Disclaimer: I do NOT own The Pretender. Never claimed to, you didn't see me do it, I didn't do it. I believe it belongs to TNT and NBC, or maybe not NBC anymore…and isn't 20th Century Fox one of the production companies? Anyway, It's not mine.

Summary: Ms. Parker and Jarod have issues. This is what it would be like to be inside their heads while they were talking. Hope it doesn't get too confusing.

Author's Note: I didn't expect to start a second fan fic before I finished my first one, but inspiration struck and I had to listen. Consider it me trying to SIM Ms. Parker and Jarod. And, as a note to you first time readers, I just recently added the scene explanations into the text. Feel lucky that you get to read it when it makes more sense. By the way, the dialogue alternates each line. Ms. P, J, Ms. P, J, no exceptions. Lines always start with whoever's point of view it is.

If You Were In My Mind

By Bec-Bec

Chapter 1 Part 1

Her Eyes Are Beautiful

[Jarod's point of view. Jarod and Ms. Parker are talking on the phone during one of their many late night phone calls. Jarod is staring at a picture of Ms. Parker.]

Her eyes are beautiful. I could drown in those eyes. I would lose my breath so quick if I could swim in them. And…

"Parker, why don't you ever smile?"

Risks. Always risks. Too risky to think about her eyes. Too risky to ask about her smile.

"There's nothing to smile about. Life sucks. Why don't you just leave me alone?"

Life is wonderful. She is wonderful. Can't she see?

"You're always alone. You could really use a friend."

Friend. I used to be her friend. Was she ever mine?

"Don't you even dare assume that I feel lonely. My life is perfectly filled by my work and I'm happier that way."

Her life is empty. She knows it. She's not happy. She just won't say so. God, she has beautiful eyes. I wonder if…

"Parker, you're not happy. You want to think you are, but you're not."

Acting like her shrink. Not good. Let Sydney do that. But then, what good has Sydney done to heal her in the six years that he could have helped her?

"Since when are you the poster boy for happiness? Your life sucks to."

I could be happy. She'd make me happy. I'd make her happy. Parker's lost her…

"Why does my life suck? Only because you chase me and keep me from my family."

Not her fault. The Centre told her to. Don't blame her.

"At least you know you have a family."

Family. Soft spot, for us both. She knows barely more about hers than I do about mine.

"You had your mother."

Mother. Loves her mother. Only her mother. No father. Don't have a father either, except for a little while. Don't know him well. Can't talk with him. Not safe.

"She left me. She died. Why won't you save me the aggrevation and do the same?"

Doesn't really want me dead, just thinks so. Just upset. Always upset.

"Ah, what fun would that be? You know you love the chase more than anything."

Always loved the chase. Always have, always will. Why can't she let go? If I let her catch me, would she turn me in?

"Hah, the chase. Of course. Another string of lies for the Centre to feed me. Another cheap motel, courtesy of you. The chase sucks too."

The chase sucks too? Since when?

"Parker, are you alright?"

Is she ill? Is she drugged? What is this? Would she give up the chase?

"Just tired, that's all. Save your sympathy for someone else."

Parker, brash as always. Can't admit weakness. Too hard. But then…

"Parker, you should sleep."

Maybe if I…

"Hah, sleep, that's a laugh. I only sleep when I'm drugged."

I wonder, could I…

"I'm sorry."

Hmm…

"Cram the sympathy, Jarod. It only helps when someone wants it. Are we done?"

I should at least try.

"Yes. Goodnight."

Click. [They hang up.]

****

Chapter 1 Part 2

Come and Interrupt Me

[Ms. Parker's point of view. Ms. Parker was getting ready for bed. She just took some drugs to help her sleep when Jarod came in to her house. She has her gun pointing at him.]

Come and interrupt me. Always interrupting. Doesn't know when to leave well enough alone.

"Damn it Jarod."

Leave me alone. Go away. I don't you here. Don't you understand what happens when you get too close?

"I'm not leaving."

Go. Please go. I'll shoot you. I will…I'll…

"Who gave you the right to come here?"

Go. I could shoot you so easily right now. Couldn't I?

"God."

Why would you dare to come. It's not safe. You know that. Go away. Go.

"Hah. God. And the Centre is the devil."

Damn it, go! Why are you still here?! Leave me alone. I'm good at being alone.

"Yah, the Centre is the devil. Parker, you're not okay. I can tell."

Cram it Wonder Boy. Let me be alone. I like alone. Alone is good. It's not safe. Go.

"How many times do I have to tell you to take the sympathy and jam it down your…"

I'm not safe either. Go. Please just go.

"Oh, Parker, I thought you had more tact than to speak like that."

Hah tact. Why don't you go? Five more seconds and I'll shoot. I will.

"Tact doesn't exist at the Centre. You know that."

Four…

"We're not at the Centre."

Three…

"We're always at the Centre, even when we're not inside it."

Two…

"That's just our curse, I guess."

One…

"The Centre's always there, no matter what. It's constant."

Damn it shoot. Why can't I shoot him?

"Parker, please. You know we ccan end this right now."

It ends if I shoot you, but I…[She drops her arm and lets go of the gun.]

"It will never end and you know it. We can't drop out of the radar without repercussions."

I can't…I won't…

"We're smarter and stronger and you know it."

No, it's impossible…

"Smarter, yes. But stronger, no."

NO NO NO…

"We could be stronger. Won't you at least try to fight them with me?"

Fighting, Fighting…

"Fight how? We'll lose."

Why did I just say we?

"You can't know that. Even I can't predict the future."

A future with…

"There are a lot of things you can't do. Like let go. Let go, Jarod. Let go."

I can't I won't. It's impossible.

"I won't let go. You know it. You've tried to make me let go for a very long time. But, I haven't have I?"

Wish I could shoot you, but…

"In the end, you'll have to let go, Jarod. You'll have to because you won't get what you want."

Wish it would end. I really do wish it would end. But, it won't.

"You're the only one keeping me from getting what I want."

Hah. It never ends. Hah Hah, so funny. I must have finally gone crazy. How hilarious. [The drugs have kicked in.]

"Yah, I guess so. Leave, Jarod. I want you to go."

Hah Hah. Go, he'll never listen.

"No, you don't"

Stubborn. Hah Hah. Me too! Ow. Laughing hurts.

"Don't presume to know what I want. I decide what I want, and I don't want this."

Hah Hah, that's the killer of it; this is what I want…

"Are you sure?"

Exactly what I want.

"Yah, I think so."

Silence…laughter's all gone now. What will you have left? Silence…

"Think so or know so?"

Already know the answer but I can't tell you, or…

"Jarod, please go."

But, could I? Really, could I?

"Answer me."

Should I even dare to think about it? I can't, even if…

"Jarod…"

If I could. If I could. Can I?

"Parker, answer me."

Can I? Could I? Should I? Uh oh.

"Please Jarod."

No No No. I'm going to, aren't I [She begins to cry and he walks a little closer.]

"Parker, don't cry. You break my heart when you cry."

I can't break your heart. I've tried. Damn you, Jarod. Why wouldn't you just go?

"Jarod, if…"

Why wouldn't you go?

"If what?"

You could still leave. Leave me here. I like crying alone. Really, I do. I do…

"I can't tell you. Please, for once in your life, don't pull my strings when I'm in a bad

mood."

You still won't go, will you? Nothing I say will make you go, will it? Are you indestructible? Did they make you this way? No, they couldn't breed that. They wouldn't know how to breed devotion.

"I'm not trying to upset you. I just want one answer from you. Why can't you tell me?

Hearts. Damn hearts. Damn Jarod.

"Yes."

Oh my god, what did I just do. No, take it back…

"What?"

Oh my god. Oh my god. I can't. No.

"Yes."

Ah. I did it again. Why do I do that? Tie your tongue. Oh my god.

"You said yes."

Oh my god. No, I didn't say yes. I didn't say yes. You heard me wrong. I don't know the word yes. It wasn't me. I didn't say it.

"Yes, but…"

Ah, a but. I said but. There's a but, Make it something good. Please, don't let your tongue slip up again. I want him gone. Go. Don't slip tongue. I'm not letting my tongue slip.

"But, what? Parker, but, what?"

Answer. Answer mean. Be curt. Be abrupt. Be rude. Smash him…can't smash…can't be mean…oh, damn it…

"But, how do you…how do you feel…really."

You betrayed your family. They'll kill you for this. You can't. But, oh…

"You know."

Shut up brain. Shut up. Stop thinking. No, start thinking. Do something. You're foolish, so foolish.

"Tell me again."

You are weak and foolish. Your father is rolling over in his grave…if he has one…he's not your father. Why do you speak to yourself as a "you," in the third person? Great,

English has come back to haunt me.[The drugs are causing her to babble about something as inconsequential as third person narrative.]

"Parker, I love you."

Damn it, Jarod. You smug…I could kill you…but, I won't. I wont, will I?

"So…so…I said yes."

You said yes. You did it! But am I excited or upset? Am I happy? Could I actually be happy? Is this what happy feels like? I'm a moron. God…

"But, you didn't say the words."

He wants to hear the words?! He…wants to…hear the words? It's so soon. Can't we leave it at this? Can't you go to wherever it is that you go and leave me alone?

"I love you, Jarod."

YOU SAID IT. You actually said it. How did you…Why…I've lost words to talk to myself I'm so shocked. What does all of this mean? Oh, he's coming toward me. Oh…the Centre would kill you if they knew about this. But, he won't let them kill me. He won't. I know it now… I knew it before, too, didn't I? I'm changing the narrative again. Am I in the first person or the third person…or the second person? Oh…Oh… I can't believe I'm worrying about English when…god he kisses good. [They kiss passionately.]

"Ms. Parker, you know, this changes everything."

Yes. I said yes. I can't believe I said yes. God, he kisses good.

"I know, shut up Wonder Boy." [She leans in to kiss him again and hears a gun click.]

Wait, did I just hear something? Was that a gun click? I know that noise I…

"Jarod!"

Original Author's Note: It was confusing, wasn't it? Here are some things to clear it up: The first section occurred over the phone, from Jarod's point of view, as he was staring at a picture of Ms. Parker. In the second part, Jarod went to Ms. Parker's house, it was in Ms. Parker's point of view (if you hadn't noticed). She was just getting ready to go to bed and had taken some medication (thus the crazy laughing and babble about first and third person narrative) when she heard Jarod come in. She pulled her gun but as they kept talking, she dropped it to the floor. When they were about to kiss again, she heard a gun click and saw something through the window, that's when she screamed "Jarod!" Make more sense now? Tell me if I should continue with this or not. Please Review!

New Author's Note: Might as well write a new author's note seeing as I've added in little captions now. What'd you think? Would it have made sense without the captions? It was supposed to. You were supposed to be able to tell what was going on through certain words in the story, but I guess I didn't do it right or something. Oh well. Please Review!!!