- A/N -
While this fic was partially prompted by someone on tumblr (praybriel4gabriel), I wrote it as if I were writing the end of Why Won't You? Unfortunately, when I went back, I realized I'd have to do some (very minor) retconning to chapter 14 (just adding in a bit about Derek adopting Ellie) and couldn't bring myself to do that. So it's technically just a oneshot, but if you've been yearning for an ending to Why Won't You, this is probably the best you're gonna get.
Love Each Other Well
She hates the words special and promise. Cigarette smoke still makes her squirm and asking for help makes her cringe.
But Ellie keeps her hair short because she's no longer the naive girl with flowing hair.
She knows the monster tried to train her to think like him and despite herself, she finds it slipping in every now and then. She feels disgusting for it, but at least she can prove some of it wrong. The easiest is the notion that houses with kids will contain parents that are easy to control.
She doesn't like her foster home. She's sure there are good ones, but at hers, no one truly cares and bad things happen.
So yes, Ellie runs away a few times in protest, but it isn't until she catches one of the older boys watching her shower that she realizes she needs a better plan.
She sits between Emily and Derek while describing the why's and how's. As soon as Derek hears about the boy, everything on his face changes.
His friend Penelope is great. She lets her eat crap and talks to her like she's a person and Ellie knows she's safe enough to fall asleep after watching her boss around two men to get a couch and table into her 'lair.'
She spends the rest of her time drawing, wondering if she'll turn out as pretty as Emily some day, and eavesdropping on Penelope. She knows the moment Penelope finds out her mother died last year and as much as she didn't want to live with her mom, Ellie finds it hard to breathe after that.
When Penelope tells Derek, his face falls even farther.
Ellie is angry with him when he sends her back into foster care, even though he doesn't send her back to the foster home in California. Instead, he keeps her nearby so she never has to fly cross-country if she's not safe, which is nice, but she wishes he'd just take her home.
It takes a few weeks in yet another terrifying foster home before she works up the nerve to call him, desperate in a way she hadn't felt before, not even in California.
All she says are things like "I'm fine" and "yes I'm being treated well" and she's sure she's blown her chance because using the phone is a privilege and it's unlikely she'll get to use it for a few more weeks.
It's only days later when Derek saves her from a foster mom who blows smoke in her face and beats her when she asks the woman to stop.
She doesn't mention the bruises under her clothes, but he's very careful when he hugs her.
Ellie always wanted a dog, but her father was allergic, so she'd kind of given up hope on ever having one. this makes Derek's elderly german shepard the most wonderful surprise; Clooney takes a liking to her immediately. so does Derek's elderly neighbor, Betty, who lives across the street and keeps her company after school. when a case keeps Derek away, she stays with Betty and so does Clooney. Penelope comes over often, saying she misses taking care of Clooney, but Ellie knows she's also checking up on her and spoiling her rotten.
They're a mish-mash family and she feels that's how it should be.
Still, she can tell something is missing. Maybe he thinks she doesn't't notice, but the dust patterns on the mantel tell a story he didn't mean to tell. He forgets that she knows what divorce looks like and this is just one sign. There's organic peanut butter dog treats in the cupboard that Derek wouldn't have bought, though she's smart enough to know Penelope might have purchased them when she still took care of Clooney. Ellie tries to picture what kind of woman would leave Derek alone and sad, so she scours the house for a tube of lipstick or a bottle of shampoo, anything to go on.
Then she finally gets a peek in Derek's closet and there's a few skinny button ups on one side that clearly don't belong to him and they sure don't belong to a woman either.
She spends a long time wondering why this nameless man no longer resides with her hero.
"Who used to live here?" she asks on an afternoon when he's finally home and she can't stand to keep it in.
Derek seems stunned momentarily before coming back with, "A family of three. They were having a baby and needed more space."
"You know that's not what I mean."
"Then maybe you should have asked like you really meant it," he says before leaving her alone in the living room.
The next week, Emily dies, so she lets it go. Not just because he's sad, though really, that would have been reason enough.
What makes it even easier is that she'd stayed at Betty's the night before. She woke up crying, unable to shake a sadness that had her gazing out at the night sky. Just as the sky started to turn red and orange, she saw Spencer leave their house.
She's only met him once, very briefly, but now she can envision those button ups fitting on Spencer's skinny body.
So it answers the who but not the why.
Sometimes, before Emily's death, Derek would come home and hug her so tight that it was hard to breathe.
While it's reassuring how much he cares, it makes her heart hurts a little because his love for her reminds her that some day, just like her dad, Derek might not come home. After all, she knows all too well what he looks like bound and bleeding. She tries not to think about that; it scares her in more ways than one.
But with Emily dead and buried, they cling to each other on the couch most nights, Clooney curled up at their feet. Tonight, she's not sure who started crying first, but now they both are and Ellie worries she won't be able to stop.
Emily's death is yet another reminder that no one she loves is safe.
She loves ballet, always has, and when a spot opens up at the local dance studio, Derek makes sure she gets in. It's a good distraction from the ache in her heart; she dances and dances and dances until she can't anymore and pretty soon the emptiness inside turns into something more like joy. She starts making friends with May and Kendra and Julie and the one boy in the class, Sam.
Every once in awhile, they get out early and if Derek hasn't texted her to say he'll be home, Julie's mom drops her off.
Which is how she ends up walking in on Derek and Spencer kissing on their couch.
They both look like she feels when Derek catches her sneaking Clooney treats so she just grins and says, "I'll be at Betty's doing homework" and leaves them to do whatever gross things parents get up to that they think kids like her don't know about.
While Betty goes over the times table with her, Ellie finds it incredibly difficult to keep herself from giggling.
"Ellie! What's so funny?" Betty asks.
"Sorry. I just like being right."
Betty's probably confused, but she continues on, "Well, you aren't gonna be right for very long if you don't pay attention to your schoolwork."
Ellie holds it together enough to dutifully answer, "Yes, ma'am," before cracking up again.
Even the stink eye Betty gives her isn't enough to get her to stop.
Spencer starts coming over for dinner. At first, she's not sure how to feel. He left Derek, made him sad, and even though Derek seems happy to have Spencer around now, she holds onto her anger for a few months. When it becomes clear he isn't about to leave any time soon, her anger starts dissolving and Ellie starts to love the time they all spend together. Even when she was angry with him, he helped her with homework, showed her magic tricks, and taught her how to play new board games like Settlers of Catan. Now that she's not angry, all of those things are much more fun.
Soon, she wants him around forever because when he's gone, Derek's not the only one who feels it.
"When are you moving back in?" she asks when she finally gets sick of these so-called adults playing footsie.
She expects to get chastised, but instead Derek looks at Spencer and says, "Whenever you're ready."
"I'll think about it," Spencer says, biting his lip.
She never finds out the why, but that's okay with her because Spencer moves all of his things back in, fills up all the extra space with even more skinny button ups, and sets the pictures back on the mantel. Ellie can't help but feel proud of herself.
Because they may be adults, but she knows she gave them the kick in the pants they needed to feel as happy as she does.