The tip of the pencil snapped against the parchment again.
"Dammit!" Emma cried, frustrated. Hook had been attempting to teach her how to draw since returning from Neverland. She had noticed him doodling aboard the Jolly Roger as they traveled home. He was quite good at it, actually, and Emma wanted to learn to help pass the time. He said it would help her "take her mind off things." But instead of helping her, these art lessons were just starting to make her feel like even more of a failure.
Smiling, Hook said, "Love, you're going about this all wrong. Look here." He reached over and took the pencil from her hand, lightly brushing his hand against hers, giving her a shutter of feelings that she didn't know how to explain.
He sharpened the pencil using a knife, and began to draw. He tilted the pencil at an angle to relieve pressure and keep it from breaking, and as he drew, he kept looking at her.
Emma peeked over at his parchment and began to see the formation of a face-her face. The lines and shadows were coming together perfectly. He managed to bring out the details of her look, like the softness in her hair and the sparkle in her eyes. She watched as Hook used his fingers to smudge some of the lines around her face, making it look softer to the looking eye. A few minutes later when he was done, he handed the parchment to her to see. She was amazed at the drawing…it was almost like looking in a mirror.
"You see, lass, you're too concentrated on the technique. Good form is important with art, but you need feeling, too," he said.
She looked at him, confused. Feeling…seriously? She couldn't believe a 300 year old leather clad pirate was telling her to tune into her feelings. But then again, ever since she met him, that's all he's been encouraging her to do.
Hook continued. "Art is feeling. You're expressing emotions, love. But the best part about it all is that you can do whatever the bloody hell you want, and no one can tell you otherwise."
Emma smirked and said, "I didn't realize you had such an artistic side, pirate. So I guess you went through a rebellious art stage as a teenager or something?"
"Aye, one of sorts," he replied with a smile. "Long ago when I was a Leftenant in the Royal Navy, I taught myself to draw to help pass the time. When you're on a ship for long lengths of time, there's only so much to do before you feel like jumping off the bloody thing."
This brought a smirk to Emma's face, which was all he wanted to see. He continued.
"My art was not usually something I could share, however. My broth-"He caught himself. "My captain ran a tight ship, and wouldn't stand for personal conversation while on duty. So I mostly kept it to myself…"
Emma raised her hand to stop him. "Did you say brother? Your captain was your brother?" She asked.
Killian twirled the pencil between his fingers and sighed, closing his eyes. This was not the way he had wanted this conversation to go. He had let the truth of his family's past slip, and now he would have to tell her everything…open up about all the pain. He wanted her to know, but he also didn't want her to feel any pain on his behalf. But he knew he had to speak-it was impossible to lie to Emma Swan.
"Yes," he replied. "His name was Liam. He was my Captain and older brother."
"Was?" Emma questioned. She didn't want to pry in this way but she needed to know. And she couldn't figure out why.
"Aye," he said, his voice growing lower and quieter.
From the tone of his voice and his response, it was obvious to Emma that Liam was not around anymore. She realized that this was the first time Hook had ever opened up to her about his past. Something in her could sense that there was so much more to this story.
Hook looked up at her, the pain of the memory obvious in his eyes. She looked right into them, almost losing herself in their blue waters, and laid her hand on his hooked arm to let him know it was okay to be telling her these things.
Her hand on his arm sent a shock of feelings through him, and he wanted more than ever to open up to her. But he found the moment too charged, too difficult. He looked away from her and picked up his rum flask, unscrewed the top and took a swig. The alcohol warmed him, but not as much as her touch.
Emma took her hand away and spoke again, quietly. "Hook, what happened to Liam?"
Killian cleared his throat. "Forgive me love, but this is difficult for me to speak of. I wish to tell you everything. You deserve to know. I just ask that you don't think less of me when I'm done speaking."
"Okay," she said. "I'll do my best. Go on."
Killian nodded and began. "Liam was a fantastic Naval captain, and I was his Leftenant. Our king sent us on a journey to Neverland-that very godforsaken island we just returned from. Our mission was to find a magical plant that could heal any injury, to heal our wounded soldiers. Or so we thought. What we didn't know was that our king had sent us to retrieve a poison to obliterate our enemies. But we learnt of its true properties the hard way, and far too late."
"Dreamshade…" Emma whispered.
"Aye, the poison that almost killed your father was the very same that took my brother. After he was poisoned, Pan offered a cure. But he withheld from me the price of that magic. What he didn't tell me was that the magic of the cure was purely Neverland's, and if we left the island, it would run its course."
He could just barely hear an "Oh my god" slip from Emma's lips. He could feel his throat tightening as he remembered those last happy hours with his brother. Those last happy hours before everything went to hell.
With a shaky voice, he continued as best as he could. "The moment the Jewel touched waters outside of Neverland, Liam collapsed, and then died in my arms moments later. When he died, I had lost the only family I had left."
Killian looked up at her finally, to see lines on her face from tears. His eyes were beginning to form pools, as well.
She opened her mouth to speak, and Killian thought for sure that she would turn him down, dismiss his feelings, just like everyone else did.
"Is that why you became a pirate? To defend Liam's honor?"
He looked at her again, surprised. "Aye, and my own as well. I believe in go-"
"Good form. I know," she said, cutting him off with a sympathetic smile.
He replied with a half-smile, "Good form, indeed. I could not honestly sail again in that navy under an unjust king. So I became a pirate instead."
At this, he felt something on his hand, it was Emma's. "Hook…Killian," she said.
She had never spoken his name before. And it was the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard. He turned his face up again to meet her gaze.
Emma continued. "Thank you for telling me. And in no way do I think of you any less. In fact, I have not admired you more."
"I can't tell you what that means coming from you, love," he said, astonished at her reaction.
Emma looked at him with a look of confusion on her face now. "You came back to Storybrooke and faced scrutiny from everyone to bring back that bean. Then you took us to Neverland to help save Henry, all the while not telling anyone that that place was a source of a lifetime of pain for you. Why?"
In her heart she knew the answer, but being who she was, she wanted proof. She wanted to hear him say it.
He paused a moment and then said, "Emma, love. It was all for you."
The next thing he knew, she had her arms wrapped around his neck, hugging him. She spoke into his ear, so that he didn't miss a word. "Thank you for everything. None of this would have been possible without you. Liam would be so proud."
Wiping a tear from his face, Killian said, "I would surely hope so. I had always hated disappointing him. But I would hope that if he could see me today, he would indeed be proud. I miss him so. He could be a pain in the arse, but he was my brother and I loved him."
"Yeah, definitely" Emma said.
He looked at her and said, "Just as I drew your beautiful face onto this parchment, there are some people who are etched onto our hearts for a lifetime, regardless of fate."
Emma smiled at Killian and said, "I think I know just what you mean."