently, Formless returned to staring out the window as Nightwing contemplated everything his friend and teammate had gone through. Eventually he had gathered himself enough to look up from the table.
"Is anyone doing anything about what happened over there?" He asked quietly.
"What? About the C.O? Sure, Batman caught wind of what had been happening a few days ago, and came down upon them like an ungodly storm. Shit was hilarious."
"… Good."
Pushing up from the table, Formless went to the kitchen, and threw his empty bottle out. "I'm going to bed. I really only came by to let you know I'm back. Don't try to wake me, or enter my room. I'm still in survival mode, so I can't guarantee anyone's safety." He said as he walked towards the door. Pausing briefly with one hand on the threshold, he looked over his shoulder at Nightwing. "Oh, congratulations on getting married."
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Something was off about the Tower. It wasn't something wrong necessarily, but it was a heavy presence nonetheless. And it definitely hadn't been there yesterday, whatever it was. Apparently, Raven was the only one to detect this, because the others were going about their business like normal. Cyborg was cleaning up after breakfast, Bee was sitting on the counter chatting with him, and Starfire was cuddling Silkie while Nightwing… Actually, Nightwing was acting a bit odd. He had yet to touch his coffee, which never happened, and he sat in his chair as he gazed distractedly out the window.
Raven considered him momentarily from her position on the couch. Her relationship with him had been brief, and mostly physical. Things had been awkward since. Theoretically, they could have been a good match, but in practice Richard had been inattentive, and detached as a partner, in every sense of the word. Maybe it had been because of his recent breakup with Star, but Raven tended to think that he was just like that. How Starfire managed to put up with it was a true mystery. In any case, he had ended it, and gone back to Star after a matter of weeks, and Raven couldn't truly say that she had been sorry to see him go. He had just been the first in the series of mistakes that she'd made.
Nightwing cleared his throat, gathering everyone's attention. "Guys, I have something to tell you, but I'm not quite sure how to go about it." He looked at all of them apprehensively.
Everyone exchanged concerned glances, but gathered around the table nonetheless. They were curious as to what could possibly be throwing their normally unflappable leader.
"Is it Slade?" Cyborg asked quietly.
"What? No. No, it's not Slade." Nightwing replied, and everyone breathed a sigh of relief.
"Then what is it? Is something wrong?"
"No. Well, maybe. I don't know."
Bumblebee huffed in irritation. "Will you stop playing the name game, and tell us already?"
Frowning, Nightwing opened his mouth to speak. The sudden sound of the blender turning on caused everyone to jump, and look towards the kitchen. There, standing in front of the aforementioned appliance, was Gar, his back turned towards them as he operated the device, bobbing his head as he hummed musically to himself. The machine turned off, and he turned around, drinking a leafy green smoothie from a large, tall glass. Time seemed to slow for Raven, her throat constricted, and her heart clenched in her chest. Her vision tunneled so that all she could see were the features of his face, and the lines of his figure, the sounds around her becoming muffled and distant.
He was taller, more muscular, with a distinctly dangerous atmosphere about him even as he sat there drinking his health drink. His hair was buzzed short on the sides, but longer on the top, spiked with a forward slant. A scar on his right temple, perhaps from a knife, cut into his hairline a few inches. The uniform he wore was a variation of his old one, mostly black with purple highlights on his shoulders, and legs, short sleeves showing off his thick biceps. It was perhaps his face that had changed the most. Gone was the baby fat that had clung to him in his teenage years, replaced by a hard jawline, and light chin stubble.
Gar smacked his lips, and sighed contentedly while looking at the now half empty glass. Then he looked up at them with one eyebrow raised in, almost disinterested, nonchalance.
"Cyborg, Bumblebee." He raised the glass in greeting, and looked at each of them in turn. "Starfire, Nightwing. Raven. Good morning."
Raven shivered as he said her name and his gaze rested on her. There he was, the man she'd been waiting for. The one she'd been looking for all along. The one she should've been with from the start. Suddenly the elation that had been building in her breast was replaced by a feeling of deep guilt, and shame. For not realizing sooner. For the way that she had acted before, and during. It was only when it was too late, and he was gone, that she realized her mistake.
"Raven? You all right girl?" Bumblebee asked, breaking her out of her stupor.
Raven dragged her eyes away from Gar to stare at Bee dumbly. Bee look back at her with surprise, and concern. Looking down, Raven realized that she was standing, and that her chair had fallen over from her abrupt movement.
"I, I–" She stuttered, her tongue a stone lump in her mouth. "I'm fine."
"Right. Well, I'm going back to bed." The words brought Raven's eyes quickly back to Gar as he seemingly glided back towards the doors, his gait that of a predator on the hunt. "I haven't had a decent mattress in forever, so don't expect to see me for a while yet. Stay away from my room."
The doors closed behind him, leaving the room in stunned silence.
"Christ! Was that Gar?" Cyborg breathed in disbelief. "He's so… different!"
"Yeah." Nightwing agreed solemnly. "Yeah."
"Is that what you are going to tell us? That he is back?" Starfire asked.
The masked hero nodded. "Yeah. And that he was…"
"Foreboding?" Cyborg offered.
"Hunky?" Bee supplied, earning a glare from her boyfriend.
"Blekmorig?"
Everyone turned to look at Star questioningly.
"It is a word of my language used to describe a distinguished warrior of high caliber. Or rather, the weight of his presence." She clarified.
"… Something like that." Nightwing said.
I can't believe it. Raven couldn't pull her gaze away from the doors that Gar had just exited through.
"Seriously Raven, are you all right?" Bumblebee asked again. "You've been standing there with a weird expression without saying anything for a little bit now."
"I'm okay, I just… Just…" Her wavering voice caught. Just what? Was just realizing for the millionth time how badly she had screwed up? Just wanted him to hold her, and tell her that he forgave her? Just wanted to go back in time and redo everything? She cleared her throat. "We need to talk. Now."
Before Bumblebee could respond, Raven placed a hand on her shoulder, and the two of them were consumed by shadows as she teleported them to her room. She teleported back in the room to find the others with surprised expressions on their faces.
"You too." She told Starfire before grabbing her, and teleporting the alien into her room as well.
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"Okay, so, talk?" Bee demanded. How she could sound both confused, and sassy at the same time was something of an oddity.
"Yes, what is this about, friend Raven?" Starfire chimed in.
Raven cast her gaze down to the mattress they were sitting on, a heavy blush coloring her cheeks. The three of them were arranged on her bed in a small triangle, a standing lamp giving barely enough light for their clandestine conversation.
"It's about… Dating. Specifically, my dating."
"Can what you were doing be called dating? You went through a lot of boys awfully quick, Raven."
Starfire glanced down nervously. "You were what they call, quick to get in the bed."
Raven closed her eyes. The truth hurt, but her friends weren't at fault. She only had herself to blame.
"Well," Raven continued. "As you know, I haven't dated anyone for a while now."
"It has been quite some time." Starfire agreed.
"What you don't know is why." Raven took a deep breath. "It's because I realized I'm in love with Gar."
The other two gasped. Raven gulped, her heart pounding in her chest. Saying it out loud was something else entirely.
"Are you sure?" Bee asked incredulously, and Raven nodded.
"After he'd been gone for a few months, I ended things with Mitch. I didn't understand why I was so unsatisfied with all my relationships, so I began to ask myself questions. Mainly, what was I looking for in a man? When I was done I gathered all my answers, and the picture they painted was Gar exactly."
"Then this is perfect!" Starfire exclaimed. "Our friend is just returned!"
Bee grabbed ahold of Starfire's shoulder, and pulled the princess back down as she had begun floating.
"Well let's not get carried away just yet, Star. This isn't the sort of thing you just spring on a guy after he returns from a three-year trip. For all he knows, Raven could still be sleeping around. For all we know, he could already have a girlfriend."
Raven's heart dropped into her stomach. That was a very real possibility. Gar was an excellent guy, and any woman lucky enough to find herself in his company would know that immediately. Groaning, she flopped back onto her bed.
"It's hopeless. Absolutely hopeless." She moaned into her hands. "He's the sweetest, most perfect guy I know, and I threw him away like last week's garbage. I'm the one who's garbage."
Bumblebee and Starfire exchanged concerned glances.
"It is not so bad, friend. You just need to show him that you have changed!" Starfire said.
"Star's right!" Bumblebee chimed in. "Even though things ended poorly last time, there's no reason why things can't be different this time."
"You guys make it sound so simple." Raven said bitterly.
"Girl, it is simple. While you'll have to be careful approaching him, for someone like Gar, all you have to do is be genuine. Admit that you were wrong, and that you regret your choices, and he'll eventually open up to you."
Raven was quiet for a moment, considering Bee's words. It was hard to believe her, considering how hugely Raven had messed up. Suddenly, Star clapped her hands together.
"Okay! That is enough of the pitying party, yes? We have other things to discuss!"
"We do?" Raven asked, raising her head off the mattress to look at them.
"Of course!" The alien chirped. "Such as our green friend's arms, and chest!"
"And those abs!" Bumblebee added excitedly.
Sighing, Raven let her head back down to her bed as her friends whispered, and giggled. She just wasn't in the mood for it. One question whispered in her mind, louder than the rest.
How will I face him tomorrow?
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Among the things that he thought he would miss, yogurt hadn't been high on the list. He'd been very wrong. Formless sat on the couch in the common room, finishing his seventh cup of yogurt, and reaching for another. There was just something soothing about peeling open the thin plastic on top, and dipping his spoon in for a bite. It made him feel normal for once. It was early morning yet, and he was alone, watching the sunrise over the bay through the windows. Kicking his feet onto the table before him, he considered how he would approach the others today. Yesterday he had simply given them a terse greeting, but today he would actually have to interact with them. There would be questions, no doubt about that. Questions about what he did, where he went, and who he talked to, which he didn't really mind. He just didn't think he'd have the patience for it.
The doors hissed open behind him, and soft footsteps made their way towards the kitchen. There was the sound of water filling something hollow, metal on metal, and then the stove turning on. A cabinet opened up, and items were shuffled around before it closed again. Something ceramic was set on the countertop, and then the rustling of fabric as the person in the kitchen turned around. There was a sharp intake of breath as Raven finally noticed him sitting there. Formless tensed, not sure what he would do if she spoke to him. Hopefully nothing stupid.
Luckily, he wouldn't have to find out, as seconds later Nightwing came through the door. The masked hero already had the morning edition newspaper, and placed it on the table as he began setting up his coffeemaker. Formless released his breath, gathering up his garbage and standing.
"Christ!" Nightwing exclaimed in surprise. "You have to stop doing that! I'm going to have to put a goddamn bell on you."
"I was here before either of you, don't blame me for your lack of observation." Formless said, smirking as he threw away his empty yogurt cups.
"How are you able to do that? Hide yourself from my empathy so completely?" Raven spoke softly, almost… Shyly?
Formless' eye twitched at the sound of her voice, but he kept a cool head and replied smoothly. "Just something I picked up, or maybe developed while I was overseas. I had to learn how to vanish completely in order to stay alive."
"I trained with Batman, and I'm not that good. It's like you disappear off the face of the earth." Nightwing said, partially muffled as he took a sip from his coffee mug.
There was an electronic chime, and the large TV in front of the couch lit up with a logo, letting them know caller was.
"Speak of the devil." Formless remarked dryly.
Nightwing looked shocked. "Batman? Why is he calling here?"
Formless walked over to the console to answer. "It's for me."
At the same time the call connected Cyborg, Bumblebee, and Starfire walked in, Cyborg draping one arm over Bee's shoulders. He began saying something until he saw the Caped Crusader's intimidating figure looming in the background.
"Formless." Batman said, and then looked around the room. "We can move this call to somewhere else."
"It's fine here." The changeling replied curtly.
"Are you sure?"
"They're just going to bother me with questions about it later, and I'll tell them regardless. This is easier."
The Dark Knight hummed deep in his throat. "General Dox refuses to cooperate. He blames you. Claims that any failures in his area were directly linked see your interference."
The atmosphere of the room seemed to grow heavy, and there was a deep rumbling growl that shook the windows. "Let me talk to them."
Batman nodded, and then the TV's image changed. In his place, four military men sat around a table in a conference room, arguing. Three out of four of the men wore freshly pressed uniforms, and held themselves with dignity, and an air of professionalism. They were older, gray-haired men with varying ethnicities, each of them more or less physically fit, and clean-shaven. The fourth man starkly contrasted the others. His jacket was unbuttoned as he slouched in his chair, his balding head shone with a layer of sweat, his face wore a couple days' worth of stubble, and he was clearly out of shape. As he argued with the other generals he kept from maintaining eye contact for more than a few seconds, and he gripped the arms of his chair as if terrified.
"Generals." Formless' voice seemed to have dropped more than a few octaves as he addressed the men. "I was under the impression that this matter had been resolved." His displeasure at the situation was obvious.
The four military men, and each of the Titans stiffened, and froze in place at the sound. After a long moment one of the men coughed, and that seemed to release everyone from their temporary paralysis.
"Greetings, Formless." Said one of the professional generals, a man of Asian descent.
Formless inclined his head slightly. "General Murata."
"Unfortunately, General Smith, and I agree that there is not enough evidence forthcoming in order to act. We think there must be further investigation."
Another one of the clean-shaven generals spoke up indignantly. "There are enough secondhand accounts, and there is enough circumstantial evidence pointing in General Dox's direction alone to warrant removal! If even one thing levied against him is proven true, it'll mean a court-martial, and frankly the fact that we're having this discussion at all is an embarrassment!"
The slovenly general flinched, and then attempted to straighten up in his seat. "These are just wild allegations! Dox wouldn't let–"
"Silence." The word cut through the rising voices sharply, the generals stopping midsentence, and holding their breaths. Formless focused his gaze on the general had been speaking. "Kaln, you would do well to listen. There have been eighty-eight formal requests for Dox's removal, fifty-four requests for transfer by officers working directly underneath him, one hundred twenty-seven formal complaints against him by soldiers of all ranks, and a deplorable reputation that has developed in his camp, all within just the last year. The units under his command had failed to achieve anything of note, and have repeatedly lost engagements with the enemy due to poor leadership. I don't know why you defend him so vehemently, but enough is enough. His actions have surpassed the realm of negligence into treason, to say nothing of his treatment of me. Bring him in, his time is up."
Formless glared at each of the generals until they each nodded their assent, then, nodding once to himself, cut the feed. He stood there for a moment, hunched over the control console as he tried to reel his anger in. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Walking back to the couch, he sat down heavily, and sighed, eyes closed. He slouched back, letting his head tilt backwards, and placing one hand on his face, fingers splayed. What a bunch of bullshit.
"What the hell happened over there, man?" Cyborg asked quietly.
"Well, a lot of shit. The long and short of it is, I went over expecting to work with an army against the terrorists, but instead I ended up fighting against the terrorists, and that army. I had to survive by myself in the deserts, and in the mountains. Had to find my own water, and food, not to mention any supplies I needed. All this, while doing the job of several hundred men because the man in charge, Dox, is absolutely worthless. So, you know, nothing too hard." Formless replied, dryly sarcastic.
"Jesus…" The metal man whispered.
"Yeah." Was all the changeling said in reply.
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Later that day an alarm was sounded, and the Titans flew into action. By some unanimous, unspoken agreement, Gar was allowed to join them immediately instead of having to wait. He did so silently, following the girls through the sky in the form of a large eagle. They reached the site of the disturbance, and saw Plasmus wreaking havoc on a storefront. Raven watched as Gar dove towards the toxic monster without hesitation, changing into a rhinoceros, and hitting the creature with a heavy impact. Plasmus was forced away from the building he was attacking, and tried to grapple Gar as the changeling continued pushing. A score of people ran from the store in a panicked frenzy as the fight drew further away. Raven swooped in to help him, crashing a nearby truck into the monster as Bumblebee and Starfire guided the citizens to safety, allowing Gar a second to breathe.
Nightwing, and Cyborg arrived moments later, pelting Plasmus with their attacks. The sludge creature swung with one arm towards Nightwing, but the masked hero through three projectiles into the limb as he jumped away. The arm exploded, leaving Plasmus momentarily with the one arm. Bumblebee and Starfire returned to the battle, joining the others in the massive barrage of attacks that were focused on Plasmus. However, Raven saw that their attacks were having little effect, and they would need to soon change their strategy if they wanted to win. Just then, she glimpsed a green flash out of the corner of her eye streaking towards their enemy. Gar, in the form of a cheetah, was sprinting towards Plasmus. She saw him leap into the air at speed, change to something small, and embed himself in the center of Plasmus' torso. At this point the other Titans had seen their friend to engage the monster, and had stopped firing. Everyone was still, even Plasmus, astonished as they waited.
Suddenly Plasmus exploded, and in his place stood an emerald T Rex holding an unconscious, pale skinned man in his jaws. Gar placed the unconscious man on the ground, and then changed back in to his human form.
"That all?" Gar asked in a somewhat irritated voice. He was splattered head to toe in the purple goo that was quite possibly the foulest substance on Earth. "Good. I'm going back to the Tower to take a shower. This guy is really gross."
"Yeah, Plasmus is the absolute worst." Cyborg agreed. "Let's get back home as quick as possible, before the grass stain starts smelling like that permanently."
"It's no worse than how his room used to smell. Better, actually." Nightwing joked.
Gar scoffed. "You guys can bite me. I'm saving this stuff, and you'll get a face full when you least expect it."
There was a round of laughter as the Titans left the scene. A while after that it was decided that they would watch a movie, and Raven volunteered, maybe a little too eagerly, to go and get Gar from his room as the others set up. As she waited outside his door after knocking, she fussed with her hair a bit, and briefly considered running to her room to put on a little makeup. The door opened up partially before she could decide, and Gar stuck his head through.
"Yeah?" He asked rather brusquely. His hair was still damp from his shower.
"Well, uh, the others and I were going to watch a movie. I just wanted to, you know, ask if you wanted to join us." She was stumbling over her words like a stupid schoolgirl. Great, keep going like this and you'll have him eating out of your hand in no time.
He remained motionless for a while, face unreadable as he regarded her. Then inclined his head slightly.
"Sure. Let me just grab a shirt."
Raven breathed a sigh of relief as he turned around. Wait, a shirt? The door slid all the way open, and she was graced with the sight of his lean muscular back as he strode across his room, the muscles underneath his skin rippling. She began to blush as he stooped to pick up a fresh shirt, and started to put it on, stretching to put his arms through the holes. But then her heart clenched, and the blood drained from her face as he turned around and she saw them. Gunshot scars. Spread in an uneven pattern from his right shoulder to his left hip. The number was cruelly ironic. Seven. Seven times he'd been shot. Seven times she'd chosen someone else. She stood there, mortified, as he finished putting on the shirt, and then walked towards her.
"Well?" He raised an eyebrow at her questioningly.
"Huh?" She whispered weakly, more of a reflex than a conscious response.
"Are you gonna move so I can leave my room?"
Raven snapped out of her stupor, and stepped aside before meekly following after him towards the common room. As they started the movie, Raven settled on the couch with a heavy heart. She wanted Gar, desperately, but how could she possibly reconcile all of her mistakes with him?
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Despite his best efforts, Formless had somehow ended up sitting next to Raven on the couch. Maybe it was because the other four people in the room were in couples, or maybe he just had really bad luck. Whatever it was, he decided he didn't like it, because now he was being forced into close proximity with her, her scent surrounding him. It was intoxicating, and it aroused a certain desire within him, which he hated because he thought he was over her. Apparently not. He paused when he realized something. The aroma was purely hers, and hers alone. There was no lingering scent of another man on her at all, which meant it had been some time since she had engaged in any sort of intimate contact.
Maybe I coul–
Formless quickly and harshly tamped that line of thinking down. He would not allow himself to become vulnerable again. He'd already spent too many years trying to win her affection, being the one to make all the moves. It was time for someone else to try.
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Raven glanced nervously across the rooftop. It was nighttime, almost a month after Gar had returned. It was their turn to patrol, and so they were on top of a tall building overlooking the park as they momentarily rested. Gar stood a few feet away at the edge of the roof, arms crossed and the fingers of one hand drumming slowly on the opposite bicep. While he wasn't ignoring her, and had not been mean or even discourteous towards her, he was keeping her at an arms distance. There was no warmth in any of their interactions, and that ate at Raven like acid. But tonight was a rare occasion of them being alone together, and she could not waste the opportunity. So, after a few false starts during their patrol, Raven decided that if she was going to do it, it had to be here, and now. Drawing in a deep breath, she raised her head, squared her shoulders, and approached him.
"Gar, this is going to seem kind of out of the blue, but I need to tell you something." She began, and he looked at her with a slightly arched eyebrow. "And I want you to wait till I finish before you say anything."
After a moment's consideration Gar gestured for her to continue.
"When I turned eighteen I gained full control over my powers, and in turn the inhibitors on my emotions were released. Among other things, I was hit with the full force of Lust, backed by all my teenage hormones. Nightwing, and Starfire had just broken up, and he's a pretty decent guy so I got together with him, thinking he was my best option. In the end he went back to Star after only a few weeks, but I honestly wasn't happy in that relationship, and was about to end it myself anyway. He was too focused on other things."
Raven paused, and shifted her gaze to the park before them, her fingers fidgeting nervously against each other.
"I dated Red X next." She continued. "He'd always been attracted to me, and with him joining the Titans Network… It kind of just happened. He had a certain kind of bad boy vibe about him that was enticing, but was a habitual flirt. I ended up dumping him. Speedy was much the same, and Aqualad was so self-obsessed, and narcissistic it was impossible to do anything."
Glancing at Gar, she was shocked as he produced a cigarette, lit it, and gazed at her with an unreadable expression. He held it between his index and middle finger, occasionally taking a drag, the smoke slowly curling into the clear night sky. Raven licked her dry lips.
"After that I dated a few more guys. James, the goth guy. Eric, the police officer. Mitch, the doctor. They were nice, but none of them saw me. None of them could really know me. It was only three months after you left that I broke up with Mitch. I wasn't happy with him, and I realized I hadn't actually been happy with any of them. So I went over everything, all of my relationships, and everything I found lacking. I found that there was one person who had everything I wanted, who knew me possibly better than I know myself, and had been with me the whole time, making the effort to get past the walls I put up." She looked up at Gar directly then, daring to meet his eyes for the first time since his return. "It was you. I realized I love you, and have loved you for a long time. I was in denial because I still saw you as this immature, younger guy, but it was really me who was being immature. My pride was getting in the way of me seeing you clearly, and by the time I realized my mistake, you were already gone."
She took another deep breath, and then shifted to face him completely.
"You asked me out after I broke up with X, and I tossed you out the window for it. I hate myself for that, and regret it every day. If I could take it back I would, but I can't. I know I don't deserve it, but I'm asking you to give me a chance, the chance I never gave you." She finished, her eyes beginning to blur with barely suppressed tears.
There were several long, unbearable moments as Gar studied her with a blank face. The air was heavy, pressing down on Raven from all sides, restricting her breath. She dreaded his reply, but desperately wanted to know what it would be. If she had even a snowball's chance in hell, she'd take it and run. Finally, after what seemed like forever, he flicked his fingers causing a tiny bit of ash to fall from his cigarette, and broke the spell.
"Well, it's good that you can recognize your mistakes." He said, and Raven's eyes widened with hope. "Here's the thing though. When I decide to date someone, I'm all in. She's my mate, I'm hers. Bonded for life. I refuse to play games, and I refuse to be another notch in your bedpost."
He took another drag from his cigarette, then dropped it and ground it underfoot.
"Let's go back. Our patrol's over."
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"You were offered a girl's hand in marriage?" Cyborg asked, incredulous.
"Yeah. A real looker too." Gar replied lazily, eating waffles as they all sat around the breakfast table.
"And you said no? That poor girl's heart must've been broken!" The metal man said with mock sympathy. Then something clicked in his head and he looked up with a mischievous grin. "But that means you're still a virgin!"
Gar paused with the fork halfway up to his mouth, and looked up at his friend with a flat expression. Cyborg continued laughing.
"Man, it's like you don't even want to get laid! Girl is practically handed to you on a silver platter and you shut her down!"
Sighing, Gar placed his fork down on his plate. "Well, I was moving around a lot, and didn't really have the time to for many relationships. There were a few women here and there though I could've gone with."
Cyborg smirked smugly. "Oh yeah? And why didn't you?"
"Mostly because I couldn't get this one woman out of my head. About my age, maybe a little bit older."
"Was she hot?"
"Couldn't tell you. I was too busy trying to stop the blood flowing from the shrapnel wound in her neck to get a good look, really." Gar said matter-of-factly.
The room plunged into silence, the mood becoming somber and heavy.
"Can you pass the fruit, please?" Gar asked as he began cutting his waffles.
Not long after, Bumblebee's voice could be heard throughout the Tower, giving Cyborg an earful.
.
.
Raven laid awake in bed the next morning, contemplating that conversation that had taken place on the third or fourth morning Gar had returned. The contrast between who he was before, and who he was now was stark. While he had never really been meek before, Gar would easily step aside or fold if someone started arguing. He had been abandoned, or left behind before, so underneath his goofy exterior had been the fear that he would be kicked off the team. He did everything in his power to please others, and make himself agreeable to avoid that fear.
His time surviving alone had forged a new hardness within him however. He didn't shy away from arguments, or buckle under pressure. If he had an opinion about something, he let it be known, and didn't care if it opposed everyone else's. This toughness he'd developed overseas made him into practically a new person. Raven liked it though. It felt like they could finally see eye to eye.
When she rose out of bed, she had found the determination to get a definite answer, and quickly dressed. She was outside of Gar's door when it opened, and revealed the changeling. He wore a slightly surprised face when he saw her.
"Good morning." Raven greeted.
"Morning." Gar returned, eyeing her suspiciously.
"Going to training?"
"It's on the schedule for today, isn't it?"
Raven nodded, brushing a stray lock behind one ear. "Do you… Want to go together?"
Gar stared at her for a moment before sighing. "Fine."
He brushed past her, and she fell in step beside him. They walked in silence for a moment before Raven spoke up.
"I never got an answer for last night." She said softly. "Will you give me a chance?"
"You have to earn it." He said without looking at her. "Prove to me that you're worth the risk."
Her heart began to beat rapidly. "And how do I do that?"
"Fuck if I know."
"Then what should I do to impress you?"
Gar barked a harsh laugh. "It's less about impressing me, and more about building trust and gaining my affection. I trust you well enough as a teammate because I know you're a capable fighter, and reliable in tough situations, but beyond that?" He shrugged. "The way you acted, and how you went from guy to guy so quickly changed the way I look at you. As far as I'm concerned, you and I are back at square one."
Raven tried not to flinch at his words, and kept up with him as he walked down the hall. "I stopped dating as soon as I realized how I felt. Doesn't that count for something?"
He sighed. "Sorry, but it's not that simple. I spent so many years trying to get you just to notice me, only to have all my effort throw in my face. You broke my heart, Raven, and I spent three years burying the pieces. I can't start loving you again so easily, so don't ask me to."
Raven's hand shot out, and she grasped his elbow, stopping him in his tracks.
"Please, just stop and look at me." She pleaded. "I fucked up. I was confused, and I made mistakes. But that's part of life, isn't it? Learning from your mistakes, and growing because of them?"
He turned to face her, crossing his arms over his chest. "It's also about dealing with the consequences. Sometimes your mistakes hurt people. Sometimes bridges that were burned can't be mended."
"Please. Let me try. What can I do?"
His stance visibly relaxed, becoming worn down and tired. "I don't know, Raven."
Biting her lip, Raven stepped a little closer. "Then I'm going to do something, and later we can decide if it was stupid or brave."
Gar's brow scrunched together in confusion, but before he could say anything, her lips were on his, sealing his mouth. He stood stock still for several heartbeats, before he started to move with her. They broke apart after a blissful moment, breathless. She let one hand rest on his cheek as she gazed deeply into his eyes.
"Like you said last night, I'm all in. I made my mistakes, and I've learned from them. I love you, Gar, and I'm ready to spend my life with you."
They stood there for a long time, frozen, staring into each other's eyes. Then Gar pulled away slowly, regarding her with an inscrutable expression.
"None of that when we're busy." He muttered gruffly, walking once more towards the elevator.
Raven felt her heart plummet, her hopes being crushed, until she realized what he had said. Quickly, she hurried after him, practically skipping as a smile grew on her face, and a pleasant flush spread across her cheeks.
"What about when we're not busy?" She wondered out loud to herself.
.
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Much like Detra said in the original version of the story, I too hate seeing Raven paired with anyone else. It actually makes me unreasonably upset. You can call me a sap if you want, but I'll fight you. Seriously, fucking try me, I dare you. Anyway, I obviously got his permission to write this beforehand, and tried not to plagiarize. I took some things out, and added some things in, but tried to write, more or less, a parallel story. I hope I did a good job. Let me know. Read, review, follow and favorite.
–Mocha