Okay... welcome.
If you read the summary, this will be written over eight segments.
So let's begin.
"The new deputy of ShadowClan will be Russetfur."
Russetfur lashed her tail through the leaves, ignoring the fact that her prey - a lizard - had escaped, as her leader's words replayed themselves in her mind. It had been at least a half-moon since Blackstar had made her deputy, and she still hadn't coped.
Great StarClan, being deputy was awful. All her clanmates looked up to her as if she was a StarClan cat itself, and she now had the new tasks of assigning patrols and helping Blackstar decide mentors.
If she made a single mistake, the clan would be horrified.
If only Blackstar had chosen some other cat to be his deputy when he became leader. Some slightly more competent cat, say, Oakfur. Even though she hated Oakfur, she wouldn't wish this torture or on any cat, for that matter. Why did it have to be her?
Blackstar had made the worst mistake of his life, to make her deputy. But she couldn't back out of it.
Because she never had a choice.
"I... I... may I have time to think about this, Blackstar? I will tell you my final answer before moonhigh." Russetfur lowered her green eyes to the ground, but she didn't miss the angry flash in Blackstar's gaze as he replied.
"Very well. Make sure it is before moonhigh." Blackstar dipped his head, dismissing the clan to its duties. After watching the cats disperse, some heading out the camp entrance, and others settling down to share tongues, Russetfur drew in a long, slow breath, still reeling from the shock as if a wave had hit her, hard, sending her flying off her paws.
"Russetfur!"
Slowly, almost considering ignoring her leader, Russetfur turned. Blackstar raised his head as he sprang gracefully down. "I want to talk to you in my den, immediately."
"Yes, Blackstar," Russetfur mewed, resisting the urge to let out that inward groan as she turned back and padded after her white leader. She would have given anything to be in any other place, and she hated that her disciplined paws had carried her into Blackstar's den.
Blackstar curled his tail neatly around his paws as she stopped before him.
"It's a strange request you made," Blackstar mewed calmly, but there was no mistaking that edge to his mew. "Most cats just think about it on the spot and agree. I don't think there's been a single cat from ShadowClan who has ever disagreed to be deputy."
"I'm afraid that I might need time to think about it, still," Russetfur mewed, tilting her head to one side as indifferently as she could manage.
Blackstar nodded. "I'm afraid you don't, because I will be, shall we say, helping to make the decision."
"Excuse me?" Russetfur couldn't keep the surprise out of her mew.
"You will be my deputy, Russetfur." Blackstar purred innocently, black tail-tip twitching, as if he had said something exceedingly charming. A muffled protest left her jaws, but Blackstar ignored it. "A wonderful opportunity, is it not?"
How about... no? "I'm sorry, Blackstar, but I don't-"
"Russetfur." Blackstar's gaze was firm. "Thank you for agreeing to be my deputy. It will be a true pleasure. Now, why don't we go and tell the clan what you have decided?"
Russetfur found herself glaring with gritted teeth, clenched muscles, and unsheathed claws, as she lashed her tail from side to side - not bothering that she probably scared half the prey from here to the Carrionplace.
Sure, she might have said 'yes' after she thought about it that day. But what bothered her was that Blackstar hadn't given her the choice. It might have come to the same outcome, eventually, but... it wasn't the same thing.
Russetfur sunk her claws into the ground, mercilessly tearing at the long stalks at her paws without even realizing it. For a moment, it was Blackstar under her paws, and it made her... content to slice her claws viciously.
That StarClan-forsaken tom.
She hated that he had so much power over her... it made her feel all-too vulnerable and weak. If only there was someone she could talk to.
Someone who didn't make her sound entirely lizard-brained.
Oh, but StarClan was cruel, and couldn't grant her anything.
"If you're quite finished scaring off all the prey," a cold voice growled behind her, and Russetfur felt her muscles involuntarily tighten as Oakfur padded up beside her, "I think you would do well to hunt, wouldn't you?"
Russetfur rolled her eyes, biting back an angry retort, as Oakfur stalked away, muttering about cats who were loud enough to scare all the prey in ThunderClan.
She wasn't in the mood for hunting. Her muscles were too tense, her hackles raised, her claws twitching with an urge to tear apart and maul any prey she might have caught. What a waste of prey that would be, even if it did satisfy her claws.
Oh, and as a deputy, she was supposed to be a good example.
Why had she been so lizard-brained as to put herself on a hunting patrol?
She didn't have anything better to do, but she was scaring all the prey away. What else? A border patrol? The only one out at the moment was led by Blackstar, and Russetfur did not want to be in the same patrol as him.
No, most definitely not.
She'd rather die.
Well, actually, that wouldn't be a bad idea, at this point in time... there was nothing really that could make her feel worse. But no. Of course not.
There were things she could do, like go on a patrol with Blackstar, that would just ruin her life even further.
It was capable of getting worse, but not much worse.
She had never liked Blackstar, not even as an apprentice. He had been the last one of her denmates to fully accept her because she had come from the Twolegplace - he probably never fully accepted her, anyway. But this... this had pushed it too far.
Is he just doing this to watch me and mock me as I suffer, or does he want something from me?
Russetfur's green eyes clouded. There had been one day, not even a full day, when she and Blackstar had actually spoken kindly to each other. The day that Badgerpaw - Badgerfang - had died in battle, she and Blackstar - Blackpaw, at the time - had mourned the fallen warrior together.
Together.
As if they weren't rivals, but companions.
Though Blackstar might have forgotten that day, she hadn't... and she wished that the friendship, if she could even call it that, had lasted for longer, and that their rivalries hadn't brought her to this misery.
It was just past sunhigh, the light filtering mildly through the pine forest, onto Russetfur's dark red pelt, as she sprang clumsily upward, her claws unsheathed, ready to sink into a blackbird. Oh, for StarClan's sake. She missed, and as the blackbird settled on a higher branch, Russetfur landed on her face in the dirt.
As if she could fall any lower than she already felt.
"Russetfur!"
Russetfur stopped in her tracks and turned away from the inviting fresh-kill pile and faced a much-less-inviting Blackstar. She dipped her head calmly, hoping that the taut fury didn't show on her face as she padded toward her leader. "Yes, Blackstar?"
"You went on a hunting patrol. Yet you did not catch anything. So you must not eat." Blackstar flicked his black tail-tip casually before curling his tail around his paws, his amber eyes betraying no sympathy or emotion.
Russetfur's eyes flashed. What scandal is this? Some cats don't hunt at all and just sleep the entire day! "Blackstar, I-"
"You are a deputy. You cannot set such an example for your clanmates." Blackstar nodded icily to her, once, shook out his thick white pelt, turned around, and stalked away to his den. Russetfur glared after him, green eyes blazing.
Her claws unsheathed and sunk into the ground, holding her back from sprinting after Blackstar and tearing his throat out.
Beneath her dark red pelt, her stomach burned on the inside, letting Russetfur know, rather loudly, that she was starving. Of course, she wouldn't go out of her dignified way to pad after Blackstar and beg to be allowed to eat; she'd rather die of starvation.
She recalled that her half-brother Scorchwind had once called her 'too proud for her own good'. Well, she wasn't going to change that now.
If Scorchwind were still here... what would he think of her? Would he be able to understand? Or would he just tell her to be more 'grateful' that she was given the opportunity to be clan deputy. Oh, for StarClan's sake, I am not lucky.
'Aren't you?' Russetfur whipped around as a painfully-familiar warm breath stirred her neck fur.
"Scorchwind," Russetfur breathed softly, her voice almost carried away by the breeze. She couldn't see her half-brother, but she could... well... feel his presence beside her as his tail - or what would have been his tail if she could have seen it - rested on her shoulder.
'Why do you say you aren't lucky?'
"Do you really need to ask?" Russetfur couldn't keep the annoyance out of her voice.
'Haven't you ever wondered why Blackstar made you his deputy?' Scorchwind's scent wreathed around her. 'Think about it, Russetfur. Once you do, I think you'll realize that you're luckier than you consider yourself to be.'
Scorchwind's scent faded, untangling itself from her pelt. Russetfur looked up, startled, as if she could see him. "Wait!" A soft paw batted at the air, as her half-brother vanished entirely, taking whateer warmth he had brought to her pelt, with her.
Russetfur wanted to wail like a kit, as him what he had meant... but he was gone.
And had left half the clan staring wide-eyed at her, as if she had gone entirely insane at that moment, to be talking to the air. A single icy glare swept across them turned them away to do whatever they had been doing before.
Great StarClan, what are you doing to me?
Shaking out her red fur, Russetfur replayed Scorchwind's words in her mind. 'Haven't you ever wondered why Blackstar made you his deputy?' Well, yes, of course she had. Either he was stuck-up and took pleasure in seeing her in this state, or he wanted something from her.
She had established that a while ago.
'Think about it, Russetfur.'
Well, what could he possibly want from her? What could he gain from her being his deputy, unless he wanted to consult such a rival to make his decisions? There was absolutely nothing he could gain. For StarClan's sake, why would Blackstar want something from her?
Something that he couldn't get from anyone else?
What set her apart?
Well... she was Blackstar's sworn rival... had a dark red pelt... was a former kittypet... was Scorchwind and Raggedstar's half-sister... was one of the best fighters in the clan... was also one of the most sarcastic cats in the clan... what else?
There was nothing Blackstar could gain from anything like that.
Maybe, because she was one of the best fighters in the clan, Blackstar wanted to make sure that he had entire control over what she did? But that didn't make sense; she was purely loyal to her clan. Blackstar, no matter how much he hated her, knew she was loyal.
She might not be the most pleasant cat, in his eyes, but she had made sure he knew she was loyal to ShadowClan. But what else? There was something more about her, wasn't there? There had to be. What could Blackstar want from her?
Russetfur was going to find out. Even if it killed her.
No matter how many days she had to starve under Blackstar's orders.
'Think about it, Russetfur. Once you do, I think you'll realize that you're luckier than you consider yourself to be.'