A/N: Set after Greeks Bearing Gifts. Spoilers for Greeks and Cyberwoman.
Taking a sip on his beer, Ianto walked back to the empty seat in the corner of the pub. He wasn't there for the social side; in fact, he much preferred to be sitting on his own. Anything to avoid going back to his flat. The place still reminded him too much of Lisa, and the pub was a small break between the loneliness of his flat and the monotony of work. He'd been making the visit almost every evening since Lisa had been killed, sitting alone in the corner and sipping a beer, trying to stretch it out as long as he could.
The door opened, creating a cool breeze. Ianto relaxed slightly, and loosened his tie. He looked up to see several people queuing at the bar for a drink. He'd bought his just in time. He took another sip and allowed his mind to wander. All the people in the bar had normal lives, normal jobs, normal relationships. None of them could even begin to understand what he had been going through the past few weeks. So he resisted any attempts to start conversations, for fear he would realise what he was missing.
"Ianto?" A familiar voice asked in barely a whisper. He looked up to see Toshiko standing in front of him, glass in hand. "Do you mind if I join you, or were you waiting for someone?"
Ianto shook his head, and shuffled along to make room for Toshiko. She sat down and placed her drink on the small table in front of them. They sat in silence for a few moments, before Toshiko opened her mouth.
"How are you coping?"
"After Lisa? Enough to survive." His voice was flat and emotionless. "What about you?"
"Everyone makes mistakes," Toshiko shrugged, trying to sound disaffected. "Look, when I had that pendant on, I could hear everyone's thoughts. I heard your thoughts."
"So if you knew how I was feeling, then why ask?" There was anger in his voice, a feeling of betrayal seeping through. His body stiffened up slightly.
"I wanted to hear you admit it."
"Admit what? That I'm not coping? That I come here every day because I can't bear going home, and when I walk to work I consider walking in front of a bus just to avoid going? That I've been too close to taking the coward's way out too many times I've lost count?"
Toshiko swallowed. She hadn't expected to hear that Ianto was verging suicidal. She placed a hand on his knee. "You shouldn't bottle it up."
"Who is there to talk to? I'll have to Retcon any counsellor I go to see, and even then they won't fully understand. Owen wouldn't take me seriously, Gwen's too sympathetic at times that I fear she'd smother me in a blanket, and Jack's..." He trailed off, and allowed his watery eyes to meet Toshiko's. He gripped her hand tightly. "Help me, Tosh."
Toshiko nodded, and placed her other hand on top of Ianto's. "I think what we're both needing right now is someone to understand what it's like losing someone you care about. I'm not likening Mary to Lisa in any way; Lisa was a good person. Look, why don't you come back to mine tonight? To tell you the truth, I don't really want to be on my own, and I'm not leaving you like this, either."
Ianto nodded. "I'd like that."
"Come on, then." Abandoning their drinks, Toshiko stood up and looped her arm through Ianto's protectively. They walked like that back to her flat, only releasing the hold when she rummaged in her pocket for her front door key. She let Ianto in first, and he walked through, admiring the decorations. It was the first time she had invited him back, despite having worked together for over a year.
"Nice place you've got here," Ianto remarked, pushing open the nearest door and expecting it to be the living room. He was surprised to see the interior of Toshiko's bedroom, with her duvet strewn across the bed, half on the floor.
"What are you doing?" Toshiko asked suddenly, moving to block the doorway. "That's my bedroom."
Ianto blushed. "I thought it was the living room," he said quietly.
Toshiko touched his arm gently, noticing his fear. "It's alright. You weren't to know." She turned around to shut the door. Looking at the mess her room was in, she was filled with the memory of earlier, of Mary in her bed. She froze, just staring.
"Tosh?" Ianto asked. "Are you alright?"
Toshiko shook her head and dissolved into tears. "I thought," she sniffed, "I thought, maybe, just maybe, I had found someone who loved me. Someone who didn't use me for what I can do, but who actually loved me. The real me. Is that too much to ask for?"
Ianto reached out and awkwardkly wrapped his arms around her. She fell against him, sobbing into his shoulders. "I thought you were going to find out about Lisa," he confessed. "I was going to tell you, on more than one occasion, but I was too scared. But I didn't want you to stumble across her and freak out. I wasn't going to tell any of the others, only you. Because I care about you, Tosh. Don't you ever feel like nobody loves you, because I do. Not in the way that I love – loved – Lisa, but I still do."
Toshiko looked up and smiled through her tears. "You know," she began, "that's the nicest thing I've heard anyone say to me recently. Thankyou, Ianto. And I care about you, too. You've got too much to live for to throw it away. We'll get through this together, I promise. I'll get over Mary, and you'll be able to move on after Lisa. I'll help you, and I think without knowing it, you'll be helping me too." She hugged him tightly.
Ianto stroked her soft hair gently. "Sometimes," he whispered, "all you need is a friend."