Nervously, I walk into the room and see a clinical-looking chair, isolated in the center. There are mirrors everywhere, more mirrors than I've ever collectively seen in my entire life because I'm in Abnegation.

"Hello, Beatrice. My name is Tori. Let's begin."

She injects me with a strange fluid and the room around me disappears. I am now in the middle of a farm where potatoes are being grown.

Out of nowhere, the crows come. They start to attack the potatoes, clawing at them and chewing them visciously.

"No!" I scream. "NOOOOO!"

They look at me and laugh, then they continue to destroy the potatoes.

"Stop!" I charge them, waving my arms to scare them away, and they leave.

The scene evolves and I am at Walmart in the gardening section.

"Choose one," a voice commands over the intercom.

Lying before me is a sack of potatoes and, to its right, a bag of Lays Original potato chips.

I don't even have to think about which one I should take. Naturally, I grab the sack of potatoes. Duh.

Get it? Naturally? Huh, huh?

A sheep dog appears and walks up to me, begging for food.

I decide to lay on the ground until it leaves.

It does.

Then, a young child wearing plaid and overalls walks in and the dog comes back, but this time it walks up to the child.

"Awe, are you hungry?" the boy asks, even though the dog can't talk. Idiot boy.

I take a potato from the sack and chuck it forcefully at the dog.

"There," I say to the boy. "Now he won't bother you."

Finally, the scene shifts and I am on a tractor, riding between fields of various crops. Beside me is a strange man with a cool mustache, driving the vehicle.

"Howdy, Beatrice!" He tips his hat to me and asks, "Do you know this guy?"

"What guy?" I wonder, looking around. "You crazy?"

He shakes his head in a chuckle, takes his hands off of the wheel and slides a thin novel out of his pocket entitled "Percy Jackson and the Potato Farm" featuring a hot, sexy dark-haired guy about my age, who has smoking green eyes and a sack of potatoes in his hand.

Even though I have never met him, I feel a peculiar connection to him, but I am hesitant to tell this to the man.

...will he kill me?

...or will he kill this hot, sexy dark-haired Percy kid?

...and why do my thought always escalate so quickly to irrationally violent assumptions like that?

"No," I reply. "But I do love potatoes."

He grins. "Atta girl!"

And suddenly, the test is over, and I am back in the chair, staring at my attractive reflection admiringly in one of the mirrors.

"This isn't good," Tori tells, pacing back and forth.

"Whatever do you mean?" I inquire.

"I'll be right back. Stay." She leaves before I can say a word and I roll my eyes. Why does this ALWAYS happen to me?

I am caught in a daydream thinking about how delicious potatoes are, when she comes back in, looking slightly relieved.

But then she takes one look at my beautiful face, concerned again (probably because she's jealous of my angelic looks) and states firmly, "Your results are inconclusive."

"Incon-whatta?"

"Inconclusive."

I scratch my head. "I'm sorry, Tori, but I've never been good with big words. Could you simplify it for me?"

She looks around cautiously even though we're the only ones in the room and clarifies, "It means that you aren't like most people. You don't exactly fit into any one faction. People like you? You're called...potato farmers."

"Potato farmers?"

"With a Z."

"So...I'm a...potato farmer..."

"SSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" she spits obnoxiously, and yells literally two inches from my face, "YOU CAN'T EVERRRRR TELL ANYYYYYYONE THAT YYYOOOOOOUUUUU'REEEE A POTTAAAAAAAATO FAAAARRRRRRRMER! IT'S TOO DANGEROOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUS! SO DON'T EVER TELL ANYONE THAT YOU'RE A POTATO FARMERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"

"Okay, okay...I hope the whole world didn't hear that, Tori...I mean, if you ask me, that was a little bit counterproductive of you to scream it at the top of your lungs, but-"

"HUSH, BEATRICE PRIOR THE POTATO FARMER!"

I sigh and throw my hands up. "Fine. So, which faction should I choose tomorrow, then? I mean, frankly, the potatoes in Abnegation are disgusting. I don't know if I can bear it anymore."

"I manually entered your test results into the system so they wouldn't show up as inconclusive," she informs me. "I put in Abnegation, but it's up to you to choose whichever faction you desire. But if you'd like to farm some potatoes, then Amity is the place to do it."

"Awwwwe, Amity?" I frown, admittedly disappointed. "Dang it, I HATE Amity! I hate PEOPLE!"

She shrugs. "Hey, do what you want, gurlll, but just so you know, this really hawt guy who goes by the nickname "Four" is going to be an Amity trainer during initiation. And, trust me, that boy can farm."

Hmmm...hum...hmm...

...

Interesting.

I walk out the door and my brother Caleb, who is standing there waiting like the true idiot he is, asks me why it took so long.

I just laugh. "You're a dork."

And I run off into the sunset, excited to choose my faction tomorrow.